POZ Community Forums
Main Forums => Living With HIV => Topic started by: HAGGAR on July 19, 2006, 12:18:41 pm
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Well first I got HIV and now I'm in NC...which I could call something else.After living in NYC for all of my life...Infected in 97,sober in 01,HIV peer advocate,planning council member(up state NY)plus a lot more..all of this in six years... and now I come to north cackalacky...and low and behold!!!! What ever I learned or what ever help I can give I find out from the larger services here that I am not needed,there is no planning council, no outreach(illegal to hand out condoms),no long term rental assistance...I now have to pay a co-pay for my meds( 3 dollars a bottle is a lot if you are on a fixed income)....well I am just a little pissed off about the state of things here..It seems like people have been intimated into not disclosing,having a safe meeting place etc... I could be wrong...But when the Health Dept. treated me and my girlfriend like S... because we are lesbians and infected...makes me wonder! I just don"t know....
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Haggar, welcome to the forum.
I'm moving your thread from the Blog forum to the Living forum because you'll get more responses there. Please have a look at the Welcome thread at the top of the Living forum - it will tell you all about what this site has to offer.
We have a few other members here from NC and hopefully they can give you some insight into the state of services there.
Hope to hear more from you...
Ann
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Haggar, welcome. You've come to the right place.
I'm glad you and your gf have each other for support in what sounds like a challenging situation.
What kinds of service organizations, if any, are there in your area? New Yorkers are very resourceful and though it will no doubt be challenging, I'm wondering if you may yet find some support there.
In any case, you're welcome to ask questions here as well as to discuss anything that's on your mind.
Again, welcome!
Cheers,
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hi Haggar, and welcome to the Forums! Looking forward to hearing more from you...
hugs,
Alan
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Hi Haggar,
Welcome to the forums...
I'm originally from Brooklyn, NY (42 years born & bred) and moved to Kansas City, MO this year. I've been poz since 1989 and am thankful for having found this site last year. I think you will find the support and love you need here. There are quite a few members who live in NC and I'm certain that they will steer you in the right direction. I'm also sure that you will make some wonderful friends on these forums, of which I would like to be one to you.
Like you, I was involved in the Planning Council in NYC and I continue to do so in KC. I think it's important that we all get involved in such things, because only we know what we need and we do have the power to effect change.
I wish you well in NC and I hope you find what you are seeking.
I also look forward to getting to know you better, and I am always willing to share my life with others... it's the only way we get to know one another by sharing our life stories.
All the best to you and your girlfriend.
Trish :)
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Hi Haggar,
Welcome to the forums! There is a great group of people here.
Teresa
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Hi Haggar,
Welcome to this fine place.
Careful now, we have some really stellar babes here, but I guess you see that already, especially that Teresa. I say she needs to rid herself of those glasses though, they are so 1985!.
All joking aside, I hope you and your girlfriend can FORCE some receptivity there in NC. There are quite a few of us here in NC, so there should be some way that you can all come together and speak to the needs there, with one voice. I happen to hail from Southeast Arizona, but with the net, we can all help each other. I know you know the rules, but in my "Activist" thread which is still current, you will find a link to the Ryan White Manual, and you will be able to download the latest version to help show the way there in NC.
Once again, Welcome to you both, and feel free to participate as much or as little as you desire.
In Love and Support.
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Hi there,
Welcome to the forums! I'm also in NC... been here for 32 years. Depending on where you are in this state will pretty much determine the services available. Where in NC are you? Send me a PM (private message) if you don't feel comfortable telling your location publically. Like Ann said, there are a LOT of members from NC. For its size, I think we're about the best represented state! Take care.
David
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Welcome Haggar I am sorry 2 hear about your struggles in NC.. I hope u can find some of the things u are looking 4 there and if not it sounds like U might be the gal 2 whip them in shape.
Good Luck
Jason aka JAG
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Welcome Haggar.... Looks like you may live up to your cartoon namesake out there in Cackalacky! (Haggar the Horrible) GIVE EM HELL GIRL!
Andrew
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heya Haggar!
I was born in Charlotte, raised in Greensboro. All my family lives in North Carolina. Whenever I get really sick, Mom offers to let me come home and live with her. Knowing what I do about the NC services (and not so subtle HIV-ignorance/phobia) I shudder at the thought.
I have profound respect for people who can weather that system, gay or straight.
It's awful to find out - when you actually have a need for assistance - that it's not there. You sound like someone with great strength and perserverence though. I hope you are able to carve out a way to survive in NC.
If not, you and your partner ought to move here, to GA :) In Decatur, the lesbian to hetero population is fifteen to one :)
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Howdy Hagar,
Welcome to the family here. Sorry about NC though. :-\ I live in the northwest corner of New Mexico.
I hope you're able to light a fire under those carolinans. If not, just set them on fire, that'll make em move! ;)
I'm glad you found us and look forward to getting to know you better.
HUGS,
Mark
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Hey guys, chill with the NC crap, ok! Just kidding. Actually, in this area (about 125,000 in this county), I was kind of impressed with the service. My partner has no insurance. Approx. three months ago, he was told that there were over 1300 people on a waiting list for medical assistance. A couple of weeks later, he got a call to set up an appointment with his ID Dr. He just got his second set of results yesterday. I think he feels sort of uncomfortable with the environment, in a way. However, we both realize that he's very fortunate to be able to receive any assistance at all, so you'll hear no bitching from us. Hopefully, Hagar will have a similar, or better, experience.
David
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Welcome Haggar. I lived in Raleigh for a while. Love the city and state. Glad to hear your partner is getting some assistance.
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Welcome to our state from your friend in Smithfield NC. It takes some getting use to. BTW - did you bring some bagels and pizza?
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Welcome Hagar,
I'm sure some things in NC can be trying, but damn...it is pretty.
brian
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Welcome aboard Haggar!!!
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Hi Haggar
A warm welcome from a very cold and snow covered New Zealand..I look forward to hearing more from you.
If you have the strength to stand up and fight then maybe you and your girlfriend can make a difference...if you yell loud enough someone will hear you.
Take care
Hugs
Jan :)
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I'm in Greensboro. If you are in the Triad (Greensboro, Winston-Salem, High Point) you should checkout Triad Health Project www.triadhealthproject.com (http://www.triadhealthproject.com). They have assistance programs, support groups, etc.
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I was born and bred in NC and am prefectly content here and I'm getting excellent medical care.
If you're not happy with NC or the treatment you are getting here, I'm sure I-95 North is open.
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I was born and bred in NC and am prefectly content here and I'm getting excellent medical care.
If you're not happy with NC or the treatment you are getting here, I'm sure I-95 North is open.
Its not always easy, or even possible, to pick up and leave. Sometimes we have to stay where we are, and do our best to make what changes we can.
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I'm tired of people bitching about coming down south and everything being inadequate in comparison to the north. Nobody puts a gun to someones head and says "Move south!"
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Hey Haggar, and welcome to the forums. It's not the first time I have heard of other areas not being EMA's (Eligible Metropolitian Areas) who receive Ryan White Title I funding.
I just moved an hour south of Orlando, Fl and it is not an EMA. I was told by the local HD (health department) that I needed to drive north to another municipal which only to find out they have a small staff and everything has to go through the State.
I see this as an opportunity to join the nearest planning council (Orlando/Tampa) and feed off them to make a difference in this town. Johnothan was right, sometimes you can't just pick up and leave like that.
Any case, you will find a lot of support here. Moffie65 (Tim) made a good suggestion to download the RWCA manual and read it. It will help. Just make a loud voice and you will be heard.
Eldon
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Hello, Welcome to the forums. There are some really great people here. I live in NC and have been here 34 years. Where in NC are you based. I receive treatment at Moses Cone in Greensboro and my doctor seems to know what he's doing. Also, I believe GSOgymrat mentioned Triad Health project. They have resources you may be able to use. Whatever part of NC you are in, I wish you the best and hope to see more of you here. Cristy
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I'm tired of people bitching about coming down south and everything being inadequate in comparison to the north. Nobody puts a gun to someones head and says "Move south!"
True. But once a person gets diagnosed with a chronic, potentially life threatening pathogen, they are rather at the mercies of thier environment. Especially if they lack the resources to move home, or elsewhere. I think that the best use of this support forum would be to offer advice and experience and assistance, rather than allowing regional pride to overcome humanity.
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If you in the Triad and are looking for GLBT resources check out www.outgreensboro.com (http://www.outgreensboro.com).
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True. But once a person gets diagnosed with a chronic, potentially life threatening pathogen, they are rather at the mercies of thier environment. Especially if they lack the resources to move home, or elsewhere. I think that the best use of this support forum would be to offer advice and experience and assistance, rather than allowing regional pride to overcome humanity.
She was infected in 97 and just moved to NC. I would imagine she checked out the services before her move, right?
And she has yet to tell what part of NC she is in. If she is in the mtns, the Asheville-based WNCAP http://wncap.org/ can assist her.
And it's not 'regional pride' that bothers me, it's some HIV+ people seeing themselves as victims instead of standing up and doing something about it.
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The South isn't for everyone. To be honest if I was not in a relationship (today is out 14th anniversary) I would move to a larger city so I could fish in a larger pond. It's rude though for people to move to a place and then bad mouth it. When I lived in Los Angeles people repeatedly asked me how I could possible be gay and have lived in N.C., like I had fled a third world country. Even though I preferred N.C. to L.A. I would be polite and try not to bitch.
Reminds me of a lady who moved to Greensboro from Australia and all I heard was how the food, the people, the weather, the government, the color of the sky was better in Australia. After 9 years here she was deported. Then I get letters about how Australia has changed: the food's not as good, the sky is not as blue, etc. Just proves the saying: now matter where you go, there you are.
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I don't feel sorry for Haggar one bit. She moved to NC and apparently had not checked out the services for HIV patients and now is complaining about it.
She is also complaining about having to pay 3 dollars for a bottle of HIV meds that would normally run about 1000 bucks. I think that's a pretty good deal. And yes I know living on a fixed income is rough, I'm on one as well. Most HIV patients are. I'm not on meds yet but I'm thankful I will get my meds thru my insurance for a 20 dollar co-pay when the need comes.
She says the clinic she went to treated her and her g/f like "sh*t" because they were infected. First off, I am a RN and I seriously doubt they were treated any way other than professional. I have a feeling she went into the clinic with an aire of entitlement, and was not bowed down to. Most natives of NC are very friendly but don't do well when being slammed.
As far as North Carolina goes, I think it's a wonderful place to live. It's not as liberal as I'd like it to be, but no place is perfect. I spent the month of February in New Zealand and loved it, but my heart began to beat fast when I saw the mountains in the distance. The Raleigh area is one of the most prized area to live in for medical treatment with the Research Triangle.
If Haggar honestly sees misjustice to the HIV patients in the city she now lives in, with all her New York knowledge base, she should do something about it instead of coming in here with the first line of "Well first I got HIV and now I'm in NC." NC didn't recruit her and unless I'm sadly mistaken, NY didn't kick her out!
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I'm wondering if Haggar is even reading these responses. Her profile shows her last activity the day this message was posted. Haggar, if you're reading these responses, let us know. People are taking time to welcome you, give information, and offer assistance. It'd be great to know if anything anybody's posted has been helpful.
David
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Wow.
Sad.
A support forum.
If I were Haggar, I am not sure I would have come back.
Seriously, dudes, can you please shelve the attitudes long enough to offer a welcome? And to perhaps think that maybe a Northern lesbian of color might have a different take on the south, and the HIV services, than a white male?
As for three bucks a bottle, I can attest to the fact that this adds up to someone whose monthly take-home is less than six hundred bucks. My co-pays average roughly fifty bucks a month, and that's almost a tenth of my income. Add in rent, electric, what passes for food, et al, and I can totally understand the frustration.
Hopefully one of the links to the ASOs in the area have helped this poster. God/dess knows the welcome to the forums has been a little lacking.
Seriously, this is not about North Cackalacky, its about HIV and AIDS. And its about being welcoming and trying to help, not about dissecting a person's choices that brought her here.
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Well said Jonathan, thank you.
Haggar,
I hope you give us another try. We do care, really we do.
Ann
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Maybe I'm the one that doesn't belong. I had the assumption that a support forum would encourage someone to taking responsibility for themselves and their actions and avoid the sterotypical patting them on the back and saying "bless your heart."
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Maybe I'm the one that doesn't belong. I had the assumption that a support forum would encourage someone to taking responsibility for themselves and their actions and avoid the stereotypical patting them on the back and saying "bless your heart."
Actually, it would seem that a support forum should do both. Empathizing and showing compassion are one part of support, the 'first step' in helping somebody. The second would be to give them information or show them how to find resources to obtain that help. Several of us here have already given feedback indicating that help is definitely available to folks in NC. Perhaps the comments should have been something along the lines of "I can understand your frustration. HIV/AIDS assistance in NC will be different from NY. That assistance may not always be as visible, but other members here are getting help. Maybe you could check out some of the links and other resources that others have posted here. There certainly are worse places to be in terms of obtaining medical assistance. NC is different in a lot of other ways, too, but it's a really nice place to live". I think that's what we really should be saying.
David
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Apparently many members here think "We're here for you!" and "We care!" is the appropriate response for someone throwing a fit and showing their lack of planning. Maybe I'm more reality-based. But enabling someone to show adolesent behavior is a disservice and discouraging them to grow from potential learning experiences.
You guys knock yourself out.
Cheers.
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But enabling someone to show adolesent behavior is a disservice and discouraging them to grow from potential learning experiences.
I am sorry that was your take on this thread. I was hoping that you would have read David_NC's well-written response. I have no idea what made you so angry at the original poster, but I hope you do not allow that anger to poison your ability to give assistance, or to take advice, when warranted.
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Tar Heel remind me never 2 get on your bad side bud LOL I hear what your saying but a little compassion can go along way in helping someone and I would hope that's what we are all here 4 is 2 help each other thru some rough times. I'm gonna have my days where I will bitch and complain about living with this disease and even though I contracted it thru unprotected sex and yes I should have known better if I am reaching out 4 help or just venting and someone treated me that harsh it would make me think twice about asking 4 help again. Just my thoughts
JAG
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Tar Heel remind me never 2 get on your bad side bud ...
Ok, I give.
Haggar, Bless you heart and I hope you find all the support and TLC in the world while in NC. If you'd let us know what city you live in, I am sure that I other one of the other NC residents would be happy to assist you find any available services you need. We're here for you and we care!
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You know what they say about hospitality and friendliness in the South... it's obviously NOT always true! Tarheel, we don't know what her situation is. Maybe she has a relative dying and is here to help; maybe not. We don't know. It's one of those situations where it's probably better to give the benefit of a doubt. If she continued to bash NC... well, that's a different story entirely! She only made one post. The other criticisms came from others. I've lived in this state for 32 years and am as much a Tarheel as anybody else ('cept I DON'T like UNC ;)), so let's cut her some slack.
As an aside... I live in a resort/ tourist area and waited tables and bartended for years. You can't imagine the number of yankees that came down here. Many of them thought we were 'quaint'; others called us 'cute'. Some liked 'the locals', but thought things were SO much better back up 'Yankee Way'. That's one thing I try to not do when I travel... talk crap about the locals.
David