POZ Community Forums
Main Forums => I Just Tested Poz => Topic started by: Lucky2behere on October 16, 2010, 12:32:39 am
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Hello, I'm new.
Havn't talked to anybody. No family knows. No friends to talk to. Glad I found this forum.
Tested positive for HIV back in March. I had been depressed for some time prior to January 2010, so Psychiatrist put me on Lamictal and Wellbutrin. I had a bad allergic reaction to the lamictal that made me look like a burn victim. Spent 4 days in intensive care and released. Within a month, I had to go back to the Emergency Room 4 times with similar allergic reaction. The 5th time I went back, I had blood clots in my lungs. Sucked. I was kept in the hospital for a whole week this time. They called me the mystery patient.
They did every test possible.
So I am not here for sympathy. I just need a place to talk to somebody, maybe eventually make some friends here and outside of here in the real world.
I am very lucky that the docs found out that I was just recently infected, but it had to be before- now - 3 years ago. I havn't had sex for that long. ugh! I was dating someone and found out he was a little whore. Oh well, that's life. What do you do but take your cards as they are dealt. I have been really tired and depressed most of the year but am getting my strength back and my motivation. Heck, this may be a great way to find some nice guy who I have something in common with. lol
I am generally healthy but I get sore throats and rashes easily and I feel tired and like I am catching the flu. it's weird. I also have been diagnosed with Hughes Syndrome; it is also a immuno-disorder that makes your blood clot easier. I don't know much about the tests and what they mean but doc says I am still in a normal range above 500 but he wants to put me on a drug that has 3 different drugs together within next 2 months. I'm worried but I don't let this rule my life. I still get out and surf but it wears me out for a few days. Again, I am just glad to have found this forum and glad to know that I am not the only one dealing with HIV. I do have a doctor who specializes in HIV and I wanted to share with you what he said to me and maybe it will inspire some of you. He told me to "plan my retirement because I was going to be living a really long time." Thought that was really cool. My name is Tom
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Welcome Tom. Glad you found us, you now have a whole forum of friends to talk to.
Sound like you've had a pretty hard year. That's the thing with HIV, when you get knocked down with illness sometimes you stay down for a little longer than the average person. The good news is that you're on your way back up. Give it a little more time and you'll be back to normal.
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I appreciate your reply LittlePrince. I just feel very grateful to have found this forum and appreciate whoever sponsors it. I have been reading all sorts of junk on the internet about how sick the meds make you and mostly negative stuff and I just don't want to buy into it. I'm as active as I can be. I feel I've lost alot of energy this year from the virus, just being tired alot, depressed too. But my doctor said I'd find info online and I havn't found anything but stuff like ads until now. I'm going to pass this site on to my doctor and the local health department so others can find honest helpful information. This site is great and very supportive from what I have been reading. I actually can't wait to start my meds. I wish I didn't have to wait 2 more months. He did say I had a chance of having an allergic reaction to the meds but I hope I'll be ok. Again, I appreciate you all being here. It means alot to be able to talk about it. If I just found out, I'd probably be kinda crazy talking but I've known since March(I think) and several doctor visits to think about it. And it helps when your doctors tell you "you are looking good." I've intentionally gained 25 pounds but my pants won't button up anymore. lol I'm just relieved to know that I'm positive in a time when there are good meds for us. That's a real blessing!
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Welcome Tom! I'm glad you have found a place to interact and be open about your diagnosis. It sounds like you' ve had a bad go at it thus far, but it can only get better. Hope to see you around here posting.
Take care-
Alan
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I wouldn't send this post to other Places like the health dept. and places like them because for one thing we know you are intentionally wanting to do that and that really is not what the post is for. It is our private little get together place and there are some people on here that would not be to happy about other people outside our little world hearing some of the things they want to share.
I am not trying to tell you what to do I just don't think it would be in everyones best interest for that to happen. Most places can find it anyway because it is on the internet and if they are looking for another excuse to deny our benefits please don't make it easier for them to do that. Believe me they are trying everything to cut into our benefits and like you said you feel great, a lot of people that have been AIDS for a long time don't feel that way. Don't get me wrong on that either some people feel great that have been positive for many years. It's the ones that got bad meds at their beginning stages or have different body reactions to AIDS that may not want the Health department to get the wrong Idea about what some people say on here.
Please have a good day and try not to take this offensively. Jerry :)
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Thanks numbersguy82. I appreciate the encouragement.
My doctor and also the nurse at the health dept are very nice people and not out to get anyone. It seems some people here are paranoid and not happy and want to make other people unhappy. I had a difficult time finding this site and have been all by myself with this for most of the year. I'm sure my doctor who specializes in HIV medicine or my helpful nurse at the Health department would Not be out to get anybody, since they have only been kind and encouraging! They have both stated that they are not there to hurt anybody, only to help and protect me from getting sick. I'm sorry if others have not had this same experience. And if any of you are miserable, why would you go around trying to make other people miserable? That's wrong. The nurses at the hospital have evn advised me to Not tell anyone and direct me to local HIV/AIDS assitance groups. If any information was given to anyone, it would be given to people like me who have no other place to go to to not feel so alone. MEWITHU pleae stop your mean hating, especially in a place like this where people are already down and need encouragement. I've read alot of post on this site and most are encouraging. It's good to see that. Now, I am going to go and not let a fly on my buffet ruin my day.
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You know in the end I cannot blame someone else for me being positive. It was ultimately my responsibility to have safe sex and I didn't, so I really have to take responsibility for my own actions.
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You know in the end I cannot blame someone else for me being positive. It was ultimately my responsibility to have safe sex and I didn't, so I really have to take responsibility for my own actions.
Good to hear. Understanding this is an important part of coming to terms with being HIV positive. :)
MtD
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Thanks Matty,
While I am feeling kinda dirty right now because of this HIV, there are many positive things about being diagnosed and I have my worries about the meds, but I am somewhat relieved to actually know and not wondor. And now I know why I may have been feeling bad. And I have a plan of action, so hopefully the meds will get this illness under control and I can live a long, full life like any other person. I still do alot of things that I love and I hope to continue to do them.
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Thanks Matty,
While I am feeling kinda dirty right now because of this HIV, there are many positive things about being diagnosed and I have my worries about the meds, but I am somewhat relieved to actually know and not wondor. And now I know why I may have been feeling bad. And I have a plan of action, so hopefully the meds will get this illness under control and I can live a long, full life like any other person. I still do alot of things that I love and I hope to continue to do them.
Y'know kid, there's actually no reason why you can't continue with your life as it was before you were diagnosed.
Your plan of action should simply be to see your doctor regularly, be monitored and start treatment if/or when the need arises.
Outside of that there's no need to change anything else.
Seriously honey, this thing is gonna be ok. :)
MtD
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Thanks for the encouragement Matty!
I spoke with my HIV Doc's nurse and she said I was going to be prescribed Atripla... that most people who take it have good results from it.
She also suggested that I come to the AIDSMEDS forum to do research on Atripla without me saying anything, so it's no secret to my doctor and nurse anyway. I did tell her some things about me - things that could complicate my benefits - in confidence and I do still believe that they are on my side and are looking out for what is best for my recovery. ;)
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Hi Tom, welcome to the forums.
While I am feeling kinda dirty right now because of this HIV,
I hope you get over that feeling sooner rather than later. You're not dirty, you just have a virus. It's not an easy virus to transmit and as long as you make sure condoms are used for intercourse, you won't have any worries about passing it on to others.
We've all been where you're at. When I was newly diagnosed, I felt like I had hiv tattooed on my forehead, but of course that's simply ludicrous and I realised that after a couple months. It was a weight off my shoulders when I realised that no, I'm not dirty and yes, I'm the same person I was before diagnosis. You'll get to that point at some time and I hope these forums help you to get there sooner than you might have otherwise. I know this place helped me immensely when I was new to all this myself.
You know in the end I cannot blame someone else for me being positive. It was ultimately my responsibility to have safe sex and I didn't, so I really have to take responsibility for my own actions.
That's a huge step in the right direction and I'm very happy to see you say it. It takes some people many years to come to that conclusion and all not accepting it does is cause one a lot of heartache. Now if you can just stop seeing yourself as dirty, you'll be well on your way to a happy and healthy life, albeit with hiv.
Hang in there. You're gonna be just fine.
Ann
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When I first got sick, the docs couldn't figure out what was going on with me. They even ask me questions like "have you been to the West Nile?" Have you flown to Europe or South America. And they all washed their hands just after they shook mine. It kinda hurt my feelings. But since they figured out I am HIV, all the nurses and docs have been cool and don't rush to wash their hands. My main nurse with the HIV doctor's office told me it was really hard for me to give it to someone just with every day activities but yes, I should use a condom. They said it was easier for me to get sick from other people because of my compromised immune system. So I am feeling less dirty but not over it. The nurses and female docs are actually a little flirty with me, so that cheers me up(and they know).
I got up this morning feeling pretty good about it. I'm not sick. I have alot of fun things I want to do with my life and I'm gonna be taking meds to get the viral load down, so I'm looking forward to a happy life. I'm not ready to date or have sex right now. I'm still adjusting, trying to exercise and eat better.
And absolutely these forums have helped me tremendously and the posts from knowledgeable people and long-time survivors is very encouraging. I literally havn't talked with anybody about this since March and now it's a huge weight off just knowing I have a place to go and share whats happening. Hugs to everybody.
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These are the kind of posts that encourage you to keep fighting against the virus...
Hey Tom!
I identify myself a lot with your story, in terms that sometimes I feel a little dirty...but as you, I'm also starting to cope with everything.You know in the end I cannot blame someone else for me being positive. It was ultimately my responsibility to have safe sex and I didn't, so I really have to take responsibility for my own actions.
That thought is one of the hardest to acknowledge, but is also one of the most important and it have helped me a lot to accept this new condition. You sound like a very strong person and this process only makes us stronger. I think we are very fortunate to have access to medical care, which gives us tranquility.
I have fears (just like any other human), but mostly about the dating aspect more than any other aspects this virus may bring.
Sometimes it sounds and seems very easy, and some other times sounds and seems reeeeally hard....I guess is up to each one of us to choose which way to go. I try to make my life as relaxed, calmed and happy as I can. I feel fine and healthy, and aware that there are other diseases that can actually kill you very rapidly.
I hope you keep that positive attitude!
Greeting from Colombia!
Andres.
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Andre, I think I am going to start with a movie friendship/date. People in the Craigslist or Gay.com classifieds speak a whole different language than what I'm used to hearing. People in the real world tend to me more subtle. Alot of times I miss opportunities because I don't pursue the guys. My Gaydar sucks. I need to remember that if they are hanging around, there is a reason. But I like straight guys and women too as friends. I think I might join The POZ Personnels and see if I can get a friend to go to a movie with me. That would be a good start.
I appreciate all the positive comments from the group. I feel like I've gotten a whole bunch of welcome and get well quick cards. It is very encouraging. Thanks ya'll :-*
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I completely new in this forum, I been poz since august 10th, the only thing I can say is STOP to living in the Past. And you gonna be ok. No matter if u r gay straight men or women. Is HIV and this is one of a lot thing happen in this world, I feel dirty in the begining why just because is HIV Now less than 4 months I getting better so did you had a label in your forhead that said GIVE HIV ? You never ask for. ! So just look forward and u r positive think Positive
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Hello and welcome,
Would just like to agree with all that's been said [apart from the obvious deeply downer} and add a couple off points.
Do not underestimated the effect depression has on energy levels and the hand washing bit try to keep in mind that most hospitals are fighting ongoing infections in the building and hand washing after each contact is good practice at preventing infection spreading.
From the way you are squaring up to your situation I would bet you will be posting about the great surfing you and your new bf are doing sometime in the not too distant future.
Take care
t
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I do have a doctor who specializes in HIV and I wanted to share with you what he said to me and maybe it will inspire some of you. He told me to "plan my retirement because I was going to be living a really long time." Thought that was really cool. My name is Tom
Thanks for sharing that Tom. What an inspiration.