Possible Incident

[wanttoknow]

A couple weeks ago I had protected sex - using a condom - with a guy claiming to be HIV-negative.  Since I can't be certain, let's assume his status is unknown. The sex itself is not worrying me so much: he used a condom and even ejaculated outside of me. But before we actually had sex, he prodded me gently in the butt with his unprotected penis which had pre-ejaculate on it. I am worried because I had a cut on the outside of my anus that the pre-ejaculate probably touched.

I am wondering if I'm at risk and if I should be tested. I know there's a lot of anxiety about this, and typing the scenario out has actually calmed me about it, but I'm curious anyway.

Thanks!

[Andy Velez]

A couple weeks ago I had protected sex - using a condom - with a guy claiming to be HIV-negative.  Since I can't be certain, let's assume his status is unknown. The sex itself is not worrying me so much: he used a condom and even ejaculated outside of me. But before we actually had sex, he prodded me gently in the butt with his unprotected penis which had pre-ejaculate on it. I am worried because I had a cut on the outside of my anus that the pre-ejaculate probably touched.

I am wondering if I'm at risk and if I should be tested. I know there's a lot of anxiety about this, and typing the scenario out has actually calmed me about it, but I'm curious anyway.

Thanks!

No, let's assume his HIV status was positive. Because that's what you should have in mind anytime you have sex with someone. And with that in mind it means that anytime you have either vaginal or anal intercourse, the insertive partner needs to be wearing a condom. Those are the only two confirmed risks for the sexual transmission of HIV. And condoms provide very effective protection.

If by "prodding" you mean rubbing there's no cause for concern. As long as unprotected penetation didn't happen then you don't have to worry. Even with a nick or sore or whatever on your butt or near your anus.

I don't see any need for testing. But make sure to keep using condoms everytime for intercourse.

[wanttoknow]

Yes, I meant rubbing. He only actually inserted with the condom.

[wanttoknow]

Okay, so just to make sure, if it was simply rubbing with pre-ejaculate (even on a cut outside the anus), there is no need for concern?

What if the insertive partner were to ejaculate into a condom that, as far I could tell, did not break? (This is regarding a much older incident). Still no need to worry? I didn't blow the condom up with air or anything like that, so there was probably no way to detect the smallest punctures if there were any.

[Andy Velez]

Okay, so just to make sure, if it was simply rubbing with pre-ejaculate (even on a cut outside the anus), there is no need for concern?

What if the insertive partner were to ejaculate into a condom that, as far I could tell, did not break? (This is regarding a much older incident). Still no need to worry? I didn't blow the condom up with air or anything like that, so there was probably no way to detect the smallest punctures if there were any.

The whole point of using condoms is so that the insertive partner ejaculates into it instead of into an anus or a vagina. You would have known if the condom had failed because it is not about eensie weensie little holes. When a condom fails it ends up looking like a hoop with fringe on the penis and it's very clear what has happened.

You are worrying needlessly.

[Ann]

Want,

As Andy said, you cannot go by what someone tells you about their hiv status. Many times people only think they're hiv negative and unfortunately, sometimes people lie. You need to assume anyone you have sex with is hiv negative and protect yourself accordingly.

Here's what you need to know in order to avoid hiv infection:

You need to be using condoms for anal or vaginal intercourse, every time, no exceptions until such time as you are in a securely monogamous relationship where you have both tested for ALL sexually transmitted infections together.

To agree to have unprotected intercourse is to consent to the possibility of being infected with an STI. Sex without a condom lasts only a matter of minutes, but hiv is forever.

Have a look through the condom and lube links in my signature line so you can use condoms with confidence.

ALTHOUGH YOU DO NOT NEED TO TEST OVER THE SPECIFIC INCIDENT YOU'RE WORRYING ABOUT, anyone who is sexually active should be having a full sexual health care check-up, including but not limited to hiv testing, at least once a year and more often if unprotected intercourse occurs.

If you aren't already having regular, routine check-ups, now is the time to start. As long as you make sure condoms are being used for intercourse, you can fully expect your routine hiv tests to return with negative results.

Don't forget to always get checked for all the other sexually transmitted infections as well, because they are MUCH easier to transmit than hiv.

Use condoms for anal or vaginal intercourse, correctly and consistently, and you will avoid hiv infection. It really is that simple!

Ann