Advice needed please

[nelson1970]

Hi,
    Just got back from Thailand & stupidly on a night out (sunday) got drunk & took a lady boy back to my hotel, drunk but knew what I was doing so was careful or so I hope. We kissed a bit then did oral on each other for a short time nobody ejaculated then she/he put lube on my groin & started rubbing her groin on mine & before I knew it said she was going to cum & did on my groin area. Never got chance to say put a condom on & honestly never thought. Then I applied a condom & had anal for 5 minutes maybe less it was over quickly took condom off then had a shower & asked her to leave. I then went to the bin pulled out then condom & felt the end & pulled it & it all appeared to be intact no tears or holes (never did a water test)  I awoke the next day (monday) wracked with guilt as i'm married so went to the chemist for Azithromycin (1000mg then 500mg Tuesday) incase of other STD's but obviously HIV is my main concern.


What I would like to know is please


1.................... I've read all about oral & spoke to my Doctor & he says theres aprox 10 cases of infection with 1 been in the UK from oral but from what I read on here it's never been proven.

2.....................Frottage I think is the right word for it, when I had cum & lube on me & she/he rubbed their cock on & near mine is this a concern?

3..................... Is Chlamydia a carrier or helps HIV as I've been for tests & said the hospital said I had Chlamydia but could have been from previous exposure, test was done in Thailand & thats all they said by email no IGG or IGm was given, I've emailed them several times since to find out since I don't know if the Azithromycin worked or not.

4......................Am I at risk of HIV

Thanks for the advice

[Andy Velez]

Hi Nelson,

The bottom line in all of this is that you were not at risk for HIV. You used a condom for anal which exactly right and very effective protection against HIV transmission. You would have known if the condom failed because it's not about itty bitty holes as people sometimes fear. When it fails it's quite clear because the whole thing ends up looking like a hoop with fringe.

None of your other activities put you at risk. Our focus here is strictly on HIV and as far as that is concerned you don't have a problem based on what you reported. I don't see any need for HIV testing.

Mixing excessive drinking and casual sex is a dangerous combination and one that you should avoid repeating.

[Andy Velez]

Probably the most potent leftover from this experience is a big load of guilt. Don't confuse that with actual risk for HIV as the guilt stricken often do. You did what you did, take a breath, let it go and get on with your life. Best for all concerned. Really.

[Ann]

Nelson,

1. Oral isn't a risk. The studies that have claimed people were infected that way were based on "patient report" and patient report is notoriously unreliable. However, there have been three long-term studies of couples where one is positive and one is negative. In the couples who used condoms for anal or vaginal intercourse, but no barrier for oral activities, not one of the negative partners became infected with hiv. Not one.

2. Frottage is not a risk for hiv infection. Hiv is a fragile, difficult to transmit virus that is primarily transmitted INSIDE the human body, as in unprotected anal or vaginal intercourse where the virus never leaves the confines of the two bodies.

Once outside the body, small changes in temperature, and pH and moisture levels all quickly damage the virus and render it unable to infect. For this reason, frottage is not a risk.

3. Chlamydia is not a "carrier". You get hiv from hiv.

4. No, you were not at risk for hiv infection. You did the right thing and used a condom for intercourse. Condoms have been proven to prevent hiv infection - re-read reply #1 as those studies are applicable here.

Here's what you need to know in order to avoid hiv infection:

You need to be using condoms for anal or vaginal intercourse, every time, no exceptions until such time as you are in a securely monogamous relationship where you have both tested for ALL sexually transmitted infections together.

To agree to have unprotected intercourse is to consent to the possibility of being infected with an STI. Sex without a condom lasts only a matter of minutes, but hiv is forever.

Have a look through the condom and lube links in my signature line so you can use condoms with confidence.

Anyone who is sexually active should be having a full sexual health care check-up, including but not limited to hiv testing, at least once a year and more often if unprotected intercourse occurs.

If you aren't already having regular, routine check-ups, now is the time to start. As long as you make sure condoms are being used for intercourse, you can fully expect your routine hiv tests to return with negative results.

Don't forget to always get checked for all the other sexually transmitted infections as well, because they are MUCH easier to transmit than hiv.

Use condoms for anal or vaginal intercourse, correctly and consistently, and you will avoid hiv infection. It really is that simple!

Ann

[nelson1970]

Hi,
    Just got back from Thailand & stupidly on a night out (sunday) got drunk & took a lady boy back to my hotel, drunk but knew what I was doing so was careful or so I hope. We kissed a bit then did oral on each other for a short time nobody ejaculated then she/he put lube on my groin & started rubbing her groin on mine & before I knew it said she was going to cum & did on my groin area. Never got chance to say put a condom on & honestly never thought. Then I applied a condom & had anal for 5 minutes maybe less it was over quickly took condom off then had a shower & asked her to leave. I then went to the bin pulled out then condom & felt the end & pulled it & it all appeared to be intact no tears or holes (never did a water test)  I awoke the next day (monday) wracked with guilt as i'm married so went to the chemist for Azithromycin (1000mg then 500mg Tuesday) incase of other STD's but obviously HIV is my main concern.


What I would like to know is please


1.................... I've read all about oral & spoke to my Doctor & he says theres aprox 10 cases of infection with 1 been in the UK from oral but from what I read on here it's never been proven.

2.....................Frottage I think is the right word for it, when I had cum & lube on me & she/he rubbed their cock on & near mine is this a concern?

3..................... Is Chlamydia a carrier or helps HIV as I've been for tests & said the hospital said I had Chlamydia but could have been from previous exposure, test was done in Thailand & thats all they said by email no IGG or IGm was given, I've emailed them several times since to find out since I don't know if the Azithromycin worked or not.

4......................Am I at risk of HIV

Thanks for the advice

Thanks so much for the quick replies, yes I know what I'm feeling is mostly guilt & obvoiusly i'm anxious but I'm not an expert on HIV so thats why I asked for advice & i'm relieved & in your debt for it. I will still get tested at 6 weeks & 13 for my own piece of mind & as it suggested at least on year if sexually active.

Thanks again

[nelson1970]

Hi again
           Thanks so much for the quick replies, yes I know what I'm feeling is mostly guilt & obvoiusly i'm anxious but I'm not an expert on HIV so thats why I asked for advice & i'm relieved & in your debt for it. I will still get tested at 6 weeks & 13 weeks for my own piece of mind & as it suggests test at least once year if sexually active.

Thanks again

[Andy Velez]

OK. I can appreciate your wanting the good housekeeping seal of approval with negative test results. And given what you have reported I expect your results to be happy ones.

I'm glad you found the exchanges to be helpful to you.