I screwed up big time. Condom broke.

[StupidMale]

So I've done something really stupid that I'm a giant mess about, but I'm trying now to take accountability and clean up the mess I've created.

I've been on a trip away from my wife for an extended time, and last night I had too much to drink (stupid decision #1), went home with a woman I'd never met (stupid decision #2) and slept with her (#3!).  We messed around for maybe five minutes, and when done i realized the condom had broke.

Immediately I felt sobered up and started thinking "oh god what have I done" and here I am.

I came clean to my wife this morning and now have to do what I have to do to A) ensure this never happens again (stop drinking and meeting strangers) and do my best to minimize the horrible damage I may have caused here.

So, my concern at this hour is HIV.  Naturally, I don't know much about this woman. She insisted she "didn't have anything" but I know that means squat. I have been monogamous up til now so I tried assure her she's at no risk... But now I'm reading and wondering about PEP.

I understand my risk wasn't the highest - but I'm strongly considering asking for PEP.  I don't really care about the cost or side effects - I want to do all I can to minimize the impact of my really dumb decision.

So, I guess what I'm asking is - am I making another dumb decision by pursuing PEP? The time to be safer than sorry was obviously last night when I should have gone home alone - but I can't help repeating that adage this morning when thinking about next steps.

I'm sorry if this is something you guys have heard a thousand times. I just want to do all I can to come to terms with this dumb move.

[Jeff G]

Hi Male . As you already know you did have a risk and you will need to test , you can test 6 weeks past the incident and again at 3 months to confirm the results .

Its a lower risk for the insertive partner to go on and test positive after a condom break and especially if it was for a short duration . Although it could be considered low risk it doesn't mean no risk , so you must test at the appropriate time .

Be sure and have a full std panel done because some stds can be present without symptoms and are easier to catch than HIV .

If you choose to take pep you need to do so within 72 hours in order for it to be effective . Make sure your doctor test you for HIV before initiating pep . You need to be aware that taking pep extends the testing window to 6 weeks post pep and again at 3 months to confirm the results .

Its you and your doctors decision about whether to peruse pep or not after you consider your risk . Best of luck and props to you for telling your wife , its not common to see many men take responsibility like you are doing , very refreshing .

[StupidMale]

So first off, thank you for your response.

I have one last decision to make today.

My doctor humored me and gave me a PEP prescription for Combivir.

So now I'm sitting in the drug store parking lot trying to decide whether to drop the $700 and do this.

Part of my brain tells me my risk was slow; save the 700 bucks and just test at 6 and 13 weeks.

But then the other part is saying what if the odds come up wrong for me, and I have to live with the fact that I could have possibly prevented something with a "second chance" (PEP).

Am I being irrational? Should I just move on, or should I go ahead and do this PEP thing to cover any bases I can?

[Jeff G]

You are not being irrational at all . Its the general rule that PEP isn't warranted over a broken condom incident . I personally would not choose pep unless there were other risk factors that do not seem to apply to your case .

[jkinatl2]

In the ten plus years I have been doing risk assessment on this forum, I have never, EVER seen an insertive partner test positive after a condom break - with or (mostly) without PEP.

I personally think it's seven hundred dollar overkill. And on top of that you STILL need to get tested six week after your last dose of PEP and then three months after your last dose of PEP. PEP extends the testing period by a month, but it certainly doesn't replace it.

And of course you will need to use condoms when being physically intimate with your wife for th enext three months, until you can get a full STD panel done. Remember, syphilis shares the three month window period with HIV, but is insanely easy to catch through just skin contact.

It is absolutely your call.

[StupidMale]

Thanks again. I think I am going to forgo the PEP. I just hope it's not something I regret in a few weeks. Sigh.

I'm just a big worrier and like to do anything I can to say in control of my life and that's why I'm so on the fence about PEP, and why this whole dumb incident is against the grain for me.  It really is driving me mad.

But again, thanks for the advice. Still wringing my hands here.. Man, I hope I remember all this garbage the next time I get close to doing something dumb.

[Andy Velez]

Like JK, I have never known a broken condom incident to result in HIV transmission.  Risk is lower for the receptive partner and we're talking a single incident, all of which make the likelihood transmission less likely. So the odds overall are in your favor again transmission.

But of course it's up to you make the decision. When considering PEP, the sooner the better in terms of effectiveness.

Your move...