POZ Community Forums
Main Forums => Living With HIV => Topic started by: woodshere on July 09, 2007, 10:21:41 am
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I have been out a few times with this guy and I think he is someone I could attempt to have a relationship with. We click, have a lot in common and think along the same lines. Plus, he is a great kisser and we have had a couple of fantastic make-out sessions. So the time is approaching to disclose. I find myself hoping that when I say I am HIV+, he says so am I. In actuality, I would never want someone to be poz. But for selfish reasons I hope he is and this causes me to feel guilty. I know I shouldn't hope this, but it sure would make things easier.
Woods
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Good luck Woods! Happy to hear things are going well. I'm like you, I don't want someone to be poz but for me I do...I can relate.
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I'll be keeping my fingers crossed for you. If he is HIV+ try to refrain from saying Yipee!
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Hey Woods, I understand where your coming from on that... I have had several dates with a great guy who I would presume is not hiv+ and I have the same conflict of feelings you are having yourself... Well he's traveling to montgomery next weekend... and all in all I am going to have to have a big discussion with him if anything more developes... so far just great dates non-sexual.. and I know he's going to want to play... so far I've been able to keep it platonic with the option open... So I wish you a great success one way or the other...
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Woods,
Well, of course you do not want someone to be HIV+. But if your new friend does turn out to be positive, all the decisions and actions leading up to that occurred before you met, so I don't see any reason to feel guilty. The reality is there are lots of HIV+ folks out there, so I don't see anything wrong with hoping that someone you are attracted to might be one of them. As a positive person, I think it is far easier to have a relationship with someone who is HIV+ than someone who is not. Of course, don't be gleeful if he is in fact poz. ;)
Oddly, though, given the vast number of times I have disclosed my status to guys over the past 17 years, I can think of only two instances where guys have responded with "yeah, I'm positive too". So while I'd rather serosort, I do find the practice to be exceptionally limiting (your mileage may vary).
I'm just glad you found someone that you feel you could have a relationship with (as well as a hot make-out sessions). If he does turn out to be negative, try to accept him as he is, just as you'd hope to be accepted as you are.
Hugs,
Henry
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I feel better to know I am not alone in this feeling.
I'll be keeping my fingers crossed for you. If he is HIV+ try to refrain from saying Yipee!
I am still laughing, thanks for making my morning.
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Recently, a guy I've known a while and I were getting ready to ______________. He said "I need to tell you I'm HIV+". I told him that I was too, and he smiled and said "good, that's a relief!" Then he said "I mean... no... I mean I'm not glad you're HIV+". It was kinda funny. I told him to relax and that I knew what he meant and that I already knew he was, and he looked VERY surprised. I said that nobody had been talking, but I'd seen his profile on one of the sites (manhunt, or some other). Sometimes, disclosure works out very well like in this situation. Like I've said before, nobody ever told me that they were HIV+ prior to my diagnosis. It's a bit ironic, if you ask me. Don't worry about it, Woods. I say that not because it's going to be easy, but because it's something you've got to do. Take care and let us know how it turns out.
David
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Hey Woods, good luck with the guy. :D I'll chime in and say that I also secretly hoped the guy I'm with now would say he was POS as well when I told him. He didn't, and thank goodness. ;D
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Hey Woods, good luck with the guy. :D I'll chime in and say that I also secretly hoped the guy I'm with now would say he was POS as well when I told him. He didn't, and thank goodness. ;D
Woods, Long, everyone: Even if the guy says "I'm pos too" it's not like you caused it or anything. I know you know this...... but I just had to say it. The main thing you're hoping for is that profound love connection, oh and yeah the bareback issues too
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oh and yeah the bareback issues too
You know me so well..... :)
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*the lights lower and Ani Defranco descends from above singing...*
"And thinkin' and prayin'
Plannin' and dreamin'
Each night of his charms
That won't get you into his arms
So if you're looking
To find love that you can share
All you gotta do is
Hold him and kiss him and love him
And show him that you care
Show him that you care just for him
Do the things that he likes to do
Wear your hair just for him
...So if you're thinkin'
Of how great true love is
All you gotta do is
Hold him, and kiss him
And squeeze him and love him
Just do it
And after you do
You will be his."
I'm sorry, I couldn't resist. :P I too have had that hope that when it came time to disclose, they would say, "I am, too." Hasn't happened yet, but that's ok. Good luck, man. Let us know how it turns out.
*keeping his fingers crossed for you*
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Best of luck Woods.
I'm not sure what kind of Karma points one gets for wishing someone poz, but I just hope he makes you happy.
Said with my best New York Jewish Mother voice:
If hoping he's poz makes you happy, is that so wrong?
;D
Brent
(Who knows the advantages to serosorting)
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Every time I read the subject title to this thread, I start singing that damn song. :) God I'm old.
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Wow - this is definitely a situation that I can relate to. I have recently put myself back into the dating world again. And time after time things don't work out because of my status. Actually, I should correct that - things don't work out because of his ability to be able to deal with my status.
I hope things work out for you Woods.
ronnie
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I find myself hoping that when I say I am HIV+, he says so am I. In actuality, I would never want someone to be poz. But for selfish reasons I hope he is and this causes me to feel guilty. I know I shouldn't hope this, but it sure would make things easier.
So if you really like this guy, does it matter if he is positive or negative? If he thinks the same about out you, it should not matter.
I am currently seeing a negative guy and he is being really good about it, we are careful with everything we do.
And who says that him being positive will be easier?
I hope it all goes well, keep us posted please.
Have a beauty filled day!
Peter
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Hey Woods-
I hope things with this guy go well. Especially since you guys are clicking so well. Be sure and let us know how it goes.