POZ Community Forums
Main Forums => Living With HIV => Topic started by: milker on August 03, 2007, 10:27:40 pm
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Kiss your doc? Have a party? Hot sex? Vacation? Did your life change?
Milker.
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All of the above! ;D
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I called all my friends with the great news. Unfortunately, there was no celebratory sex since I was single at the time, and I was still in that "my blood/semen is poison" stage. I was quite happy when that particular phase passed!
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I went through a horrible period of confusion. It was my second set of labs. My new ID doc sent me through another phase of testing for antibodies. I got to go through the whole "maybe it was a lab error" thing and it just extended the acceptance phase for another month. And then it continued for about 3 years.
But the last time it went undetectable, I was grateful. I told my closest friends, and we were grateful.
And I probably got drunk that night!
:)
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It took a long time for me to get "undetectable." It only happened about 3 years ago, almost 20 years after I was first infected.
When I heard the good news, I felt like a big burden had been lifted from me. I felt very grateful and very lucky, and I began to think that there was a good chance that I would live for quite a few more years.
Allan
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Mine only happened a year ago, after approximately 18 years of infection. I'm sure I called my parents to let them know. Not sure if I posted anything special here though as I'd not been registered for very long.
But same as Allan, I felt a bit of relief... and vindication as it had not been due to lack of adherence previously.
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Mine only happened a year ago, after approximately 18 years of infection. I'm sure I called my parents to let them know. Not sure if I posted anything special here though as I'd not been registered for very long.
But same as Allan, I felt a bit of relief... and vindication as it had not been due to lack of adherence previously.
The way you describe it didn't seem to be a milestone for you, and it's hard for me to understand that, knowing that it was an 18 year battle to reach this. Didn't you just go crazy that day? Or is your goal different?
Milker.
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I didn't think anything of it when my VL went undetectable. Now when my % and CD4 goes up, then I'm elated. I'm not so much a numbers person as I am a feelings person. How I feel today is all that concerns me.
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The way you describe it didn't seem to be a milestone for you, and it's hard for me to understand that, knowing that it was an 18 year battle to reach this. Didn't you just go crazy that day? Or is your goal different?
Milker.
After that long a time I'd simply gotten used to never having an undetectable viral load. Anyway, what do you want me to say? I went to the Viper Room and did speed balls with a group of hot models?
It was definitely a milestone, but it was confined to my cranium.
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Kiss your doc? Have a party? Hot sex? Vacation? Did your life change?
Milker.
I didn't do any of those things... Although, a party could have happened for another reason. I did have a lot of parties in 1998... ;D
I did ask my doc, if I would test negative if retested... He said no, I would always test positive. My life did not change until earlier this year but, I did that by myself... Have the best day
Michael
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Anyway, what do you want me to say? I went to the Viper Room and did speed balls with a group of hot models?
No, some mental relief, bien-être, thinking that after 20 years of suffering with this you may actually get some relief and forget about it for some time? Maybe you did feel this relief internally but didn't make it a party and felt that it was personal?
Milker.
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Which time? the first time? I have gone from being detectable to undetectable & back again several times since I was diagnosed 21 years ago. The first time my quality of life sucked so bad because of the meds (pre HAART) I was so anemic I wasn't physically able to do anything like you mentioned.
Dan J.
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It took 9 years before I had an undetectable viral load. I was a "hey, that's great" moment but certainly nothing I celebrated. Lab results mattered a lot more in the early years before I realized you can have crappy labs and feel fine and you can have great labs and get cancer.
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I went undetectable after 5 months on meds (and 6 months after diagnosis). It was a great relief since I started with pretty lousy numbers. On undetectability, my CD4 had climbed from 1 to 70. I felt my self-confidence return and started dating again and planning for my future. I bought some new underwear which I always do when I'm happy.
Another great moment was when my CD4 reached 100, that's when I signed up at a gym and started exercising (which I hadn't done in my lifetime). Next milestone will be CD4=200 which I hope to reach by the end of the year. Dunno what I'll do then. Perhaps buy more underwear?
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I got really drunk and really stoned and had great sex all night.Figured what the hell best news I had had in 5 months. ;D Chris ;D
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Maybe you did feel this relief internally but didn't make it a party and felt that it was personal?
Milker.
Actually I celebrated more with my first lab results from fuzeon/prezista. My VL went from 40,157 to 135 -- though not full suppression at that point it was clearly suppressed by most any measurement. It then went up slightly to 221 the next month and THEN to <50.
I'm still cautious with a lot of it though, cognizant of the fact that historically my virus has been feistier than the average person's and could suddenly go haywire in another year or two. I certainly hope that isn't the case of course, it's just that I won't feel "out of the woods" until I'm on any one medication for a 5 year period, which I've never experienced unlike others. And that won't be happening even with my current regimen because I'm going off fuzeon ASAP for obvious reasons.
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Relief. Then I try and not think about it for two months. Then I worry for a month. Then I go through it all over again.
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For me it happened for the first time 2 weeks ago, after 6 months of my new regimen and five years of living with.
I was sort of glad but that's about it.
I've always wondered why it is that we give such importance to undetectability when we know very well that blood is only one of the places where the virus thrives. I guess it gives us some degree of reassurance. There may also be some sense of being cleansed when we read zero on our lab results.
I realize that keeping as little hiv as possible for as long as possible seems to equate longer lives, but this measurement alone does not reflect everything that is going on in our bodies.
Perhaps I would react differently if, over the same span of time it took my meds to bring my VL from a few thousands to nearly zero units in my bloodstream, I had not experience the development of a buffalo hump, the fast accumulation of fat on my abdomen, the onset of peripheral neuropathy and the continuation of the lipoatrophy of my legs and face.
Though my treatment has helped me keep a fully functional lifestyle so far, it is life itself that keeps providing me with reasons to jump with joy or have sex with my boyfriend.
Pat
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I guess I'll know when and if it ever happens.
I've been in the 50K-80K range since diagnosis in 2002.
MODIFIED - Holy Blond counting skills, batman - I just realized after writing about diagnosis in 2002 that I'm 5 years poz not 6 as I've been saying the last couple of relevant posts
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I actually got my results in the mail, from my doctor. I opened those results in front of Ed, so he could see them the same time, I did. When We saw the<50 we both just hugged each other !! I remember Ed saying, "I knew you would do it" ! Having a 500,000 viral load less than 8 weeks prior, I remember when those results came in the mail , and I had manged to get to <50. I didn't think that it would get to an undetectable, in that amount of time, especially taking into considering how long I had been positive, and how negligent I was ( at that time) in monitoring my health. But, since that first undetectable, I have gone slightly above that several times, and fortunately always came back down to undetectable again. After that, the next thing we were watching was the t-cell count, as it slowly managed to climb again. The t-cell count was the one I was impatient with, but it finally got up again !
Ray
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Went home. Called friends and family. Went out to eat with the bf.
Got on with living!
;)
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had a meth fueled bareback gang bang.
i'm joking. actually, it was a bit more low key than that...but still decadent in its own right. i spent the rest of the day feasting on anything and everything unhealthy that i desired to eat. seriously. i started with a strawberry & banana shake, moved on to cheese sticks and chicken fingers....it gets a bit hazy after that, but i do remember that i gorged myself until i was utterly disgusted with the notion of food by nightfall. i was kind of on my own that day- no one in particular to celebrate with, so i decided to celebrate by myself anyway.
so i probably masturbated a whole lot that night as well. (and that part isn't a joke)
-tim
(who just goes ahead and lays it all out there for ya)
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had a meth fueled bareback gang bang.
i'm joking. actually, it was a bit more low key than that...but still decadent in its own right. i spent the rest of the day feasting on anything and everything unhealthy that i desired to eat. seriously. i started with a strawberry & banana shake, moved on to cheese sticks and chicken fingers....it gets a bit hazy after that, but i do remember that i gorged myself until i was utterly disgusted with the notion of food by nightfall. i was kind of on my own that day- no one in particular to celebrate with, so i decided to celebrate by myself anyway.
so i probably masturbated a whole lot that night as well. (and that part isn't a joke)
-tim
:D :D :D
And you forgot the poppers :D
Milker.
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Being hospitalized with pneumonia and having a cd4 count in the low teens prior to going undetectable I felt a huge sigh of releif. It was something I never thought I would achieve, especially since I had poor med adherence. I didn't really celebrate but I did call my Aunt and Uncle on the way home from the doctors office. Now that I've seen the power of meds I've had 100% adherence since.
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My reaction was about the same as Dennis. Going from 500,000+ VL to undetectable in less than 3 months from starting meds was quite an accomplishement. But I was still recovering from pneumocystis and as I recall I celebrated with a handshake from my Dr then went home to bed.
robert
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I am sort of in the same boat of the long termers of DanJ, Gsogymrat, Alan...I had always had a vl of 10,000-30,000. For 22 years this was the best news I ever had. I hugged my DR. And said "Nice job man! " He smiled. "With my luck, now I'm going to outlive everyone I know, and be the last man standing, all alone" We laughed. I was walking on a cloud for a week, and called everyone I knew. They really didn't understand, but they knew I was happy,that's all that mattered.
I still think it was the fuzeon that did it for me. That, and the new kaletra had just come out. Been UnD ever since, over a year now.
Excuse me, I have to apply for another credit card LMAO>
Love you all,
Jeff
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I didn't celebrate but I was grateful since it took me 6-9 months to get undetectable. Now that I look back at it, I overreacted to the fact that it took me "so long" to become undetectable. 6-9 months isn't that long.
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I didn't think anything of it when my VL went undetectable. Now when my % and CD4 goes up, then I'm elated. I'm not so much a numbers person as I am a feelings person. How I feel today is all that concerns me.
I agree with you Rod, until my numbers climb then I will cheer until then I will be in the basement of the under 200 count.
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In the eleven years I've been on meds & tracking the results, the magic "undetectable" only happened when it was set at 500. Once the tests became accurate to >50, I've never (to the best of my memory) attained the elusive goal.
Personally I think we obsess way too much on numbers. Personally I'd rather obsess on ass. It's more attainable.
Brent
(Who loves him the culito)
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Personally I think we obsess way too much on numbers. Personally I'd rather obsess on ass. It's more attainable.
Brent
(Who loves him the culito)
And that one you want to celebrate often ;D
Milker.
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And that one you want to celebrate often ;D
Milker.
Trust me, baby...I do.
Brent
(Who is not called Papi Rico for his big wallet)
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Since I can't remember what I did, I obviously did not celebrate enough. If I am fortunaten enough to be undetectable on my next tests, perhaps I should remedy this. I do know that it was back in June of 2004 when I was undetectable on the ultrasensitive test.
Regards,
Henry
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i was bumbed because it sort of proved my dissident theory wrong, although i started questioning and still questioning,
"so if this VL test is given to negative person, would it always come out <50? always????"
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I went immediately to here and posted it. Since I have disclosed to very few people, this was the only place where I knew the news would be understood and appropriately acknowledged.... and it was! It all happened pretty quickly after I began meds. Now that I have read so many others' experiences, I realize how fortunate I was and am.
Gary ;)
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I did breath out a sigh of relief. That's it. My VL quickly decreased from the start of medications.
Keep in mind, I was still experiencing onslaught of the new world of AIDS MEDs.....the revolting nastiness of liquid Norvir. Fortovase. Epivir. Zerit.
I had bloating issues, diarrhea, and some nausea while my body adjusted to the meds. My stomach felt like it belonged to a sow instead of me.
I was not in mode to jump for joy.
Mike