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Author Topic: Someone I knew died today  (Read 8703 times)

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Offline aztecan

  • Member
  • Posts: 5,530
  • 36 years positive, 64 years a pain in the butt
Someone I knew died today
« on: July 10, 2007, 11:59:53 pm »
I got a call from a hospital this afternoon. The social worker called to let me know someone I was working with died this afternoon.

I had thought he was getting better, but he was in very rough shape to begin with and that makes things all the more difficult.

He was yet another of those who never tested, never knew he had the virus and, therefore, never received any treatment until he was literally on death's door.

What's worse, he was about my age, which makes me feel both very old and very unsure about myself.

Of course, it could be the Sustiva making me feel this way too.

The social worker at the hospital was not just being nice by letting me know. This person has no family and she didn't know what to do with his body,

So, I'll see what I can arrange. If nothing else, the county will pay for cremation. There is very little money elsewhere for this type of assistance.

But helping arrange things is as far as I will go these days.

The days are passed when I will help dispose of a person's remains. Been there, done that, not doing it again.

I helped carry body's out of homes when morticians refused to do so. Helping a distraught family member carry the stiffening corpse of a loved one is not something I wish to do again.

A friend of mine was so ticked off at a local mortician she threatened to put the frozen body in the back of her pickup truck and take it to Albuquerque for cremation. The mortician wanted to charge the family more than $1,000 to transport the body 200 miles.

Nor will I store the ashes of someone who was cremated but whose family wants no part of him - including his ashes.

Been there too. Not doing it again.

OK, that's my rant for the week.

HUGS,

Mark

« Last Edit: July 11, 2007, 12:02:52 am by aztecan »
"May your life preach more loudly than your lips."
~ William Ellery Channing (Unitarian Minister)

Offline Matty the Damned

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  • Antipodean in every sense of the word
Re: Someone I knew died today
« Reply #1 on: July 11, 2007, 12:01:49 am »
My condolences Mark.

:-*

MtD

Offline Life

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  • Member 2005
Re: Someone I knew died today
« Reply #2 on: July 11, 2007, 12:15:19 am »
Mark, I am sorry...  Rant away...

Hugs,

Eric

Offline sdcabincrew74

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    • My Manhunt account
Re: Someone I knew died today
« Reply #3 on: July 11, 2007, 12:16:48 am »
I am so sorry to hear that Mark.
The difference between an overnight and a layover is luck!

Offline xyahka

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  • Dance together!! aha!! aha!! I like it!!
Re: Someone I knew died today
« Reply #4 on: July 11, 2007, 12:25:46 am »
Hi, you know... i think i can feel the way you feel right now... i was feeling in your shoes even though i have never ever carried someone's body.... in fact... i don't see someone death since mmmm 10 years ago perhaps, few people have died in my neigbourhood (none in my family) and i have attended ceremonies but never ever saw the death body (a costume here)... i just cannot do that.

It will sound silly what i will say but you know... if something like that would happen to me... like a social worker would call me and tell me about someone with no family who is death... i would surely feel sad.. but also honored... i mean... it is so meaningful that we can give a hand at a person's last moments.... it makes the miracle of staying alive more meaningful... after all.. that's why we are here in this world.. to give a hand to each other.

I would receive this person as my relative, like a new family member who just left... because if i were alone at my time of death... with no family.... i would surely appreciate someone elses take me into his at least after my departure... i would know i wasn't all alone at the end.... and that would be the biggest gift someone would have given to me in my life... to be with me at the end.

I can only imagine how you feel and i know it should be hard... i wish i could help... but sometimes as family members we have to face things like this... we are all part of the same family... not only HIV one.. but global one, we are all a single family even if people does not know it. You do what you can... does not matter if much or few... just do it with your heart... and i am sure someone above will be so thankful... that once you are in front of creator he will tell you "hey... someone talked to me very good about you". And if you don't believe in God... does not matter.. remember good actions comes back.... we do for others what we would like to receive when the time comes.

I am very glad you are on the world today and know you will remain with us long time yet... we need more people like you and someone above knows it. Sending you big hugs... i am with you. You are such a great guy!! Thank you for helping one of my brothers... it means so much.

Juan Carlos
« Last Edit: December 12, 2009, 05:58:24 pm by Andy Velez »
13/03/07 1er diagnóstico /Peso: 79kg
19/04/07 CD4: 494 /CViral: ?? /Peso: 80kg
19/07/07 CD4: 659 /CViral: ?? /Peso: 79.5kg
06/03/08 CD4: 573 (después de meses muy deprimido) /CViral: ?? /Peso: 79kg
17/09/08 CD4: ?? /CViral: ?? /Peso: 84Kg
06/02/09 CD4: ?? /CViral: ?? /Peso: 85Kg /HCV: Neg /HBV: Neg.
07/03/09 CD4: ?? /CViral: ?? /Peso: 87Kg / Gym 3días/semana y Natación 2días/semana.
12/05/09 CD4: 470 /Cviral: ?? /Peso: 87Kg.
08/07/09 CD4: ? /CViral: ? /Peso: 77Kg.
09/12/09 CD4: 510 /CViral: ? /Peso: 78kg. No medicinas aún
10/01/10 CD4: ? /CViral: ? /Peso: 76Kg.
15/05/10 CD4: 320 /CViral: ? /Peso: 76Kg.
01/02/11 CD4: 291 /CViral: ? /Peso: 78kg.
05/05/11 CD4: 366 /CViral: ? /Peso: 78kg.
27/07/11 CD4: 255 /CViral: 138000 /Peso: 78kg.

Disfrutando y aceptando una nueva vida...

Offline ndrew

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  • ....-.-.-.-.-.....
Re: Someone I knew died today
« Reply #5 on: July 11, 2007, 12:27:57 am »
Andrew is often at a loss for words these days, but he reads and cares...

(An)Drew

Offline scud44

  • Member
  • Posts: 393
  • I am watching you
Re: Someone I knew died today
« Reply #6 on: July 11, 2007, 01:38:58 am »
My thoughts are with you, Mark.

It is always hard when someone you know passes on and it doesn't really matter how close you were to them - It's just knowing that they knew you and were happy for that.

xxxx
Scud44
CD4 = 110 - 30 July 2007 - 10%
VL = 139000 - 30 July 2007
CD4 = 252 - 6th August 2007
VL = 16400 - 23rd August 2007
CD4 = 240 - 23rd August 2007
VL = 400 4th Sept 2007
CD4 = 96 - 4th Sept 2007
CD4 = 120 18th Sept 2007
VL = 386000 19th Nov 2007
CD4 = 160 19th Nov 2007
CD4 = 110 10th Jan 2008
CD4 = 311 29th Jan 2008
VL = <50 29th Jan 2008
CD4 = 148 2nd April 2008
VL = 110,000 2nd April 2008
June 2010 and nothing has improved

Offline indyguy

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  • Hoosier Boy Single Again.
Re: Someone I knew died today
« Reply #7 on: July 11, 2007, 01:50:01 am »
Sorry to hear that Mark. You have given me good advise and I hope that you continue to do so for those who are still here. Its sad that your friend had no family that cared. I know he must be in Heaven now out of pain and in loving arms.
Meds doing well so far.

Offline Jeffreyj

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Re: Someone I knew died today
« Reply #8 on: July 11, 2007, 04:34:29 am »
Mark,
You are truly a remarkible human being. Sorry you have to go through crap like this. I am glad you seem to do what is best for YOU.
Keep up the good work. you are a trooper, to say the least!

Love Ya Mark!
Positive since 1985

Offline Dragonette

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  • Spring symptoms
    • NotPerfectAtAll
Re: Someone I knew died today
« Reply #9 on: July 11, 2007, 05:07:08 am »
Hi Mark

sorry to hear, so sorry for your collegue and sorry for your burden. i can almost feel the weight. some people hardly have anything to do with death, for others it is a constant presence that somehow keeps coming back in different forms. but you are such a fighter to put yourself on the frontline so you encounter it even more. it is like a friend of mine in Amsterdam who helps HIV+ illegal immigrants, you need to be extra strong to face all that sadness. more than most people. as Juan C. said we are very privileged to have "Mother Mark" here. I am sure this applies to everyone around you in real life.

i hope you will take a relieved lungful of fresh air sooner rather than later.
take care, hugs. 
"If you keep one foot in yesterday, and one in tomorrow, you piss all over today". Betty Tacy

Offline joemutt

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Re: Someone I knew died today
« Reply #10 on: July 11, 2007, 06:30:10 am »
I'm sorry to hear that Mark. Hugs.

Offline Nadine

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Re: Someone I knew died today
« Reply #11 on: July 11, 2007, 06:41:49 am »
I'm very sorry for your loss Mark

(((HUGS)))

Offline dtwpuck

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  • Posts: 1,013
  • дано мне тело, что мне делать с ним?
Re: Someone I knew died today
« Reply #12 on: July 11, 2007, 06:55:50 am »
It's amazing to me that even today people don't know they have the virus.  But I guess the desire not to have bad news is probably stronger than the desire to live day to day.

I'm truly sorry for your loss.  S
Floating through the void in the caress of two giant pink lobsters named Esmerelda and Keith.

Offline RapidRod

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Re: Someone I knew died today
« Reply #13 on: July 11, 2007, 07:06:24 am »
Sorry to hear that Mark.

Offline sweetasmeli

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  • Love what you are...
Re: Someone I knew died today
« Reply #14 on: July 11, 2007, 07:21:31 am »
My condolences, Mark. You are in my thoughts.

Melia x
/\___/\       /\__/\
(=' . '=)    (=' . '=)
(,,,_ ,,,)/   (,,,_ ,,,)/ Cats rule!

The difference between cats and dogs is that dogs come when called, whereas cats take a message and get back to you.

Yeia kai hara (health and happiness) to everyone!

Offline J.R.E.

  • Member
  • Posts: 8,207
  • Positive since 1985, joined forums 12/03
Re: Someone I knew died today
« Reply #15 on: July 11, 2007, 07:24:30 am »
I helped carry body's out of homes when morticians refused to do so. Helping a distraught family member carry the stiffening corpse of a loved one is not something I wish to do again.

Been there too. Not doing it again.

OK, that's my rant for the week.

HUGS,

Mark




Hello Mark,

I completely understand your statement above. I've been there...   My condolences Mark.


Ray
Current Meds ; Viramune / Epzicom Eliquis, Diltiazem. Pravastatin 80mg, Ezetimibe. UPDATED 2/18/24
 Tested positive in 1985,.. In October of 2003, My t-cell count was 16, Viral load was over 500,000, Percentage at that time was 5%. I started on  HAART on October 24th, 2003.

 As of Oct 2nd, 2023, Viral load Undetectable.
CD 4 @676 /  CD4 % @ 18 %
Lymphocytes,absolute-3815 (within range)


72 YEARS YOUNG

Offline woodshere

  • Member
  • Posts: 1,474
  • ain't no shame in my game
Re: Someone I knew died today
« Reply #16 on: July 11, 2007, 08:48:47 am »
How fortunate that those who have had no one, have had you.  You are a remarkable person for doing what you do.

Woods
"Let us give pubicity to HV/AIDS and not hide it..." "One of the things destroying people with AIDS is the stigma we attach to it."   Nelson Mandela

Offline RAB

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Re: Someone I knew died today
« Reply #17 on: July 11, 2007, 08:58:09 am »
Mark

(((((HUG, HUG, HUG)))))

I'm sorry for the loss buddy.    :( 

RAB




Offline David_CA

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Re: Someone I knew died today
« Reply #18 on: July 11, 2007, 09:30:35 am »
Mark,
The people you assist are fortunate to have such a caring person help them, especially those with nobody or who have been 'abandoned' by family and friends.  I know it can't be easy for you, but keep on doing what you do.

David 
Black Friday 03-03-2006
03-23-06 CD4 359 @27.4% VL 75,938
06-01-06 CD4 462 @24.3% VL > 100,000
08-15-06 CD4 388 @22.8% VL >  "
10-21-06 CD4 285 @21.9% VL >  "
  Atripla started 12-01-2006
01-08-07 CD4 429 @26.8% VL 1872!
05-08-07 CD4 478 @28.1% VL 740
08-03-07 CD4 509 @31.8% VL 370
11-06-07 CD4 570 @30.0% VL 140
02-21-08 CD4 648 @32.4% VL 600
05-19-08 CD4 695 @33.1% VL < 48 undetectable!
08-21-08 CD4 725 @34.5%
11-11-08 CD4 672 @39.5%
02-11-09 CD4 773 @36.8%
05-11-09 CD4 615 @36.2%
08-19-09 CD4 770 @38.5%
11-19-09 CD4 944 @33.7%
02-17-10 CD4 678 @39.9%  
06-03-10 CD4 768 @34.9%
09-21-10 CD4 685 @40.3%
01-10-11 CD4 908 @36.3%
05-23-11 CD4 846 @36.8% VL 80
02-13-12 CD4 911 @41.4% VL<20
You must be the change you want to see in the world.  Mahatma Gandhi

Offline Andy Velez

  • Global Moderator
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Re: Someone I knew died today
« Reply #19 on: July 11, 2007, 09:33:43 am »
Hi Mark,

Very glad that YOU are still here and will continue to be. And that you let us in on what's happening.

You say it simple and you say it good.

Hugs to you buddy,
Andy Velez

Offline MoltenStorm

  • Member
  • Posts: 477
  • Poz & Fabulous
Re: Someone I knew died today
« Reply #20 on: July 11, 2007, 10:15:16 am »
I'm so sorry, Mark. *big, warm, comforting hug*
"Love is always patient and kind. It is never jealous. Love is never boastful nor conceited. It is never rude or selfish. It does not take offense and is not resentful. Love takes no pleasure in other people's sins, but delights in the truth. It is always ready to excuse, to trust, to hope, and to endure whatever comes." - 1 Corinthians 13:4-7, adaptation in A Walk To Remember

CD4: 555 / 29% / Undetectable - 7 Nov 2006
CD4: 555 / 29% / Undetectable - 5 Feb 2007

Offline GSOgymrat

  • Member
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  • HIV+ since 1993. Relentlessly gay.
Re: Someone I knew died today
« Reply #21 on: July 11, 2007, 10:18:58 am »
Sorry to hear about your loss.

Offline bear60

  • Member
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Re: Someone I knew died today
« Reply #22 on: July 11, 2007, 12:46:19 pm »
I just logged in and saw your post.  Sorry to hear this news.  Be well and take care care of yourself.
Poz Bear Type in Philadelphia

Offline pozattitude

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    • to find out more about me....
Re: Someone I knew died today
« Reply #23 on: July 11, 2007, 01:00:58 pm »
I just saw your post and I am sorry about your loss and the responsibility given to you.
My thoughts are with you.
Stay well, we're here for you!

Rich
POSITIVE PEDALERS... We are a group of people living with HIV/AIDS, eliminating stigma through our positive public example.

Offline Ithaca_Nights

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Re: Someone I knew died today
« Reply #24 on: July 11, 2007, 01:36:44 pm »
Mark,
My thoughts are with you!
Dan

Offline Iggy

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Re: Someone I knew died today
« Reply #25 on: July 11, 2007, 02:26:57 pm »
Mark,

My thoughts are with you.  I'm sorry you have seen/been through so much and yet it doesn't end.


Please take care of yourself right now.



Offline Bucko

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  • You need a shine, missy!
Re: Someone I knew died today
« Reply #26 on: July 11, 2007, 04:01:17 pm »
Mark-

I'm close to you at this time, as we who support each other always are when things get difficult.

Brent
(Who gives his pal a hug and smooch)
Blessed with brains, talent and gorgeous tits.

Blathering on AIDSmeds since 2005, provocative from birth

Offline Florida69

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Re: Someone I knew died today
« Reply #27 on: July 11, 2007, 04:29:51 pm »
My condolences, too. You are in my thoughts.  D
Nothing in the world can take the place of Persistence. Talent will not; nothing is more common than unsuccessful men with talent. Genius will not; unrewarded genius is almost a proverb. Education will not; the world is full of educated derelicts. Persistence and determination alone are omnipotent. The slogan 'Press On' has solved and always will solve the problems of the human race.
Calvin Coolidge

Offline Ronald1958

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Re: Someone I knew died today
« Reply #28 on: July 11, 2007, 04:39:14 pm »
sorry for your loss and you have a big heart even through all you've endured in the past!  And, rant away!!!

Ron
diagnosed PML Nov 1999

was t-cells 10 and VL 500,000+

as of 11/15/06  - t-cells 789; VL undetectable again and has been since July '01

Offline englishgirl

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Re: Someone I knew died today
« Reply #29 on: July 11, 2007, 04:51:23 pm »
im so sorry you have to go through this (again)
big hug from me on vacation in north carolina (((((hug)))))
xxxx
ACT NOW TO CAMPAIGN AGAINST THE TRAVEL BAN:
http://campaigning.tht.org.uk/cms/cmsloader?WfJVLp&view=11,301,1385,0,-html

http://forums.poz.com/index.php?topic=17352.0


"I'm not keen on the idea of the afterlife - not without knowing who else will be there and what the entertainment will be. Personally I'd rather just take a rest." Oscar Berger, PWA: Looking AIDS in the Face, 1996. RIP.

Offline pozniceguy

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Re: Someone I knew died today
« Reply #30 on: July 11, 2007, 06:39:27 pm »
Mark.. the fact that someone thought of you as the person who would help says volumes about you...It is always the good guys who work the hardest who seem to get the most terrible jobs to do.....since this person had no family the hospital would probably have just turned him over to a lab or donated him to a school,   you are a real angel for being there and stepping up to the job.

Nick
remember the good times...honor the past but don't live there
Le stelle la notte sono grandie luminose, nel cuore profondo del Texas

Offline pozguy75

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Re: Someone I knew died today
« Reply #31 on: July 11, 2007, 06:41:38 pm »
Mark, my thoughts are with you...I wish we all had angels like you to watch over us!

Love ya man...

jeromy
Dx 2005
ATRIPLA

Offline Longislander

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Re: Someone I knew died today
« Reply #32 on: July 12, 2007, 12:00:21 am »
it's already been said, but you're a good man, Mark ;D

Paul
infected 10/05 diagnosed 12-05
2/06   379/57000                    6/07 372/30500 25%   4/09 640/U/32% 
5/06   ?? /37000                     8/07 491/55000/24%    9/09 913/U/39%
8/06   349/9500 25%              11/07 515/68000/24     2/10 845/U/38%
9/06   507/16,000 30% !          2/08  516/116k/22%    7/10 906/80/39%
12/06 398/29000 26%             Start Atripla 3/08
3/07   402/80,000 29%            4/08  485/undet!/27
4/07   507/35,000 25%            7/08 625/UD/34%
                                                 11/08 684/U/36%

Offline northernguy

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Re: Someone I knew died today
« Reply #33 on: July 12, 2007, 01:31:29 am »
You do good work Mark :)

There are days when I says to myself: "I'd be better of not knowing I'm poz I wouldn't be living with this constant worry and ignorance would be bliss".  Thanks for the reminder why this is not the case.
Apr 28/06 cd4 600 vl 10,600 cd% 25
Nov 8/09 cd4 510 vl 49,5000 cd% 16
Jan 16/10 cd4 660 vl 54,309 cd% 16
Feb 17/10 Started Atripla
Mar 7/10 cd4 710 vl 1,076 cd% 21
Apr 18/10 cd4 920 vl 268 cd% 28
Jun 19/10 cd4 450 vl 60 cd% 25
Aug 15/10 cd4 680 vl 205 cd% 27
Apr 3/11 cd4 780 vl <40 cd% 30
Jul 17/11 cd4 960 vl <40 cd%33
April 15/12 cd4 1,010 vl <40 cd% 39
April 20/12 Switched to Viramune + Truvada
Aug 2/12 cd4 1040, vl <40, cd% 38
Oct 19 cd4 1,110 vl <40 cd% 41

Offline Robert

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Re: Someone I knew died today
« Reply #34 on: July 12, 2007, 02:07:10 am »
MARK.

My heart goes out to you and to your client. 

robert
..........

Offline BT65

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Re: Someone I knew died today
« Reply #35 on: July 12, 2007, 09:45:56 pm »
I'm so sorry, Mark.  I don't blame you for not wanting to get "hands-on" with this.  Keep smiling.
I've never killed anyone, but I frequently get satisfaction reading the obituary notices.-Clarence Darrow

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Offline zachysmom

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Re: Someone I knew died today
« Reply #36 on: July 12, 2007, 10:08:22 pm »
Mark,
I am so sorry, it must be very hard to deal with, regardless of how many times you've had to . I agree with Woods, you are such a amazing person, everyone in your life is blessed to have you in they're life.( including us folks on this forum).

My thoughts and prayers are with you and your friend, may he find peace.

Much love,
Nicole
From Russia with love,
Nicole

 


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