Extreme Anxiety...Struggling to Work, Eat, even Breathe

[anxietymakingmenuts]

Hi All,

I appreciate all the work that goes into your site. It is a great service and a knowledgable resource for individuals looking for accurate information (as there is a lot of misleading info on the internet).

Anyways, here is my situation:

Sorry about any graphic details....

I was on vacation in San Francisco and got really drunk.  I called a transexual escort (and from everything I have read, these are the highest risk individuals in the world) and went to her hotel....This was my first time doing anything like this....I went in, got naked, he put a condom on and I started performing oral....He then told me to come on the bed as I was on the floor....While wearing the condom, he then put me on my back and began penetrating me, this was brief, 2/3 minutes....I asked if I could perform oral, he pulled out...He left the room and came back and put a new condom on, I asked why he left and he said because you wanted to perform oral (I was drunk but that kinda makes sense)....I then performed oral with a new condom on for a few minutes, he then got behind me spit on his fingers and began penetrating me again....I was really drunk and dont remember if lube was used or not, but I suspect it was...Then he penetrated me roughly for a few minutes til completion....he didnt pull out for 10-15 seconds after he finished....He pulled out and I turned around and saw the condom on his penis, it had semen in it (it looked like it was intact, but Im scared maybe it had some minor little hole I didnt notice, I also have a chip on my tooth and I have never given a blowjob before, so I am scared I couldve damaged it very minorly with my tooth and didnt notice...I have personally used condoms and when they broke, all that was left was the ring around the base).....
He left the room and came back with no condom on....even though i saw the condomwith semen in it, I still asked if it broke, he said no....

he then put me on my back, put a condom on me and performed oral, jerked me off, sucked my nipple, and continued with the blow job til i finished.....i took the condom off, flushed, got dressed and left...he asked if i wanted to go to a tranny party while and i was leaveing, but I declined...

I was so scared that I went back to the hotel in the morning to ask questions I shouldve asked the night before but was to drunk, Im so stupid!! I asked the hiv status and he told me he was clean, but hadent tested in a while becaiuse he always play safe and I have nothing to worry about...I also looked at the condoms he used, it was a brown paper bag filled with condoms, all types, flavored regular, etc...i also saw a few with nonoxyl 9 that i have read arent effective and dont prevent hiv...this really has me worried as I dont know whic condoms were used...this visit back to the hotel didnt relieve any of my concerns!

The next day I was in a panic! I was sweating so excessivly!! BY the end of the day it felt like my boxers were wetter than a bathing suit after a swim...I also noticed a stain on the inside and outside of my pants (maybe I was leaking lube, it couldnt be semen since he used a condom i assume)...at this point i was terrified so i went to the hospital and received combivir 150/300.....I went to a specialist when I returened home who said the meds werent necessary but I could continue for my own piece of mind....24 days post exposure he gave me a 3rd generation  lab antibody test which was negative...he told me he has treated hiv since the 80's and has lots of knowledge...he refused to give me a pcr test and said it would be useless....he also told me my situation was almost no risk....he told me he has seen some tests comeback positive within just 3 weeks even if the patient was on pep, but it int usually likely....he told me my 6 week test is very important and with my risk I could take one at 12 weeks and move on...i  asked about a 6 month guideline and he said my risk didnt warrant testing out that long, but I could for my own sanity............

I am terrified bc I have my 6 week test next week and am having such intense anxiety........

I had a panic attack today...
Im having a hard time breathing...im waking up in the middle of night drenched in sweat with nightmares...i am losing a lot weight and have noi appetite....i take my temp nonstop bc i read a fever is a sign of acute infection...my temp has stayed bbetween 97 (middle of night when im sweating and 99, middle of the day when im freaked out sweating with anxiety....te last 5.5 weeks have been a nightmare!!

I am worried that maybe the condom had a little hole in it that couldve let a little semen come through even tho i didnt see it...i hope a condom cant just break a little but have read very conflicting info....i hope i didnt have an issue when she spit and fingered my butt...i hope the condoms worked!!! i hope i didnt damage them with my teeth...i hope the nonoxyl 9 condom wasnt used :(

I have followed this individual around on the internet since the incident and he is always traveling from city to city, which worries me as to why this person is always on the go...it also worries me that they are traveling around with this bag of condoms...cant this damage the condoms when he is on the go...i hope condoms are very effective and can withstand things like this.....

what can i do to calm down?

Please advise regarding my situation....also, for the last week i have been getting an awful pain in my pelvis just above my groin and a muscle twitching and pain in my legs and behind me knees...i hope these arent my lymph nodes :( I am struggling to keep it together...i might chicken out on this test next week :(

[Matty the Damned]

So basically you had protected anal and oral sex with a male to female transsexual?

Protected sex is just that, protected. You were not at risk of contracting HIV from this sexual encounter. You do not need to be tested for HIV as a result.

That said, even though you do not need to be tested for HIV following this encounter all sexually active adults should have a full sexual health screen at least once a year. Twice is better. If you have not recently had a sexual health screen you should arrange to have one. It's simply a good habit to get into.

Some other points: there is no evidence that transsexuals are the "highest risk individuals in the world" in terms of HIV or any other STD. HIV is not concerned about who people are, merely what they do.

You should also avoid using the pronoun "he" when referring to a male to female transgender person. Generally speaking male to female transsexuals use the feminine pronoun "she". You should respect that distinction.

Do not use the term "clean" to refer to a person's HIV status even if you're only reporting what someone else said. It's demeaning and insulting to those of us who are HIV positive because it suggests that we are in some way "dirty". We take exception to that characterisation and it would appreciated if you don't use it again.

You might want to avoid mixing excessive alcohol consumption and sex in future.

Other than telling you to get a hold of yourself, we cannot assist you with your anxiety. If you are experiencing panic attacks, talk to your doctor.

MtD

/edit: correct typo/

[anxietymakingmenuts]

I am sorry, I didn't mean to offend anyone ...

That was exactly what she told me when I went back to the hotel...

I am just concerned that maybe the condom leaked bc it wasn't pulled out right away or I damaged with my teeth...my anxiety is ruining my life

Again I am SOOO sorry if I offended anyone.

[Matty the Damned]

I am sorry, I didn't mean to offend anyone ...

That was exactly what she told me when I went back to the hotel...

I am just concerned that maybe the condom leaked bc it wasn't pulled out right away or I damaged with my teeth...my anxiety is ruining my life

Again I am SOOO sorry if I offended anyone.

Your report of these proceedings is that the condom appeared to be intact. If it was damaged you would have noticed it. Condoms don't get little tears in them, they fail completely. So leakage is also out of the question.

My advice to you stands. You were not at risk of HIV from this encounter.

MtD

[anxietymakingmenuts]

Thanks so much for your reply....I am not very knowledgeable about HIV, so I'm just looking for some second opinions outside of my doctor...There is so much contradicting info on the Internet, it makes me crazy....

Why would nonoxyl 9 condoms not protect you? 

Would traveling around with condoms in suitcases etc. possibly damage them?

Why do sites say that with a condom, receptive anal risk is 5x lower than unprotected? That makes no sense to me, but it's on wikipedia who usually carry good info...

[Matty the Damned]

Thanks so much for your reply....I am not very knowledgeable about HIV, so I'm just looking for some second opinions outside of my doctor...There is so much contradicting info on the Internet, it makes me crazy....

Why would nonoxyl 9 condoms not protect you? 

Would traveling around with condoms in suitcases etc. possibly damage them?

Why do sites say that with a condom, receptive anal risk is 5x lower than unprotected? That makes no sense to me, but it's on wikipedia who usually carry good info...

Nonoxynol-9 is a spermicide. It damages the sperm's cell membrane. It can also damage the membranes of cells lining the inner anus, rectum and vagina which can increase susceptibility to HIV infection. Studies have shown that N9 does not decrease rates of HIV infection. A couple of studies have shown that it increases the risk of infection.

There is no reason to use N9 condoms anyway. Ordinary intact latex or polyurethane condoms provide excellent protection against HIV infection.

Provided you store your condoms properly (in their wrappers in a box or other suitable container) when you travel there is no reason to think they would become damaged. Condoms are pretty robust things.

We cannot account for the information on other websites. I would point out that Wikipedia can be edited anonymously by just about anyone. It is not a reliable source of information, particularly for subjects relating to health care and medicine. 

If you're interested in what some socially awkward shut-in knows about Pokemon or the finer details of Miley Cyrus' glittering musical career, the Wiki is undoubtedly a great resource. If you're concerned about life threatening viral illnesses, Wiki is of a more dubious quality.

You should be particularly cautious about sites and sources which apply numerical values to particular risk behaviours. There is no reliable data to support a claim that protected anal sex is 5 times less risky than unprotected anal sex. You will not find us making such claims.

And we are the best HIV website on the internet.

MtD

[anxietymakingmenuts]

Lol, love the Miley reference...

Idk what kind of condom was used, but if it was N9 and it didn't break, it would still provide the same protection as any other condom?

[Matty the Damned]

Lol, love the Miley reference...

Idk what kind of condom was used, but if it was N9 and it didn't break, it would still provide the same protection as any other condom?

Yes an N9 condom would have provided protection if it remained intact. And we've established that the condom in your case did remain intact.

The increased risk of disease transmission associated with N9 is more about it being applied as a cream or gel before unprotected vaginal or anal sex. N9 condoms are noticeably different from other condoms as they are coated liberally with the spermicide which is opaque and quite runny.

At this stage I would like to direct your attention to our  Welcome Thread which contains links to our HIV testing and transmission lessons. It also contains our posting guidelines which I encourage you to read.

MtD

[anxietymakingmenuts]

I appreciate your help!

[anxietymakingmenuts]

2 last questions specific to me:

1) if the condom wasn't pulled out right away, could it leak from the base causing infection?

2) Also, this person wasn't circumsized, I notice semen on the side (on the inside) of the condom by the shaft besides being in the tip, is this a condom failure even though the condom didn't break?


After reading through the forms I am little confused about a few things:

1) if the majority of people who test positive after PEP, will do so by week 6 post pep, then why is a 6 week test recommended post exposure for PEP users?

[anxietymakingmenuts]

Also, since 2 days after I stopped pep, I have been getting pain in my pelvis nonstop, muscle spasms in my legs, and muscle pain in my leg, besides that I have felt fine...

Could these be signs of ARS?

[Ann]

anxiety,

1. No.
 
2. Being cut or uncut is only a concern for the insertive partner.

Your last question makes no sense.

You've already been told that you did not have a risk. You never needed PEP. You're not going through ARS. Get a grip and get on with your life.

Ann