POZ Community Forums
Main Forums => Living With HIV => Topic started by: Alain on July 07, 2006, 09:21:13 am
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Well first things first.
BIG WARM HUG
Now, you are not a loser. Rejection is tough. There is no way around this.
I can't remember the number of times people have just walked away. Some have run away. Others excused themselves to go to the restroom and never returned. Some, before leaving, took several steps back, like I was going to infect them by breathing on them.
One guy said, "Why didn't you tell me when I first walked up. I wouldn't have wasted my time." Him I'll never forget.
I know you are feeling frustrated. For a while, I felt like damaged goods, not worthy of those whom I desired.
I won't lie. There are times I still feel that way.
But those dark times are becoming fewer and fewer. I feel good about myself most of the time. Now, if someone walks away, I usually think, "Well, its his loss."
You are dealing with a double whammy of sorts. HIV and going deaf, especially since the deafness is something new to your life.
Give yourself time to get used to the new life that lies ahead for you. I have a friend who is deaf. When I first met him, I probably seemed standoffish or a little cold. I wasn't intending to be, but I didn't know exactly how to deal with someone who couldn't hear me or what was going on around us.
After a time, it just seemed to come naturally. I was fearful of insulting him, or making him feel odd. I now know that was simply foolish on my part. In fact, my fear of insulting him was probably more insulting to him.
I can't sign, but we have developed our own little signals for communicating and it is really a lot of fun. Of course, when he writes me a note when I'm driving and expects me to both read and respond in kind it can become a bit dicey.
The point is, even though I consider myself to be open minded, I had to learn the hard way I still have much to learn.
Don't give up on finding someone special. When you least expect it, you will. But don't be put off if it takes him a little time to adjust, because he may be on a learning curve.
As for those who didn't work out as you had hoped, think of them as momentary diversions. They are the past. Look to the future. I have faith you will find that special person lurking in the mists of the future.
HUGS,
Mark
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BIG BIG HUG
BIG BIG HUG
In french we say 'never two without three' . Sweetheart, you are being prepared for the BIG thing to come. The fourth is the GEM - why ?? after three lessons, you will know what to do for the fourth.
HOPE helps us make tomorrow BRIGHTER :-* :-*
Siang
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Here's a big HUG for you!
And while I'm passing them out, also one for Mark and Siang, my wise water duck.
Like Mark said, you are dealing with a lot, the deafness on top of everything else. You have my utmost respect and admiration.
Alan
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a BIG hug from me too, you are very courageous, don't let it get you down,
(wish I could put it as beautifully as Mark did)
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I am in touch with that emotion... It took me over 400 posts to get around to asking for support from these forums.
I have perfect hearing, above average looks and a very high IQ. I have been called genius but that is just a word. In the old forums, I wrote about being abused, almost from the day I got out of the hospital with my AIDS diagnosis. I was physically abused for a year, sought out by another and emotionally abused for another three years.
On July 29, 2000, I had enough and left a note on the ceiling, with magic marker over his bed, went to my house and began the process of moving 536 miles to live in isolation for another 4 or so years with my dog and very few neighbors.
Healthcare and services is the worst, even in California, in remote communities. I moved again almost 2 years ago. At my first medical appointment I met a wonderful nurse and for the last 18 months has gone out of his way to make me feel good about myself/my health condition. In my eyes, I see him as a perfect human being and I heard from mutual friends that he loves me, however, after 4 years of abuse and 6 years of isolation, I can't believe I am worthy of love.
On a day not unlike any other, I walked into his office said, I love you and what should we do now? I found that the most perfect man in the world suffers from situational depression because of a former lover/partner, a previous one who died of AIDS, and job stress. I can treat 2 out of 3, my point being is it may not be you at all because we all live with situations and not everyone is open about personal problems or issues. Have the best day
Michael
www.Commission-on-AIDS.org (http://www.Commission-on-AIDS.org)
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Michael has it right: it is about them. But that does not make it any easier to take. You want to scream IT IS JUST NOT FAIR. Until you realize that, yup, no one said life would be fair.
I used to hang around circuit party boys when I was going out with one. I thought they had it all since they had good looks and bodies etc to begin with. And lo, they were just as maladjusted and stressed and lonely and on and on as the rest of us. The one I dated was so uptight, I discovered, I thought he would shatter one day.
Being hearing does give one easier access to the world at large. Being negative no doubt gives one more access to the other single people out there. It is hard. But we cannot for a moment internalize other people's negative reactions as being our problems; otherwise the game is over. Take a rest, love yourself, love your friends and family, tell you love them. Smile, stand up, move on. We are walking this same road; I am there beside you.
Andrew