POZ Community Forums
HIV Prevention and Testing => Do I Have HIV? => Topic started by: Fanaza on September 10, 2006, 10:52:48 am
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On August 24th I did a very stupid thing. I got drunk, and while drunk I wandered through the streets, managed to pick up a random guy, get even more drunk, and then the rest of the night is a total blank. I kicked him out the next day, and then explored the house; all that was in the house was pizza he or I seemed to have ordered the night before, and a bottle of half finished vodka. Oh, and we woke up in different beds in the house.
Now for a bit I was thinking that nothing happened, since everything felt normal, I didn't feel like I had sex, and we even woke up in different rooms, but just in case I kept track of how my health was doing. I am usually flu-free and pretty healthy, but I did the safe thing and closed off all sexual contact until I was sure I was fine.
On August 30th I got a strange cold. It's symptoms included constant urination, massive fatigue, muscle cramps, and a sickness that was so oddly intense that I couldnt even think straight. I wasn't coughing, and I didn't have a sore throat, I just felt really sick. At about the same time the strangest thing happened... the skin on my fingertips started to blister and peel, and I started to get red marks on my fingertips. My fingertips also got a bit swollen and very sore. The skin felt tight and dry, yet sweaty.
On September 4th all of these symptoms left me nearly all at once, and for a while I felt fine. But now today, the 10th, they are all coming back at once, including my blistering and itchy fingertips.
I'm worried beyond belief, and I am not sure if I could either have HIV, a bad flu, or if it's just anxiety making a normal cold worse. The nearest testing area where I am is a 4 hour drive away--I live in Northern Canada--and I can barely afford the trip. So I am not sure... should I blow all my money on getting tested just to ease my anxiety? If I did, would it still be too early to get tested anyways? Or should I just wait and see what happens?
As for that guy, since I kicked him out, I don't know his name, his number, or anything. I haven't seen him since.
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Fanaza,
Symptoms or the lack of symptoms mean nothing when it comes to hiv. I can't for the life of my figure out why you are sitting at home, on your computer, instead of seeing a doctor. Swollen, blistering fingertips are nothing to diagnose over the internet - you need to see a doctor.
Nothing whatsoever of what you said sounds like you need to have the slightest concern where hiv is concerned. Most people fall asleep on the spot after drunken sex - you woke up in separate beds. Nothing in the way of your symptoms is hiv specific. I've heard of "worst case scenarios", but you're way out on a limb with this one.
Go find out what is really causing your physical troubles. Have a doctor look at your blistering fingers. This is not an hiv situation.
Ann
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Well I went to the Doctor now that the symptoms coming back are even worse. I have slightly swollen lymph nodes, and the rash is coming back and is starting in two places at once, my chest and my fingertips, and is spreading. He gave me some strong meds that deal with allergic reactions, took some blood tests, and sent me home.
Hopefully in a few days I'll feel better about this condition.
Anyways I am very concerned still. The last thing I remember is leaving -my- bed and going to my friends bed--who wasn't home that night--and then collapsing. There's a few hour gap there where I can only remember bits and pieces of it, but it's not near enough to make a complete picture. What bugs me the most is that I am a very loose drunk, and I love anal sex, so I had a feeling the guy I met was trying to get me wasted and vulnerable. I remember him only drinking enough to get pretty buzzed, while he kept feeding me more and more booze, and was overly sexual with me. But since booze knocks me on all fours--something I am not proud of--I could have easily been raped while drunk.
The guy I met, from what I can remember, seemed like a sexually obsessed jerk also. He could have been capable of such a thing. And if I did have anal sex, I likely wouldn't have noticed it the next morning since when I woke up I was still drunk, and I am experienced enough to not be able to notice it unless it was something way out of my league.
In other words, there is a possibility that I was raped, but I am only now started to realize it as I piece the puzzle together. I just wish I collected information on the guy to get things straight, but he seemed to be in a hurry to leave that morning, and I wanted him out also. I'm scared. I wish I went to emerg that morning and got this checked out, but I stupidly didn't since I was both still drunk--I drank again the next day, and for the days afterwards--and I wasn't thinking straight. Now it's been 2 weeks, and I am terrified.
Also the Doctor didn't come to any conclusion. In fact he seemed uninterested in me, as all he did is take blood samples, throw some meds at me, and sent me off. I really don't know what to do right now.
And a final fact. I woke up naked, but my clothing was in the other room where that guy was sleeping. He was naked also.
I am contemplating saving up my money, and going to the nearest city to get an anonymous IVIG test. But I'm still conflicted. A part of me honestly doesn't want to know.
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I was following your story until you came up with the bull crap line that you may have been posssibly raped. It's a major leap from getting drunk, wandering through the streets and picked up a "random guy" and managed to show him where you live by taking him to YOUR pad.
Maybe you did have sex with him. God, the nerve of him! How could he place his penis inside of you and take advantage of such an innocent little person wondering in the streets. What a poor excuse for a male! Maybe it's easier for you to cry rape. I get it!
If you feel you had sex and can't remember if either used protection, follow the rules suggested by this site, take your test. However, after you're done with all of this nonsense, fix your real problem which may be drinking!
Carl
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Please, I came here for help, not rudely worded and rather painful criticisms and attacks on my character.
But I guess I should try getting tested. I'd just like some helping words from other people right now since I am not totally sure how to deal with this.
And I know I was a total idiot that night, as I have admitted many times in my retelling of it. As for rape, I think that if you're so drunk that you have no ability to remember things, or make any conscious decisions, and someone takes advantage of this and fucks you--and this person is almost sober, too--then it's rape. I took him home with the intention of safe sex, or oral sex, but I didn't expect him to work so hard at getting me so drunk.
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I'll continue to offer painful criticism until you Stop crying rape. Listen to the garbage you're writing. You need to read the second sentence of your very first posting which clearly explains that you were not raped but simply invited your one night stand. As for a risk, if you had unprotected sex, wait 90 days, test, and get it over with.
Nobody on the site will help you with possible criminal charges. If you feel you were raped, go to the police and keep such information between you and any investigator. Don't compromise your "potential" case by spilling out "the truth" on this site. Such revelations may haunt you and protect an innocent victim. Wouldn't want that to happen! I'm not judging you, I'm only suggesting that you use extreme caution which you start demonizing people on such serious charges when you alone can't remember how he arrived naked in another room the next morning from such an inviting hostess.
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To me, your blackout with evidence of someone waking up naked in the next room may lead one to believe that you guys did have sex, just as much as the possibility that you didn't have sex. As a precaution, I'd take a test, but simply for routine purposes, not because of any major worry.
Again, you need to focus on correcting what placed you in that situation to begin with, fast!
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Let-it-go,
What are you doing giving advice, lecturing others about what members of this site may or may not do, or calling other people's experiences bullshit?
Stay in your own thread and stop trouble making.
Fanaza,
Ignore Let-it-go. He/she/it is in no position to give advice here.
MtD
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I'll continue to offer painful criticism until you Stop crying rape.
Let-it-go, no you won't because I won't allow it. The tone you have taken with this poster will not be tolerated on this forum. Don't let me catch you spewing such judgemental crap here again. Got it?
Ann
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Fanaza,
As Matty said, ignore let-it-go. If he chooses to harrass you further via PM, let me know so he can be dealt with.
As a sexually active adult, you should be having a full sexual health care check-up, including but not limited to hiv testing, at least once a year and more often if unprotected intercourse occurs. If you aren't already having regular, routine check-ups, now is the time to start.
As you have doubts about what happened that night, it sounds as though you need to test for your own peace of mind. If you're smart, you'll wait at least six weeks after the event because the vast majority of people who have actually been infected will seroconvert and test positive by this time. A negative six week result is an excellent indication of your true status and is unlikely to change when you confirm at the three month point. Testing before six weeks isn't really recommended because they are virtually meaningless and could lead you into a cycle of testing again and again.
And by the way, nothing you've reported in the way of symptoms sounds anything like primary hiv infection. It sounds just like what you are being treated for - an allergic reaction to something in your environment. Symptoms or the lack of symptoms means nothing when it comes to hiv anyway.
It sounds as though you need to give serious consideration to your drinking habits. Mixing alcohol and picking up strangers is a potentially lethal combination - please don't do that to yourself.
Ann
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Hi Fanaza,
Sorry you find yourself in such a distressing situation. I'm also sorry anyone finds a need to harrass you here, when you had the guts to share your honest concerns. As others have posted - just try to ignore it.
I also agree that if your drinking is mixed with promiscuity, then it would be good to seek help. Nowadays, that's a dangerous combination. Hopefully you will test negative for HIV, and this situation will wake you up to what you need to do from now on in either case.
I sought help for my own alcohol abuse back in the 1980s. If you are living far from a place that might offer help with that, there is always Alcoholics Anonymous online, including online meetings and chat.
You might want to check them out.
Online AA Meetings
AA Providence Point - an online group of recovering alcoholics, registered with OIAA (Online Intergroup AA). We hold meetings much like face-to-face AA meetings, guided by an online Protocol.
http://www.recovery.org/aa/#onlinemeetings
Daniel in Ottawa
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Thank you all for your support :)
I am worried, but I will try and relax. If I have HIV or not, I am going to take this as my last chance, and work on improving my life and preventing this from happening again. I will go get tested with a friend in November, and when my current illness goes away... I'll try and improve myself. I'm not a full blown alcoholic, but I do tend to have occasional binges on the stuff. I have to work on this.
Again, thanks for the support.
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Fananza,
I'm glad that we've been able to help and that you've made a constructive decision to get on with your life.
Best wishes,
MtD
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Hi again Fanaza,
Recognizing the need to improve on a problem is the best place to start. Glad to read that it seems you are at that place.
Daniel