Bad Thoughts

[bleueyes]

Today I was wishing for a husband who is fun. But serriously nothing works out like it does in a porn. I thought these handle my wife shorts were very fun to watch. My hot boss or co-worker can be with you because you're a good girl.
Yeah... I need to stop thinking like this. I am a mother. And at times I wish I could not care about things in life anymore and have fun. What is fun to me. Del Taco or a sex party. I never had a sex party! And I don't eat out a lot because my friend is on this health kick.
I guess one day I'll settle for Del Taco when I'm sure no one is looking.
My friend is not always on the same level with me when it comes to sex here. We are not always wanting at the same time.
Is this a reason to leave?
If I had a chance with a super model or fabio, who rolled around in cheese cake, "Would I be craving his body, or drooling for cheese cake?"
Who am I?
I'm HIV postive, a mother, stay at home care taker to a friend that I am more involved with, yeah maybe today I view my life a little differently.
Why does my mind go toward the sexual side of things? Why am I looking for a way to be oddly satisfied? Why do I think of food constantly?
These are things to ask a proffessional, I know.
Make the best out of life and well... I think it sucks. I hate my life and working at it means when I'm fine it's time for my friend to say, "I think it's time for you to suck my d*ck."
I just want control over my own life and to have friends. I am a little bit odd I guess. Am I?
Maybe I should mention I hide all this on a regular basis. My daughter does fine in school and no one knows how I feel.

[knittygritty]

 I guess all I can say is the fact that you're craving food and sex says that if nothing else - you're alive and well aware of it.
 
 I could care less about sex or food (makes things not so fun for my husband -_-) Me? as long as I have cigarettes, music and sleep oh and a soda once in awhile i could care less if the whole world collapses.

[bleueyes]

At first I just thought I was crazy.
That's it. I need a soda. My favorite is Pepsi.
And that's why my friend can't gain weight, we can't stand each other. It's just sex.
He says disturbing things to me. I can't eat and I am always cooking. He does not like me. Because when you like someone it does not matter if they are fat or not. If they are pretty or not.
I want to eat and I loose so much weight while I am here.
He tries to convince me my family is too obeise and I will not do good there.
I am going home in a couple of days because I am hungry.
Not everyone can go home is what he said to me. So I've been punishing myself for having family.
His parents are dead, he'd tell me. So I've been punishing myself for having living parents.
My Mom wants me to come back home. I am just trying to make it so I can prove that I am able too.
I am going home and will be fat. If someone loves me, he will like and love a fat woman.I have been living with a drug dealer, who's been promising to stop. I have remained clean from drugs, but I am treated rudely.
My Mom is right, and the reply on here made me think I am right for being hungry.  I'm just HIV positive, what's so bad about this? Things can be worse.