Author Topic: alcoholism help (Read 9005 times)

milker · « **on:** April 22, 2007, 01:24:29 am »

Hi all,

so I'm an alcoholic. I just poured myself a drink, after buying a bottle of Jack Daniels earlier today. I'm posting this because I just passed the "half bottle" mark.

So I just drank half a bottle (750 ml) and getting more.

I went to buy the bottle today, and the shop keeper saw me get in and reached for the JD without even waiting for me to ask for the bottle.

I need help. There is no way I can be in a group of people saying "Hi I'm Chuck and I'm drunk".

What else do you suggest?

Thanks,

Milker.

Ann · « **Reply #1 on:** April 22, 2007, 08:40:29 am »

Milker,

A big part of the battle is recognising and admitting you have a problem, so well done on that score.

You might think about asking your doctor for a referral to a substance misuse counselor. AA isn't for everyone, but I urge you to at least check out a meeting or two before you decide if it really isn't for you. There IS non-AA help out there though.

Hang in there and good luck.

Ann

J.R.E. · « **Reply #2 on:** April 22, 2007, 08:51:41 am »

Milker,

As Ann has stated, admitting that you have a problem is a crucial first step. I am also an alchoholic. I knew that back in the 70's . I made the decision to quit in the mid-80's . It was a tough thing to accomplish. Talk to your doctor, and be straight forward with him. I am sure you are not the only one of his patients that have an alchohol problem. He should be able to help you and point you in the right direction. I never used AA. But you need to follow through, you've already made the admission.

Ray

Life · « **Reply #3 on:** April 22, 2007, 09:37:40 am »

Milker, I've been in recovery for 12 years... AA did it for me and it also gives you some pretty awsome "living tools" for everything else that pops up in your life.. Admitting that you see/have a problem is a good step.. Infact its the first one... I found it pretty wild that when I was diagnosed pos that I did not hit the bottle or do something even more serious. I thank all the people that helped me through years ago and who I still hang with.. I would say there are all sorts of ways you can tackle this if you want to... This is one of them....

Hugs,

Eric

bocker3 · « **Reply #4 on:** April 22, 2007, 10:32:56 am »

Hi Milker,

I have been in recovery for 17 yrs -- what you have just done is the single most important part of learning to live without alcohol. I will echo what others have said, talk to you doctor, find something or someone that you think you will be comfortable with in getting the help you want. I will say one thing, however, try to keep an open mind -- a drunk's mind is a terrible place to seek advice -- I speak from experience. I had many family members try to get me to AA and I always said, No way -- that is not for me. I continued down a spiral, wanting help, but only wanting the help that I wanted. Clearly, I did not know how to live and get through a single day without any alcohol, so I now realize that I was merely sabotaging my chances by placing boundaries over what I would do to get sober. The result........... 2 or 3 more years of daily drinking and 2 DUI arrests, both following accidents (thankfully, no one was hurt or killed) before I finally said that I would try anything. For me, that was AA. I am not here trying to convince you to go to AA -- what I am trying to convince you to do, is to keep an open mind. So, make an appt with your doctor first thing on Monday morning -- follow through is absolutely critical. Talk to him, get some options and keep asking for help. Only YOU can decide to get and stay sober, but support from others will be critical. In my case, getting sober was a life saving thing.
Good luck -- and I'm here if you need to talk.

Hugs,
Mike

milker · « **Reply #5 on:** April 22, 2007, 10:41:14 am »

I'm with Kaiser P and I think they have a program for alcohol abuse, I will call on Monday. I just checked the bottle and there is 10% left.. $:-\$

Thanks.. long journey ahead

Milker.

puertorico2006 · « **Reply #6 on:** April 22, 2007, 07:20:02 pm »

"Hi my name is Josh and I'm an alcoholic"

lol

I hated A.A. i went several times because I was mandated to go for getting a D.U.I. I didnt like it at all and at that time i did recognize that I might have a problem (but where i really needed to be was N.A. at that time)

When I kicked the drug habbit I had to stay away from places, people, and things that made me crave drugs "triggers". I dont know what to say to you since you drink at home, but in my case I couldnt go out clubbing for the longest time, couldnt see any of my old friends until either they kicked the habit or I was strong enough to say NO. I still fall off the wagon on occasion but I wont allow it to control my life like it did before. I don't like feeling dependant on anything and well substance abuse makes you dependent either physically or psychologicallly.

If you are a true alcoholic they say you cant even "cut back" its "all or nothing" but i have yet to adopt that philosophy when it comes to alcohol but i still binge drink on weekends so its possible that I'm not imporving at all (and based on my credit cards statment this month id say its regressing)....but its good that you realize its a problem and something you have to work with....

-Josh
(who just said no to the glass of wine that was just offered to me especially after writing this post)

FiercenBed · « **Reply #7 on:** April 22, 2007, 09:40:07 pm »

just a little serious humor

as red said to scarlett,"never drink alone my dear. people always find out and it ruins their reputation."

i had to stop drinking cause of the meds. there was no choice. made me sick as a dog. but i made it.

good luck.

milker · « **Reply #8 on:** April 22, 2007, 09:48:41 pm »

"I'm very drunk and I intend on getting still drunker before this evening's over." (Rhett)

They recently showed the movies with no ad interruption on TBS. I was surprised that I remembered lines, last time I saw the movie was like 20 years ago! I was watching and scarlett said: "Sir, you are no gentleman." The reply immediately came to my mind

Milker.

Oceanbeach · « **Reply #9 on:** April 22, 2007, 10:01:32 pm »

Hey Chuck,

All this time has gone by and I finally learned your name... I couldnt do the 12 step program either. One night I was in a brew pub with friends. Bonnie Raitt's brother had a band that was performing and I really had too much Red Tail Ale. My friends offered to druive me home and I declined, got in the sporty car and was hauling ass by the first light. I told my attorney that I wanted to plead the Anbusol Defense because I used toothache drops which contained alcohol. I tested really high with the breatholizer so no one would buy that especially the judge.

Went to my first AA meeting. I introduced myself... "Hi, my name is Michael and I am not an alcoholic but will drink anything poured into a glass." I barely completed the program but it was over.

I moved to Oahu shortly afterward and worked at Hamburger Mary's. Went bar hopping after work one night and was arrested a bloch from my house. I plea bargained that by signing up for AA under the condition that all of my parking tickets would be forgiven. There was over 1000 bucks worth in the glove box of the car. I moved back to Los Angeles.

Met the "great love of my life" in L.A., we drank beer every weekend from happy hour to closing and hit all the after hours parties. During this relationship, I was not interested in hearing that BF was an alcoholic so I became co-dependent. One night, I realized I had enough and moved another 500 miles away, went to the only bar in town. It was closed at 10 on a Sunday evening. I went home. The next day, I went to happy hour and was the only customer. I went in one door and out the back. Too boring.

Went to a benefit about a year ago and had a Scotch Rocks with a water back. A few months ago, I had a beer. I think I came top the conclusion that I was not an alcoholic but... was desparately lonely and there were always people in bars. My after hours parties in L.A. were legendary and after 7 years, I still have cases of premium liquor in boxes.

I have a copy of Alcoholics Anonymous and have read it many times over. never did see myself in it but every once in a while, I do attend a meeting. Try this if you will... When you get up in the morning, make the decision to not drink that day. If you can get through 1 day without the ghosts of christmas presents, you can make it through two.

Many of my old friends have made it through AA with success of 20+ years but they all worked the program. Have the best day
Michael

milker · « **Reply #10 on:** April 22, 2007, 10:21:49 pm »

Hi Michael,

thanks for your story. I'm not a day drinker, I start drinking after 5:30pm, never before. But that doesn't mean I don't realize that I have a problem, because once I start drinking I just can't stop until i fall asleep or I eat. Eating completely stops my desire to drink, which is a good thing.

I will definitely seek professional help, because although my drinking has been "contained" to few hours after 5:30 or 6pm, it's going overboard. Two glasses are ok, half a bottle is not.

My name is not Chuck, I do not want to disclose my name on the forums because my name is an unusual name and if my family or people that I have not disclosed to google it with my city they would find the forums, and I don't want that to happen. I have disclosed my real name in privates, and I hope that WHATEVER HAPPENS my real name will NEVER be disclosed publicly on here. You are welcome to private me

Milker.

BT65 · « **Reply #11 on:** April 23, 2007, 01:22:09 pm »

Hey Milker:
I am wondering what you have done today... I have been in recovery since 1989. I drank and did quite a few drugs. They took me down a really rough road that involved a hilacious gang raping, being held for three days against my will with continual rape and beating, blowing out two valves in my heart at age 16 from shooting too much coke, then switching to heroin and booze "for my heart's sake," being a stripper at 17 for money for the indulgences, etc. etc. etc. Being inpatient(at age 24) really helped, because there were people around who were exactly like me (except for being HIV+, diagnosed in 1988), there was no ready access to any of the substances I had been abusing (besides tobacco), and it helped me learn how to deal with problems having to do with and besides substance abuse. I continue to go to meetings. They actually have a gay/lesbian meeting at my church that I go to every Saturday night. I don't associate anymore with someone who's using drugs. If someone is a social drinker, it doesn't bother me to be around them, but if they drink to get drunk, I avoid that situation at all costs. Even after being in recovery for years, I know I could fall if I let myself become vulnerable.
I know of very few people who can stay away from booze (if they have a problem) without a support system. The ones I do know who don't go to meetings are dull, abrasive mother f******. (Hence the term "dry drunk"). I go to AA and NA meetings. It helps me deal with life, besides helping me stay clean. There are so many good things that are said at meetings, I don't honestly know what I'd do without them.
Anyway, I hope you get help! There is life outside the bottle, and it only gets better without it! Good luck!

jack · « **Reply #12 on:** April 23, 2007, 01:44:31 pm »

If you think you are an alcoholic, you are. I quit drinking ten years ago, thanks to crixivan. I also could never go in front of a group of people. Go buy the book "courage to change" by dennis wholey(?). I read this book at least ten times in my long struggle to quit. I have several Friends who I suggested this book to, and they have been able to stay sober. Many of the people in the book, some you probably know, have used AA, but some have quit on their own. It is an awesome book that really produces results and its always fun to read about people more fucked up than we are.
I could not imagine going to parties or dinners and not drinking,but now I go and have a better time than I ever had drinking. I have so much more time to do things now that I am sober. It is truly amazing.

milker · « **Reply #13 on:** April 23, 2007, 02:23:21 pm »

Hello Betty,

thanks for your concern

I have called the hospital and they said I had two choices. Either go for emergency treatement now, or since I have an appointment with my doctor on the 3rd talk about it with him that day. So I took the second option, and added that on the list of things to talk about, along with quitting smoking too

but I think I'll have to stop the drinking first, because it's more dangerous for others for now; I don't know. We'll see what he says.

Jack, thanks for the book info, I will order it.

Milker.

jack · « **Reply #14 on:** April 23, 2007, 03:09:20 pm »

From personal experience, do not attempt to quit smoking and drinking at the same time. You will end up like the guy in Leaving Las Vegas. One addiction at a time. Smoking is much easier to quit once you have stopped drinking. But is still isnt easy.

J.R.E. · « **Reply #15 on:** April 23, 2007, 06:43:40 pm »

Quote from: jack on April 23, 2007, 03:09:20 pm

From personal experience, do not attempt to quit smoking and drinking at the same time. You will end up like the guy in Leaving Las Vegas. One addiction at a time. Smoking is much easier to quit once you have stopped drinking. But is still isnt easy.

I was one of those that quit smoking and drinking at the same time.Also gave up coffee. And I got to tell you, it was very tough, but I did succeed at it. I think that after I chewed all my finger nails off, I started on the toenails !!

For the first year, I refused to go into a bar.( after I had quit drinking) At work, I had to take my breaks, away from those that smoked. I also gave up coffee. Because a cigarette always went well with cup of coffee. I put quite a plan into place, and it was not easy at all, but I did it. But it is certainly not for everyone to try...

Ray

antibody · « **Reply #16 on:** April 23, 2007, 07:56:48 pm »

i've been to NA and AA and i'll tell it works! all you have to do is work it. it is a simple program and i'd be happy to attend meetings with you if you would like. there is nothing to be ashamed of. at first i thought the meetings weren't for me but i found i had so much in common that it helped me stay clean.

BT65 · « **Reply #17 on:** April 23, 2007, 08:17:33 pm »

Hey Milker:
Another thing I did was to get a daily meditation book that involves recovery. That way I put a good thought into my head in the morning. The problem is I have to go back and re-read it to remember it, but that's good too. I also try to share it with someone and briefly talk about it, so I can get another perspective.
Hey, do you journal? I used to, when I first quit using, for a couple years. That way I could track my desparation, hope and progress. I probably would now if I could stay focused long enough/1

Make sure to let me know how your doc's visit goes on the 3rd. Take care of yourself!

milker · « **Reply #18 on:** April 23, 2007, 08:44:41 pm »

Well it's interesting you mention meditation, because I had a serious back pain today and got in a warm bath, then went under water

and I was suddenly outside of all worries, feeling very good, meditating by myself. Of course I had to breathe so it didn't take long but damn it was good. I was completely relaxed. After that I thought to myself, "maybe meditation would do good to me", so this is definitely something on my list of things to research!

I don't do journal, I hate writing, even though I come from a family of writers..

Milker (who is too tall to get full body under water)

BT65 · « **Reply #19 on:** April 23, 2007, 10:55:45 pm »

I hear ya on the tall thing, Milker. I'm 5'9" and can't ever get satisfied from a bathtub and I'm too paranoid to go in a hot tub since a friend of mine who has Hep C got a fungal infection from one.

SASA39 · « **Reply #20 on:** April 24, 2007, 10:12:18 am »

Isn`t a Milker your real name ?............it is indeed unusual.......and rare...........................
Strange............I`ve seen that face before ( Grace Jones)

SASA39 · « **Reply #21 on:** April 24, 2007, 10:27:20 am »

Now for serious : go get help!
I have lost a very dear friend due to that nasty habit

DanielMark · « **Reply #22 on:** April 24, 2007, 11:17:25 am »

Milker,

A book I can recommend is one I read and found helpful during my own years of recovery:

Accepting Ourselves and Others: A Journey into Recovery from Addictive and Compulsive Behaviors for Gays, Lesbians and Bisexuals

Book Description
Iin a fully revised and expanded second edition. accepting ourselves & others examines recovery as it affects gay lesbian, and bisexual people, as well as their friends, families, and therapists. The authors address the relationship between substance abuse and being in a sexual minority, as well as the impact of anxiety, depression sexual abuse and learning disabilities.

I had the original 1989 publishing but found it a good.

Daniel

BT65 · « **Reply #23 on:** April 24, 2007, 12:55:35 pm »

Hey Daniel:
How much does that book cost? I would really like to read it also. Another couple good books (that one would have to go to an NA meeting to get) are The Basic Text and The Steps Working Guide book. Do you have either of those?

sdcabincrew74 · « **Reply #24 on:** April 25, 2007, 12:45:11 am »

Quote from: milker on April 23, 2007, 08:44:41 pm

Well it's interesting you mention meditation, because I had a serious back pain today and got in a warm bath, then went under water and I was suddenly outside of all worries, feeling very good, meditating by myself. Of course I had to breathe so it didn't take long but damn it was good. I was completely relaxed. After that I thought to myself, "maybe meditation would do good to me", so this is definitely something on my list of things to research!

I don't do journal, I hate writing, even though I come from a family of writers..

Milker (who is too tall to get full body under water)

Milker,

Hmm, as someone with similar issues, I wish I had some amazing advice. I smoke too much and drink too much. I used to say I was not alcoholic if I did not drink alone. Yet, here I sit with my rum and diet getting blitz which is more and more common. I have no control, it is all or nothing. I wish I could do something or say something to help, but alas, just know there is a poz dude, who smokes too much and drinks too much too and also knows he needs to do something but is a bit lost....

SD (who hates disclosing weakness)

SASA39 · « **Reply #25 on:** April 25, 2007, 06:56:25 am »

And yes , keep in mind that when in a state of dizzyness due to a alcoholic magogan`s you might forget to take medicine......

Oceanbeach · « **Reply #26 on:** April 25, 2007, 06:41:59 pm »

Hey Milker,

It has been a few days now with thought and reflection... Have you managed to spend a day without the companionship of Jack Daniels?

When my dad was still alive, he used to say, "I could easily become an alcoholic, because I really like the taste of whiskey but, I drink beer." Once a doctor told him that a little wine was good for his heart so he started buying Gallo Port by the gallon. I did not go to his funeral. Have the best day
Michael

milker · « **Reply #27 on:** April 25, 2007, 06:46:03 pm »

No i've not stopped, although drank less than that particular night. I have called to get this topic on the agenda with the doctor, and will browse those books that were given in this thread next week-end. My dad made Justerini&Brooks a lot richer (he was buying bottles by 12 cases). I did go to his funeral.

Milker.

Oceanbeach · « **Reply #28 on:** April 25, 2007, 07:43:47 pm »

I had to drink a full glass of water with ever dose of Norvir (6 pills 3 times daily). I still can not drink water. However, I did go to a fund raiser/benefit and drank a J&B rocks w/ water back. I did not mind that my companion of the evening downed my drink when I went across the room to say Hi to a neighbor. She came to my house for a dinner recently (with her best friend Johnny Walker Red Label) and landed face first on the dinner table.

We do know how to have fun on the Russian River. Have the best day
Michael

milker · « **Reply #29 on:** April 28, 2007, 02:20:10 pm »

Last night I drank half of what I usually drink, the bottle was empty and I resisted the temptation to go out and get a new one. This morning I woke up very fresh, not shitty headed as usual, and i'm feeling full of energy today. Amazing how not drinking, or drinking less makes a huge difference

When I finished the bottle I trashed it saying "you're the last one" to it. I will do my best to keep my promise

Milker (who will go to the gym today!!)

BT65 · « **Reply #30 on:** April 28, 2007, 04:18:37 pm »

Hey Milker!
Let us know how things are going!
Betty (who doesn't drink, but doesn't go to the gym either).

marc11864 · « **Reply #31 on:** April 28, 2007, 05:30:36 pm »

Not that I'd recommend it, but crystal meth seems to have killed my desire to drink. I don't have a desire to do that anymore either. The internet seems to be about my only real vice anymore and without my own internet connection at home, that seems to be kept well under control

milker · « **Reply #32 on:** April 28, 2007, 10:48:59 pm »

Quote from: marc11864 on April 28, 2007, 05:30:36 pm

Not that I'd recommend it, but crystal meth seems to have killed my desire to drink. I don't have a desire to do that anymore either. The internet seems to be about my only real vice anymore and without my own internet connection at home, that seems to be kept well under control

LOL given how illegal drugs have worked with me, I think I will pass on crystal meth

Milker (sober so far)

puertorico2006 · « **Reply #33 on:** April 29, 2007, 03:46:42 am »

id reccomend passing on crystal meth ...especially for you...considering how horny you are without it i dont think it would be good for you.....it wasnt good for me either ;-),,,but it does take the urge to drnk away

-josh
(who had the best sex on crystal and has a hard time forgeting/moving on)

P.S. im drunk right now......

sdcabincrew74 · « **Reply #34 on:** April 29, 2007, 05:55:47 am »

Quote from: puertorico2006 on April 29, 2007, 03:46:42 am

-josh
(who had the best sex on crystal and has a hard time forgeting/moving on)

P.S. im drunk right now......

I too have had the best sex while on crystal and every day is a struggle to not indulge.....

puertorico2006 · « **Reply #35 on:** April 29, 2007, 01:05:46 pm »

tell me about it! actually i have "dreams" about it all the time...its horrible lol

Last night i had a dream that someone offered me crystal, i broke it up and snorted it and then had the best sex of my life...at least im getting some in my dreams

sometimes they are so real....last night was....so i got my drug fix while asleep so thats ok ;-)

Peter6836 · « **Reply #36 on:** April 29, 2007, 08:32:59 pm »

I can relate. I have been dealing with pn I feel rather guilty about it. So I was raised Catholic. I should not complain about feeling bad my numbers have improved and the universe is always watching out for me. I smoke some MJ to relive the neuropathy 2 puffs three times a day, sometimes twice a day. I drink when I can and feel the side effects of sustiva. So am I becoming an alcoholic, dependent on drugs. Living in an alternate reality. I do not know any more. I only know that I am living my life the best I can. I survive (Oh Gawd how queer, thank Gloria), but I do. I do it well, I do not feel guilty about it. I work I create, I give, and I survive.

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Author Topic: alcoholism help (Read 9005 times)