I'm scared to death

[scrd2dth]

Over the past year I have been experimenting with bi-sexual feelings, and have had ONLY oral sex.  At first I tried being the giver, but found I did not have the nerve for it. Also, reading about AIDS in precum really scared me, so I stopped.  I met one guy that claimed to not precum, but even then I did not suck him to completion.  I did this twice with him, and that is the most involved I have ever been, but still I am fairly certain I did not get semen in my mouth.

That being said, I have had at least a dozen men give me oral sex.  I have read that the chances of getting AIDS from that are very low.  Back in January I came down with a "virus" that lasted about 4 days.  I had intense vomiting and diaherra and even broke out in a large red rash.  My doctor dismissed it as a virus that had been going around and I didn't think anything of it.  But, I normally do not get sick...so it was kind of scary.

Now, about 2 weeks ago I noticed a red spot on my arm.  It is raised and you can feel a rough texture to it.  It looks like ringworm or something similiar.  When I noticed that, I also noticed some red blotches under the skin.  I have about 6 on one arm and 2 on the other, then I noticed 2 on my stomach and a few on my legs.  None of the blotches are bigger than a nickel and they are under the skin.  They are not nodules and I can't feel anything under them, they are just red places.  Also, I experienced a small drop in weight.  I had been trying to lose weight, and after my "virus", I lost about 5 pounds and never gained it back.  This past week I lost 3 pounds from a Sunday to a Saturday.

I'm really scared, i'm almost convinced that I have gotten the AIDS virus.  I am so afraid of letting people see my arms that at work I am wearing long sleeves everyday to hide the spots.  I want to go to the doctor, but am afraid to.  I talked with some of the men that hang out at cruising spots and they say the spots don't look like AIDS to them...2 of the men have been or are in medical positions.  One of them suggested the spots were from a vitamin deficiency? 

I don't know the combination of the weight loss, the spots and the virus I had are scaring me really bad.  Like I said, I never did more than oral, and the majority of the time I was on the receiving end of it.  I had convinced myself that the experimentation was not working and I wasn't getting enough enjoyment out of it to justify the risk...and then the spots appeared.

What should I do.  I'm so scared I tremble all the time and am terrified for any family members to find out what I have been secretly doing.  Plus, I am in a state where anonymous testing is not given, only confidential. 

Please help me

[RapidRod]

You don't find AIDS in cum. You don't get HIV from receiving a blowjob. Take the time to go back to the lessons section that you will find the links to in the "Welcome" thread and read.

[ACinKC]

I agree.  This is a no risk situation.  You do not get HIV from getting a blow job.  I would not test over this at all.

[Andy Velez]

As the guys have suggested to you, read the lessons on Transmission and Testing. You will get all the basics there about HIV which you need to know to protect your health.

The risk in relation to getting a blowjob is not low.IT'S NIL! NONE! There's never been a documented case of transmission in this manner and you aren't going to make history by becoming the first to get infected that way.

As for giving, particularly without ejaculation occuring, the risk is very, very low. (Read the lesson on transmission!). There's much more evidence from longterm studies that it's NOT risky. But you have to decide what level of risk you're comfortable with.

I suspect a lot of what is driving your concern is anxiety about having become sexually active with other men. Along with being exciting it can stir up a lot of mixed feelings as you sort things out for yourself. Just follow safer sex guidelines and you'll be fine as far as HIV is concerned. Go at a pace that you are comfortable with sexually.

I don't see any cause for further concern about HIV in relation to these incidents nor any need for testing. If you have symptoms that concern you, discuss them with your doctor. There's nothing even remotely HIV specific about the physical things you are worrying about. 

Cheers,

[scrd2dth]

Hi all,

Thanks for calming me down. 

I feel I should explain how I came to these possible conclusions.  When the spots appeared on my arm, I went online and put AIDS symptoms into google and found a page that described how the body deals with HIV.  It said that when the HIV virus enters the body, it will cause virus like symptoms.  As I mentioned before I had a virus in January and I NEVER get sick like that...this was a very intense virus that I had to seek medical attention with.

Then there was a section that had to do with AIDS and the symptoms once you got it.  One of the symptoms in a long list was reddish or brown or reddish purple spots under the skin.  It said this was a symptom of Karposi's sarcoma or Lymphoma.  The cancer is caused by the AIDS virus in the body.

So, maybe I read an outdated site or something, but as you can see from what I typed above...after reading that it seemed as if at least some of the things I am experiencing are related to what I read.  After reading that I got really scared and nervous...my stomach fluttered constantly and I think that is why I lost 3 pounds in a week.  Also, I had people at my job refer to me as a skeleton.  One person even said I looked like an AIDS victim.  All of this stuff lead me to here so I could get some peace or at least start dealing with my fate.  I will let you guys know what the doctor said, and I am going to get an AIDS test done at the health dept so it's confidential.

Once again, thanks for easing my worries a bit.

[thunter34]

::enters thread::


::notes complete lack of HIV risk::

::exits thread::