SEX BETWEEN ME AND AN UNINFECTED PERSON

[SC-Blondie]

Hey, my name is Shari and I'm from SC.  I've been positive since 2002.  I'm having a problem with a situation my friend and I got ourselves into 3 weeks ago.  I went to his house just to visit and well he tells me how he's been wanting me for sometime.  Anyway, I found myself attracted to him too.  Before we did anything I sat him down and told him that I'm HIV+ because I felt it was my moral responsibility to do so.  Well, he still decided he wanted to have unprotected sex w/ me.  I informed him that I'm on my meds and that every blood draw I've had in the last 5 years have been undetectable.  I even had a baby 17 months ago and he's negative and healthy.  My friend got tested just to be sure and I encouraged him to do so.  I was wondering if any of you can tell me is the risk low for me to transmit the disease to him since I'm on my meds and undetectable.  BTW, I don't have any other sexually transmitted diseases.  I know we shouldn't have been so fast to jump in the bed, but the moment was there and we took it.  I would appreciate any info I can get.
Thanks
Shari

[Andy Velez]

Shari, since you are HIV+ I've moved your thread over here to the LIVING WITH HIV section.

Your having an undetectable viral load certainly reduces the likelihood of transmitting the virus to your friend. It is also more difficult in general to transmit the virus from female to male.

However, low level of risk is not the same thing as no risk. And HIV is not something to gamble about. Whether with this friend or with anyone else you are with in the future, I urge you to make certain the guy is always wearing a condom. There is an issue as far as your health is concerned too. Should you be with someone who has some other STD, you want to avoid catching anything else.

It's good to know you were able to successfully have your baby born HIV negative. Congratulations!

And you should also be commended for being honest with your friend about your HIV status. You're both adults so you'll have to decide whether having unprotected intercourse is acceptable to you or not.

My vote goes for always having the guy wear a condom. One important way we're going to end this epidemic is by cutting down on new infections. Unprotected intercourse is risky.

Cheers, 

[SC-Blondie]

Andy,
Thanx for putting my mind at ease.  We've been together again since that first weekend and I told him to use a condom.  First of all, I don't want to pass the disease to him, I don't want to worry about STD's and I don't want anymore kids.  I've got 5 already, so I feel like my baby making days should come to an end.  LOL

As for my baby, Conner, he's doing great.  He's strong as an ox.  He's built like a football player, so I'm sure he'll be on the football field when he's older. 

Again, thanx for replying and I hope to talk to ya later.

Shari

[Andy Velez]

Good deal. Glad you found our exchange to be helpful.

Five kids! WOW! I'm impressed. Sounds like you enjoy them which is good for all concerned.

Cheers,