Saying Something Positive

[phildinftlaudy]

Hi All:
I am newer to the forums - about 2 or so months now.  I know that sometimes things get heated and debates, questions, etc can take all different kind of directions.

Thought it might be cool to start a thread where in spite of our disagreements, etc. we could say something positive about one or more people on here (even those that might have rubbed us the wrong way) ---- One thing I have found out in life is even with people who I dislike or have disagreements with I still have been able to say one thing about that person that I respect or admire.

For example: Etay -- I think Etay - in spite of my disagreements with the direction he might be heading in regards to treatment/non-treatment of his condition ---- I respect the fact that he still posts on here and that he is (for all I know) honest in what he posts, even when he knows that it may not be received well by many others. 

Hopefully, we can all find something to say about someone that is uplifting --- that way when things get heated we can go back to this post and read the positive as well.

[mecch]

Well your topic is nice but maybe problematic.  Like picking sides in gym class - someone gets overlooked or picked last.

Good luck with this thread, alors.

Leatherman has a very kind and sweet presence here. He's got a light touch.

[PeteNYNJ]

I hate every one of you evil bitches 

In all honesty, so I am not picking sides, I would again like to acknowledge our moderators for putting up with all our nonsense and shielding us for (most) of the freaks out there.  They do a really good job of not having any "die faggots"  "die of aids, you deserve it" posts that seem to be all over any other comment section whenever HIV is written about.  I feel like this is a safe place to express how I feel and usually get a reality check from members, whether they agree with my post or not.

[GSOgymrat]

I don't know half of you half as well as I should like, and I like less than half of you half as well as you deserve. - Bilbo Baggins

I appreciate everyone's comments on here, even those I disagree with. Good or bad, people say things on here that I ponder throughout the day. Whether it is new information, a rant, a romantic misadventure, a success, a failure, a joke... I usually take something from the forums. I love that so many people from different countries and different walks of life, people who have nothing in common other than a virus, are able to relate and support each other. Some people may not like the conflicts on the forums but from my experience AIDSmeds is very respectful compared to other open internet message boards.

Specifically:

I present the Hedda Hopper Award to Miss P. and MTD. Everyone here knows of their wit and wisdom but I appreciate how they seem to always post interesting stories and scandals before I hear them anywhere else.

Thanks to Red Dragon888 for posting the YouTube links... and thanks even more for finally putting them all in one thread.

Thanks to Ann for cracking the whip when we get out of line.

Thanks to anniebc for sharing the wonderful photos of your pets.

A sincere thank you to everyone who supported me during my mother's cancer and eventual passing last year. It meant a lot.

Ford

[Matty the Damned]

You bitches ain't shit.

MtD

[leatherman]

I have two positive posts to make. This first post is about a very special group of aidsmeds friends who helped me out by in this forum and in real life during a very troubled time that harkens back to this time just two years ago.

When my second long term partner suddenly became ill in Feb 2008, I blogged about it on my personal website (http://reigningpages.com/leatherman) and in a thread here called Spinning Wheels. When I started posting, I never dreamed that 69 days later (through march and april) that Jim would be dead by May 1, 2008. Many people here read along daily and their messages of love, comfort and support gave me the strength to get through some terrible times. During Jim's time in the hospital he was transfered to 12 different rooms, sent home one weekend and ambulanced back on monday, and left for over 9 hours in a dark corner of the ER. All that contributed to Jim becoming delusional, unconscious, hallucinating and delirious.

However, the terrible times didn't end when Jim died. He had no money to leave behind and being on disability, I didn't have the finances to do anything to dispose of Jim's remains. However, I made arrangements for a cremation, and quickly used my personal blog and the thread here to do something I never dreamed I'd have to do - I had to beg for donations. I was desperate because I was so afraid that just like Jim had been "lost" in the hospital processes that his ashes would end up on the unclaimed shelf, lost, at the crematorium. Though I have now lived through AIDS taking two long term partners, I think if I had not been able to obtain Jim's ashes for a proper disposal, I would have just given up all hope and died myself.

However wonderful people here, along with friends and family, donated money. First I made a $400 payment toward the $1200 cremation and obituary bill. More money from literally around the world trickled in as aidsmeds.com members sent $5, $10, $20 donations. Eventually, I collected enough to make another $450 payment. When the cremation society rep arrived to collect, he had misunderstood. He thought I was paying off the balance and had brought the death certificates along with Jim's ashes (the box is so average looking and heavier than you would think). Thankfully, he left Jim's remains with me so that I was able to hold a memorial for Jim. Me and a couple dozen friends held a service by Randy's (my first partner) grave, on the 14th anniversary of his passing, and after the eulogy I gave, I sprinkled Jim's ashes there.

Words can never express how appreciative I am of those contributions people here sent to me. With a heavy heart; but a clear conscience, I was able to bear leaving both of my partners behind when I left Ohio, because I left them both together.

[leatherman]

My second positive post is about a very special aidsmeds friend.

when I first joined this site, it was because I was very alone in my Ohio city. I was afraid I might be the last gay guy left from the 90s still standing. My close friends and my first partner had died, and I had been so sick that I lost contact with anyone else back then who might have still been alive. when I joined here, I met all sorts of people like me though! They had all been struggling through deaths, and meds and side effects for 15 or 20 years too. I was sorry to see them in the same boat; but it sure felt good to not be alone any more.

I met one very special person very soon. She and I had been poz nearly the same length of time, been through bad side effects, had "quality of life" issues on whether those old meds were even worth taking, and had both lost a partner near the same time of year. Making friends with Gemini20 was very special. I think it was my very next bday that her card to me was my very first ever piece of mail from a foreign country! For years now, she has sent me cards at all the right occasions: my bdays, when I've had to move 3 times in the last 3 yrs, a get well card to Jim when he was so despondent in the hospital, then a sympathy card to me when Jim passed away, and postcards from her annual winter holiday to Australia.

For some time now Gemini20 has been a speaker/advocate for HIV prevention, and using her as a role model I too have recently become a speaker with my ASO, also doing volunteer work for the agency. This coming week, I plan to be an even better advocate by attending the protest against my state's hiv/aids funding cuts.

I'm sitting here tonight looking at the latest card Emma, that's my English friend Gemini20, wishing me a happy bday with a perfectly appropriate card with dogs on the front. (The boyz, my 3 cocker spaniels, send their love and woofs back at ya Em! ) Though I'm very sad that I lost my Randy, and grieved that Emma lost her Ian, our losses have brought us together and I'm thankful for that.  

[StacheBC]

Just a few...

Leatherman: A sweet man; well spoken, AM should get him on board as a moderator if you ask me.

Ann (moderator): Well rounded. She is kind when she needs to be, though when the situation calls for it... what a woman, gotta love her.

Jan (anniebc): I still think about that poor abused goat that she is helping, God bless her kind heart.

Miss Philicia: There is certain "lets cut the crap" that I've grown to enjoy in his posts, among other things.

Aztecan (Mark): I don't know him in person, but the word Kind comes to mind for some reason.

Matty.the.dammed: Love his way with words... he should publish a tell all book.

[john33]

Just a few...

Leatherman: A sweet man; well spoken, AM should get him on board as a moderator if you ask me.

Ann (moderator): Well rounded. She is kind when she needs to be, though when the situation calls for it... what a woman, gotta love her.

Jan (anniebc): I still think about that poor abused goat that she is helping, God bless her kind heart.

Miss Philicia: There is certain "lets cut the crap" that I've grown to enjoy in his posts, among other things.

Aztecan (Mark): I don't know him in person, but the word Kind comes to mind for some reason.

Matty.the.dammed: Love his way with words... he should publish a tell all book.

I have to seond that, thanks stache

[skeebo1969]

   I think Regan Hoffman has really nice hair.

[blackwingbear]

Leatherman has a very kind and sweet presence here. He's got a light touch.

Agreed! Both he & David_NC have been very welcoming & helpful!

[blackwingbear]

Leatherman: A sweet man; well spoken, AM should get him on board as a moderator if you ask me.

He'd be a good one!

[alliance]

Thanks for starting this thread, Phil.  I appreciate your usually thoughtful comments and your especially positive approach.

[Dale Parker]

I always try to separate the message from my feeling for the person. I got into big trouble at work because I agreed with a guy whom I hated. Simon was a backstabbing, lying piece of shit who would do ANYTHING to save his own skin. He is one of only three people that I have ever made a formal complaint to a boss about. In a board meeting one time he actually came up with a good idea. I backed him on it. Right after the meeting I had to go see the OPS Manager. Boy did I get reamed. "How could you agree with Simon. We hate Simon." I pointed out how Simon's idea had good merit and would save the company a ton of money. "That doesn't matter. We hate Simon. You should have disagreed with him anyways."
From that day on the OPS Manager who used to be a good "work friend" tried his damnedest to get me fired. He never had a civil word to say to me from that day foreward.

[mecch]

So the message is?  Keep your head down and don't say good of anyone, cause it will cost you?  I don't get the point of your post in this thread, Parker. 
That some people might have good messages here, so we can profit without having to like thier online personality.
Or, that some people have nice online personalities.
I guess both are true.

[Dale Parker]

I guess that the point I was trying to make was that people should respect each other and really  listen to what they have to say no matter what they may think of a person. Too many people ignore what someone has to say just because they don't get along. It's the old "Us versus Them" mentality.
    It doesn't mean that you have to agree with everyone and keep your head down just to make life easy. I think way too many people close their minds as soon as they hear either something they disagree with or if a person they don't like has something to say. Since a lot of the things we deal with on this site involves emotions it's way too easy to not like a person because of something that they write in 1 post. We tend to forget that the 1 post that we disagree with is only a small part of that person. 

[mecch]

In a virtual relationship its hard for me to muster the energy to dislike someone.

I noticed that in this forum, newbies have to push their way into the cabal and can thus get some shade thrown their way. Old timers don't aways want to make room for a new opinion, new position.  Other times, newbies come on too strong and get what they deserve. 

[Matty the Damned]

I noticed that in this forum, newbies have to push their way into the cabal and can thus get some shade thrown their way. Old timers don't aways want to make room for a new opinion, new position. 

Indeed and there are good reasons for this.

MtD

[Miss Philicia]

My positive thought for the day:  Sunshine and Rainbow Unicorns.

[blackwingbear]

Indeed and there are good reasons for this.

MtD

Which is so the old-timers can automatically throw their weight around and dismiss the newbies (and hopefully run them off in the process). That is the truth of it.

[skeebo1969]

Which is so the old-timers can automatically throw their weight around and dismiss the newbies (and hopefully run them off in the process). That is the truth of it.

FUCK!! You're still here?

[blackwingbear]

I'm a determined lil' asshole, huh? 

[skeebo1969]

I'm a determined lil' asshole, huh? 

no man, you're just a little paranoid is all.  Nothing a good dose of Paxil can't rectify.

[Matty the Damned]

OK you cheery beams of sunshine, why not try spreading a little fucking warmth to this fella?

http://forums.poz.com/index.php?topic=30547.msg390322#msg390322

MtD

[blackwingbear]

no man, you're just a little paranoid is all.  Nothing a good dose of Paxil can't rectify.

I believe mecch was the one who pointed out: "I noticed that in this forum, newbies have to push their way into the cabal and can thus get some shade thrown their way. Old timers don't aways want to make room for a new opinion, new position.". I simply agreed.

Just because an opinion is frighteningly true doesn't mean it needs "medicated-away".. But I'm sure, wherever he exists, you put a grin on Aldous Huxley's face.

[blackwingbear]

I guess that the point I was trying to make was that people should respect each other and really  listen to what they have to say no matter what they may think of a person.

I agree. Glad to "meet" you, by the way...

[skeebo1969]

I believe mecch was the one who pointed out: "I noticed that in this forum, newbies have to push their way into the cabal and can thus get some shade thrown their way. Old timers don't aways want to make room for a new opinion, new position.". I simply agreed.

Just because an opinion is frighteningly true doesn't mean it needs "medicated-away".. But I'm sure, wherever he exists, you put a grin on Aldous Huxley's face.

 See what I mean?  I am joking with you and you think I am attacking you.  Is this my problem? No, it's yours now deal with it.   As far as mecch's take on all this, that's his opinion, personally speaking in terms of HIV the "opinions" are set in stone by those who have far more experience than someone who is newly diagnosed.

[Hellraiser]

I don't hate anyone on here.  There are certain people that I wouldn't choose to associate with in person, but that's only from what I know of them on here, which isn't necessarily an accurate representation.

As for nice things to say ummm I like that everyone is at least reasonably friendly as long as you don't come in guns blazing with one barrel full of misinformation and the other barrel full of self-righteous indignation.

[blackwingbear]

See what I mean?  I am joking with you and you think I am attacking you.  Is this my problem? No, it's yours now deal with it.   As far as mecch's take on all this, that's his opinion, personally speaking in terms of HIV the "opinions" are set in stone by those who have far more experience than someone who is newly diagnosed.

Um, what??? NO, I don't think you're attacking me.... I think you are seeing what you want to see, and desperately trying to get offended in the process of it all.

BTW, I'm not "newly-diagnosed", "dude". I've been positive for awhile... Just because someone is new to this site doesn't mean they are new to HIV. Get over your prejudices, sunshine.

[phildinftlaudy]

See, wasn't starting this thread a GREAT IDEA

[blackwingbear]

I don't hate anyone on here.  There are certain people that I wouldn't choose to associate with in person, but that's only from what I know of them on here, which isn't necessarily an accurate representation.

VERY true. People forget that text-based conversations do not allow much room for sarcasm or joking, and it is far too easy for folks to choose to find offense.

[Joe K]

Um, what??? NO, I don't think you're attacking me.... I think you are seeing what you want to see, and desperately trying to get offended in the process of it all.

BTW, I'm not "newly-diagnosed", "dude". I've been positive for awhile... Just because someone is new to this site doesn't mean they are new to HIV. Get over your prejudices, sunshine.

To clear the air in this thread, please take your battles to PM.

As to this forum, I am afraid there is simply not enough bandwidth, for me to even begin to tell you about the incredible people who reside here. I have been with the site, almost from the beginning and waves of friction and incredible beauty have always flowed through these forums and I hope that they always will. I could never single one person out, because I remain in awe of so many and I am grateful that they share my world.

All I know, is that for the past eight years, whenever I have needed someone to listen, some advice, a slap upside the head, or a shoulder on which to cry... I have never needed to look any farther than this forum. I suppose I get protective of the folks here and while I may lash out, I try to remain respectful even when the venom flies. I have lived with HIV for a very long time and I admit, my past colors my perceptions and my emotions. The loss of hundreds could do no less.

So while I love my family here, I know that families disagree, get bitchy, fight, pout and make up. Personally I think a little friction is good and Dale is right, we need to remember how unique we all are and to try our best to be kind. Though, for me, no matter what the tone is on this forum, when someone comes here, asking for help, I have rarely witnessed the forum rejecting the opinions of anyone, who presents their thoughts honestly and in a respectful manner.

edited to add: Yes Phil, this thread was a great idea.

[blackwingbear]

To clear the air in this thread, please take your battles to PM.

I REALLY wasn't trying to battle... I was joking-back with skeebo, and he got offended (although I'm still kind of unsure how or why)...

[blackwingbear]

Jesus, y'all love to attempt to pick fights... 

[Joe K]

I REALLY wasn't trying to battle... I was joking-back with skeebo, and he got offended (although I'm still kind of unsure how or why)...

My point remains, that you are hijacking this thread, along with others and out of respect for the OP, stop posting unless you have something to contribute to the TOPIC of this thread .

[anniebc]

Jesus, y'all love to attempt to pick fights... 

Then let it go~~~jeez

Phil..like all good posts it tends to go off track sometimes until someone realises it's gone too far and gets it back on track....Good post Joe, thanks.

Hugs
Jan

[blackwingbear]

My point remains, that you are hijacking this thread, along with others and out of respect for the OP, stop posting unless you have something to contribute to the TOPIC of this thread .

Sorry, I wasn't attempting to - I was (once again) "baited" into it.

Something positive? Well, killfoile, I think you have a wonderfully eloquent way with words.

[skeebo1969]

I REALLY wasn't trying to battle... I was joking-back with skeebo, and he got offended (although I'm still kind of unsure how or why)...

LOL really?  Thanks for letting me know I was offended.

My point remains, that you are hijacking this thread, along with others and out of respect for the OP, stop posting unless you have something to contribute to the TOPIC of this thread .

OK, here it goes:  I think blackwings hat looks really nice on him.

[blackwingbear]

OK, here it goes:  I think blackwings hat looks really nice on him.

Awww, thanks!! Interesting avatar you have; what's the story behind it? 

[darkerpozz]

I  applaud any and all who attempt to  share any part of their story of dealing with this disease cause when you rel 

[PeteNYNJ]

blackwingbear - you seem to want to be a dick.  Maybe you got "abused" when you first came on, but as explained by many it was you came on guns blazing.  Get the fuck over it or get out.  Seriously.

And you again have hijacked a post.  This is supposed to be a positive post.  I, like, many others find your "victim" attitude ANNOYING.  If you hate most people who post on this board, move on to another.

[blackwingbear]

blackwingbear - you seem to want to be a dick.  Maybe you got "abused" when you first came on, but as explained by many it was you came on guns blazing.  Get the fuck over it or get out.  Seriously.

How about you get the fuck over it and quit trying to perpetuate a misunderstanding, and have a nice day while you're at it. By the way, cute picture.

[Angel-Ronnie]

I joined shortly after my DX and there are to many people to mention, but there have been quite a few that have made a difference to my life and my outlook, even at times when I wanted to give up have they showed that there are more to life than the self pity party. I to have been scolded for things but that is how one learn from others.

So to all that knows of me and have said things good or bad, but you have the ability to make my day shine so to all of you thank you.

[Ann]

Which is so the old-timers can automatically throw their weight around and dismiss the newbies (and hopefully run them off in the process). That is the truth of it.

No, it's not. There have been plenty of new people here who got on with everyone else right from day one. It's the exception rather than the rule that some new people have a hard time settling/fitting in. You're going to get that in ANY group of people, both online and in the real world.

See, wasn't starting this thread a GREAT IDEA

Actually, it was, Phil. It's not your fault that some decided to use it for rather more nefarious purposes. And by the way, thank you for starting it - your intentions were very good. Now lets see if we can get it back on track.

Jesus, y'all love to attempt to pick fights... 

You say things like this and then wonder why people give you a hard time?

Sorry, I wasn't attempting to - I was (once again) "baited" into it.

And was there a knife at your throat forcing you to rise to the bait? No, there wasn't.

blackwingbear - you seem to want to be a dick.  Maybe you got "abused" when you first came on, but as explained by many it was you came on guns blazing.  Get the fuck over it or get out.  Seriously.

And you again have hijacked a post.  This is supposed to be a positive post.  I, like, many others find your "victim" attitude ANNOYING.  If you hate most people who post on this board, move on to another.

Pete, this is just over-the-top and a very good example of the kind of language we will not tolerate in these forums. Please consider yourself warned.

How about you get the fuck over it and quit trying to perpetuate a misunderstanding, and have a nice day while you're at it. By the way, cute picture.

And once again you rise to the bait and continue the hijack. Knock it off. And yes, while I'm at it, you're warned too. You need to stop the hijacks. You need to use the report to moderator button INSTEAD of rising to the bait, not as well as.

Phil, thanks again for starting this thread. Hopefully the hijack has come to an end (it better have!) and subsequent posters will continue on in the spirit in which it was intended.

And thank you to all of you forum members who go by the adage of "if you can't say something nice, don't say anything at all." There are plenty of you here and you know who you are.

Ann

[Assurbanipal]

What first drew me to this site was a post by Emeraldize that I stumbled on via google.  It didn't really answer my question, but it was so kind, so warm,  so inviting and funny that I wanted to read more.

Read the rest of that thread and a couple of others.  One had a long post by Killfoyle.  And I decided that these were two of the most supportive men I would ever have a chance to talk with...

After a couple of months I even figured out Em was a lady!

[skeebo1969]

  I know my sense of humor and sarcasm can rub people wrong at times.  I've been this way all my life.  It was the best defense mechanism against having to deal with growing up under my relentlessly abusive step dad.  

  I have memories that have endeared me to certain individuals.  One of the first people to respond to my introductory post here 5 years ago was Moffie.  He used to have a certain way of welcoming new members to the forums.  His roses and cake emoticons were definitely needed, but it was his words, I remember, that brought my anxiety riddled mind to ease.

   It was a lonely time for me, a time of unstoppable fear.  Everyday seemed to bring on a new problem.  I think I posted on here everytime the bank called regarding foreclosure on my house.  My custom truck, Matty may remember the sale add I posted online, had to be sold to pay bills.  I had to sell land I bought for retirement in Central Florida, and eventually had to sell my second car.  By the time it was all said and done I was staying at some place called the Economy Inn getting bit by fleas.  Matty was someone I shared this with and he was the one that gave me strength to get through it.  I'll never forget that and I don't think he really knows how much he helped me.

   I had a relationship with one of the forum members here, her name was Rasheen.  She showed me love was still possible and the future could still be bright.  We talked every night and finally met in person in February of 06.  She was a woman and I was a little boy still trying to get over his ex..  Those reservations are something I will always regret and why it was that I could not be more honest about it is beyond me.  I loved her and she will always hold a place in my heart.

   There was a member here by the name of Dancerboy aka Danny.  Rasheen, him, and I had an incredible bond which mainly came from each of us being just recently diagnosed.  We would three way conference call for hours on end.  Hell I would even put my phone on speaker while taking a shower and the three of us would talk.

   Longislander is also someone who holds special memories.  By this time I was finally strong enough to give support like others had given me.  It amazes me to no end how far he has come.

   Nadine's Christmas cards and presents, and just random letters use to make me feel so good.  I miss her so much, but I recently found her on FB.  She sent me a pink cow this morning! lol

   Then the person who mailed me 3 bottles of Atripla when ADAP couldn't come through fast enough.  I don't want to mention her name, but she knows who she is.  I'll never forget that.

   Leatherman is someone who may not like what I have said at times, but I still consider him a friend.  I like his style.  If more people had his compassion the world would be a better place....

   I don't hold grudges, even the people I have had it out with have my respect.  I won't say who, but there is a certain member here who I love because of his wit and sarcasm.  I actually think the guy has a big heart and does a good job of hiding it, except when someone really needs emotional support.  That's when his true colors shine through so brightly.....

   Ann, Tim, Andy, and Mr. Staley for all their efforts in making this a wonderful place for support and information..

   Mecch, Inchling, livedbythemoon, Em and so many others...  Pete, and everyone else.  I like all you fuckers.  

   This is probably one of my most uncomfortable post I have posted here, funny how that is.   I'm weird I guess...

    Thomas

[blackwingbear]

I really want to thank both leatherman and David_NC. Both of you are sweet, compassionate guys who have gone out of your way to make me feel welcome here. Honestly, people like you two make it worth it. Any problems or questions I have had, you guys have tried your damnedest to help me with. Thank you, wholeheartedly. 

[Jeff G]

I want to thank Betty who made a difference in my life when I really needed it . I was feeling insecure and not sure about posting in the forum in my early days because of some of the little battles that can go on here every now and again .

In a few words she put me at ease and let me know that some of the people I had concerns with here were the best and brightest caring people . I took her word for it and stuck around to find she was right . She may be surprised to know how just a few kind words made a difference to a total stranger .

[Rev. Moon]

At the risk of sounding like a total cheese ball I'll say this about those who have made this place better for me for the [almost] past year:

* Philly - I consider you my friend and have tons of appreciation for you. You have offered advice and support; we have talked about music that most people don't know about, gossiped, and discussed all sorts of things.  I'm glad that we connected through this place.
* Mathieu le maudit - I respect your intellect and like you tremendously.  When you came back this joint became more interesting.
* The Trinity (Ann, Jan, and Ms. Betty) - whether cracking the whip, dispensing ((((hugs)))), or sharing wisdom you are the leading ladies of these boards.
* The hellraiser - in just a few months you have endeared yourself to many around here, yours included.
* Tom - Just cause I like you (and your foolish anecdotes full of colorful S. Fla characters).

And I guess that's that for now.

[Miss Philicia]

* Philly - I consider you my friend and have tons of appreciation for you. You have offered advice and support; we have talked about music that most people don't know about, gossiped, and discussed all sorts of things.  I'm glad that we connected through this place.

This is so unexpected, I, uh, I didn't even have a speech prepared. Uh, but I would like to say this: AIDS is not something you can do all on your own. Many, many people contributed to my AIDS.  Uh, I'd like to thank my parents for never giving me a ride to school, the L.A. city bus driver for taking a chance on an unknown kid, and, uh, last but not least, the wonderful crew at McDonalds for spending hours making those egg McMuffins, without which I might never be have AIDS.