POZ Community Forums
Main Forums => Living With HIV => Topic started by: Sky on June 08, 2007, 10:39:25 pm
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Well as many of you know I went on my first date in five years on Tuesday. It went great, we talked for hours, went on a long walk, yadda yadda yadda. At the end HE suggested we get together again on Friday, since I was off of work and school, so I agreed. Well today, he never answered my call (sent it to voice mail...you know you can tell when it rings like 3 times then goes to it), and never showed up where we said we'd meet....wow, what a slap to the face. I guess he couldn't handle the HIV thing after all. I wouldn't have even cared if he had been man enough to pick the phone up and tell me, but flat out avoiding me...wow is all I have to say.
Charlie
(Who forgot how awful some fags can be)
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Your Grace,
Clearly the low-rent little tramp was not suited for you.
MtD
(Who considers the Duchess of the Forums to be a fine catch)
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Thanks love. It feels good to hear that.
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Hmmm well did you leave a voice mail? Things happen. Let's be positive (no pun intended..).
Milker (who rarely answers the phone directly).
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That's really tired of him... better to learn that someone is a real creep quickly than after 3 years though, I always say.
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Hmmm well did you leave a voice mail? Things happen. Let's be positive (no pun intended..).
Milker (who rarely answers the phone directly).
I did, but when I got home I looked online and he was on gay.com...so I just put two and two together.
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I did, but when I got home I looked online and he was on gay.com...so I just put two and two together.
gasp, MtD was right again :o
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Don't worry, loosers usually behave like that...
That just means life has saved for you someone else who is better.
Juan Carlos
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I'm with you there, Sky....Wow is right....It seems like some men just have no balls sweetie. It also seems like the creep is trolling for booty. You're better off without the drama...
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Sounds like an asshole you're better off without.
Remember this crap happens to neggies as well.
M x.
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you have my sympathy, i had a similar rejection this week. and another last november/december. and another in january. losers.
what annoys me about this disease in relation to our own self esteem is that it is hard to tell whether you are dumped/not contacted again due to disclosure or it wouldve happened even if you were negative just because the person has decided they didnt feel any chemistry.
despite the rejection it has caused, i still advocate disclosure. some neggies do stick around (sadly it's not normally the one's you want to tho!)
this guy sounds like a loser who you are better off without; the fact that he was too gutless to contact you and so quickly off looking for another guy makes me think he isnt worth your time.
hoping you have a good weekend despite the cowardly custard cockseeking cretin
xxxx
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despite the rejection it has caused, i still advocate disclosure. some neggies do stick around (sadly it's not normally the one's you want to tho!)
EnglishGirl (and Charlie),
I just want to say that not all people are suited to each other and finding a match is an equal challenge for both people involved, regardless of being HIV positive. That HIV can complicate trying to find someone and adds an extra challenge is a given, but regardless, it’s a challenge to begin with.
Since I tested positive I have had two long-lasting relationships with HIV negative men – one for ten years and a current one going on three years. And people can learn. My boyfriend at first told me he “couldn’t handle this,” but after educating himself (with no prompting from me) soon changed his mind about getting involved with me.
Between my 10 year and current relationships I dated both neg and pos guys, and I’m here to tell you both categories had their share of duds. My point is that I don’t see any reason to discount a potential mate based on their health status.
It is not impossible for serodiscordant relationships to work out. Self-absorbed people can't survive in ANY intimate relationship. You don’t want to be stuck with someone else’s personal baggage I’m sure, so although it’s disappointing I wouldn’t take the rejections too personally.
Daniel
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and to continue danielmark's theme, at least hiv disclosure sorts the wheat from the chaff so if we do finally find someone who wants to stick around hopefully they will be a really good person who accepts people for who they are...
(although i admit to being a bit shallow cos personally im hoping that when i meet that special person they look like george clooney!)
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Yes, what DanielMark says is so true. I had the same experiences with negs, and my last partner was negative. In some warped way many negative guys (generally I've found the more cosmopolitan ones who have dealt with the issue previously perhaps with close friends, etc.) value the honesty they see in you when you disclose and hope this will extend throughout the relationship, or at least that's what I've often sensed.
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Gee it used to be that I expected to be dumped when I disclosed my status. Now even the ones I don't want don't let that get in the way. Unfortunately now to get"dumped" I disclose that I am doing home remodeling- now that really gets em running! ;~(
Thank god for Alex!
Johnny
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Let's face it. Dating is a minefield and universe of unknowns. I just believe it's a mistake to discount a whole group of people for fear of rejection. After all, they are also taking a risk that you won't want to be with them either.
I also believe any healthy relationship begins with honesty and a willingness to trust. Without those, the search has ended before it’s begun. IF we are looking for a perfect person then I think we’d better be perfect too, otherwise there’s a huge imbalance of logic.
Good grief, I’m starting to sound like a thesis on dating.
Daniel
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I just believe it's a mistake to discount a whole group of people for fear of rejection. After all, they are also taking a risk that you won't want to be with them either.
I'm conflicted about this after my last partner. It came to a point where I don't believe he was able to make a transition with me from being relatively OI-free to have a more complicated physical and mental problematic phase of HIV.
Of course, it was HIM in essence, but I ask myself: "Do I need this?"... meaning in a potential abstract sense of course. So I'm left in the position that, while I won't discount a theoretical relationship with a neggie, I'd rather kind of avoid it. It may have simply been an instance of timing that was all rather unfortunate.
There are no hard rules with any of this, we must simply make it up as we go along.
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Charlie...its not just Fags who can't deal with HIV but I do understand your point.
He should have been man enough to tell you to your face or at least call you to
break the date. I agree...but don't let one bad apple spoil the whole barrel.
There are many decent homosexual men out there...but sometimes one must kiss a lot
of toads to find their prince. Don't give up...as a hopeless romantic myself I believe the
right guy will come along eventually.... If nothing else the power of positive thinking will
attract a number of candidates....its up to you to find the right one :-*
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Baby, I am sorry about this...it's funny how guys react when reality hits them...
so, you wanna go for a cup of coffee or something? ;) :-*
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Charlie...its not just Fags who can't deal with HIV but I do understand your point.
He should have been man enough to tell you to your face or at least call you to
break the date. I agree...but don't let one bad apple spoil the whole barrel.
There are many decent homosexual men out there...but sometimes one must kiss a lot
of toads to find their prince. Don't give up...as a hopeless romantic myself I believe the
right guy will come along eventually.... If nothing else the power of positive thinking will
attract a number of candidates....its up to you to find the right one :-*
I know, I guess this was my first experience dealing with the rejection of HIV...I can say though that it just makes me wanna fight even harder
Baby, I am sorry about this...it's funny how guys react when reality hits them...
so, you wanna go for a cup of coffee or something? ;) :-*
Of course I would ;) I am in nursing school ya know, I can "nurse" you back to health ;D
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Charlie, I am sorry you had to go through this... But just keep going... People get stood up for many many reasons besides hiv..... Lots and lots.... Dont blame everything on it... Even though he probably was not ready to deal with it.... Blame it on poor knowledge, poor education and poor judgement... Gay.com?? Bleck!!!
Hugs,
Eric
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PPL need to stop calling ppl names. All in this post people are like "yeah he's a loser blah blah blah" about he negative guy who wrote the postive guy off. Who wants to deal with HIV? To be honest, lets say I was negative and I met someone who was + and didnt know until like the second date. I would totally NOT call them back. There is NO history there, no love (yet) and quite frankly why would a negative person want to deal with all the heartache? Now if my wife someone became positive and I were negative I would stay with her. You cant call someone a "loser" because they dont want to deal with someone with HIV. Its just plain silly.
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regarding this you've got a point xtente, and i think it is right.
It is just that we all expect others to realise we don't need to be left appart just because of the status.
Plus he is not silly just because he does not date a poz guy, he is silly because of not dating Charlie who is a very cute guy, nice and smart. That guy must have view problems (short sight?... don't know how to say that in english).
Cheers,
Juan Carlos
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PPL need to stop calling ppl names. All in this post people are like "yeah he's a loser blah blah blah" about he negative guy who wrote the postive guy off. Who wants to deal with HIV? To be honest, lets say I was negative and I met someone who was + and didnt know until like the second date. I would totally NOT call them back. There is NO history there, no love (yet) and quite frankly why would a negative person want to deal with all the heartache? Now if my wife someone became positive and I were negative I would stay with her. You cant call someone a "loser" because they dont want to deal with someone with HIV. Its just plain silly.
No, it's not silly. You're a married straight guy. We're discussing this in the context of the gay community. No offense meant to your sexual preference but as the gay community is obviously smaller than the heterosexual one (much) and HIV/AIDS has disproportionally hit us for +2 decades, many HIV- men are quite comfortable dating HIV+ men. Yes, by no means do I mean to imply "all" of them, but many. And certainly more of them when you live in an urban area.
Anyway, this was Sky's first date in five years. You also might want to think contextually that many other members here were merely trying to be supportive. I think most references, if not all here, were NOT about being rejected for being HIV+ as we all must deal with that. But it's more the completely spineless manner in which the other guy dealt with the rejection process: not returning calls, not meeting Sky where he said he would.
So yeah, the guy was an asshole not just a loser. He needs to get some vertebrae.
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Deardear Sky,
i think like most of us here i also had the rejection. but i had to do once after meeting three times and suffered a lot.
The rest of the times, i do not had to tell anything cause no guy i have been dating met me more than three times in the last 7 months.
And if i would disclose, nothing would have changed.
It is also true that most of the gayguys are good in telling lies, being hypocritic and they do not show up at their dates.
Forget about them, after going through the intolerance here and there, i myself have become a very tolerant person...
And am not looking for a George Clooney at all...
kisses and hugs
o
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The guy is an asshole for the way he handled it mainly. Whether he dumped you for being pos or not the way he did it was spineless and therefore it is correct to label him a loser. Case closed.
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Exactly the point...the way he handled it.
Charlie
(Who bit his tongue before harsh words began to fly)
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Dearest Sky
I hope you are feeling a little better today...rejection is hard but it's his loss not yours..look on the bright side, he has freed you up for someone who is more deserving of you, and believe me that someone is out there somewhere just waiting for you to come into his life.
Xyente..this thread is about giving support for one of our members who has been hurt by someone who has not only treated him badly but has shown no respect towards him at all...if you took the time to step outside your box once in awhile and see things from where Sky is standing...maybe, just maybe you would understand a little more about the real world...a little compassion goes a long way....I only speak for myself here, not the moderators or other members of the forum..but I'm getting a little tired of your self opinionated posts.
Hugs to you Sky
Jan :-*
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Thanks so much for the kind words Jan, means a lot :)
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(Who forgot how awful some fags can be?)
not me
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(Who forgot how awful some fags can be?)
not me
I claim temporary amnesia, hence my forgetting :D