Scared and Alone

[Matt]

I am so scared and i dont know what to do. On June 19 i had sex with my exboyfriend. The condom broke and he ejaculated inside of me. I was so scared and immediately a dark feeling came over me. About one week later i developed a mild sore throat and was nausated for about a week. The following week the nauseau went away and the sore throat became even worse. After that I began to experience excruciating stomach cramps and a bout of diahrrhea. Later i noticed a rash develop on my shoulder, along my arm and on my stomach. I also noticed a swollen lymph node behind my right ear.  I am totally and completley freaking out right now. It has only been 5 weeks and i am so scared. Please help.....i dont think i could take it if i found out i was positive.

[Andy Velez]

Hello, Matt. I'm glad you have found your way to our site.

First of all, I want you to take a nice deep and slow breath in. And let it out slowly. And then do that again. It's very calming to breathe well, so when you find yourself feeling anxious or tense remember to do that. It will help.

Now, as far as your incident is concerned. Yes, you had a risky incident. You haven't mentioned if you know his status or not. But in any case the wise thing is to get tested. The average time to seroconversion, IF it's going to happen is 22 days. All but the smallest number of those who are going to seroconvert will do so within 4-6 weeks after an exposure. You're almost at the 6 weeks point now so you will soon be able to test.

If you test negative at 6 weeks the likelihood is that you will continue to test negative. But you will still need to confirm that earlier result by re-testing at 13 weeks.

Your symptoms are not in anyway HIV specific. Symptoms are never the means for knowing accurately about HIV status. Only an HIV test can give you the answer you need. If they persist you should discuss them with your doctor. They can be from many causes including stress.

You had only a single unprotected incident. And the condom will have protected you until it broke. Those factors work in your favor as well.

So keep doing that breathing, take a test at 6 weeks and keep us posted. Good luck with your test.

[Matt]

Thanks alot for taking the time to reply, I dont even know if I have the courage to go get tested. I let my insecurity and lack of self worth put me in danger of gettng hiv from someone who cares nothing about me. Lord please help me

[Andy Velez]

The Lord helps those who help themselves as the saying goes.

Being afraid is very understandable. But you do need to take care of yourself and that means getting tested.

Stop and think for a minute. You know your brain isn't going to let you rest about this issue. So frightened and knees quaking, heart thumping, palms sweating, feeling faint and anything else that happens, get yourself tested. Despite your fears I would say the odds are still in your favor that you will test negative. And if you don't, you will be in the best position to stay healthy and take good care of yourself.

So stop torturing yourself about this and arrange to get tested at 6 weeks. We'll be here for you.

The self worth and all of that -- well, that's a separate issue. We're all merely human and sometimes we don't make the wisest decisions. Beating up on yourself about it will not help.

Now, get busy with other things in your life today. Doing that will really help to pass the time more quickly.

[Matt]

Im taking your advice and trying to be calm but its soooo hard. i recently noticed a small bump on each of my palms today but my sore throat is gradually going away. I have never in my entire life been so scared. Please pray for me

[Andy Velez]

I believe you about your feeling scared.

And all of the bumps and whatever your scared mind may notice don't mean a thing as far as telling you anything or indicating anything in a credible way. Really.

Ultimately I expect you to come out of this ok when you test.

[Matt]

Thanks for the emotional support i have no where else to turn

[Andy Velez]

You're welcome. Glad you found the exchange to be helpful.

Keep yourself productively busy with other things. I see the odds as being in your favor that things will work out for you. Really.

[Matt]

I know your probably like enough already and go and get tested. This morning i woke up and noticed my tongue is becoming increasingly white in addtion to having several swollen red and white patches in my throat and mouth. Really i dont think all of these symptoms can be a coincidence and i really do feel deep down that i have have contracted HIV

[Andy Velez]

Those are feelings about symptoms. Symptoms will not tell you anything about your HIV status accurately.

The real question is how long are you going to drag this situation out before you do what you know you will do inevitably: get tested.

And there is nothing HIV specific about any of the symptoms you are reporting.

[Matt]

I have a question and im really scared. Those of you that have been diagosed are any of these symptoms similar to those you have experienced before you got tested:
1. nauseau (one week after infection)
2. sore throat (5 weeks)
3. stomach cramps/diahrrhea (1 week)
4. rash on stomach, shoulder palms and soles for three days at a time
5. white tongue and white blemish in throat
6. swollen lymph nodes in neck
7. slight weight loss

please reply i am really scared

[Ann]

Matt,

I don't care HOW scared you are, until you've actually tested positive, you are NOT permitted to go into the forums meant for positive people to ask them questions.

Make sure you READ and ABIDE by our posting guidelines found in the Welcome Thread

As you've been told, nothing you've reported is in any way hiv specific. You can test at six weeks for a very good indication of your hiv status.

Until then, I would appreciate some respect for our posting guidelines. Thank you for your cooperation.

Ann

edited to add I forgot to mention that I removed your last post from a thread in the I Just Tested Poz forum. Don't let me catch you in there again until you test positive, which, by the way, I have a feeling you won't.

[Matt]

sorry i really do apologize......