One Life to Live!?! Strange bedfellows...

[MWCLTonline]

"There's some likelihood that your heart will flutter as certain plans begin to be realized. If you have your heart set on someone who seems impossibly remote or you are hoping to transform and improve an existing love relationship, the day ahead will enable you to make strides toward these goals, but not without some mishaps. Be prepared to tackle a crisis or two, dear Pisces!"

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

As someone considered a LTS (Long Term Survivor) of HIV/AIDS and a known public voice on our issues, I'm used to dealing with stigma and discrimination first coming OUT as gay and then as HIV+...

BEDBUGS!   What are they? 
Where do they come from, how do you get them?  How do you get rid of them if you have them
and  what can or should you do to get rid of them?  If they get carried in and you think you may know who the carrier is; do you tell them and/or do you call the Landlord and let them know they're in the bldg at all?  Who pays for whatever must be done and how drastic are the measures you have to take if you think the infestation is fairly recent, especially if you took preventive measures when the local problems hit the news???  In the meantime; do you tell your friends and family? 

OLTL: "Fidelity Follies"  fellow fans of this daytime soap (Shut Up! I'm retired!) recently followed the Gala Group Commitment Ceremony/Campaign Spectacle from Festive Angel Square in Llanview, PA...  It hit me that I could have that, now.  I could meet someone I could spend the rest of my life with!?  As I'd like to hope that y'all may know, the HIV+ to AIDS diagnosis happens in stages; once +  it's then symptomatic or asymptomatic then based on current labs it's either HIV Disease or AIDS, at least that was my diagnosis experience.  My current and hopefully final Infectious Disease Doc who is also my primary Care Doc is excellent.  My treatment experience is that I've been fortunate enough to have found a string of excellent Primary Care docs who specialized in HIV care through the clinic at Holmes Hospital of University Medical Center, the Health Alliance and equally excellent case management first from AVOC as I was living and diagnosed on that side of the river, and now with the No Ky HIV Care Coordinators.  My numbers are good: CD4/TCells @ 600+, VL @ Undetectable; weight good and nutrition stable, I'm 'symptomatic' but as far as I know I've never had any  OIs (Opportunistic Infections) although I do have two hospitalizations on record.   Dr Dora has proclaimed that my combo of Viread, Kaletra & Sustiva are effectively managing my HIV  and I can look forward to a long happy life -at the least to 62/retirement which is longer than I ever thought or planned for, as long as we manage my blood pressure , cholesterol/lipids and I quit smoking...  My last appt with her lasted  all of 15-20 minutes or so for the numbers, the smoking commentary, a reminder to call the office about flu shots and then she stunned me in her foreign accent and says; "So Michael, how's your love life?" "  OMG!!  WTF!!  My Love Life!?  I don't have one except with myself!   I mean, it's not that I haven't fantasized about a neighbor or two or three...  But I recovered and said fine; no issues with disclosure or safe sex

So Sunday afternoon, my new neighbors across the street had a little housewarming party with a lively young crowd of obviously UC Bearcats fans where the men outnumbered the women, a keg and a Beer Pong table...  As I had met the owner of the house earlier this summer and he introduced me to one of the 20 smthg gals when moving in, I decided I was up for some beers and strolled across the street w/ a BudIce in my hand and a party favor in my pocket   Since moving here in Spring '06 after my 2nd hospitalization and subsequent homelessness, I've only met and interacted with 4 of my neighbors and I haven't disclosed anything about myself other than being a retired old fart on Social Security   I've liked it that way; I have friends and family who come by, others I talk to on the phone or IM on the internet and that was just enough socialization and interaction for me   But my goal when I moved in here was to leave behind all the folks and things that were a bad influence on my Health and Wellness and since I now have it, it was time to get out there; make some new friends and as Auntie Mame would say, Live!  -Well & Healthy...   N-Tway, to get to the point; I met some more neighbors and their gay/gay-friendly friends  and ended up following some to a local gay-friendly tavern where I ended up making acquaintenance with another older (30s-40s?) HIV+ man who wanted some pot and came over to get high...  When it came up; he said he was positive and I said I am too and the encounter ended with him leaving his phone # and e-mail address and asking me to call ...  Although I haven't called (area code 901??), I have sent an email asking him to connect on IM but haven't received any reply.  This is the first poz guy I've met who's closer to my age that I'd like to get to know and see where it might lead.  Even if we don't end up doin' the nasty it would be nice to have a buddy to spend some time with...

So what's a body to do...!?  For now, I've sprayed what I had left of the bed bug spray I got before as a preventative on the baseboards around my bed changed the sheets and sprayed the chair that I think was infested by a neighbor with alcohol mixed w/ a bit of leftover Febreeze per a tip I got from my therapist in a recent conversation.  Tomorrow I'll call my case manager, Clint, and see what advice he can give as well as pick up another bottle of bed bug spray.  I'm not gonna mention my lil problem 'til I know what to do next...  Tonite; my brothers bringing over a batch of 'cookies', we're gonna fix smthg to eat, visit and then I'm gonna watch the premiere of V...

Y'All take care...,
Michael
"HIV is something you live with every day for the rest of your life. You may never die of it, but you always die with it..."
http://mentor.poz.com/cgi-bin/pozment.pl?UI=xEoBmC2TBPM1256751579&linkto=view_my_profile

[MWCLTonline]

Greetings Y'All! 

"What are you doing the rest of your Life...?" I've always felt, especially since being diagnosed in '91, that the least I can or should do would be to share my experiences in such a way that having done so would make it easier, better, less scary for those who may follow me...
http://mwcltonline.spaces.live.com/

beth hardy: hi michael..........how are you this wonderful crisp day?
SoBankBeacon: Well, did you get my latest story?

beth hardy: i'm only in for a minute...had to check my Farmville progress, then I'm going back to raking!
SoBankBeacon: Me & the critters are hangin' in there...

beth hardy: oh, but YES.....a beau may be lurking in the foreground!  WTFG Michael
beth hardy: he got any bro's the age of a "sugar daddy" for me??
SoBankBeacon: We'll see, have to wait for my other problem to be resolved...  Landlord seems to be real cool abt it though!

beth hardy: huh, didn't read anything about a problem
beth hardy: jees, you just can't have any more predicaments
SoBankBeacon: Even if he just wanted to hang & smoke a lil, now isn't a good time to invite him over...
beth hardy: why, what have i missed?

SoBankBeacon:
BEDBUGS!    What are they?   
Where do they come from, how do you get them?  How do you get rid of them if you have them
and  what can or should you do to get rid of them?   If they get carried in and you think you may know who the carrier is; do you tell them and/or do you call the Landlord and let them know they're in the bldg at all?   Who pays for whatever must be done and how drastic are the measures you have to take if you think the infestation is fairly recent, especially if you took preventive measures when the local problems hit the news???  In the meantime; do you tell your friends 

SoBankBeacon: Interesting metaphor for AIDS, ain't it!?
beth hardy: oh shit.....you tell the landlord IF the carrier is in your bldg....maybe an exterminator should be on call...
SoBankBeacon: Oh baby I jumped on this right away as soon as I saw one, checked the bed, called my case mgr, then the landlord...
beth hardy: i know you did!!
beth hardy: my sentiments exactly!!

SoBankBeacon: They're sending ext to inspect the whole building Sat, if/when they find em we'll get a treatment prep sheet and an appt when they'll treat...
beth hardy: Good job toots, once again, speaking out is advantageous for you!!!!!
SoBankBeacon: So for now, I'm just waitin' as I had taken preventative measures earlier this year when they were all over the news...
beth hardy: and..........I know that you have!!
 
SoBankBeacon: I think I know where they came from and he lives in the bldg which is one reason the landlord seems so cool about it
beth hardy: by the by, the printer works, so thanks again....
beth hardy: now i need a small table to put it on, off to Big Lots for that!
SoBankBeacon: Hopefully, I've caught them early enough so as not to lose any furnishings or have to go to extremes to clean the apt - laundry, etc...
beth hardy: keep me updated on the critter prob!!
beth hardy: but for now, all i can say is EWWWW !!

SoBankBeacon: Will do! I'm sittin here w/ 4 loads of laundry that I don't know what to do with, don't even know if I should bother to leave the house for fear of carryin' the lil buggers w/ me...
beth hardy: boil your clothes...that will make them ok, i think

SoBankBeacon: That'd be okay for the dirty ones, but am I gonna have to re-clean all my other stuff in the closet & dresser???
beth hardy: i think it is kinda treated like lice? Guess it depends on the severity!
SoBankBeacon: I'm hoping that I'm not infested enuf yet to have to do that
beth hardy: doc folk right downstairs have the shit too

SoBankBeacon: These are all the practical questions that you never hear a conversation abt...
beth hardy: right.....you can rest assured, folk in amberly vill. don't discuss it among themselves...BUT 
SoBankBeacon: true abt the other folks in the bldg, but if we're all treated then we should be good to go...  Since I had thoroughly sprayed and bagged my mattresses earlier this year, I don't believe they're in it although I believe I saw a few crawling in the sheet over the box springs next to the baseboard..
SoBankBeacon: Mind you, actually seeing smthg didn't happen till this Monday.  Since then I've vacumned, changed sheets, sprayed around the baseboard w/ the BB spray I had left and then sprayed my orange chair with alcohol mixed w/ a lil febreeze...
SoBankBeacon: Alcohol works, btw!  My therapist told me abt it and the landlord confirmed it...

SoBankBeacon: "Experts Warn That AIDS Will Remain a Global Crisis in 2031 
Unless there is a more comprehensive response to HIV/AIDS, the epidemic will remain out of control on its 50th anniversary in 2031, according to a panel of experts reported on in The New York Times."

SoBankBeacon: WOW!!! That'd be my personal 40th...
beth hardy: it's great, you can always add some humor to such a forked up situation....
SoBankBeacon: 
SoBankBeacon: better than 
beth hardy: yep..i do the same
Y'All take Care...,
Michael
http://cid-475412487967479f.profile.live.com/?wa=wsignin1.0&sa=468946991

[MWCLTonline]

"OHh, Jus' Bite Me... Make My Day!"

  Okay kids, ever since spotting the symptom scurryin' cross the arm of my favorite recliner early Monday evenin'; I've disclosed to my case mgr who also happens to be based at our local regional Health Dept as well as my Landlord since I believe the carrier also lives in the building and all concurred that an inspection by an exterminator was the best course of action and an appt was scheduled for yesterday.  I'm still waitin' for the guy to show!? 

  As BB's have been a problem and in the news here since the spring, I had taken preventative precautions earlier by inspecting for the telltale signs and not finding any, thoroughly spraying & bagging my mattresses.    So for now, the 4 loads of laundry (do it now & have to re-do?) and I are just enjoyin' a great fall Sunday afternoon!  Go Cincy Bengals!   What Makes My Day!?  The idea that BB's who feed on my blood die quicker than ever imagined!!!  ROFLMAO!!!

So; now that I have Y'All's attention and I've been checkin' out the lay of the ForumLand, I thought I'd say a proper HowdyDo! 

“The Bar”
Come to the BadLands,
Haven for those who differ.
Step thru the door into a world
Aglow with fascinating intricacies.
Where facades are thrown off,
And the flight to freedom begins.
Drown the tenseness of a secret life,
In the sweet elixir of same-ness.
Wallow in the warmth of acceptance,
Shed your fears of rejection.
Live these hours to their fullest,
Let not the outside world interfere.
Be sustained by the smiles,
Tainted smiles that, out the door,
Fade into secretive defense.
Until the next flight...
M.W.C. - 2/78

"Coming OUT of Hiding:
A Retrospective Journey Through AIDS..."
 
A Memoir * Michael W. Connett

“On Coming Home”

“Home is not a place; it is an attitude.  It is an attitude which depends on how much we are able to feel at home with ourselves as well as with others.  Home is something which happens to a person; homecoming has less to do with geography than it has to do with a sense of personal integrity or inner wholeness.

The most important of all endeavors in life is to come home.  The most terrifying of fears is loneliness.  It means that one has become a stranger to himself, and consequently, to others.  To be lonely is to feel fear, to be forever unsettled, never at rest, in need of more reassurance than life can give.

Someone truly loves us when he brings us home; when he makes us comfortable with ourselves, when he takes from us the strangeness we feel at being who we are.  We are loved when we no longer are frightened with ourselves.”

“Dawn Without Darkness” - Anthony Padavano

This story is about my most important endeavor in life.  To experience that greatest love of all; to truly love myself, to shed the strangeness I feel at being who I am and to no longer be frightened with myself.  This is my attempt to finally get myself home before I die.  Much of the strangeness and the fear I’ve felt has been the result of the beliefs, words and actions of the people around me.  Naturally, the most important and influential of those has been my family.  I’ve never really felt at home with them because I’ve always been a stranger to them.  Now, I think I understand why and that there was never any malice intended.  But the hurt and pain have been real.  They need to understand that, and how it has affected my life.  They also need to know that that understanding is my only motive; because if they understand me and my life, maybe they’ll finally love me enough to bring me home.

Y'All take care...,
Michael
"HIV is something you live with every day for the rest of your life. You may never die of it, but you always die with it..."

http://mwcltonline.spaces.live.com/blog/cns!475412487967479F!1520.entry

[rondrond]

Hi Michael,

Sorry that the BB's are giving you such heck. I used to worry about fleas when my dog was still alive. Not from her (we used the Program Flea Pill and it Worked) but from the duplex next door where this woman has three yapping things: all fur and tails and fleas....their landlord was out spraying the yard and the building is how I knew about it. 

Seem like we are giving blood no matter what..doctors or bugs.

Take care:
Ronnie

[MWCLTonline]

    U Like Me!!      got this bite today: "I admire you.You responded to  a post of mine in this forum and you told me about your life and all that youve been through.I'm sorry it took me this long to respond. I felt strength from your posting.It helped bring out my inner strength and to not give up because  there's always hope.I believe God gives me what I can handle.Still its hard for me sometimes to  get on with my life.I get scared of the unknown and the known.  Again thank you for sharing your lifes experience."   

"We wander but in the end there is always a certain peace in being what one is, in being that completely. The condemned man has that joy."  Ugo Betti
"You know more than you think you do." -Benjamin Spock
"Not admitting a mistake is a bigger mistake." -Robert Half
"Nobody can be successful if he doesn't love his work, love his job." -David Sarnoff

Pisces
You have an unusual gift for making a situation seem less dramatic, dear Pisces. Today, you will witness crises of all kinds. You will be the one who reassures people and who is able to sum up the situation objectively without panicking or exaggerating. This, coupled with your legendary calm, makes for a great combination!
The normal routine of your day will be disrupted early on by someone who needs your help with something entertaining. Turns out, they will end up giving you some help too, although you might not understand just how to ask them for it yet. In a business negotiation, your creativity will enable you to get what you want without sacrificing any of your hard-earned resources. If you make it clear that you are not willing to compromise, you must stand behind that statement.
**********************************************************************************

  Greetings Y'All...!
Quote from: MWCLTonline on November 08, 2009, 03:18:33 pm
“On Coming Home”

“Home is not a place; it is an attitude.  It is an attitude which depends on how much we are able to feel at home with ourselves as well as with others.  Home is something which happens to a person; homecoming has less to do with geography than it has to do with a sense of personal integrity or inner wholeness..."

“Dawn Without Darkness” - Anthony Padavano

I found the above noted book and passage back when I had graduated from High School and joined the Christian Brothers, for real! although the district I was in wasn't the one that owned & ran the winery!, long before HIV but just in time to deal with my first coming OUT...  NTway, it has always rang true and helped guide me on my Journey!   As I think abt it now; it comes down to Purpose -above to routinely treat & increase life expectancy, and Passion -what to do now that you have time left.  I've been on SSDI since '93 (2 yrs after I tested + and applied for it) and it has and continues to work for me as does Medicare and all its parts.  I'm poor but happy, or at least content, and I've been on this road a while now.   

The first milestone for me was getting my first computer and access to the internet   !  So finding us is a great start; if you don't find any Live groups +/or bodies to interact with locally right away, you can practice and interact with us here! 

Now here's the thing; In Aug of '05, feeling the dread of impending old age and AIDS, I gave up my Sct8 apt and moved in w/ a GWSM friend who had bought a house that I helped him move into and fix-up that ended up w/ me being thrown out on the streets over the '05-6 winter!  I then bounced between a brother and some friends and finally ended up where I am in Spr '06 determined that I'd shed all my bad friends and influences and never be homeless again for the rest of my life  ...  So I've been out of the loop for awhile as well!

I've been an activist, advocate, posterboy, writer, web designer, ...but mostly just an old retired fart lately.  But now that I'm gonna Live! what gives me the most pleasure is writing and sharing my experiences -in person, print or online...  Hope this helps!

"Coming OUT of Hiding: A Retrospective Journey Through AIDS..."
A Memoir * Michael W. Connett

  BB Update!  Waited on Sat for Ext to come and inspect(test) but was a no show...  Haven't seen anything else since first sighting     continued to put off today...  Called the office yesterday and was told Ext had emergency was sposed to call and is rescheduled for this Sat    So got to talkin' w/ Lisa @ the ofc and we decided that, perhaps, they ain't BB's at all -but we still sure as hell wanna know what they Be   Apparently BB's don't scurry,  are 1/4" like the websites say/show and she wondered if maybe they weren't fleas!  She decided she'd come over before Ext and see what all the fuss is abt and will call me... 

  Ugo Betti made my day as I began and have, for the most part, continued My Journey feeling like the proberbial Dead man walking...  But once you experience that certain peace and joy you can draw on it to help you just keep Living! even though your dreams be tossed & blown...

Walk on, Y'All!
Michael

http://hivchat.ning.com/profile/MichaelConnettakaMWCLTonline

[MWCLTonline]

This Week in review... Verdict in, I'm infested!  Last Saturday...
 SoBankBeacon(Me): I guess this is gonna be like waitin' for the cable guy...  They sd Sat but no specific time
Frank (my bro): waitin for who
SoBankBeacon: exterminator
Frank: OIC
SoBankBeacon: sposed to inspect the whole bldg and let us know what to do next, if anything
SoBankBeacon: So what's up?
Frank: nodda just chillin. I was up late last night and still got up and went into work this morn so pretty tired
SoBankBeacon: did you see SGU last nite or Survivor Thurs?
Frank: Surv yes  SGU no it's on the DVR
SoBankBeacon: russell may finally be on his way out
Frank: yea I think so, that will be sweet.   you been watching the gay bros on amazing race
SoBankBeacon: I missed SGU too so i'm hopin I had the DVR set
SoBankBeacon: yep,  sam & dan
Frank: yea, they could win it
SoBankBeacon: that wud be cool - much better role models than naked Richard Hatch!
SoBankBeacon: still waitin' for the exterminator/inspector   
Frank: he aint comin at this point i don't think
SoBankBeacon: means I'm stuck till I can call the office on Monday...
Frank: why is that
SoBankBeacon: well, until I know what it is I saw and/or what to do next, I just figure I wudn't leave and carry them away or do more until I know...
SoBankBeacon: BearCat Brawl across the street again this wknd 
Frank: ?
SoBankBeacon: new girls across street are UC alums & they have big game tonite...
Frank: bed bugs?  mom would freak
SoBankBeacon: She sd, btr u than me; let me know how it turns out...
Frank: hahahaha
SoBankBeacon: So now that I've talked to people and looked at all this stuff online, I'm not sure if they are or aren't.  W/ my luck, it'll be something else that's worse - bed lice
Frank: oh geesh
SoBankBeacon: What I've seen here don't look like what's online, they look more like lil razor edged paint specs
Frank: interesting, where did you find them at in the apt
SoBankBeacon: some tiny lil bug that gets into old houses w/ lead and...
SoBankBeacon: I looked down and saw one scurry across the arm of my orange chair and saw one crawlin' on my white sock when I crossed my leg
Frank: I hope I didn't pick any of them and and bring them home with me
SoBankBeacon: and then when I changed the sheet I saw a few on top of the box spring (previously sprayed & bagged in defense) next to the baseboard, I vacumned & sprayed around the baseboard and then sprayed the orange chair w/ alcohol/febreeze, by then I had talked to Clint/HlthDept and the landlord and this was all done by the time you got here so I'm sure we were 'safe'
SoBankBeacon: ironic metaphor for HIV/testing!
SoBankBeacon: The Navy Has the Highest HIV Rate of All the Branches of the Military
http://aids.about.com/b/2009/11/07/the-navy-has-the-highest-hiv-rate-of-all-the-branches-of-the-military.htm
SoBankBeacon: Gee, and I thought there weren't any gays in the military   
SoBankBeacon: Greetings!  Happy TGIF...the 13th

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Well, it's Sunday morning (11/15)  and here I am pondering why...  After I've survived and lived thru all the other stuff I have, it comes down to me & these damn critters

Pisces  You need to figure out what's important to you and what's not. It's time to take stock of what's going on in your life. The good news is that your significant other, trusted friend or mentor is more than willing to talk about it, and they'll have just the perspective you need. All you have to do is call that all-important meeting. Don't be afraid to put your heart and soul on the line.

Think of today as a time of restoration for yourself, dear Pisces, in which you can come to a point of great ease and comfort. Trust yourself and the people around you. Open your eyes to the reality of the situation at hand. If you are currently working through some major changes in your life, make sure you have faith that whatever happens will work out to your benefit.
 
Just when you thought you had everything planned out and working smoothly, dear Pisces, (love) LIFE!  comes in and clogs up the works. Suddenly your attention is diverted and your concentration flies out the window as that dazzling being A BedBUG!  catches your eye. This could be a good thing or a bad thing,  depending on how you view the situation. Remember that both aspects of your life are important, and the key now is to find a healthy balance between the two.

Quote of the Day:
"Freedom means the opportunity to be what we never thought we would be." -Daniel J. Boorstin

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------


Hhmm...   "WTF: Now!  I'm gonna Live...!?"  For this ...  I need a 'cookie'...