a bit of a ramble ...

[Smurf]

Hi there, i was so pleased to find this site a few weeks back, have really been struggling, and have no support group at all.  my husband tested pos in Sep 04, I'm neg.  we have a beautiful 4 yr old child.  My story is long and confusing and I won't go into it all now.  we are currently under more stress than his immune system can handle and his CD4 is on the decline (284), and VL (25000) on the up.  he's not on any meds and becuase of his job the longer he can stay off them the better as most probably once he starts meds his job is over.  we are currently living in a foreign country because of the job and obviously this has not helped matters at all.  I am very scared about what the future holds here, I can't bring myself to think about it but becuase of our child i have to be strong and try to make everything as "normal" as possible for her.  But everyday just seems to be getting more and more difficult.  of course it's even worse for him and I don't even pretend to imagine what he's going through.

Am hoping that someone else out there knows how I'm feeling and has some advice for how to carry on ....   

[megasept]

...my husband tested pos in Sep 04, I'm neg.  we have a beautiful 4 yr old child. ...his CD4 is on the decline (284), and VL (25000) on the up.  he's not on any meds and becuase of his job the longer he can stay off them the better as most probably once he starts meds his job is over.  we are currently living in a foreign country because of the job...becuase of our child i have to be strong and try to make everything as "normal" as possible for her.

I can only answer your (not so rambling) quandary this way; by imposing priorities based on my values...which may actually be yours as well.

My Values:
----Your child comes first.
----Life before money
----Sacrifice for a partner is what marriage means.

Facts (?): Your Husband is chronically ill and probably ought to be on meds right now. You live in a foreign country where disclosure medically (with national authorites or with an employer) will result in termination. Your husband supports the three of you financially. You all need medical insurance/coverage.

Questions:
---Is it more important for your Husband to earn money than live longer and healthier?
---Is there no other employment available to either one of you back home (not necessarily precisely where you left from) where diagnosis will not result in loss of job and loss of medical coverage for the family?
---Wouldn't it be wonderful if your child reaches adulthood with two living, healthy, Parents?
---Is there national or private insurance in your home country? Do you know ways to access it?
---Are you personally employable? Trainable? Would your husband be willing to switch care-giving roles?

I am not telling you what to do! But this is my way of thinking, and you asked for advice. Your situation may be difficult (worse than mine), but others have faced death, arrest, or deportation, for being POZ. You do have choices, and you need to work together to achieve your aims.

Good Luck!    -megasept