An episode

[Growler]

I had an "episode" this afternoon, it was the second one I've had this week. These episodes have been happening infrequently for about a month now but 2 in 3 days is very close together and today's was at a public place. They're hard to describe but something like a mental panic attack. My mind becomes cloudy and thing's are  confusing and scary and I can't figure things out properly for a short period, minutes I guess. Honestly I really hate them and as soon as I am my own place I can start ARVs and I hope they stop. Thanks for letting me share. It feels better to share than to ruminate on it by myself. I feel better and can now let it go.
Cheers
GROWLER

[tednlou2]

Wishing you all the best on getting your own place and starting meds.  I have bad panic attacks, where things can seem dreamlike and cloudy.  But, you're obviously having something much more severe and pronounced.  Sending positive thoughts your way--for whatever that's worth.

Take care.   

[Growler]

Thanks. I'm ok most the time I promise just a bit dazed sometimes. Its mostly silly things like 20 minutes ago I was going downstairs into the library at Chatswood and I pulled out my train ticket from my wallet and held it out as if I was going into the train station....Just need to concentrate
Now I feel good and most of time I feel good I promise.
GROWLER

Saw Chris from Summer Heights High TV show on the Chatswood Concourse and I  told him I loved his work and he waved and said thank you .....comic genius!

[Theyer]

Hi Growler, Panic attacks come in many differant forms but I think all off them are helped by talking about them, takes the power away for one thing. I would put money on that a lot off what you have been experiencing will be history when you are settled and using the services that you find useful. Thanks for keeping in touch with all off us , I think there are quite a few off us who are wishing you well and keeping an eye out for your name in the forums.

With love
m

[Growler]

Theyer I think u are 1,000% correct on all accounts. I took the risperodone early today at 6:30pm because the walls started to ripple and world outside the room felt like it didn't exist. It's now 9pm and I feel human. I have no idea why this is happening, but fucking scary. I almost wish they hadn't told me the HIV was in my CSF, I think just knowing that is whats done my head in, even though the count is low (only 1,700 VR thank goodness ) compared with  113,000 for blood. At least CD4 is 607 up from 540. Still I hate this fucking cunt virus.
GROWLER

[Theyer]

So do I dear Growler so do I , my hate is such that I must do all I can to defeat its wish to grow and subsume me. Having had it for so long I know that it attacks in ever so many ways and to be blunt doing our heads in is just one off them.

I am relieved and happy that from reading your most recent posts you are planning to get a permanent place to live and then be settled enough to begin any medication regime that may be necessary ? Is that right I hope it is ,From my stand point your CD4s are fantastic , I am assuming CSF is a Brain /fluid/blood test? As your immune system gets stronger will the CSK reading get weaker?

To experience the things you are experiencing is indeed fucking scary, but you are fighting to get a handle on them dear heart and I for one feel that this period off your life will be just that a period one which you will use to make your present
better. So keep on keeping on
love theyer/michael