POZ Community Forums
Off Topic Forums => Off Topic Forum => Topic started by: tednlou2 on November 02, 2013, 01:28:52 am
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Just finished watching this documentary on Netflix. It had also aired on OWN. I think we discussed this here previously. "Bridegroom" tells the story of what can happen, when you don't have any legal protections. Shane lost his partner, Tom, and his family excluded him from any funeral planning and even banned him from the funeral. In fact, he was threatened with violence, if he showed up.
My partner and I have families who are very accepting. I know many say it is about education, but I know it is about either love or hate in your heart. My mom barely has an elementary school education and she loves my partner. Sometimes I think she likes him better than me..lol. On a recent trip, she said she would be honored to have him as her legal son-in-law. Then, she joked daughter-in-law, saying she's not sure which position he likes. We all cracked up. My partner's dad was very disappointed we called off plans to marry in NYC. He was already arranging travel and offering to pay for most of it, months before. It would be nice for all to have that.
But, we don't have any legal protections. We did contact a lawyer and got a huge packet of documents to complete. I'm embarrassed that we haven't gotten it all sent back. Even with accepting family, you never know how people will behave. For example, a partner's family could blame you for their son's/daughter's death and things go to shit very fast.
Anyway, check it out on Netflix if you're interested and have access. I don't think OWN has any more showings.
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2013/10/25/bridegroom-documentary-marriage-equality_n_4164273.html
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My late Father went from smashing up the washing up in fury on hearing I was in Love with a man to having my Partner at the family Christmas dinner in 6 months , I am very proud off him . Though I am hard pushed to imagine him getting excited about a wedding , think I would give him a free Pass on it telling him to just get to the restaurant. I miss them.
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Until equality rules in the U.S., I think it is a terrible mistake to NOT have legal protections drawn up for same sex couples.
Families may be very accepting, but upon death -- especially when potential inheritance comes into play -- people can change their tune.
Sid and I have just about every document you can think of -- including docs that say we each decide what happens with the remains of the other. I renew my will every few years, just so no one can argue that "my thoughts" changed over the years -- especially given that I have 5 grandchildren. The few hundred dollars that it costs can just be viewed as an insurance payment.
Don't assume -- protect!!
Mike
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One thing allot of married couples forget to do is include a revokable power of attorney or trust for each spouse .
If one partner becomes incapacitated then the other can use the document to buy or sell property . It protects both of you from having to report to a court and give an accounting for what you spend or sell .
There have been cases where a married partner is forced to go to court to sell a home because a spouse is in a coma or not competent due to Alzheimer's or other condition's . If you do not have this document and a spouse is incapacitated in a long term care facility you cant even sell a house if the spouse is on the deed and if you get permission to do so the money may end up in a trust that you don't control .
I saw Suze Orman pleading with couples to do this simple thing , she gave many examples of why this particular legal document is vital in estate planning .
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One thing allot of married couples forget to do is include a revokable power of attorney or trust for each spouse .
If one partner becomes incapacitated then the other can use the document to buy or sell property . It protects both of you from having to report to a court and give an accounting for what you spend or sell .
There have been cases where a married partner is forced to go to court to sell a home because a spouse is in a coma or not competent due to Alzheimer's or other condition's . If you do not have this document and a spouse is incapacitated in a long term care facility you cant even sell a house if the spouse is on the deed and if you get permission to do so the money may end up in a trust that you don't control .
I saw Suze Orman pleading with couples to do this simple thing , she gave many examples of why this particular legal document is vital in estate planning .
Excellent point Jeff!! You can't even do something as simple as find out your spouse/partner's credit card bill without this. So, if they are incapacitated and you can't access their online bill -- you have no idea who and what to pay. Call the card company and they should not even acknowledge an account exists if you aren't listed on the account too.
this is a very powerful tool so, of course, you want it drawn up very carefully (and not on the second date), to ensure you don't have someone run amok on you..........
Mike