New Member Here

[rugger]

Hello all,  where to begin...I found out that i had tested positive in June 06 .  I am in the military so i went for my physical health assessment Jun 7 2006 and when we do that its routine...you go in the run some tests draw some blood and send you on your way back to your day to day life.  Jun 12 everyone was getting ready to leave and around 4:00pm my commanding officer came to me and said she needed to talk to me. I waked into here office and she told me to sit down and started reading from a military instruction informing myself of my status and what the next steps will be.  Needless to say i was devastated, angry and confused because i have always used condoms.  My biggest worry was what will  become of my military career.  So military members that test positive are sent to the medical center in Washington DC to go through more test and counseling. my cd4 count is 630 and my viral load is 2,220.  OCT 11 2006....i cannot say that I am alright with it but I cannot let my thoughts keep me from my duties so it may seem that I am fine but I am falling apart inside.  Trying to figure out how and who I got the virus from.  I'm afraid to let anyone touch and i have secluded myself in my apartment. I recently got sick and thought the world was going to end but once i get up in the morning I'm like another person and i go to work and no one knows but i feel as if HIV is written on my forehead and it makes me feel dirty and ashamed.  How did everyone here deal with this.

[matthewreal]

Wow,
  I know exactly how you feel. I am sorry that this has happened and I hope you well.You came to a great place here. Like you said you wake up the same, you go to work and everything is like normal except that you now know you are positive. I know it seems like like it is written on your forehead but know this. IT IS NOT. Just remember that its your secret and you need to deal with it at your own pace. There is no rush to tell anyone. All i can say is that it gets better day by day. Your numbers are great. You found out really early and that is a key to success.I also recently found out and am also dealing with it. I will say that its been three months now since I found out. I have been on meds for three months. I actually feel great and really if I look at the big picture nothing really has changed for me other than I now take care of myself even more than I already was. If you have any question please feel free to contact me. Keep your head up and Good luck. I hope that helps.
Matthew

[Regretsafew]

Hey Rugger,  

Sorry to hear about your diagnosis  but you came to the right place on here.   All the people here are very nice and very knowledgeable.  The lessons are very informative.  I'm a newbie on here too  I was tested positive  just two months ago and I know what you are going through.  Some days seem to be better than others  but things get better.  Its really not important on how or who got you here.  Try to keep focus on your own health.  You're Lab numbers are good.  Try to learn all you can  but go slow   don't overwhelm yourself.  Just take it one day at a time and find a good doctor who knows how to treat this and that  you can establish a good relationship with.

Hang in there buddy,  we're all here for you.  

Joey

[rugger]

Thanks for the support.  I can say that i got good doctors and I go to the Naval Medical center in DC so health wise i am fine..no meds yet but its like my life has come to a complete stop. I am an avid rugby player but I will not play the game anymore, I'm afraid of exposing someone else to HIV and as far as sex goes...thats the furthest thing on my mind. I've read some of the post on here and i think i can shed some of my inner most feeling here.

Alex

[tsw923]

Alex,

Hang in there.  I completely understand where you are in this. For what its worth, your numbers are great and you are most likely in pretty good shape physically.  Give yurself time to process this and take your time.  This looks like a great site, so you have an outlet (I just found this today and plan to make good use of it myself  I was just diagnosed in August and had to start taking meds right away because my cd4 count was 145.  I don't know if you have that one good friend you can turn to, but if not, this place seems like the best I've found so far.

It does get better (or so I'm told anyway) ;-) 

Ty

[Life]

Alex....

Everything your feeling, everything your going through is something we have done or are still doing.  Its been 11 months for me and I know its not on my forehead but I do feel different on how the world perceives me..  But its me doing that to myself.   Do not let hiv define you or allow it to change you..  Yes, certainly some sports might not be the right thing to do just yet.  But give this some time,  you have a very long while before having to make any more steps.  Take a breath and step back and relax.  You have great care.  You have great numbers.  Go back to doing what you do... I would not ponder to much on how or who or what or why this happened.  It cant fix the situation.  Just accept it and move on.  Acceptance is the key to going forward.  Never turn around and look the other way.. Face this and fight it..  Don't let this protein problem trip you up in your life.  You might as well start programming the brain for GOOD thinking and not destructive thinking.  Keep catching yourself when you think you are "dirty" etc.   Thats baaaad...

Love

[Eldon]

Hello Alex,

It is unfortunate that you have tested HIV positive. However, the good news is that you DO know now rather than NOT knowing it and having further damage done to your health. As Eric has mentioned, don't even concern yourself with the thought of the WHO and HOW you got the virus. It will run your anxiety level through the roof. It is GOOD that you DO have the military to back you with your healthcare. Focus on your health.

I wish to extend to you a warm welcome to the forums, here you will find encouragement, support, some cries, some laughter, and many of your questions answered relating to HIV/AIDS. Yes, it is a stressful situation. However, there are people here on this forum that will listen as well as answer you.

Feel free to come and vent with whatever is on your mind from time-to-time. it is therapeutic.

Again, Welcome and make the BEST of each day!

[Beatz4me]

Welcome Alex, I was diagnosed  in April..wow over 6 months now.

You deal with this one second at a time, then one moment at a time up until you are shocked to realize that it hasn't been on your mind every single second of the day. I would never have believed anyone telling me that I will adapt..but it's true, it does happen...And when it does, you develop a sense of pride at just how strong you are.

It's a shock...A really hard thing to deal with, but the beauty of the human psyche is that you won't need to deal with it until you are ready to do so...Just give yourself some time and patience...You'll shine again soon..promise !

 

Michael

[allopathicholistic]

My biggest worry was what will  become of my military career.

Sorry to hear about your poz status. But I *am* glad to hear that the military will send you to counselling, where you can ask about your career outlook. I'm guessing you're not the first hiv+ case they've had to deal with. Keep a spiral notebook of questions and when you see the counselor(s), make sure they address every question even if the answer is "I don't know right now so I'll have to look into that".   write down their answers. This is too important and too-much-too-soon to commit to memory. Write everything down. Seriously ...We're here for you

Love, A

[bocker3]

Hi Alex,

Sorry to hear about your recent positive result.  I received mine a little over a year ago, so I can still vividly remember how my mind went numb, then wild with fear, back to numb and so on and so on.  There were three key things that helped me get through it:

1.  When it starts to get too much -- take a deep breath, exhale, then another, then another.  Three deep breaths always helped me come back to the present.  Try it -- it really does work.

2.  Learning all I could about my "new reality".  This is a great site to start with -- I also learned lots from the www.thebody.org

3.  Talking -- ALOT.  I talked with my partner of 16 yrs (he's negative), a counselor and a quickly found (and I think heaven sent) hiv positive friend.  Each of these people helped me in very important, but different ways.

You have a found a great place here to start the talking and learning.  I'm not sure where you are stationed, but it sounds like you are close to D.C., there should be plenty of resources up there to help hook you up with someone to talk with.  If you need it, I'm just a little ways down the road from DC in Richmond and I would be happy to talk.  I'm former military -- served with the Army in Desert Storm, so I understand your concerns about everything.  If you want -- just PM me and can try to work out someway to talk -- by phone, in person -- whatever will work.

You're at the beginning of a new journey and I know it's scary now -- but I look back on my first year and am amazed how it has all moved along without all the dismal outcomes I had anticipated.

So, remember -- Breathe!!  And feel free to PM me.

Mike