Author Topic: single again (Read 27288 times)

next2u · « **on:** June 06, 2009, 06:17:13 pm »

so he said it. the words ive been dreading. we had the conversation today. yup, he doesn't see things the way i do. what's even weirder is we have movie plans for later tonight still.

i dunno, he kinda broke it off 3 weeks ago then made the trip up here (i live 90 minutes away from him) 2 weeks ago. we finally consummated our whatevership and i was kinda confused about our whatevership standing. we have a term, i think we are friends with benefits. im still good for the sex damnit!

kinda sucks cause i like dude. in 9 days it would have been 5 months. saddest part - it would have been my longest relationship ever. this is pretty much the only romantic relationship i've had as an adult. and, like most things, it did not last. instead it morphed into yet another thing that will fuck with my head & heart.

im happy i understand where we are. ive had some other dudes approach me recently and i had to put them on the back burner. im not ready to fully jump back out there but i do have some light dates set up for next week. no romance, no expectations. just getting out of the house type of stuff. i just wished this would have worked, i poured a lot of effort and energy into this. im not sure why it didnt work out and i dont think i want to know why either.

damnit, it would have been so good...

BT65 · « **Reply #1 on:** June 06, 2009, 06:29:05 pm »

Aw, no wonder the post about the fuzzie.

I'm really sorry. The first "romantic relationship" breakup is always the hardest (listen to Rod Stewart's "The First Cut is the Deepest"). But, with time, things do get better, trust me. It's true. My first break-up, I cried for a long time. And I didn't think I was ever going to feel better. But, after awhile, I did. Of course, I was a big ho back then, so I had outlets for my grief.

You'll be alright, truly.

Oceanbeach · « **Reply #2 on:** June 06, 2009, 08:16:10 pm »

I like Karla Bonoff at times like these singing, "Only a Fool" As the lyrics go...

"Don't think its love we lack
Paid the price now we are paying the tax,
Gave it all and got nothing back
Only a Fool gives a heart like that"

There was a piano bar in Waikiki called The Godmothers The piano man knew all the torch songs and was good company everytime a plane left for the mainland with the flavor of the month aboard. It is important to remember... "men are like street cars, if you miss one, the next will be along in 20 minutes"

Have the best day
Michael

next2u · « **Reply #3 on:** June 07, 2009, 09:25:04 pm »

thanks for the comforting words. i will think about them in my moments of doubt. yeah, the weekend was great. we had sex...again. and saw some movies. and got food. and talked.

i realized today that maintaining a friendship with him is gonna be kinda difficult. i like him. i still do. and the sex just convolutes the logic. i have other dates set up with other guys and i hope things work out best for everyone. i wish we could still date. but he doesnt want to. and i really don't want to date anyone but him. having him in my life and still having sex makes this shit all hard to walk away from. and the fact that we had a good time and know each other is making it difficult to not feel guilty when talking to other guys.

it seems like the logical thing would be to stop talking to him. and it will be difficult to maintain or explain this whatevership if i do start dating another person.

eggh. dunno.

anniebc · « **Reply #4 on:** June 07, 2009, 11:20:47 pm »

Love, Life or whateverships were never meant to be easy..we just learn over time how to deal with them..the good and the bad, something tells me you will be fine, just give yourself a little time..and give your fuzzy an extra hug tonight.

big hugs
Jan

next2u · « **Reply #5 on:** June 08, 2009, 01:16:00 am »

will do. thnx for the comforting response. i kinda feel like free milk, lol.

Oceanbeach · « **Reply #6 on:** June 08, 2009, 08:12:15 pm »

You can go downtown to the flower mart after the bars close and get a big bouquet of daisys to mutilate. You know, "he loves me, he loves me not, he loves me, he loves me not" and probably get the wrong answer because... isn't he still going out with you and just not calling it a date?

Doesn't really sound like "single again" you sound like "the couple most likely to couple"... and those other guys? The Pointer Sisters did a song in the 70's with a chorus that went...
"Bet you got a chick on the side, don't you know it baby, bet you got a chick on the side" change to:
"Bet you got some dick on the side, don't you know it baby, bet you got some dick on the side" Now, this once popular tune is sexually correct, it can go gold again.

Someday when you two are not going on a date but are going for a movie, some food and maybe some sex... he may be arriving at your door and say something like "honey", "dear" or "sweetheart" you will realize you have his heart but relationships are never easy. He is driving 90 miles of L.A. freeways to see you, that comes from the heart

Have the best day
Michael

next2u · « **Reply #7 on:** June 08, 2009, 11:21:03 pm »

i so hear you michael. but unfortunately i can't think like that. and no, i don't think he's doing anyone else and neither am i. it's stupid, aggravating and totally consumming. i want him in my life. but if he doesn't want to be in my life in the same capacity in the same time frame then it's a choice i will respect. i think its a STUPID choice, but one i will still respect.

im blinded my emotions supported by logic bolstered by unsubstantiated hope. if he called and asked me out, i would say yes. i am also weaning myself off of him and allowing myself time for closure. u can lead a horse to water...

best,
d

Queen Tokelove · « **Reply #8 on:** June 09, 2009, 12:43:48 pm »

Sorry to hear that you are heartbroken, D. I think you deserve an explanation to why it is over. And am wondering why you don't want to know. Having the feelings that you do for dude and continuing to have sex with him is only going to make things more complicated. Friends with benefits suck when you have feelings for the other person.

next2u · « **Reply #9 on:** June 10, 2009, 04:55:13 pm »

thats right. not only have i been dumped, but i've been left with yet another sti. woke up this morning...feeling like shit. took a look at my dick and lo and behold discharge! i wasn't sure. took a piss, i'd look at it again in a couple hours.

and i did. and the confirmation was there yet again. called my dr. have an appt tomorrow at 3. get to tell him why im in again for this shit. yes dr, i had hoped i was in a monogamous relationship with someone who recently broke it off. thanks for diagnosing me with hiv, hcv and gonorrhea. of course i won't come to your neighborhood.

so, in my moment of closure i get to discover that not only do i have another sti, but i got it from the guy i've dated the longest in my life who apparently was getting some on the side (which infuriates me and makes me feel less worthy as a mate). i haven't had sex with another individual since january and this is pretty much shitty. shitty mc shitty.

why do i even try? and i still have to see my boss at work in 90 minutes. and i have 2 bday parties to go this weekend. i feel like shit. i have a sore threat, im tired, on and off headaches coupled with a leaky dick that will soon have that burning feeling.

i want to hurt something. i am angry. i am hurt. and i am alone ... again.

lastly, i will be okay, but i will need some time.

BT65 · « **Reply #10 on:** June 10, 2009, 08:48:49 pm »

D, him giving you an STI has nothing to do with your worth. I know you know that, and it's just an initial feeling. I'm so sorry this has happened. Good luck at the doctor.

Hug,
Betty

next2u · « **Reply #11 on:** June 10, 2009, 10:41:07 pm »

oh my god!!!

i just told him. and he wants to know who im sleeping with. i told him nobody! and then i asked who he was sleeping with. he told me nobody as well. what the fuck is this? the immaculate infection? uggh...

now im all happy that he wasnt sleeping with other people. but when i get tested tomorrow i guess ill know what's going on down below. what the fuck? the time frame is correct. we fucked saturday. i discharged today. i haven't had sex with another person since january.

if it weren't for this sti i'd believe him. i DO believe him. shit, now i feel like an infected whore. why does this happen? isn't life supposed to be easier? why is he fucking asymptomatic? what the fuck is wrong with my life. god, oh god. i haven't eaten well in days. i've been losing weight and can't sleep through the night. why can't he just be fucking around and break my heart already so i can move on with it.

instead, a mystery sti pops up and makes me feel even more unattractive and unworthy. do they make prophylactics for vengeful specters?

komnaes · « **Reply #12 on:** June 10, 2009, 11:24:21 pm »

Dude, do take care of that "discharge" whatever it may be and I am sure your doc has seen it all before. There's no need to punish yourself more mentally..

Big hugs, Shaun

next2u · « **Reply #13 on:** June 10, 2009, 11:33:09 pm »

trust, it will be taken care of. and dude is calling me back tonight.

weirdness. there has to be a logical answer. i dont want to believe he is lying to me and i do want to believe he is not having sex with other people.

but, somethings up. we did do different things this time, but im not sure how much that matters. we had sex for the first time 3 weeks ago. no symptoms. then we had sex again saturday that was more diverse. symptoms.

all of his recent sti tests were blood tests. im rationalizing this and thinking he hasn't had a test for gonorrhea or chlamydia in a while and he could be an asymptomatic carrier. when i entered him i could have, you know, picked it up. but that doesnt make a whole lot of medical sense. but neither does this (unless one of us in lying).

fuck. the worst part. in my emotionally crippled brain im now thinking he'll never want to touch me again. why the hell would i think that? i need to pay my therapist more.

next2u · « **Reply #14 on:** June 11, 2009, 01:51:04 am »

my dude and i just started having sex. i havent had sex with anyone since january and did not have it at that time. we had sex for the first time 3 weeks ago and then again this past weekend.

i woke up today feeling under the weather. i have a sore throat, intermittent headaches, and a white discharge from my penis. i told him about it and he claims he has not had sex with anyone else. in fact he went on to interrogate me about my sexual activities.

is it possible ive had latent gonorrhea or chlamydia since january? could he have had it? or do you think he cheated recently and then passed it on to me?

based on the above information do you think he was having sex with someone else or that either him or i have latent gonorrhea or chlamydia? i know ill have to wait until after getting my test results to confirm it's an sti, but shit, my brain is going crazy.

or could it be a male yeast infection?

Ann · « **Reply #15 on:** June 11, 2009, 06:47:02 am »

If a yeast infection causes any type of discharge, it will be a cottage-cheese type substance, not a drippy one. You'd likely be itchy with it.

He could very well be asymptomatic for chlamydia or gonorrhea. It's fairly common. Up to 60% of men never have symptoms of chlamydia, and a smalller percentage for gonorrhea.

You said you also have a sore throat - it's possible to get chlamydia and gonorrhea in your throat, so make sure they swab your throat as well. In fact, you could have gotten it from his mouth, if he's orally infected. Lots of men don't seem to consider oral sex as cheating or whatever, so maybe you need to ask him about blowjobs with other people.

Sorry to hear about this latest development. Hope you get it cleared up quickly.

Ann

Queen Tokelove · « **Reply #16 on:** June 11, 2009, 04:24:22 pm »

WOW and DAMN, D. I don't know much at all about men's health and all that. Just going by what you have said and drawing my own opinion. But it would seem like he passed a sti/std to you. Since you know who you have been with etc. It kind of trips me out that he wants to blame you. I think he knew he had whatever and now is flipping the script. But hey, I'm not a doctor and you know dude better than I do. It would truly make me think twice about laying with him. I hope you get to the bottom of it all and stop blaming yourself. Get better soon.

next2u · « **Reply #17 on:** June 11, 2009, 08:22:46 pm »

thank you ann, thank you queen.

i just came back from the hospital. the dr treated me for gonorrhea and chlymadia. we took a sample and will have the results in a week. my lil fantasy bubble of a yeast infection is pretty much bust. i don't know what's gonna happen with dude if this is an sti.

id buy the dormant bit but i did kiss him the first time we had sex. he did not go down on me the first time but he did last weekend. i dunno. but thanks again for your support.

this is becoming rather pointless.

best,
d

Queen Tokelove · « **Reply #18 on:** June 11, 2009, 08:51:21 pm »

So, I am assuming that if it's the clap or chlymadia, you are still going to stick with him? Question, is he doing anything as in being treated or is he in denial? You are a helluva man and so good looking, if I was a dude, I would do you...(trying to make you smile) I think you deserve better than sexual encounters and hope you will find someone who will truly appreciate you for the great person you are.

Ann · « **Reply #19 on:** June 12, 2009, 07:30:35 am »

d,

You're not necessarily going to get oral chlamydia or gonorrhea from kissing him. Unless you have a bit of lizard in you, your tongue is not going to reach as far into his mouth as your dick would. These infections, when in the oral cavity, tend to be focused at the back of the throat.

Also, these infections won't be "dormant". Dormant is not the same thing as asymptomatic. The infection would be active, but if it's asymptomatic, it just means it's not causing the carrier any discomfort or symptoms like a dripping dick or sore throat.

I hope the drip stops quickly now that you're on antibiotics. Good luck and feel better soon.

Ann

next2u · « **Reply #20 on:** June 12, 2009, 09:03:25 am »

thank you queen and ann,

yeah, the last few days have been rough. i didn't talk to dude yesterday and those antibiotics fucked my stomach up. i've had very long workdays, been dealing with this shit with him and my body been leaking strange substances.

i feel better today. i want to stay in bed but unfortunately i have to go to work. the symptoms are lessening so im thinking the antibiotics are kicking in. this morning there was less discharge and my sore throat and headache have gone away. i also feel more rested. my spirits are down and i'm really not motivated to do anything.

ill let him know to get a culture done from his throat and anus. he has only had blood tests and i've been told these cannot detect gonorrhea or chlamydia. if he is one of the few who are asymptomatic this would make this much easier to resolve. i am sooo tired, i think i don't want to try anymore. i will see how everything goes down over the next few weeks.

thank you again for your support and the objective information. have a good one.

best,
d

ps. im peeved he did not call yesterday. he knew i was sick...he could have just dropped a lil "how u feeling" call. when he was under the weather or emotionally upset id be sure to check in on him.

next2u · « **Reply #21 on:** June 12, 2009, 09:36:56 am »

so, how does this (these?) stis move through the body. if im going down on dude (annilingus or fellatio), will i still discharge from my and/or get a throat infection? can the bacteria travel through the body in 3-4 days?

if im penetrating dude (top/insertive penetrative anal sex) can the bacteria still find its way to my throat if no additional contact is made?

best,
d

Ann · « **Reply #22 on:** June 12, 2009, 10:20:54 am »

d,

No, these bacterial STIs don't travel through the body. They infect and are active at the point of contact with someone else's infection. In other words, if you only blew a guy who had a bacterial infection in his penis, you'd only get a throat infection. (although it's more difficult to get infected in your mouth than in your anus - saliva has properties that help us fight off all sorts of different bacteria, that's why we're not constantly sick with bacterial infections. But, oral gonorrhea IS fairly common.) If you only got blown by a guy with a bacterial STI in his throat, you'd only get the infection in your dick. If you only topped a guy with a bacterial STI in his bottom, you'd only get the infection in your dick. If you only bottomed for someone with a bacterial STI in his dick, you'd only get the infection in your bottom.

It's also possible to get chlamydia in your eyes if you rub your eyes when you've got infected cum on your fingers.

Aren't STIs fun? $:-\$

Hang in there mate, glad to hear the antibiotics are already working their magic.

Ann

PS - don't forget, your sore throat could have been just an ordinary sore throat. It isn't necessarily connected to what's going on further south. It could totally be just a coincidence that you had both at the same time.

Queen Tokelove · « **Reply #23 on:** June 12, 2009, 11:19:02 am »

"ps. im peeved he did not call yesterday. he knew i was sick...he could have just dropped a lil "how u feeling" call. when he was under the weather or emotionally upset id be sure to check in on him."

Ok, sweetie, that should tell you something right there. Obviously, he is a selfish S.O.B., excuse my bluntness but I think you like this guy so much that you seem willing to settle for his B.S...Honey, you can do better, kick his ass to the curb. I mean is the dick that good that you're willing to be miserable?

I only say these things because I care about you and have been where you are to a degree. As far as settling for a piece of crap because at the moment there was no one else.You need to focus on getting yourself better. Dick is a dime a dozen and I am sure you can find one better than dude. I hate to see you doing this to yourself......

next2u · « **Reply #24 on:** June 15, 2009, 09:03:59 pm »

thanks queen,
thanks ann,

so, i got the results today. i tested positive. no chlamydia. only gonorrhea. then i called him. and we talked. he's gonna get tested. we will talk about this more later. im relieved and taken a back at the same time.

best,
d

decayingsinner · « **Reply #25 on:** June 15, 2009, 10:47:16 pm »

i wish you much luck. I am so sorry to hear about your situations. I've been riding on such a high of falling into a new relationship and to hear of the falling apart of another is awful. Thinking of your well being, physically and emotionally.

next2u · « **Reply #26 on:** June 16, 2009, 12:27:53 am »

thank you for the support ds.

funny. my dr called me back and told me. then he was all "i have to report you to the county"...like i did something wrong. the tone in his voice was so criminal. ohhh...i've been a bad bad boy. the last dr didnt tell me, im assuming he just did.

lil fuckers. thank god he filled my xanax prescription.

hotpuppy · « **Reply #27 on:** June 16, 2009, 09:33:34 am »

Quote from: next2u on June 12, 2009, 09:03:25 am

thank you queen and ann,

yeah, the last few days have been rough. i didn't talk to dude yesterday and those antibiotics fucked my stomach up. i've had very long workdays, been dealing with this shit with him and my body been leaking strange substances.
ps. im peeved he did not call yesterday. he knew i was sick...he could have just dropped a lil "how u feeling" call. when he was under the weather or emotionally upset id be sure to check in on him.

Make sure to eat some Yogurt, it helps re-establish the "order of the universe" inside.

I'm sorry to hear that you are finding this guy to be bad news. If I remember right he was going to the baths with you and fucking everyone but you. That would make him a B*tch. Baths + lots of wild sex = STI.

On the bright side, and yes there is one, what you are describing sounds like it can be cured with a shot in the ass and a few doses of antibiotics. Sounds like they gave you Z-Max which does a number on your digestive system, but cleans house so to speak. If you must catch another STI, be it one that you know about quickly and can be cured. There are worse options.

A few quotes for your trouble:

That which does not destroy you only makes you stronger.

Pain is weakness leaving the body.

It is better to have loved and lost then to have never loved at all.

Men are like cats. If you pick them up and cuddle them they will scratch you and run off. If you set them on the floor and tell them to get out they will jump in your lap and demand that you pet them. Go figure.

Nobody cherishes a doormat. Everyone respects the stick. Which do you want to be?

Men are like buses. If the one you are riding isn't going where you want, hop off, wait 20 minutes for the next one. Or as my Mom says, sometimes it's better to walk.

Each relationship teaches something if you are willing to learn it's lesson.

Hope these grains of wisdom make you laugh and live. Love is the high, pain is the low, life is the space.

next2u · « **Reply #28 on:** June 16, 2009, 10:57:32 pm »

thanks for the kind words hotpuppy.

nah, this is an entirely different dude. i REaLLy know how to pick them huh? i was talking to my therapist about this the other day. i mean, if i keep picking or attracting these kind of people what the hell i am doing wrong? like, should i start dating the people im NOT attracted too, lol. my therapist kinda giggled and had no opinion on the matter.

well, that's a wrap. i guess it just didn't work out...again.

best,
d

Miss Philicia · « **Reply #29 on:** June 16, 2009, 11:18:48 pm »

In my experience I've only located long-term partners when I wasn't looking for them. When you fixate on the issue others can smell it on you, and then you attract the wrong sorts. So, in summary, you should become jaded and cynical, and then the offers will roll in. Oh, and always appear unobtainable. Everyone always wants something that they think they can't have.

And, of course, shoe choice helps.

next2u · « **Reply #30 on:** June 16, 2009, 11:27:53 pm »

thanks miss p,

yeah, this shit definitely sucks. i've been dreaming about him lately and wake up feeling all nostalgic. then i remember he called it off and is probably thinking about himself or something other than me. this whole getting over him thing bites and i kinda don't want to go through this again anytime soon.

it's kinda weird cause one of my reflexes is to just call some other dude (lord knows there are plenty around). but i just don't go through with it. i don't want to use someone to help me through this nor do i want to find myself in a similar situation again.

i will take your advice as well as ann's, queen's, hotpuppy and the others. this is over for now. i'll focus on myself as i get over him. and hopefully i will find something that makes me happier again. fuck wearing my heart on my sleeve. u know what else is kinda weird, the last few times ive been hit on (while all this shit has been unfolding) i kinda cringed.

thanks again,
d

fearless · « **Reply #31 on:** June 16, 2009, 11:55:35 pm »

hey d,

this is just my guess - but from what you've posted i bet his results will come back +ve for G up his butt. a lot of guys have no idea what is going on up there so he could have had it up there for a while without noticing or suspecting anything.
Did it turn out to be G in your throat too?

from my own experience you can seem to get these things in bursts. there was one 12 month period about 4 or 5 years ago when i seemed to end up with G every time I had sex with another guy. it drove me insane at the time. i've not had it since (touch wood)

next2u · « **Reply #32 on:** June 17, 2009, 12:19:36 am »

hey fearless,

yeah, it was either up his butt or down his throat. im sure i won't be in either again. sad, but true. knowing him he wont let anyone swab his ass cause that means he took it up the ass and he's kinda on the "im a man" side of things. weird.

yeah, he needs to get his throat & culo swabbed. if it comes back negative (which it may if he only gets his urethra swabbed) then it's def an immaculate infection. im not even sure if he will tell me at this point or if we will still be communicating. things are weird and im tired of being all funky over this. i can't help it, it fucking sucks, and the process is making me bitter and apathetic.

this would definitely be a burst. im just tired of guys and me having things. this is like becoming a trend. and i know, i know -- use condoms, lube and protection. but, like a dumbass, i was all enamored and hoping you know, that i wouldn't be hooking up with anyone else. he changed his mind someone down the line. and i got the clap as a farewell gift. much like my hiv, i only have myself to blame.

but thanks, sorry for moping. im working on it. have a good one! and yes, i hope that i don't have anymore outbreaks. i guess when the next guy comes along we could use condoms until we are both tested. unfortunately, in my head this plays out as rather futile. condoms were to prevent hiv. everything else could be dealt with.

best,
d

komnaes · « **Reply #33 on:** June 17, 2009, 12:46:13 am »

Quote from: Miss Philicia on June 16, 2009, 11:18:48 pm

And, of course, shoe choice helps.

And new computers.. I think I will propose to my new iMac tonight..

next2u · « **Reply #34 on:** June 17, 2009, 01:00:30 am »

my ipod will never leave me. and the straight guy who just can't get enough. interesting. the more i say no, the more he calls.

i guess i can go sympathy shopping at ross this weekend and spend a whole $30 bucks. get some fattening food after that. i hear ice cream and chocolate helps.

edfu · « **Reply #35 on:** June 17, 2009, 03:31:34 am »

I'm sorry for your troubles, but--and forgive me if I'm missing something here--but is dude known or presumed to be HIV-positive or -negative? Why would you you penetrate dude anally without a condom? If he's negative, aren't you concerned about infecting him? It's not like your viral load is "undetectable," either.

next2u · « **Reply #36 on:** June 26, 2009, 07:17:57 am »

shit,

we get the results back today. i'm assuming he will not have a positive test for gonorrhea or chlamydia. i dunno, in my head his dr would have called by now if something was amiss. and he told me they had him piss in a cup.

even though i was in no position to demand a more extensive test this definitely leaves us in an awkward situation. awkward cause we've been talking for hours about stuff again. awkward cause there is still a strong sexual tension. awkward cause i don't want to do him without a condom cause he hasn't been treated (if the test comes back non reactive).

so, just to recap. ive been good. my last sexual partner was sometime around feb and that was me giving some dude oral. before that my last anal sex partner was in jan and i had to get treated then for gonorrhea. recently, me and dude did it like 3 weeks ago and we covered all bases sexually, both giving in receiving.

my question. will a piss test reveal gonorrhea if he has it up the wazoo? i have not had my penis in another person's anus or mouth since january (the beginning of january, mind u). if my penis is oozing goo 3 days after sex it is pretty definitive in my mind where the goo came from (barring bedsheets). am i missing something?

im not upset with dude...he's asymptomatic and hasn't been tested for bacterial sti's. he's had a number of blood tests that screen for other stis.

i hate that this fucking shit happened. it would be easier if we both tested positive for gonorrhea and both had symptoms. but without a conclusive test for him what the fuck am i supposed to do moving forward? pretend like it didnt happen and ask to use condoms when engaging in sexual activities if there are more? trust, that would be the easiest solution in an ideal situation. unfortunately, those actions could rouse sleeping beasts and exacerbate an already uneasy situation.

i mean seriously, there is a HUGE fucking elephant in the room. and i don't even know his thoughts on the whole situation. frankly, it would be easier to walk away from this if there weren't so many fucking emotions involved. and i wouldn't walk away from something like this without a clear sign of dubious sexual activity. (he told me i was the only person he was with sexually since feb as well).

did i mention i dreamed about him for 7 days straight last week? did i also mention that we have resumed talking everyday? fuck.

Miss Philicia · « **Reply #37 on:** June 26, 2009, 10:28:08 am »

No offense darling, but did you see any test result yourself or are you just going by what he's told you verbally, and if the latter why is your default position to assume this fine gentleman isn't an habitual serial liar?

Otherwise, so you had the Big G just back 6 months ago? I could swear that going by your over-reaction to it all in this thread that this was your first experience with a non-HIV STD.

But on a medical level, I don't think you can get treatment for gonorrhea and then have it return six months later. I suppose you could get it from giving a blow job and then have it float around your body for months before ending up on your dick, but I would assume the chances of this happening would be along the line of 1%, so I'd probably rule it out myself.

I'll wait for someone else to weight in on this from the medical angle but the man sounds psychotic.

next2u · « **Reply #38 on:** June 26, 2009, 12:25:36 pm »

thanks miss p,

yeah, ive totally become a teenager over this situation. once it hit me that he'd probably test negative i just got in a funk. i haven't even talked to him. unfortunately this is my second round of the clap (had it in jan) and im just about over it.

there are a shitload of unresolved emotions circling this situation and i find myself not being able to sleep and super unmotivated. i feel tainted and dirty all over again. i don't want to have to explain myself or have some dr explain how this works (the test, cultures, infection sites, etc...)

i hate this situation. thanks for your input. ann said that gonorrhea does not travel around the body. it is a site infection and kinda stays put unless physical activities - additional sexual activities - move it around. and i have not seen his test. and i am sure he will produce it upon request. i willl take your former advice and just wait before the next thing happens. lord knows i dont want to be touched by anyone now.

next2u · « **Reply #39 on:** June 26, 2009, 07:38:24 pm »

so, we got his test results...

and had a strange awkward conversation.

yeah, as suspected, he tested negative. what the fuck?

any takers? oh, and for your non believers he offered to show me the test results.

ann - your input is requested! and yes, we are still whatever. friends in limbo i guess. the elephant in the room is a little cuter and encased in a giant prophylactic. i have scheduled more tests. he has not.

best,
d

Miss Philicia · « **Reply #40 on:** June 26, 2009, 07:49:15 pm »

"offered"? So that means you didn't actually see them. amirite

Queen Tokelove · « **Reply #41 on:** June 26, 2009, 09:44:52 pm »

Quote from: Miss Philicia on June 26, 2009, 07:49:15 pm

"offered"? So that means you didn't actually see them. amirite

That's what I was wondering too. And I am waiting on Ann too. Um, if this was the only guy you was boning then how you end up with the clap and he didn't? I'm not buying the immaculate infection defense. You my homie, dawg, boy, and all that but baby something in the milk ain't clean. Isn't that how the saying goes? This damn near reminds me of a Maury episode.

next2u · « **Reply #42 on:** June 26, 2009, 10:41:44 pm »

you two are way awesome. im going on the line to say i do trust him. and i dunno. the immaculate infection line is crap (and a poor rip off of a madonna greatest hits collection). there has to be a reason. we will see. and if there is sex again we will use condoms.

i have to admit, i kinda like the fact that we have handled this like adults. and he believes me too. i have already scheduled more labs.

best,
d

Ann · « **Reply #43 on:** June 27, 2009, 06:12:30 am »

Quote from: Miss Philicia on June 26, 2009, 10:28:08 am

I suppose you could get it from giving a blow job and then have it float around your body for months before ending up on your dick, but I would assume the chances of this happening would be along the line of 1%, so I'd probably rule it out myself.

No, gonorrhea doesn't "float" around the body. I explained that in one of my posts above.

A piss test will ONLY test positive if he has the infection in his dick. You're going to have to tell him that he needs to have BOTH his ass and his throat swabbed as that is the only way to find out where his infection is. He might not like it, but hey, tough. He needs treatment.

If your previous gonorrhea infection wasn't cleared (and sometimes that does happen - it's always a good idea to re-test after treatment as there are antibiotic resistant strains out there), you would have shown symptoms earlier than when you did. The fact that you started dripping three days after sex with this guy points to the fact that he is the source of your infection. The timing is spot on.

You're going to have to be firm with this guy and make sure he gets his ass and throat swabbed. Good luck!

Ann

next2u · « **Reply #44 on:** June 27, 2009, 03:10:19 pm »

thank you ann. i am on my way to get a more comprehensive test as well. might as well since my current dr is behaving like a tard. ill get the FULL panel and will only engage in safe sex with him (or the next him) until they do so as well.

your advice, as always, is appreciated.

i have sent him a text letting him know of my plans. he can join my for the test, i believe it will cost under 200 for everything but the funds are available.

best,
d

Ann · « **Reply #45 on:** June 27, 2009, 05:41:13 pm »

You're welcome, D. Glad to help.

I have to admit that I'm a bit shocked at how much it will cost you to have the tests done. Bloody hell, you'd think they'd make it a easy as possible for people to test for this stuff. I can't tell you how grateful I am for the NHS. When my bf and I first got back together and our doctor found out, he made both of us get a full STI check-up before he gave us his blessings for barebacking. It cost us nothing. And barebacking is priceless.

Make sure he gets his mangina swabbed as well - manly man or not - it has to be done.

Hugs - cuz I think you need tons of hugs right now...
Ann
xxx

Luke · « **Reply #46 on:** June 27, 2009, 05:41:41 pm »

Just as an aside, gonorrhoea can actually go blood-borne and spread through the body; but Ann's advice that localised infections can only be diagnosed by sampling the site of infection still stands.

Ann · « **Reply #47 on:** June 27, 2009, 05:59:22 pm »

Quote from: Luke on June 27, 2009, 05:41:41 pm

Just as an aside, gonorrhoea can actually go blood-borne and spread through the body; but Ann's advice that localised infections can only be diagnosed by sampling the site of infection still stands.

Luke, do you have a reference for gono going blood-borne (links)? I've looked previous to this, but haven't found anything. Your help with this would be gratefully received.

And by the way, welcome to the forums.

Ann

Luke · « **Reply #48 on:** June 27, 2009, 06:10:52 pm »

Ann,

Any decent gonorrhea resource should stress the fact that, if left untreated - or if treatment fails - it can spread through the blood to affect the joints and cause potentially fatal disease of the heart valves. This is why it is important to retest several weeks after completion of treatment.

The CDC fact-sheet on gonorrhea sums it up nicely:

Quote

Gonorrhea can spread to the blood or joints. This condition can be life threatening. In addition, people with gonorrhea can more easily contract HIV, the virus that causes AIDS. HIV-infected people with gonorrhea can transmit HIV more easily to someone else than if they did not have gonorrhea.

http://www.cdc.gov/std/Gonorrhea/STDFact-gonorrhea.htm#complications

Ann · « **Reply #49 on:** June 27, 2009, 06:30:43 pm »

Luke, thanks.

I knew about the issues with joints and the heart - but I thought you meant it could travel through the blood and cause symptoms and/or infection (like a genital discharge, sore throat or itchy/drippy/otherwise weird ass) at a point other than the place of initial infection. It can't do that.

Thanks again for the clarification.

Ann

next2u · « **Reply #50 on:** June 29, 2009, 01:06:25 am »

yeah, my understanding is the same. gonorrhea is a site infection. if left untreated it can affect other parts of the body but those are more complications than the transmittable stuff.

anyhow, saw dude yesterday. after i went in for my consultation. my sti dr stressed that i not have unprotected sex with him again because of the chance of reinfection. the dr gave me a gonorrhea, chlamydia and syphilis test. plus he gave my body the once over just to be sure there wasn't anything missed. btw, that shit is expensive out of pocket. if i werent so stressed over the situation i would have just waited a month to see my id dr. btw, tcells are around 400 and vl is around 13,000.

so the sti dr also gave me meds for dude. dr told me there are many variations of the gonorrhea test and they do not consistently produce accurate results. he also confirmed it was highly unlikely my first treatment failed and that i spontaneously became symptomatic after my last sexual stint. he said the source was most likely dude (cause i aint fucking no one else and the bed sheets weren't THAT dirty).

so i told dude this over the phone. he's gonna get a more comprehensive exam this week. he will also open up to his dr about his sexual proclivities. i also told him i had the meds if he wanted them. ill def keep them for back up (this year has been a complete sti bitch).

so i hung out with dude as well. he came over and hung out with some of my friends and i yesterday. we had a couple drinks and whatnot. it was kinda awkward. not the whole unresolved sti thing, but the lack of flirting between him and i. like, i kinda didn't really talk to him much and he kinda chatted with my close friends most of the evening. im not exactly sure why it went down that way. when he tried to initiate conversation with me i was in the middle of something or when i tried to with him it was the same. there was no animosity but i will admit i was bit jealous. when i woke up this morning i was all bummed that he had hung out with me and my friends for hours and i only spoke with him for moments in person. yeah, i know. trust, i know...

anyhow, we spoke again this morning. i almost ended up crying again. im kinda at the point where i know i should let this go. most of my friends and fellow message board users agree. i don't like being here and i don't know where else to go. im not ready to start over but i guess i have no choice but to learn to be my own best friend.

and i want to be happier. he makes me happy but he also drives me insane at times. unfortunately, the balance is swinging closer to 50/50 and i do not like those odds. plus my straight & gay friends think he is very handsome. which i kinda find disconcerting. i know he is handsome but it was not my primary reason for maintaining our whatevership until it was changed. now i kinda don't feel on par with dude in the looks department and i guess phantom inadequacies are starting to surface. btw, he did check in on me periodically and we did still talk throughout the night...just nothing substantial $:-\$

plus these long conversations we are having coupled with the unresolved sexual tension is fucking my head. yes, we could have used condoms and had sex last night. no, we did not (i also ended up worshipping the porcelain god).

another day.

best,
d

ps. no more pretty/handsome ones. i think im developing an aversion for something i would have overlooked or marked up as a perk.

Oceanbeach · « **Reply #51 on:** June 29, 2009, 02:57:22 am »

Quote from: Sonomabeach on June 08, 2009, 08:12:15 pm

Doesn't really sound like "single again" you sound like "the couple most likely to couple".

Someday when you two are not going on a date but are going for a movie, some food and maybe some sex... he may be arriving at your door and say something like "honey", "dear" or "sweetheart" you will realize you have his heart but relationships are never easy. He is driving 90 miles of L.A. freeways to see you, that comes from the heart Have the best day
Michael

D Schweetheart,

Far be it for me to quote myself, I once had a history of quoting National Lampoon or Rolling Stone but, I said it then and I say it now... You guys seem more like the couple most likely to couple than single again. So, you gave each other an STI and you are working together to take care of it, he is still driving 90 miles of L.A. freeway to see you and meeting your friends.

There is a monument in San Pedro called The Korean Friendship Bell, on a clear day you can see Catalina. It has never been done before but it would be a nice place for a wedding! Next door, there is an abandoned armory which would be an excellent place for a reception and if you had your brides maids in camo and your band sporting the Robert Palmer Girls, backed by the Tower of Power Horn Section, you would have the social event of the year.

Have the best day
Michael

Robert · « **Reply #52 on:** June 29, 2009, 03:11:00 am »

Quote from: next2u on June 29, 2009, 01:06:25 am

i don't know where else to go. im not ready to start over but i guess i have no choice but to learn to be my own best friend.

hi d.

michael stepped on my toes. As I was typing, he was posting. He's the lead but I'll follow cus we're both sayng the same thing.

i'v e been keeping up with all that's happened.

Just my 2 bits worth. First of all, it's nice to be your own best friend, i suppose, but it doesn't mean shit it you can't share it with someone. \

now it seems to me this guy is worth sharing it with. it sounds like you're open and honest with him. you told him all about your Dr and his advice and the pills. YOu guys are still talking. Maybe this incident will make him see you in the right light and he'll come clean, gonorrhea wise and relationship wise. And it sounds like he's sayng the right and doing the right things.

I'd persue it, that's for sure.

robt

Oceanbeach · « **Reply #53 on:** June 29, 2009, 03:50:42 am »

See, Robert agrees and he is the reason I am in my man's life for almost a year and a half. I was going to let him drop me after the first date and Robert said no, his man was such a pest when they first met and they have been together for 21 years. I became a real pest...

Just last week, I wanted a hug and a kiss so I drove to San Francisco and valet parked. My phone rang, it was him wondering where I was. I'm at your door and it is locked for lunch. I think we should make Robert the Fairy Godmother of Relationships here on the Forums

Have the best day
Michael

Miss Philicia · « **Reply #54 on:** June 29, 2009, 11:51:45 am »

Drop him like a hot potato.

Oceanbeach · « **Reply #55 on:** June 29, 2009, 07:06:00 pm »

Quote from: Miss Philicia on June 29, 2009, 11:51:45 am

Drop him like a hot potato.

Now, D...

I love Phylatio but, I am a romantic at heart. You should start planning your wedding. My little sister started planning hers at age 5 and it is a good thing because she has already had 3 of them. I should admit, I am planning my wedding. I recently told my man bride that I was going to someday ask him to be my wife. We are going to go to sea in a beautiful pea green boat with plenty of money and a jar of honey, wrapped up in a 5 pound note.

Have the best day
Michael

Queen Tokelove · « **Reply #56 on:** June 29, 2009, 07:11:27 pm »

Quote from: Miss Philicia on June 29, 2009, 11:51:45 am

Drop him like a hot potato.

Girl, we are on the same page...let me mark this on the calendar because it will prolly never happen again...ever......

Now if only I could channel your fashion sense...

bocker3 · « **Reply #57 on:** June 29, 2009, 07:29:06 pm »

Quote from: next2u on June 29, 2009, 01:06:25 am

and i want to be happier. he makes me happy but he also drives me insane at times. unfortunately, the balance is swinging closer to 50/50 and i do not like those odds.

OK, so I haven't been single since 1990, so I may not be the best one to be giving advice, but I couldn't let this comment lay there........

Another person isn't going to make your life happy -- you have to be able to do that for yourself. Now, another person can definitely make your life HAPPIER. I may be reading more into this comment (and your previous posts) than I should, but it sounds like your happiness is very dependent on having a man in your life. That is simply expecting WAY TOO MUCH of another human being -- he's bound to fail you at some point. Again, my apologies if I'm overreading here -- but.........

Second -- who says that Mr (or Mrs) Right isn't supposed to drive you crazy?? Relationships are not all "Hollywood fantasy" and perfect. My partner makes my life much more complete and a happier place -- but he also has the most uncanny ability to drive me nuts -- and I'm sure that the reverse is true for him. However, we love each other -- we have interests together and interests apart (no, I"m not talking about other men -- there was a time, but that didn't work out to well for us -- we are now a magnetic couple -- and have decided against it going forward). In almost 19 yrs, I can promise that there were times that I was mentally cataloguing our house as to what I was taking and what he was taking. These things pass -- we talk about, move on and live our lives. Remembering why we fell in love and what we find special about each other. I will say that there is more and more good times and fewer "drive me nuts" times as the years go by, but I doubt that we will ever stop driving each other nuts at times.

Anyway -- I'm rattling on here -- bottom line is to make sure that YOU can make yourself happy first and that relationships are definitely up and down, so don't throw it away because you experience some downs.

Hugs,
Mike

Ann · « **Reply #58 on:** June 30, 2009, 03:42:14 am »

Quote from: Sonomabeach on June 29, 2009, 07:06:00 pm

We are going to go to sea in a beautiful pea green boat with plenty of money and a jar of honey, wrapped up in a 5 pound note.

Michael, let me know when you need that five pound (£5.00) note. I'll post one off to you.

Ann

PS - do you want a Manx fiver, or an English one?

next2u · « **Reply #59 on:** June 30, 2009, 06:22:38 am »

wow...

you all are great. regardless of what side of the fence you are on, thank you for your support. it means a lot as i process this. once again, i am not sleeping well. im sleeping in 3 - 4 hour stints and it fucking sucks working a full stressful day after getting a crap night of sleep.

so, i didnt sleep well last night either. went to work this morning and was humiliated in front of my team (think 50+ individuals) on a conference call (in my room there were 20 of us) for not being alert. they expect us to follow diligently during those wonderful powerpoint presentations on the latest modification to our company's strategy. unfortunately, 4 hours of sleep and a powerpoint presentation at 830 in the morning sans a cup of jo isn't my best friend. i dont like stimulants and caffenine make me all jittery and weird.

as i was struggling to stay awake i was asked a question on a former slide. my mind went blank and i had no response. needless to say i felt like an utter moron and now will have to undertake months of relationship and reputation rebuilding because of this gaffe. i love corporate america. and once again i am up and have only had 3 and a half hours of sleep.

so, dude calls me while im at work. he updates me on his situation and hears the distress in my voice. in my moment of doubt i vent to him about what happened and that i was stressed and going out of my head over things i dont have complete control over.

when i got off work we talked about it at length and he offered me advice. even though he had not been in my situation i felt better knowing that he cared and tried to make things better for me. we subsequently made plans to go to at least 2 events and had another sexually charged conversation as well.

i am a romantic at heart. i want to believe this will work. i do have my doubts but i have not strayed. and neither has he. and yes, we are talking every day again. no, we are not all butterflies and sunshine but those elements are still present.

next2u · « **Reply #60 on:** June 30, 2009, 06:49:33 am »

michael - thank you for the kind words. i hope we are a couple more likely to couple again. i still like dude. and at the end of the day i'd rather have him around then not. he's a big kid at heart and likes to play. i like playing also. when things get tense there is always something trivial and amusing for us to talk about.

robt - ive been on my own for over 10 years. it is great to have someone to share these things with. and michael says u've ushered him in the right direction for his current relationship -- hehehe, i will take that as a good sign and continue forward (albeit, not full speed ahead).

miss p - if the potato gets any hotter im coming to you for my bitching session. queen, u r so gonna be in there as well!!! lets give dude and my heart some more time. but thank you, i want to protect myself as well and will definitely move ahead at a slower pace.

mike - haha, no one said he wasn't supposed to drive me crazy. thanks for factoring that in. i know he doesn't get me all the time. i know i don't get him all the time. i do know he returns my phone calls and listens intently. i also know that i stop what im doing to give him my undivided attention as well (when humanly possible

). u r right, another person will not make my life happy, but he can help make it more fulfilling. as stated earlier, ive been single damn near over 10 years without a true relationship (agreed boyfriends and whatnot). mind you, im 31 and thats been the majority of my romantic adult life. yeah, there are some ups & downs. after the downs dude is still on my mind. and as i work through this bullshit at work and in life it's comforting to know that there will be someone there for me (hopefully) after the crap cycles out. and no, you are not reading too much into things...you are dead on. my peeps often tell me i am reading into things too much...i just think it's a sign of an analytical brain substantiating a position or theory.

ann - you're just wonderful. michael - you heard the lady, she's got your back and i want pics from your adventures at sea

.

best,
d

Ann · « **Reply #61 on:** June 30, 2009, 11:04:59 am »

Quote from: next2u on June 30, 2009, 06:49:33 am

ann - you're just wonderful.

Aw, you made me blush! (and that's not an easy feat to accomplish, I can tell you!)

Good luck with Dude. I have plenty of ups and downs with my man too, but I wouldn't trade him for anything. Take an occasional break, sure, but never for long. I couldn't imagine him not being in my life again. We were apart for ten years at one point, back together for just over a year and a half now. We won't be spending that much time apart again if we can help it.

Hugs,
Ann

Oceanbeach · « **Reply #62 on:** June 30, 2009, 02:50:52 pm »

Quote from: next2u on June 30, 2009, 06:22:38 am

wow...

you all are great. regardless of what side of the fence you are on

D Honey,

Don't listen to the others. They are not California girls (like us) and are not aware of the Lydia Pense Syndrome. I suppose I should explain what Lydia Pense Syndrome is...

BACKGROUND:

Lydia Pense was a singer in San Francisco during the late 60's. She fronted a band called Cold Blood which had a horn section rivaling Tower of Power and identical twins on baritone and alto sax. She had the best producers and lighted the stages of the Fillmore and Winterland in black sequined little dresses, while her soundman was breaking down her voice in a digital audio processor and pumping it through a wall of Marshall amps. The up and coming computer design guys Steve Jobs and Bill Gates melted on the floor and as she sang, "I just want to make love to you", there was not a dry seat in the house. She gave it all up for a man in Menlo Park, lived in a big house and never sang again.

The woman who once scared the hell out of the producers and managers of Janis Joplin and Grace Slick, Annie Sampson and Jo Baker (Stoneground) gave up her stage to become a trophy wife. Like all trophy wives, there is always a little breeze on the back of our necks... it is the breath of the next girl trying to take our man.

Lydia Pense tried to do a comeback tour but at 70 and sagging, she failed to fill the stage of the Mendocino County Fair and no one wanted to hear a great grandmother sing, "I just want to make love to you".

Have the best day
Michael

Miss Philicia · « **Reply #63 on:** July 02, 2009, 02:10:38 am »

Quote from: next2u on June 30, 2009, 06:22:38 am

i am a romantic at heart. i want to believe this will work. i do have my doubts but i have not strayed. and neither has he. and yes, we are talking every day again.

Uh, no dear -- someone strayed. And it's not the straying that is so bad, it's the lying.

Oceanbeach · « **Reply #64 on:** July 02, 2009, 07:23:25 pm »

Quote from: Miss Philicia on July 02, 2009, 02:10:38 am

Uh, no dear -- someone strayed. And it's not the straying that is so bad, it's the lying.

Phylatio Dear,

This is California and I'm not sure the rules of moral behavior apply.

Have the best day
Michael

Miss Philicia · « **Reply #65 on:** July 02, 2009, 09:18:12 pm »

Quote from: next2u on June 30, 2009, 06:22:38 am

but i have not strayed. and neither has he.

so what then -- did you both catch it off of a toilet seat?

next2u · « **Reply #66 on:** July 02, 2009, 10:31:31 pm »

yeah, that was never really resolved. kinda the whole elephant in the room thing. im sure it will rear its ugly head when the opportunity presents itself.

Oceanbeach · « **Reply #67 on:** July 04, 2009, 03:46:55 am »

Quote from: Ann on June 30, 2009, 03:42:14 am

Michael, let me know when you need that five pound (£5.00) note. I'll post one off to you.

Ann

PS - do you want a Manx fiver, or an English one?

I heard part the story first on the movie The Avengers and searched forever for the rest of it, only to be disapointed. Now Ann, if you will kindly shatter the rest of my illusions by telling me how much a 5 lb note is worth in USD...

Have the best day
Michael

Ann · « **Reply #68 on:** July 04, 2009, 06:58:32 am »

Quote from: Sonomabeach on July 04, 2009, 03:46:55 am

Now Ann, if you will kindly shatter the rest of my illusions by telling me how much a 5 lb note is worth in USD...

Michael, at the time of posting, 5.00 GBP = 8.16453 USD. The exchange rate is the same for Manx currency. Yes, The Rock has its very own currency.

Ann

[attachment deleted by admin]

Miss Philicia · « **Reply #69 on:** July 04, 2009, 07:23:11 am »

Quote from: Ann on July 04, 2009, 06:58:32 am

Michael, at the time of posting, 5.00 GBP = 8.16453 USD. The exchange rate is the same for Manx currency. Yes, The Rock has its very own currency.

Ann

LOL... yeah, but if the exchange rate is the same as the pound it's not your "own currency" it's kind of like fake sovereignty. Those Brits really have you islanders fooled.

Ann · « **Reply #70 on:** July 04, 2009, 07:41:00 am »

Quote from: Miss Philicia on July 04, 2009, 07:23:11 am

LOL... yeah, but if the exchange rate is the same as the pound it's not your "own currency" it's kind of like fake sovereignty. Those Brits really have you islanders fooled.

Yeah, well tell that to all the bankers and shopkeepers in the UK who refuse to take Manx currency. It's considered and treated as a foreign currency and you have to have it changed before you go "across", as we refer to trips to the UK. We're not fooled - it is what it is.

Ann

Miss Philicia · « **Reply #71 on:** July 04, 2009, 11:11:00 am »

Quote from: Ann on July 04, 2009, 07:41:00 am

Yeah, well tell that to all the bankers and shopkeepers in the UK who refuse to take Manx currency. It's considered and treated as a foreign currency and you have to have it changed before you go "across", as we refer to trips to the UK. We're not fooled - it is what it is.

Ann

You really shouldn't take things so personally. It's not attractive!

BT65 · « **Reply #72 on:** July 04, 2009, 01:40:43 pm »

Anyway, yeah, D, even though you two are still communicating, you know someone strayed, else the case of the clap wouldn't have happened. I agree with Miss P., it's not so much the straying, it's the lying about it. That would make me think before I let it happen again. I mean, I believe in the power of forgiveness, but someone has to admit fault. Otherwise, how many other things are being lied about?

Miss Philicia · « **Reply #73 on:** July 04, 2009, 03:03:54 pm »

Quote from: BT65 on July 04, 2009, 01:40:43 pm

Anyway, yeah, D, even though you two are still communicating, you know someone strayed, else the case of the clap wouldn't have happened. I agree with Miss P., it's not so much the straying, it's the lying about it. That would make me think before I let it happen again. I mean, I believe in the power of forgiveness, but someone has to admit fault. Otherwise, how many other things are being lied about?

Plus the guy knows he's a liar or why else would he have acted so strange at that dinner/cocktail party function? It's clear as day to me, but I'm concerned that next2u is allowing this guy to use him as a doormat and that's just not good for one's soul, and certainly NOT the basis of a relationship. Sorry to sound harsh with this, but that's what he's doing -- playing you.

I'm rather aghast at the love sick queens on this board that are rallying on the sidelines with their big pom poms thinking "love will save the day" (ref. Whitney) -- no, love doesn't save the day when someone is a habitual liar and manipulator.

Queen Tokelove · « **Reply #74 on:** July 04, 2009, 03:10:54 pm »

Quote from: Miss Philicia on July 04, 2009, 03:03:54 pm

Plus the guy knows he's a liar or why else would he have acted so strange at that dinner/cocktail party function? It's clear as day to me, but I'm concerned that next2u is allowing this guy to use him as a doormat and that's just not good for one's soul, and certainly NOT the basis of a relationship. Sorry to sound harsh with this, but that's what he's doing -- playing you.

I'm rather aghast at the love sick queens on this board that are rallying on the sidelines with their big pom poms thinking "love will save the day" (ref. Whitney) -- no, love doesn't save the day when someone is a habitual liar and manipulator.

All I can say is TESTIFY!!!!! You know the saying tho, fool me once shame on you, fool me twice shame on me...wonder how it goes if you go for the trifecta. All we can do now is let D do D.

Oceanbeach · « **Reply #75 on:** July 04, 2009, 03:51:24 pm »

Quote from: Ann on July 04, 2009, 06:58:32 am

Michael, at the time of posting, 5.00 GBP = 8.16453 USD. The exchange rate is the same for Manx currency. Yes, The Rock has its very own currency.

Ann

Must be a BIG rock to have it's own currency. I had it pictured in my mind as a village with an old castle ruins, a pub and some fishing fleet.

Now, for everyone else... This is California where lying and cheating are daily events. Look at our Goverator, Arnold Schwartzenegger. He was elected to office by lying and cheating and look at what a mess he has made. The State Department of Health, Office of AIDS has been cut $55.5 million in funding which will possible be the ADAP monies. Medi-Cal which many (if not most) people on disability depend upon for healthcare insurance has lost dental, vision care and in-home services. Two hundred, twenty state parks have been threatened with closure and six of them may be taken over by the feds. What does he say... "Hasta La Vista, Baby"

Now, back in our little cyber world, it appears either D or Dude may have given each other the clap while June Cleaver is baking cookies.

Have the best day
Michael

next2u · « **Reply #76 on:** July 04, 2009, 05:12:39 pm »

wow. i really don't know what to say. i have to admit, i do believe him and have kinda stuffed this all into the unknown section of my brain.

we do have another date coming up rather soon and still are talking on a daily basis. im kinda weird in my head about having sex with him again. i mean, i dunno. what if we do it again without condoms (both of our tests have come back negative)

if i catch it again, should i be relieved and tell him to get his butt checked?

if i don't catch it, should i be upset? should i abolish this memory away?

i dunno, this is some fucked up shit. we both are moving forward on this runaway train and hopefully it docks somewhere soon.

the other fucked up shit -- all of my friends think he is hot and i am developing major issues over this. im starting to feel like the ugly duckling in our thing. before i felt like an equal, now im also concerned about having every bitch within 50 feet of us breathing down his neck. im also equally paranoid about him jumping ship as soon as the grass becomes greener.

dude, this shit totally sucks at times and i doubt ill do anything romantically serious or sexually adventurous anytime soon.

next2u · « **Reply #77 on:** July 04, 2009, 05:14:39 pm »

oh, and i think manx has currency ego issues. can you say prideful, lol?

Oceanbeach · « **Reply #78 on:** July 04, 2009, 06:17:35 pm »

When I was really young, I lived in Madrid with an older man who was 25. I can laugh at this as I can't imagine what he is like today, it has been almost 40 years. For 1,000 pesetas you could get a good looking woman and another 200 pesetas for clean sheets. It was a class act, Calle Ballestra. There was a woman named Sandy who was not only a sex worker but a Witch, we all became friends.

One day as I was starting to piss, I noticed a crusty white blockage had formed. Some antibiotics took care of it that time and many other times as well. We both were getting it and the doctors were calling it non-specific meaning it may or may not have been caused by sex. We joked at home about me giving him the clap. I'm going to be 60 years in a few and must admit, I have seen and done a lot, except love. Now, that is happening and I know in advance he will never cheat or lie to me (because he loves me so?) No, fear of witchcraft...

Have the best day
Michael

Luke · « **Reply #79 on:** July 04, 2009, 06:54:28 pm »

Quote from: Miss Philicia on July 04, 2009, 07:23:11 am

LOL... yeah, but if the exchange rate is the same as the pound it's not your "own currency" it's kind of like fake sovereignty. Those Brits really have you islanders fooled.

That'll be because the Isle of Man isn't really independent. It isn't a part of either the United Kingdom (which is really the United Kingdom of Great Britain and Northern Ireland) or the European Union (which Northern Ireland is a member of, even though it isn't part of Great Britain - which is really only England, Scotland and Wales); but it is a Crown dependency and a member state of what is officially stated in British Law as the 'British Islands' (which the United Nations quite incorrectly labels the United Kingdom - but that is because all responsibility for the foreign relations of all member states of the British Islands is vested in the United Kingdom) .. and because of all that, the Isle of Man is legally a part of the de facto British Pound Sterling currency union.

With the exception of England & Wales, each of the states within the British Islands can print their own money; but the only universal legal tender in the British Islands is the British Pound Sterling issued by the Bank of England (which, just to confuse matters, is really the Bank of the British Islands .. because England doesn't actually have a national bank).

All 'legal tender' really means is that a court of law in that state has by law to accept that currency in settlement of a debt, so there isn't actually any legal impediment on you spending any Pound issued by any state in the British Islands in any shop anywhere in the British Islands; but nor is there any legal obligation on anyone to accept anything which isn't legal tender in the state in which the transaction takes place.

Bank of England pounds (i.e. British Pounds) are legal tender everywhere within the states of British Islands, along with the non-states of the British Antarctic Territory, Gibraltar, Saint Helena, South Georgia, the South Sandwich Islands and the British Indian Ocean Territory (where the US dollar is also legal tender .. but that's another story)

Manx (Isle of Man) Pounds (along with Bailiwicks of Jersey & Guernsey Pounds) are legal tender in the state of issue.

Scottish and Northern Irish Pounds aren't technically speaking legal tender anywhere - not even in the state of issue - which really pisses the Scots off when they realise (but luckily most don't).

Wales doesn't get a mention, because a) it is Wales and b) it is regarded as part of England for most important things (but don't tell the Welsh that because they get really upset and burn your holiday home down).

All clear now?

_{Factual as the foregoing is, it is simply a civil servant's attempt at a humorous representation of just how bloody complicated it is to live in the British Islands and their dependent territories.}

Oceanbeach · « **Reply #80 on:** July 04, 2009, 07:14:49 pm »

Quote from: Luke on July 04, 2009, 06:54:28 pm

All clear now?

_{Factual as the foregoing is, it is simply a civil servant's attempt at a humorous representation of just how bloody complicated it is to live in the British Islands and their dependent territories.}

Mostly and thank you Luke. The illness I had written about earlier in this thread called, "Lydia Pense Syndrome" was completely fabricated and some of my best work but, in another post within D's tread, I spoke of my BF and made reference to The Owl and the Pussycat. Being an American, I never heard the story as a child but they set sail in a beautiful pea green boat with plenty of money and a jar of honey, wrapped up in a 5 lb note.

How large would a 5 lb note be? Wouldn't it be part of the "plenty of money?" Then, last but not least, we have a white boat and I was thinking about having it painted green.

Have the best day
Michael

[attachment deleted by admin]

edfu · « **Reply #81 on:** July 04, 2009, 07:42:35 pm »

Quote from: next2u on July 04, 2009, 05:12:39 pm

im kinda weird in my head about having sex with him again. i mean, i dunno. what if we do it again without condoms (both of our tests have come back negative)

if i catch it again, should i be relieved and tell him to get his butt checked?

Whoa...

Has he or has he not (according to him) had his butt checked already or not??? You previously said he had a problem with doing that. Does he now claim that he has had his throat checked as well?

Is this guy HIV+ or not? Is this a serosort relationship? If not, why are you anally fucking him without a condom anyway? You have a detectable viral load.

joemutt · « **Reply #82 on:** July 08, 2009, 03:01:31 am »

Quote from: next2u on July 04, 2009, 05:12:39 pm

wow. i really don't know what to say. i have to admiti do believe him and have kinda stuffed this all into the unknown section of my brain. we do have another date coming up rather soon and still are talking on a daily basis. im kinda weird in my head about having sex with him again. i mean, i dunno. what if we do it again without condoms (both of our tests have come back negative)

if i catch it again, should i be relieved and tell him to get his butt checked?

if i don't catch it, should i be upset? should i abolish this memory away?

i dunno, this is some fucked up shit. we both are moving forward on this runaway train and hopefully it docks somewhere soon.

the other fucked up shit -- all of my friends think he is hot and i am developing major issues over this. im starting to feel like the ugly duckling in our thing. before i felt like an equal, now im also concerned about having every bitch within 50 feet of us breathing down his neck. im also equally paranoid about him jumping ship as soon as the grass becomes greener.

dude, this shit totally sucks at times and i doubt ill do anything romantically serious or sexually adventurous anytime soon.

I don't want to be unpleasant but I think you're in denial.

next2u · « **Reply #83 on:** July 08, 2009, 05:41:30 am »

denial aint a river in egypt, lol.

yeah, if i am this too will pass. lets see how things play out. we may be off our separate way more sooner than later. i guess all things are on the table.

denial is a horrible state to be in $:-\$

Oceanbeach · « **Reply #84 on:** July 09, 2009, 02:21:29 am »

Damn, damn, double damn, triple damrn, hell... D, this requires some special work. I would (well actually have) gone to a piano bar every time another man done gone. I would get myself one of those Hurricane glasses filled with J&B rocks w/ a water back and tell the piano man to play it for me. Birds of Paradise on Broadway and Hermosa in Long Beach is perfect.

This song is slow and sultry. It has simply got to be in the top 10 of torch songs and done by Julie London. CRY ME A RIVER...

"Now you say you're lonely
You cry the whole night through
Well you can cry me a river, cry me a river
I cried a river over you

Now you say you're sorry
For bein' so untrue
Well you can cry me a river, cry me a river
I cried a river over you

You drove me nearly out of my head
While you never shed a tear
Remember, I rememberall that you said
Told me love was too plebeian
Told me you were through with me and

Now you say you love me
Well, just to prove you do
Come on and cry me a river, cry me a river
I cried a river over you

I cried a river over you
I cried a river over you

I cried a river over you."

Then you get up in the morning, blow the cobwebs out of your hear and begin the search for a new man

Have the best day
Michael

Oceanbeach · « **Reply #85 on:** July 09, 2009, 02:32:27 am »

I decided to not tell this story after all.

Have the best day
Michael

Queen Tokelove · « **Reply #86 on:** July 09, 2009, 03:23:11 am »

Once again I say this thread has turned into a Maury moment. I think you need to go lie on your therapist's couch and talk to him. I have been following this thread from the start and everything you have been saying about him giving you the, clap, not talking, then talking, still wanting to bone him etc. I would be running in the opposite direction. I think me and Miss P has all but drawn you a picture. Maybe if your therapist says the same things we are, you will listen. Or perhaps you are the type of person that doesn't shit stinks until you step in it. But then you kinda already stepped in it with the clap thing.

And why are you feeling insecure about yourself because your friends think your "boy toy" is hot? Shouldn't that be a compliment of some sort? Or is it because you and dude are still going out as friends only? Something about this dude really has your nose wide open and definitely caught up in a mini-drama. What I can't understand is why? And knowing that he gave you the clap, yet you still choose to lay with him, why would you NOT wear a condom? If it was me, I wouldn't sex him without one. But then if it was me, I would've kicked dude to the curb a long time ago. What's the point in settling for this dude when you have so many issues/doubts in your mind.

Come here and let me lay hands on you.....I think you're possessed....

*throws holy water@D*

Oceanbeach · « **Reply #87 on:** July 09, 2009, 03:52:25 pm »

Quote from: Queen Tokelove on July 09, 2009, 03:23:11 am

Come here and let me lay hands on you.....I think you're possessed.... *throws holy water@D*

Hey D,

Lana Turner once told her personal assistant, "Los Angeles is full of Queens and you are the only true Queen". In the Spirit of Miss Turner, I am compelled to point out... those Queens in Los Angeles are all IMPOSTOR Queens. The only true Queen is our own, Queen Tokelove (the royal trumpets go, Da, ta,da,da).

You might be under a Spell and it is clear you are not happy. As a person who has been seeing someone for 5 months, you should be Ginger Rodgers dancing on air, instead of wondering when you may get the clap again or when and if your friends start getting the clap too. Remember, Ginger Rodgers did everything Fred Astaire did only she was wearing high heels and stepping backward.

Love Spells can be manipulative and can be broken but it requires an expert. You will need to take the 405 to the 710, get off the freeway at the the Broadway exit... Follow Broadway to Hamburger Mary's (there may or may not be Witches in any of these places but they are bars (gay bars) and there are men! Many of them desireable... If you fail to locate a good man at Hamburger Mary's, follow the street another block to Broadway Bar, all my old friends are there in the morning. Probably no witches there either.

By now, you have had a couple of drinks and can walk the rest of the way. The Sweetwater Saloon is across the street and down a block. Further down the way there is the Falcon Bar, the Brit and the Birds of Paradise... At the Birds of Paradise you can have the piano man play (from South Pacific, 'I'm gonna wash that man right out of my hair and send him on his way') and sing that song. By now, you have hit 6 bars in 6 blocks and met a number of men, possibly no witches there as well, Dude should be history by now... If not, continue walking toward Redondo Ave. on the right is a little herb shop called The Eye of the Cat, you can get expert help there.

Have the best day
Michael

Miss Philicia · « **Reply #88 on:** July 09, 2009, 06:44:07 pm »

Quote from: Queen Tokelove on July 09, 2009, 03:23:11 am

I think me and Miss P has all but drawn you a picture.

Testify and preach, Sister Fire!

Queen Tokelove · « **Reply #89 on:** July 09, 2009, 08:15:57 pm »

Quote from: Sonomabeach on July 09, 2009, 03:52:25 pm

Lana Turner once told her personal assistant, "Los Angeles is full of Queens and you are the only true Queen". In the Spirit of Miss Turner, I am compelled to point out... those Queens in Los Angeles are all IMPOSTOR Queens. The only true Queen is our own, Queen Tokelove (the royal trumpets go, Da, ta,da,da).

Love Spells can be manipulative and can be broken but it requires an expert.

By now, you have had a couple of drinks and can walk the rest of the way.

Actually, I consider all women or those gay men who consider themselves to be Queens, Queens as well. It took me a long time to consider myself a Queen after being some man's personal doormat for years. And this was even before I became infected. After becoming infected, I felt worthless and everything became about sex. Or I would just settle just because, ya know? I guess that is why I am drawn to this thread. Trying to save a friend from a whole lot of heartache. A friend who in my opinion need to learn how to love himself before he can love someone else. Right now, he is just trying to fill a void....*sighs*

I learned my lesson about love spells. I did one when I lived in Harrisburg. The guy ended up stalking me and I had to go to someone to break it. And just like that, guy was gone. I wouldn't suggest anyone try one in regards to a specific person. Maybe a more generalized one but even then you have to be careful what you ask for. And can someone read him if he is drunk as hell?

Quote from: Miss Philicia on July 09, 2009, 06:44:07 pm

Testify and preach, Sister Fire!

Hey, I like that....Sister Fire....Gonna have to make that one of my aliases, tyvm..

What I say to D, I say as a friend and someone who has been where he is, um, er, well kinda. Let's just say I can relate to some things.

next2u · « **Reply #90 on:** July 10, 2009, 08:09:08 am »

ok, ill reply to the above comments a lil later.

here's an update, im sure some of you will see this as a good thing.

we haven't talked in almost a week (longest period without convo since we've met). he hasn't returned my phone call/texts. im def disgruntled, just want to know what's going on even if we can't work it out.

dunno what's going on. second time ive been given the silent treatment. kinda had a feeling something was gonna go down. have no idea why this is happening, but im sure all things happen for a reason. i like communicating, even if it's not pleasant.

haven't slept well in days. looking forward to a restful weekend.

and, qt, my therapist gets a weekly update : ). he's quite the man. he's believed things haven't been going well for awhile now. he believes im a romantic at heart and just wants the best for me. he also understands why i haven't given up and wants me to keep a realistic perspective on things (even when i won't take off the rosy colored lenses).

did someone say something about denial, lol? i guess i just feel like ive been kicked to the curb but dont want to give up.

at this time i cant negate, condone or support shit. lets see what happens. btw, regardless of what side of the fence you are on (and im starting to think you are all on the same side,

) thank you again for your support, it means the world to me.

Miss Philicia · « **Reply #91 on:** July 10, 2009, 11:44:03 am »

Look honey, the guy is not only a clap dispensing liar but he's also a flake. Wake up and smell the coffee. And don't sit there saying: "just want to know what's going on even if we can't work it out."

WHO CARES WHAT HIS REASONS ARE? HE'LL JUST LIE ABOUT THE REASON ANYWAY.

Seriously girl, it's like you need Faggotry 101 lessons or something. It's really simple: cut him off, cut off thinking about him, delete all references to him, all email, phone numbers, everything.

Then go out and get a manicure or something... buy some shoes.

Queen Tokelove · « **Reply #92 on:** July 10, 2009, 04:29:10 pm »

After reading D's reply, the song by The Eurythmics, "Would I lie to you?" popped in my head.

next2u · « **Reply #93 on:** July 10, 2009, 09:41:10 pm »

wow, so, umm, yeah....

we finally talked today. i was rather reserved, braced for the worst and whatnot. then we kept talking. made some deals. made some plans. im rather happy about the entire situation despite myself.

and i chose to believe him. and he also believes me. if i am wrong i will find out another day. ill eek what enjoyment i can out of this for now. besides, he could accuse me of all things he is unsure of and he doesn't. we made a deal not to lie to each other when we first meet. ive kept up my end of it, i believe he has as well.

it's the other fucked up shit that makes it hard. but i do have expectations. fortunately, he has less for me. honestly, if he did cheat, i dont know what id do, i might even take him back. ive been alone a long time now and i just don't believe humans are truly monogamous beings. i know we can be. i know i can be - but only cause ive been single for so long. i also know he does not have to talk to me. he's a good looking guy and he has a lot of other options. so do i. it's a choice we've both made.

yeah, the path is twisted and shit. and no, im not always happy, but thats life. and i kinda want him in it. he will have to fuck up royally or leave of his own accord.

(we were both hit on asked out in the last week while not speaking. we both declined and let the people know we were dating someone else)

next2u · « **Reply #94 on:** July 10, 2009, 09:43:56 pm »

ya know, i hope this thread doesn't come back to haunt me, lol

there's a lot of current personal information in here.

qt -- is that your ass in your avatar? wow.... papi must be VERY happy

BT65 · « **Reply #95 on:** July 10, 2009, 09:52:03 pm »

You believe he has kept up his end of the deal and not lied to you?

Are you serious? Where did the gono come from? The sky?

I guess you're going to have to live with a liar and cheat and just be happy (aye). I just hope a lot of hurt doesn't result, but that's what I see in the future. Sorry, D.

Miss Philicia · « **Reply #96 on:** July 10, 2009, 10:13:10 pm »

Quote from: next2u on July 10, 2009, 09:43:56 pm

ya know, i hope this thread doesn't come back to haunt me, lol

there's a lot of current personal information in here.

Actually I'd print the entire thing out and discuss my self-esteem issues with my therapist.

next2u · « **Reply #97 on:** July 10, 2009, 10:19:25 pm »

i DO think he gave me the clap.

we weren't extensively sexual before this. we engaged in more activities this night than the times before.

the first time i got the clap the other guys test came back negative as well. he didnt do the full series of exams (a piss test not a throat swab).

dude needs to be tested and he said he would be. until then, we will do other things. i believe he is asymptomatic, a lot of of people who are carriers are. and he was sexually active before we met. so was i.

he hasn't denied that he is asymptomatic and he hasn't accused me of cheating even though i am the one with symptoms. from this stance i kinda have to give him a break. besides, we were not dating when we had sex. he did not have to lie to me. i dont really know what he has to gain by lying, he's already getting the milk for free, lol.

AND - just for the record, if he is lying you all are completely right. at this time im giving him the benefit of the doubt. i'd really like to give him a strong course of antibiotics...lol

next2u · « **Reply #98 on:** July 10, 2009, 10:23:59 pm »

funny you should say that miss p,

my therapist and i did discuss my self esteem issues in direct relationship to this. my therapist wants me to be cautious but understands my motives. he also understands there is a lot of gray and believes that both scenarios are possible. overall he wants to make sure i do not get hurt in the process and he wants me to pull out before it becomes bad, err, worse.

he also thinks i am putting more into this than he is. i know this. ive explained my reasons multiple times. then we've talked about the last people ive dated and we've both agreed that at least im heading in the right direction regardless of whether im there or not.

thank you miss p, i like the head on your shoulders

Queen Tokelove · « **Reply #99 on:** July 11, 2009, 12:58:01 am »

Quote from: next2u on July 10, 2009, 09:41:10 pm

wow, so, umm, yeah....

we finally talked today. i was rather reserved, braced for the worst and whatnot. then we kept talking. made some deals. made some plans. im rather happy about the entire situation despite myself.

and i chose to believe him. and he also believes me. if i am wrong i will find out another day. ill eek what enjoyment i can out of this for now. besides, he could accuse me of all things he is unsure of and he doesn't. we made a deal not to lie to each other when we first meet. ive kept up my end of it, i believe he has as well.

it's the other fucked up shit that makes it hard. but i do have expectations. fortunately, he has less for me. honestly, if he did cheat, i dont know what id do, i might even take him back. ive been alone a long time now and i just don't believe humans are truly monogamous beings. i know we can be.

yeah, the path is twisted and shit. and no, im not always happy, but thats life. and i kinda want him in it. he will have to fuck up royally or leave of his own accord.

I keep trying to follow this thread from the sidelines but you just say little things that suck me right back in.Your conversation with dude sounded more like some type of merger. Or maybe he stated terms and you just went along just so you can be with him. No matter what excuses you make for this man, he is a predator, preying on your low self-esteem.

You choose to believe him and if you're wrong, you'll find out another day? WTF? And what does he have to accuse you of? If I am correct, you haven't been seeing anyone but him, right? I guess he has already figured out what buttons to push just by your responses. How can you make a deal not to lie when he already has? Clap, hello? Major lie if you ask me. And you don't think that is fucking up royally? What does he have to do, screw someone in your bed? But then he has his own place probably.

And what expectations do you have of this man? Obviously, he does not want to be committed so the only thing you must be expecting is a good shag every now and then. And the occassional date amongst your friends so you can be seen with someone on your arm.

D, trust I am not in any way trying to be a bitch. If my bff was going thru what you are, I would tell her the same thing. And though I may sound harsh with you, it would be 100 time worse for her. Obviously, you've made up your mind. And I agree, this thread is going to come back and bite you in the ass in about 6 months time

And yeah, that's my ass in the avatar....Baby got back! Junk in my trunk! And an apple bottom...

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