Normal?

[RobT]

All-
The 1st week of August will b my anniversary of surviving a yr w/ HIV. I do have an AIDS diagnosis due to my numbers, but I feel gr8 and my numbers have improved expotentially since then, so I remain to b in the 'HIV+' category. I was shocked when I heard of my AIDS diagnosis so soon after I got my initial results back, but that is all in the past now and I cannot do anything about it.
I know how a lot of ppl claim that the 1st yr is always the toughest. I assume that is the timeframe that having this disease is dealt w/. It has been a setback for me in more ways than 1, but I keep on trying to overcome it.
My sister recently asked me how I 'got it'. I am sure it is obvious, as most ppl do have a similar tale. Mine is really tough to grasp, but my last neg test result was in August of 2004. That was when I was starting my out-process paperwork to get out of the military. In November of that yr., I went to Amsterdam and had unprotected sex w/ a man whom I did not know. A few days l8r, I continued my trip to London, where I met my bf (we have remained 2gether since).
When I met him and we both made a pact to remain together, I brought up the idea of barebacking him. He agreed to that as long as we both got tested and retested. I thought that was reasonable and we both knew it was.
I finally got out of the military in January of 2005 (w/o any additional blood tests or nothing) and came back to reside in the states. I immediately got sick. My family assumed that it was all the coffee that I was accustomed to and how it was bothering my stomach w/ something fierce. I denied that and assumed that it was the fat content of the food that I started to eat while here. Something that I have constantly complained w/ ever since.
I was sick the moment I came back to the US and have been complaining about it til August of that yr., when I found out that my bf was planning to visit Seattle. I surprised him in getting a HIV test. I assumed that it wud come out as neg. since I have not had any kind of sexual experiences while here. I was floored when my result came out opposite.
I immidiately spoke of my result to a few of my friends here and they all told me to take it easy and calm down. My bf had the right to know of what kind of test that I took and the result of it and that was the longest discussion to ever take place on a mobile and costly as well. During our call, we both said that we'd fight this and will remain monogamous- both milestones cuz we still r. I told him of all the past mistakes that I regret and informed him that we both will not bareback as we discussed earlier cuz of my fear of infecting him.
I, then, emailed the guy who I slept w/ in Amsterdam and he told me he was sorry cuz he never told me his status, assumeing that I was pos as well. Unfortunately, I was not
B4 my bf's visit to Seattle that September, he went in to get an HIV test. He claimed that he'd feel so sorry if he had 'given' it to me. I assured him, whatever that result mb, that we wud remain faithful. His result came out neg. and I was so pleased.
That is a little history of I guess the start of my infection. I guess I shud have realized or got my test earlier according to my long-term sickness that I had, but I never thought that it wud b my seroconversion phase as I never thought that I'd have HIV.
I guess what this all has broughten about was when my sister asked me how I got it. I have also had thoughts and desires to bareback my man, assumeing that we'd both b neg. I still have those thoughts, but the fear of infecting him is really too gr8 and not a risk that I am willing to take.
Looking back on things, I shud have 'known' or at least suspected it, but I did not. I can blame a lot of things, as the military never did a 'complete medical screening', as they have always promised to all outbound military members. I was infected b4 I left the military, but there is really no concrete proof of that.
Throughout this yr., there has been a lot of ups and downs that I have discussed in detail on these forums and many members, who have seen my posts remember all too well. I no longer have the energy that I had prior to my time of leaving from the military and I try to reverse that by my punishing gym workouts. I just do not 'feel good', if I miss any of those workouts.
Overall in a healthsense, I have started to improve by eating more and sticking, or trying to, to my vegetarian diet. That is a little troublesome, since my family r big meat eaters.
There r a lot of things that I regret and wish I cud take back, but unfortunately I cannot. It will b awhile b4 this virus is eradicated, but I remain optimistic that it will happen.
I guess I get depressed every now and then due to my illness, the slowness of my immigration paperwork, and the things that I can NEVER do w/ my bf-that I thought wud b possible.
I, like most ppl, on this site; get along on a day by day basis. Baby stepsreally help. Thanx for listening.

RobT

9/27/2005-1st test results
Viral Load >1,000,000
CD4 204
CD4%age 18
CD4/CD8 ratio .23
11/24/2005- Sustiva/Truvada
04/18/2006
Viral Load 140
CD4 402
CD4%age .21
CD4/CD8 ratio .39

06/27/2006
Viral Load 42
CD4 409
CD4%age .21
Next appt.-07/11/2006 (lab)
Next appt.-08/01/2006 (results/Hep A/B vaccination)

[Andy Velez]

Congrats on getting through the first year post-being diagnosed, Rob. You've clearly had some ups and downs and no doubt will again.

You and your bf seem to have sorted things out well together, which is no small accomplishment. Just make sure you and your doctor are watching things properly. Like life in general, this is all an ongoing learning experience.

Hope you continue doing well.

Cheers,

[aztecan]

Hey Rob,
Congratulations on reaching the first-year mark. It is often the most tumultuous emotionally.

You sound like you are getting a handle on things and are taking a pro-active stance in maintaining your health. These are very important steps.

Baby steps are the only way to deal with these things. Just take it a little at a time.

Above all, remember to enjoy life as much and as often as you can.

HUGS,

Mark

[RobT]

Thanx, guys

RobT

9/27/2005-1st test results
Viral Load >1,000,000
CD4 204
CD4%age 18
CD4/CD8 ratio .23
11/24/2005- Sustiva/Truvada
04/18/2006
Viral Load 140
CD4 402
CD4%age .21
CD4/CD8 ratio .39

06/27/2006
Viral Load 42
CD4 409
CD4%age .21
Next appt.-07/11/2006 (lab)
Next appt.-08/01/2006 (results/Hep A/B vaccination)