Positive diagnosis, positively negative reaction

[bluesafterthenews]

I tested positive earlier this year after a series of illnesses.  I knew what it was, but the staff at the emergency room neither believed me, nor tested me for HIV (even after I was admitted).  Very humiliating and frustrating.

I don't really have an elaborate story to tell (at the moment), but I suppose I just want to know how others felt upon diagnosis, as well as during the following few months.  I went out of my head with alcohol and prescription drugs for a while, and now I feel rather empty.  And no matter how much knowledge I arm myself with, I always have a feeling of impending illness, or death.

I'm 23, and I joined this site because I don't want to feel alone anymore.

[Jeff G]

Hi Blues ... you are not alone and I want to welcome you to our community we have going here . You will find support and lots of laughter as well as information on living well with HIV .

I tested poz at about your age , its been over 30 years now , if I can do it you can too . It gets better I promise .

[bluesafterthenews]

Thanks for the quick reply, for welcoming me to the community, and for your support.

-B

[leatherman]

welcome blues!
sorry you had to find us; but glad you did find us.

depending on your cd4/viral load counts, and when you begin meds, you may never experience any "impending illness". It's not 1994 anymore and plenty of people have few issues with HIV and their meds.

similar to jeff, I've been poz for nearly 30 years. My days of "impending illness and death" are far behind me, back in the days when they only had a couple of meds. Nowadays I'm more worried about living to be in my 90s LOL

however I can't alleviate your worries about death. That comes to everyone eventually. LOL

I knew what it was, but the staff at the emergency room neither believed me, nor tested me for HIV (even after I was admitted).

HIV is usually NOT something that is automatically tested for when people present at an ER. You actually have to ask to have an HIV test in most all states (except Alabama I think) because it's an OPT-IN test. Sadly often hospital staff don't even suggest the test. Although this may not seem like good medicine, when you consider that less than 1% of Americans are HIV positive, the chance that someone is presenting at an ER with HIV is actually pretty slim.

[Michelle25]

Hey glad u found the site. I only tested Positive Jan 2013. I was in complete shock. VL 9090 CD4 238. I think i cried for days on end. I found out the day before my hen night... Over time it will get better. Some days are great others i dont want to get up but u have to. Try to take it easy, get enough sleep, eat well, take your meds. xxx

[harleymc]

Hi Blues,
I can realte you how you feel. I went on a bit of a bender after seroconverting at age 23. But the good news is, that was 28 years ago and the treatments these days work really well.

So get out there, take charge of your life and pwn the world!

[mecch]

And no matter how much knowledge I arm myself with, I always have a feeling of impending illness, or death.

I'm 23, and I joined this site because I don't want to feel alone anymore.

What country?  Are you on HAART?

Some cultures just have an especially gloomy and fearful view on HIV/AIDS....

Didn't you read any information about how HIV is a manageable chronic disease.  About life-expectancy being quite good.  etc etc....   So if you did, why pessimistic thoughts?  Don't worry, you aren't the only one to get stuck in this thought pattern...

I think some recently diagnosed people are content in the countdown to HAART.  I think others maybe that only feeds a gloomy mind-set.  How many years to HAART is consideration of how many years of damage and decline, before I stop the virus...  So maybe if you are in the latter group, you might be better off trying to start HAART asap.

[aaware72]

You are not alone!  Trust me you are not alone. 

[Pontus]

Hi Blues,

Sorry to hear about your diagnosis, but I am glad you made it here.  I too was recently diagnosed back in June of 2013.  I have to say that after I was told, I was absolutely numb for about a week.  But somehow my brain went on autopilot and made all the calls necessary to my current Doc and of course dealing with the County Health Agency.  During that first week, I probably went through every emotion you can imagine,,, even the thought of having a horrible accident and perishing in that accident would save me from what I thought was an even more horrible demise.

Wow, talk about a little time healing or putting the situation in correct perspective.  One of the first things my Doc had to tell me over and over is.. "this diagnosis is no longer a death sentence, like it was in years past."  the fact of the matter is that the scientific community knows more now that it ever did about the virus and have developed treatments that if you stick to the regimen, you should expect to live almost as long as what is now considered the life expectancy for todays population. 

So is there any advise that I have from all of this?  Here are a few things that come to mind;
a. you can expect to live a long and productive life, all you need to do is take your medication, eat well, exercise and follow your regimen.
b. You are going to have ups and downs, this is part of having those pesky things we call emotions.  So, know you will have them, but keep in mind you are greater than your emotions.
c. Even though you are on medications for HIV, you are still going to get sick.  I don't know what I thought otherwise, but yea.. you are going to get colds, allergies and all the other things we deal with on a daily basis.  So if you are on your HIV meds,,,,DONT freakout if you get a cold.. you are going to get them.. what the meds to is keep the virus at bay so your system can naturally combat the everyday illnesses we all face.
d. keep active, be it with your work, school, family, friends, community or  your hobby.  While quiet time is always necessary for reflection, letting the mind wander and dwell endlessly on the diagnosis leads down a path that could cause depression or worse.
e. know you are not alone, you may feel alone but there are lots of good people out there that care and want to help.  But we have to take the first step to reach out. 
f. Finally,,,, keep up with your meds and you can expect to live a long and productive life.

SO yea, that's my thoughts on this     ... if there are any questions you have, always know I am here to chat.

[Theyer]

Welcome , sorry you had to find us but glad you did, now do not be a stranger .
The Best off the Best to you as you get back on track for a long healthy life .
m

[bluesafterthenews]

WOW.

I did not log back on for quite some time, and I cannot thank all of you enough for the support you've provided in your responses.  I was shocked to see how many responses there were.

Update: I live in the USA, am currently uninsured, but have coverage pending. I hope to start medication by the beginning of the new year.