POZ Community Forums
Main Forums => Living With HIV => Topic started by: bubble on March 24, 2008, 07:53:17 am
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I have met this other poz guy and we are having unsafe sex. I have been poz for 3 years and heard that it is difficult for me to get his virus because I have antibodies. I am worried when I am alone about reinfection but weak when I am with him. Of course he said he never wears condoms and doesn't see the need. I am trying not to be an alarmist but it is my nature. Can someone tell me that I won't get reinfected and that I will be okay?
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No one can tell you for certain whether superinfection occurs or not. Your fuckbuddies blather about anibodies is just that because we all have antibodies for HIV, but they are effective for containing the virus.
Rather than getting caught up in the almost religious argument about super-infection, consider the risk of contracting other STIs from this guy. He carries or contracts gonorrhea, syphilis, chlamydia, or herpes, and you've got it, too through unprotected sex. And beating back an STI is harder with HIV, as is beating back HIV with an STI.
The bottom line is that it's your body not his, so you need to set the ground rules according to your comfort level. If he can handle it, great. If he can't deal and stops having sex with you, don't lose sleep. If he can't deal and forces one last unprotected fuck, call 911 and have him arrested for sexual assault.
Namaste,
David
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Rather than getting caught up in the almost religious argument about super-infection, consider the risk of contracting other STIs from this guy. He carries or contracts gonorrhea, syphilis, chlamydia, or herpes, and you've got it, too through unprotected sex. And beating back an STI is harder with HIV, as is beating back HIV with an STI.
Namaste,
David
http://www.avert.org/stds.htm
Ray
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Bubble, correct me if I'm wrong, but didn't you just bring this very same topic up (http://forums.poz.com/index.php?topic=17546.msg222492#msg222492) 3 months ago?
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I thought it was just me, it does sound kind of deja vuish does it not? Don't remember if I commented back then but if you are so alarmed as you say then it seems like the answer is already there...But then maybe not if you're thinking with the wrong head...If you're that alarmed about it, wear condoms. I get weak for some good sex too but I weigh the pros and the cons of it all. Is a good fuck worth catching something else? Use your grey matter to answer that question...
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I remember getting a phone call from my friend Rick. He had called the entire membership roster of a gay club, met with several of the single members and was delighted he had found himself a muscle man with a muscle car. It was the marriage made in heaven because both were HIV positive, Rick had plenty of money while Albert was cute and had nothing except a Pontiac Trans AM.
I went to Ricks funeral, Albert was not in attendence. I tend to get the bloodborne and airborne pathogens a little mixed up but they had decided since both were HIV positive, they could have sex without the use of condoms. After Ricks death, the story was, Albert had Hep C, Rick had gotten it from Albert and died.
I see Albert every once in awhile but with a story like Rick and his death around, Albert doesn't have many friends left and is usually helping himself to food at the supermarket (before he gets to the cash register). Have the best day
Michael
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My only comment on this is that its a "NO BRAINER"
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Thanks. i will stop posting about this. i obviously have a problem. I am sorry I am not as strong as all of you. I guess I will continue fretting about this until I die from whatever that guy has given me - his muliti-resistant virus, Hep C or and everything in-between. Yes, you guys are right. I am not thinking. I am very depressed and maybe in denial about my status and I am using sex as a way to escape. What do I do now? Every time I tell myself I need to stop, I think it doesn't matter because I have already been so stupid and have caught whatever I am going to catch so I should just keep going. Who knows if this is true. Maybe I am suicidal and trying to slowly kill myself with viruses. I have so much to live for so I don't know why I am so careless. I am scared. I am really scared. and yes - fucked up. Maybe this is the wrong place for this kind of sickness. I will find someone else to talk to and stop bothering you all with questions I already know the answer to.... assuming I am still alive and haven't been killed by all the pathogens I am willingly bringing into my body. I will talk to my therapist on Thursday. Seriously - thank you all for being unwavering.
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I guess I will continue fretting about this until I die from whatever that guy has given me - his muliti-resistant virus, Hep C or and everything in-between. .
When is your next scheduled appointment with you ID doctor. There is no way of knowing whether this guy passed anything onto you or not, unless you get tested.
My advice is to get a complete STD test done, Talk to your doctor, let him know you've been engaging in unprotected sex, be open and honest with your doctor,... and ask him about getting tested. Your not going to die !!
Hang in there-----Ray
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Thanks. i will stop posting about this. i obviously have a problem. I am sorry I am not as strong as all of you. I guess I will continue fretting about this until I die from whatever that guy has given me - his muliti-resistant virus, Hep C or and everything in-between. Yes, you guys are right. I am not thinking. I am very depressed and maybe in denial about my status and I am using sex as a way to escape. What do I do now? Every time I tell myself I need to stop, I think it doesn't matter because I have already been so stupid and have caught whatever I am going to catch so I should just keep going. Who knows if this is true. Maybe I am suicidal and trying to slowly kill myself with viruses. I have so much to live for so I don't know why I am so careless. I am scared. I am really scared. and yes - fucked up. Maybe this is the wrong place for this kind of sickness. I will find someone else to talk to and stop bothering you all with questions I already know the answer to.... assuming I am still alive and haven't been killed by all the pathogens I am willingly bringing into my body. I will talk to my therapist on Thursday. Seriously - thank you all for being unwavering.
I'm glad to hear that you already have a therapist, and realize that you need to discuss this with him. It's basically what I was hinting at when you threw up the exact same post that you did 3 months ago (and also even a couple months before that). As others stated in the one you put up 3 months ago the worry isn't so much reinfection, but all of the other nasty STDs (and as Ray just stated, you should definitely request a full STD panel from you doctor). If you were involved in a relationship and knew the other guy wasn't sleeping around you'd be safer, but absent of that you certainly can think of the other options. That said, it's fine to post that you realize that you have an acute anxiety issue, but revisiting simply the bare backing with another poz person is simply going to return the same answers over and over, that's all.
Just curious, do you have a lot of anxiety about other issues or just this particular one? The thing is, if you have a huge anxiety issue (and particularly around this subject) and are also a bare back addict, well -- you're just setting yourself up for trouble. Bare backing by definition implies accepting risks.
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I have anxiety about everything. I just don't have any boundaries anymore and it scares me. I don't understand why so many poz people are out there barebacking if it's such a dangerous thing?? Every time I have sex with a poz person they want to BB and I let them. I wouldn't say I'm a BB addict since I have only recently started doing it. And I don't do it that much but every time I do it I flip out afterwards. YES I have a lot of sex and that is a problem. For the most part I am safe but recently I have started to forgo condoms and I just need to figure out how to stop doing it or just do it and stop freaking out about it. I live in NYC so sex is very easy - and most the people I meet online that are poz want to BB - even the "neg" people want to BB. It seems I have to pretend to be neg or have sex with a neg person if I want to use condoms. Saying NO to another poz person who tells me they always BB (for 15 years) and have been fine is the hard part for me.... I just need a backbone!!
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I have anxiety about everything. I just don't have any boundaries anymore and it scares me. I don't understand why so many poz people are out there barebacking if it's such a dangerous thing?? Every time I have sex with a poz person they want to BB and I let them. I wouldn't say I'm a BB addict since I have only recently started doing it. And I don't do it that much but every time I do it I flip out afterwards. YES I have a lot of sex and that is a problem. For the most part I am safe but recently I have started to forgo condoms and I just need to figure out how to stop doing it or just do it and stop freaking out about it. I live in NYC so sex is very easy - and most the people I meet online that are poz want to BB - even the "neg" people want to BB. It seems I have to pretend to be neg or have sex with a neg person if I want to use condoms. Saying NO to another poz person who tells me they always BB (for 15 years) and have been fine is the hard part for me.... I just need a backbone!!
Poz people are out there barebacking for one of two reasons:
They're stupid or;
They just don't give a fuck.
And can you blame 'em? The worst has already happened, they has got AIDS.
Speaking of already, as the Philodendron has noted we've already explained this to you on a previous occasion, ie; no you won't be "re-infected", yes you do stand a good chance of contracting another STD.
So the real question here is:
"Are you an adult?"
An adult accepts that unprotected sex comes with a range of risks namely the risk of acquiring an STD. You've already got the Number 1 STD, so I don't see what you're fussing about. Fuck with condoms, you'll be ok. Fuck bareback you run the risk of copping a dose.
So make your damn mind up. Either insist on using rubbers and be safe or just let every bloke you meet take you up the poo-chute raw and wear the consequences.
But whatever you do, stop whining. Sooner or later we're gonna stop listening. :)
MtD
(Who says this coz he cares)
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If, as you claim, you're not a bareback addict, and all of this causes you so much anxiety, it seems that the easy part is just to insist on a condom. I will assume that you are procuring all of your anonymous sex on the internet so why not just put it all in your profile? Perhaps you should explore, with your therapist of course, if you're compulsively causing needless anxiety and feeding off of that in and of itself... but then I'm not shrink.
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Thanks everyone. I will do better and promise to never ask about this again. I am talking to friends and my therapist and doc. I have bloodwork scheduled for next week. I pray I will be okay and still undetectable.
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Good Luck with it all, Bubs. I am sure the therapist and ID doc will tell you, you should wear a condom and not risk getting anything else. As Matty said, you already have the number 1 STD and I think you said you have Hep C, why wish for a trifecta? Not being a smartass but just wants you to take better care of yourself. A bit of caution never hurt anybody..... ;)
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Thanks - I am controlling my urges.
...and NO i don't have Hep C. Hopefully I never will. I thought that was more a blood to blood thing anyway - rough sex and needles???? I may have had my share of unprotected sex but I am pretty vanilla....
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Baby, we all have to eventually take responsibility for our own actions and either change them or decide to do nothing and continue on, albeit a self-destructive path. It's only up to each one of us (how we're going to act), and if we keep repeating the same mistakes, knowing what the result will be, then we have to just be silent and go on.
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Thanks - I am controlling my urges.
...and NO i don't have Hep C. Hopefully I never will. I thought that was more a blood to blood thing anyway - rough sex and needles???? I may have had my share of unprotected sex but I am pretty vanilla....
My fault, I misunderstood about the Hep C. Still you should take care of yourself and I have my fingers crossed for you.