Nervous About Sex

[doco]

I have recently met a wonderful guy.  He's negative and we haven't had sex yet.  I'm just really nervous about it.  I'd like to hear from those of you who have a partner or boyfriend/girlfriend who is negative.  Do they perform oral sex on you, for instance?  How safe is that if there is no ejaculation.  Is sex just as fun when one person is positive and the other isn't?    I'd appreciate help from anyone!

Cheers

[Andy Velez]

Doco, this is a very challenging issue. No question about it.

Just so you know, there have been several very longterm studies of sex in sero-dystonic couples, both gay and straight. Lots of oral sex and only protected intercourse, whether vaginal or anal.

The results? Not a single sero-negative partner was infected. Is there risk with unprotected oral? Yes, but very, very low and especially if ejaculation doesn't take place orally. So you have to talk with the other guy and make sure you're in sync about comfort zone regarding what you do sexually.

Keep us posted on how it's going.

Cheers,

[edvierajr]

Doco:

Have you tried support groups such as MSM? Also, have you disclosed your status your new "honey"? I think you should do both. ... Whatever the outcome, you'll feel a lot better.

[woodshere]

Doco,

I am in a somewhat similar situation as you, except I am not concerned about sex acts just yet.  I am still in the disclosure phase - when and how.  It sounds like you may have past that part (I hope your guy does know you are HIV+).  I would be interested in how that went.

Cheers,
Woods

[doco]

Thanks everyone.  Of course he knows I'm HIV positive.  That was the easy part.  We'll have to have a heart-to-heart talk about all things "sex."  I'm just really nervous.  He's very knowledgeable about HIV so I think we can have a frank talk.

I'll keep ya' posted.

doco

[poet]

I don't have a boyfriend currently, but have, over the years, dated men, usually who were positive because it made hiv a non-issue to some degree.  The problem I experienced with negative men, the understandable problem, is that the rules kept changing, what was ok, what was not ok.  And I spent my whole time during the act afraid for him, so it made relaxing difficult.  It was as though I was in my head and his head looking from above.  Win

[DanielMark]

Doco,

Everybody's different. To me, the most important thing is that you are both comfortable with what you do.

I've been involved with a Neg boyfriend now for nearly three years. When we first started dating and things began to get intimate he said he "couldn't handle" it. Now we laugh about those days. After he got educated about HIV he realised his longing to be with me outweighed his fears and it wasn't long before he came sniffing around again. LOL

Nonetheless, I insisted on wearing a condom at first during oral sex because I didn't want him worrying (even if I thought it was needless worry, me having an undetectable VL).

Since then we now we have a mutually satisfying oral sex life, without condoms. (Anal sex is off my radar since I still have a psychological block about having got this damn bug that way in the first place.)

[Ann]

Hi Doco,

Have a read through the condom and lube links in my signature line. A correctly used condom rarely breaks, so knowing that you're using them correctly will give you both some added confidence. Good luck!

Ann