POZ Community Forums
Main Forums => Living With HIV => Topic started by: Ihavehope on January 27, 2007, 07:30:57 pm
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Just thought I would start a more positive thread. I think sex is a natural thing and we all need it at some point or another but I think it has slowed down for me. Has it happened since you were diagnosed? I just know that If i choose to have sex it will be with my eyes wide open. I will protect myself and the person I am having sex with and disclouse my status if asked or before I start a LTR. Just my opinion. I think it's our responsibility to not spread the disease regardless of what the person you are having sex with wants to use protection.
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My sex drive has increased since i was diagnosed, but then again I was pretty sick when I was diagnosed.. but now im back to normal (thanks truvada and sustiva my two best friends for now...) I've been hitting the pubs and stuff on the prowl for a bit of fun.. in what ever form that is. I will only disclose if asked, but in saying that I will NEVER put anyone at risk and will always have safe sex. I'm selfish, I'll keep hiv to myself.
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I think it's our responsibility to not spread the disease regardless of what the person you are having sex with wants to use protection.
And I totolly agree with you !!
HIV should stop WITH US" I felt that way in 1985, when I was infected, I feel even more strongly that way today...
Ray
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I always disclose. I usually find myself playing with poz guys though... a lot of neg guys get squirrelly about playing... and then they start asking questions like "if you blow me, is it safe" and then I start answering with things like "if you don't know what's safe and not safe by now, you should probably consider celibacy"
I do find myself serosorting as a result. I am tired of being the educator and would rather feel like sex isn't something that brings anxiety to my partner... or fear of spreading it to me.
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I'm with puck on this one. I hate having to bring pie charts and bar graphs along with lube and poppers to a hook up. it's cumbersome. Or having to do play by play analysis like I'm the John Madden of fucking or something.
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I'm with puck on this one. I hate having to bring pie charts and bar graphs along with lube and poppers to a hook up. it's cumbersome. Or having to do play by play analysis like I'm the John Madden of fucking or something.
What if it was like the John Madden doing the feminine hygiene product commercial on MadTV?
"Monkey."
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And I'm with puck and Tim on this too. If I lived in a bigger city, I'd probably play with other poz guys only.
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What if it was like the John Madden doing the feminine hygiene product commercial on MadTV?
"Monkey."
That's what I was thinking about as I posted that last bit.
Benj: Wanna touch my monkey?
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Ihavehope,
I am right there with you on not spreading it. I am very open about having HIV and it at times has caused me some pretty bad experiences. I learned early on that well I was not going to let that bother me and I don't though at times it does kinda bother me. I will say I have kinda taken a different spin on having sex. I have decided to just not have sex. Now I am not saying that is for everyone and I am still not sure it is for me but I am trying it. My hopes are to some day find someone to share my life with all the ups and downs. Thanks for your post.
Appleboy
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Ummm....meth and man ass is bad.
Mmmmm-kay?
[attachment deleted by admin]
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Spreading HIV is bad. Yes. I am capable of understanding that.
Today's lesson brought to you by the letter D.
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Spreading HIV is bad. Yes. I am capable of understanding that.
Today's lesson brought to you by the letter D.
Now don't get all Sesame Street on me! That's part of what got me in this mess in the first place...
I was more alphabet-friendly than Big Bird.
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Now don't get all Sesame Street on me! That's part of what got me in this mess in the first place...
I was more alphabet-friendly than Big Bird.
C is for cocaine and that's good enough for me!
C is for cocaine and that's good enough for me!
Oh, cocaine, cocaine, cocaine starts with 'C!'
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Posted on: Today at 10:27:02 PMPosted by: aupointillimite
Insert Quote
Spreading HIV is bad. Yes. I am capable of understanding that.
Today's lesson brought to you by the letter D.
Was that sarcasm?
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At this point, I believe philly might say:
o noes
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Posted on: Today at 10:27:02 PMPosted by: aupointillimite
Insert Quote
Spreading HIV is bad. Yes. I am capable of understanding that.
Today's lesson brought to you by the letter D.
Was that sarcasm?
Sarcasm, like its cousin beauty, is in the eye of the beholder.
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Hmm.. Being sarcastic about the spread of HIV and talking about cocaine. Hmmm.. then these chicks get mad when they are called out. For those who try to be silly on threads, there is an Off Topic section where you can post jokes and promote your illicit recreations. :)
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Hmm.. Being sarcastic about the spread of HIV and talking about cocaine. Hmmm.. then these chicks get mad when they are called out. For those who try to be silly on threads, there is an Off Topic section where you can post jokes and promote your illicit recreations. :)
Duly noted.
I have been appropriately shamed and will retreat to where I belong with the other slutty addicts.
;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D
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Which section is for self-congratulatory posturing? Is it here or where?
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Which section is for self-congratulatory posturing? Is it here or where?
Wherever offense can be found apparently.
And wherever shaming needs to take place.
I'm stewing in guilt now... if anyone cares to know...
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Wherever offense can be found apparently.
Oh, well...then pick a forum, I suppose.
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the secret word for vagina is monkey.
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i confess that i would like to touch- or at least see- swede dish's monkey.
as i have said countless times before: gay, not blind
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But to answer one of the original questions in this thread: yes, it has slowed down for me. Largely of my own doing. There was a slowing down through months of med sickness. There was a slowing down through months of that "I am tainted meat" self-image. There has been a slowing down since then just because I was off the slut circuit long enough to fall out of practice. Nowadays, I am kind of teetering between a desire to grab whatever youthful abandon I may have left in me (I'm just getting older and slowing down some) and the desire to have, well...safe sex. And by that I mean substantial sex. Safe in the arms of a man that loves me and plans to hang around. Sometimes I feel like I can (and should) have both. Sometimes I feel like I don't have enough stamina to chase either. Sometimes I'd just like to grab whichever one presents itself.
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At this point, I believe philly might say:
o noes
More like "Barbara, please" on that one
... if you need anything ask Carol Anne!
Can't believe I went out to dinner for a few hours and the madness is continuing here, then again I'm just an ugly man with a 70's mustache!
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Edited during an Atripla stupor ;)
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I appreciate your honesty and story Skeebo. As you may see some people have criticised my thread by being sarcastic, kinna telling me like "duh" spreading HIV is wrong. But if you look at the other thread "I don't care, Just fuck me" thread you can also see how people refuse to take responsibility for the decisions other people they have sex with make. Koi was angered by a statement a fellow member of this website said that if someone refuses to use protection or is careless then the person infected with HIV should not care to protect the individual. Some people claimed they had enough to deal with than to protect the world and others. But we never stated that they should protect the world but instead themselves and those people they have sex with. I was stunned when i read people said, they refused to take respobility for other's actions. They are totally right about that, BUT if you are sticking your dick or ass in them, then you need to protect them as well. Anyhow, there will be people who won't care because they are jaded or simply bitter. I respect those who are dating other positive people and those who are with negative people. When there is love, many things are possible and comprehensible. The bottom line is to help prevent others from being infected, otherwise we are contributing to a bigger problem. It sounds quite obvious but I keep hearing people participating in dangerous acts and it;s never ok to take advantage of ignorant people.
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It's 2007. What mentally competent person in the Western world is ignorant of the fact that HIV is spread via bodily fluid exchange?
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I think we should be careful of referencing so obviously two other threads that were LOCKED in the past 24 hours or I predict this one will end a similar fate. Let's try and keep this a bit more neutral in that regards. Discussion of the subject is great, but driving another thread with a grudge is a bit childish. The were locked for a reason.
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I think we should be careful of referencing so obviously two other threads that were LOCKED in the past 24 hours or I predict this one will end a similar fate. Let's try and keep this a bit more neutral in that regards. Discussion of the subject is great, but driving another thread with a grudge is a bit childish. The were locked for a reason.
You are right as usual, Philly.
I'm bored with this discussion now anyway.
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It's 2007. What mentally competent person in the Western world is ignorant of the fact that HIV is spread via bodily fluid exchange?
Well, folks with substance abuse issues I would guess. They should blame their narcotics problems and not HIV though, or at least partly.
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ARE YOUR PARENTS RETARDED ? CUZ YOU SURE ARE SPECIAL - THOMAS
Actually they are both dead and lucky for you I have a sense of humor.. ;) What's up with the signature line?
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huh?
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Why bother.....
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fuck me, fuck you, fuck everyone... bareback... let the whole world have the gift and then we can get back to bitching about the things that matter like money and politics and religion and race.
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o noes
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But to answer one of the original questions in this thread: yes, it has slowed down for me. Largely of my own doing. There was a slowing down through months of med sickness. There was a slowing down through months of that "I am tainted meat" self-image. There has been a slowing down since then just because I was off the slut circuit long enough to fall out of practice.
I've followed this same path, Thunter.
Just today, as I was on the way to my morning swim, I passed by the black door of my favourite club, Manacle, smoke and the base beat pouring out, damn hot boys/men outside. They were still there after my swim. The urge got to me. I raced home, slipped into something more appropriate and went to a sex club. I did the deed, but it lacked something. It just doesn't work for me these days. No great loss though. I'm not troubled by it.
As for responsibility, I firmly believe that it is wrong for me to knowingly expose someone to my HIV without their consent. I'm less firm in my view as to what to do if after informing them of my status they still don't want to use a condom - my past experience is that I've acted on a case-by-case basis. I can't recall fucking anyone without a condom, but I have let one or two fuck me, and I've used this as my justifcation. I'm not sure it stands up though, and I simply tend to avoid these situations these days.
I don't believe that I must disclose on each occassion, despite the laws where I live. But, if I don't disclose then I should only partake in safer sex.
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Well, folks with substance abuse issues I would guess. They should blame their narcotics problems and not HIV though, or at least partly.
I'm drunk right now.
Thankfully... if I catch syphilis, or herpes or something else by doing someone tonight... I have carte blanche to blame it on someone else... because I'm not in the right state of mind!
I love pathetic excuses!
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IHAVE, that sophomoric crack about Thomas ill serves the issue you're concerned about. Consider yourself warned about using that kind of flame-baiting crack.
Overall the discussion in this newer thread has been sidestepping squabbling as people are sharing in a forthright way without attacking anyone. Let's keep it that way.
BAILEY, whether you are really saying what you mean or you're just being sarcastic or tongue-in-cheek is not clear. What IS clear is that your latest comment is just as muddily provocative as what you wrote in the other thread which I had to lock.
I don't want this thread to become just another re-hash of the previous one. Should that happen the result will be locking the thread AND some Time Outs.
I can't believe it's not possible to have a serious discussion here about the issues raised without people attacking each other. Obviously this subject evokes strong feelings. But, if you can't respond respectfully in the conversation then keep your bile to yourself. Really.
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Sorry for the deleted posts. I actually thought I participated in a thoughtful and well intended way with my first post. I know it's gone now, but please take my word for it. In my second post I just added the ending part.
My third post however I am ashamed to say that I made reference to how most of Al's 298 post came about. For that I am wrong.
I know it may not be important, but I feel it is... So I once again apologize for the deletions, but only to the forum family.
Al you are the exception to this apology. I have made it known in the forums how both of my parents died within the last 5 years and just how painful it was for me. My mother I nursed for a full year and watched her body ravaged by chemo therapy. I would listen to her fears on death and reassure her that it would not come, it was a word I could not keep to her. I still very vividly recall her last three days in hospice. My father, he died two years ago of lung cancer. A diagnosis he kept to himself and one he did not seek treatment for. He died in the ER without a family member by his side. This followed the loss of my son Cody which sent me into a severe depression. Since you've become a member I have always been supportive in your earlier posts concerning your fears about being newly diagnosed. There is one thing we shared in common and that is we were a mess when we got here. Suggestion for the future, when you have an issue with someone and that issue is unknown to them, send a PM or put them on ignore. I still have trouble understanding where such a comment has come from and can only guess it is a personal issue of your own. Leave my parents out of the equation, deal?
Thomas
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Skeebo,
Your story about your parents is tragic as it is touching. I a m so sorry for your loss. But, I really think the whole thing with IVA is a misunderstanding. Please know that he has nothing but , (as I do) utter respect for you and what you have gone through. I think that what happened was that others have decided to hijack this thread to continue their petty disagreement in terms of social responsibility and sexual health, and this has put everyone on edge. I hope it all gets resolved. Again I really feel for what happened to you.
rob
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An interesting and passionate subject
Difficult to discuss
The relationship of public health and sex is, to my mind, like Liz Taylor and Richard Burton, can't live with you, can't live without you, much watched by the public eye, who knows the truth about behind closed doors (and quite a lot of drinking or the equiv.).
- matt
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I hope everyone takes responsibilty and practices safe sex.
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Yes, safer sex is something that we can all agree on, and the ignore button.
rob
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Safe sex is something we can all agree on.
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ARE YOUR PARENTS RETARDED ? CUZ YOU SURE ARE SPECIAL - THOMAS
Actually they are both dead and lucky for you I have a sense of humor.. What's up with the signature line?
Sorry for the misinterpretation Skeebo/Thomas. I got the quote from the pick up lines in the Off Topic thread. I thought it was funny and posted it in my signature and placed your name because i thought it was written by "thomas". I had no idea who thomas was because I dont know everyone's name here. Anyhow, my apologies to you and i meant no harm towards u.
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Guys, this is again reving up into more of the non-helpful "you said and I said" sniping and snapping at each other. COOL IT!
KO and Dachs, your simmering feelings about each other are duly noted.
Those feelings are NOT the issue about which IHAVE began this thread. Please stick to that subject.
Avoid assertions as to who owns the higher moral ground here. That is a surefire way to get to nowhere good real fast.
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I have hope.... i do see what you mean now and I do think this was a huge misunderstanding on my part. Andy I think he meant nothing by it honestly. I really think it was an honest mistake. I probably need to stay out of these heated discussions anyways... it's never been my cup of tea.
I will leave it to the members that have heart in the matter so as not to fray from the topic. Not meaning to steal Hal's (dachshund) words, but he said it best.. I'm outta here (meaning this thread).
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***issues***
It's a good thing, for the third day, that I have a scroll wheel and an ignore list.
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Wow.
The emo drama queen tirades of late have been quite a hoot! Love a good catfight. Not even a full moon either. Runnin' outta popcorn here though... ;)
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Really trying to remember the topic due to the heated debates and I just commented in another thread how things were nice because you could have a disscussion w/o the insults...I should've known better.. ::)
I'm not out there pounding the pavement as an AIDS activist but I do feel you should take responsibilty for your actions when it comes to this virus. I think the bottomline is it starts with YOU. As I have said in previous posts, I don't disclose to anyone but then I haven't had sex with another in 2 years either. If I did, I would use a condom but still would not tell the other person. Now to some, it would still be considered a bad thing because of the what if situation as in what if the condom broke, etc. Yes, that is possible but what are the chances, anyone?
Someone mentioned I think in the other post about a person going out in a rage and just infecting people. I do know someone who is doing just that. Do I know if this person is actually poz, no, I do not but I do know of her sexual expertise, and it is rumored that she is. In a situation like this, what is the responsible thing to do? Should I just sit by and say nothing or should I talk to someone at the Health Dept? Or because of my choices in disclosure would I be considered just as bad as her?
I do agree with others on I can only be responsible for myself and those closest to me. My son knows that I'm poz and I think that in itself has made him more responsible when it comes to sex. When he comes to see me, one of the first things I ask him is if he is low on condoms and if he has friends with him, I make sure they get some too. Now is that wrong of me to give other people's kids condoms? Remember, I'm trying to be responsible.
I hope I stuck to the topic, if I didn't I truly apologize. Thanks for listening...
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i confess that i would like to touch- or at least see- swede dish's monkey.
as i have said countless times before: gay, not blind
true confessions time! yay! yup... the sweetest swede ever 8)
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Well,
I had been dating someone when I tested positve. I immediately told that person even though it was just a fuck buddy thing, and we both loved foreign films and nice restaurants. He distanced himself. When i went over to his apt. he had thrown my toothbrush away. He tried to restart things when he realized that I had never put him at risk. But it was never the same. This was two months ago, So yeah it has been two months. That kinda hurt. But I prefer to be honest, even if it comes with rejection. I have not seen him in two weeks. I don't think of calling him anymore. He has a right to see me as a bio hazard intimately.
rob
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Queen Alaska,
Your post was refreshing. I don't think it would be a good idea to take it upon yourself to patrol her sexcapades, especially if it is just a rumour. If she indeed is doing what you say she is, the best thing you can do is educate as many people as you feel comfortable discussing this with, that there are people who don't care who they infect, without singling her out.I hope it is just a rumour. It is great that you have a frank discussion with your son about sex. As far as passing out condoms, you could be passing out worse things. So no I don't think it is wrong to give out condoms. It is your house. It is not like you are standing at gradeschool playground handing them out like stickers. Although in my opinion, the sooner children are able to understand of what is out there, the better.
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When I became poz I vowed that I would never pass my virus to another human being and in doing so I developed a set of rules that serve me to this day. I don't worry about what others are doing, as I can only control myself and what I will and will not do.
Personally I prefer to play with other pozzies because it is just so much easier and if I hear one more stupid question about HIV transmission from some trick I am going to scream. Some of you assume that everyone knows the truth about HIV transmission and you are so very wrong. Some of the younger kids know very little about HIV because nobody has the guts to tell them the truth. The schools are forbidden from doing it, public education is all but a joke and parents think it will never happen to them.
I do not have the energy to educate the masses on an individual basis and given all the booze and drugs in my area, I am surprised that the entire gay population here is not poz. But again, not my issue directly and my rules work for me.
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Kil... I know what you mean. It's amazing to me how little the kids these days know about HIV and how it's transmitted. Barebacking is endemic and taken for granted, especially the more casual the atmosphere is about drugs. This is not to mention the very frequent discussion I have where I disclose to someone and he still says "will you still fuck me bareback?" sheesh
I would like to blame this on the right-wing agenda, but I am not so sure. I spend a lot of time in Toronto and Vancouver and find the same attitudes there. So.. I think there's more going on here than just a lack of education. Besides, I find an awful lot of guys who do know how it's transmitted and just simply don't care. That's the biggest change I've seen since I came out in the eighties.
Basically, when I'm asked, I don't mince words. "If you get fucked without a condom, you're going to get HIV". I find that when it's put in terms that are not couched in psychobabble euphemisms, the point hits home. You still get the dips who will draw the conclusion of "but if he doesn't shoot . . ." etc etc. So, I just close down and decide that it's not worth the trouble to argue with someone. I just won't have sex with them and will stick with other poz guys, for the most part.
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I would like to blame this on the right-wing agenda, but I am not so sure.
Why don't we blame the drugs and the people fucked up on them?
My recommendation if you REALLY want to get high: don't have sex while high.
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Hey Puck,
I never said that the lack of education was a right-wing issue, but they sure don't help with their abstinence only programs. And I agree, having been in London and Amsterdam, where prevention information is absolutely everywhere and in so many forms and yet many of them were still clueless. I don't know what it will take for people to protect themselves because if the fear of death will not deter someone, then what will?
Substance abuse is another issue, but again there are thousands who will tweak the night away and what can you do about it? Very little. So I don't sweat the prevention issues any more. The info is there if they choose to learn about it and if they don't, I don't really care, but I refuse to be sexually involved with them.
I just cannot understand. I would give almost anything to be negative and so many guys just see being positive as an inevitable part of being gay and the others are too drugged out to know much of anything.
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I want to be puck's boyfriend :)
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It all comes down to HIV lite... 1 pill a day .. no worries.. i feel very sorry for the folks that think its that easy..
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Puck has a very hot man in his world....the two of them together constitute a fire hazard! WOOF! :-*
As far as this topic is concerned....the day-to-day stuff that we go through does not make it back to the negative population-at-large. As pointed out by Lis, they hear about the once/day meds and don't find out about the fatigue, insomnia, diarrhea, depression...and so on....I think most of "us" do not want to be perceived as a "downer" venting this stuff so we are too quiet....but education in moderation will do more than anything else.
Be Well...
Craig
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I agree with Liz.
I bet that's the way alot of people think...one pill..no biggie. They dont know about the side effects some people get from that one pill.
Teresa
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Puck has a very hot man in his world....the two of them together constitute a fire hazard! WOOF! :-*
As far as this topic is concerned....the day-to-day stuff that we go through does not make it back to the negative population-at-large. As pointed out by Lis, they hear about the once/day meds and don't find out about the fatigue, insomnia, diarrhea, depression...and so on....I think most of "us" do not want to be perceived as a "downer" venting this stuff so we are too quiet....but education in moderation will do more than anything else.
Be Well...
Craig
That's gospel that should be etched on stone tablets! Words like ''mutations'' and ''resistance'' are not as out in the open in the discussions for the mainstream. Let alone side effect topics, or all of the peripheral medications needed to cover those. Oh, and how about the frequent blood draws and doctor visits? What about the financial and employment ramifications? So many of these issues met my eye in depth as I sat in the waiting room of my ASO on that first day.
Wonder what it would be like if the kids at YouthPride here in Atlanta had a chance to tour the facilities at an ASO? Wonder what kind of impression it would or wouldn't make if people saw a bigger picture of the real day in the life of the poz? Just a thought.
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Personally, I believe it's so much more than just ignorance or drug use. While both of those have definitely had a profound impact I think they are still just the underlying symptoms of a species, that seems to be hell bent on disintegrating at an ever increasing rate.
How much negativity can occur in the world before people begin to subconciously adopt a fatalist mindset.
It's why I'm positive and I know that. The real question you have to wonder about is what can be done to bring things back into balance?
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I don't think they will be brought back into balance, at least not in the gay community, until there's no longer an epidemic of disease in the community. People do dire things in fits of despair and denial. All anyone can do is hope to mitigate the damage. Many people, before the drug use and HIV exposure, are dealing with other serious issue like self-esteem, being in the closet, general competitiveness in the gay "social" scene, etc. Add drugs and sex to the mix and it's a recipe for burying their heads in the sand.
If anything the information available today is WORLDS better than it was 15 years ago. All you have to do is use google.
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I can't speak for anyone else but I have paid attention to the threads that talked about side effects. Every time a thread on meds is open, I take a look and at one point all everyone seemed to be talking or asking questions about was Atripla. I paid close attention because that is one of the drugs my doctor wants to start me on and he thinks it will be easier in regard to adherence.
I have paid attention to what people seemed to be complaining about, which mostly seemed to be the weird dreams but also knows that if you suffer from depression that one of the medicines clashes with it, I forget which one it is. But I have also heard some say that they didn't have any side effects at all while others started w/ side effects but they eventually subsided, either in a few weeks or some months depending on the person. I realize that everyone does not have good days or feels like shit at times, I do too, but as I have said before, I take it one day at a time, what more can you do?
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Queen a lot of people do well on that combo with very manageable sides. Myself included and as many of the experiences on these boards attest with that combo and other first line meds. One day at a time - don't get freaked. Having a good attutude and healthy mental state is half the battle IMHO.
For the record I find the whole 'HIV Lite" phrase extremely condescending. I've yet to meet anyone who views their life with HIV lightly. And I'm not gonna feign a miserable existence and dramatize my well-being so I can scare people into safer sex and/or provide company for misery.
Trying to control action through fear is just way too Republican for me. I'll let the conservative use it. ;)
Later,
Mikey :)
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Sex is nice.
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I don't think they will be brought back into balance, at least not in the gay community, until there's no longer an epidemic of disease in the community.
I'm not sure the gay community ever was in balance. As you said... drugs, social competitiveness, I'd add the cult of the body.... all contributed long before AIDS came along. The seventies weren't exactly balanced. My thoughts are really that the only thing that would bring what's being called "balance" here to the gay community is to eliminate its marginalized identity. Until 'gay' is completely passe, everywhere, we will still have to deal with the endemic low self esteem, addictions, and self destructive personalities that pepper our community.
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Queen a lot of people do well on that combo with very manageable sides. Myself included and as many of the experiences on these boards attest with that combo and other first line meds. One day at a time - don't get freaked. Having a good attutude and healthy mental state is half the battle IMHO.
For the record I find the whole 'HIV Lite" phrase extremely condescending. I've yet to meet anyone who views their life with HIV lightly. And I'm not gonna feign a miserable existence and dramatize my well-being so I can scare people into safer sex and/or provide company for misery.
Trying to control action through fear is just way too Republican for me. I'll let the conservative use it. ;)
Later,
Mikey :)
Thanks for the words of encouragement. I actually am looking forward to starting meds. I was bummed a few months ago because I was ready to start meds but couldn't due to the fact that my diabetes is running wild. I try to be realistic when it comes to my virus. My body has fought the good fight for 10 yrs this year and has showed me that this virus isn't a death sentence for me and I'm still here. Reading the posts of those who has been infected for over 20+ years motivates me and encourages me that I still have plenty of years left to live. I even take in the view points of those who's daily life has been hell due to this virus and I accept that this could very well be me in a few years after starting meds or whatever. I can't speak for everyone else but I choose to try to live my life one day at a time.
Now as for the topic at hand, I love sex, who doesn't? But I have gotten to the point that I don't need it all like that. I have sex just fine with my toy, what I want is something with substance, if you have that the sex will fall into place. Unless the person sucks at sex, the dreaded bad fuck. I feel that if the feelings and emotions are there sex will be all the better. Just my opinion...
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All this talk about sex is making me horney. And yes I tell them right up front. I dont chase them I replace them.
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I think we are losing sight of why this thread was started. Which is to underscore the importance of protecting yourself and others when you have HIV. Not meaning that you can't have sex anymore.
When it comes to infecting others some do view HIV as HIV lite. Meaning, they didn't ask, so it is their fault if they get anything from me. All the author of this thread is saying is protect yourself, protect others. HIV infection can be impacted if all of us who know we have it and limit its spread.
I am not saying you are obligated to disclose, (that is a persononal choice) but the protection issue should be paramount. Assuming that just because they didn't ask they are already poz is dangerous at best. Saying that they deserve it if they don't ask is crazy. Saying "oh well if I don't give it to them someone else will is pathalogical." Having fantasies about giving it to someone is.... you fill in the blank.
Safer sex is something I hope we can all agree on.
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The topic of disclosure has caused some lenghty and often heated exchanges here on several occasions.
Joe hit it on the head. I can't do anything about what others are doing. I can only contol what I do and how I do it.
I can only ensure I don't pass the virus to anyone else. That is what I have done and will do, if the opportunity arises.
If the other person, or people, as the case may be, don't like the way I do things, that's their choice.
I have to live with myself.
HUGS,
Mark
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path·o·log·i·cal (pth-lj-kl) also path·o·log·ic (-k)
adj.
1. Of or relating to pathology.
2. Relating to or caused by disease.
3. Of, relating to, or manifesting behavior that is habitual, maladaptive, and compulsive
Technically speaking, disclosing or taking precautions for safer sex is also "pathological".
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Of, relating to, or manifesting behavior that is habitual, maladaptive, and compulsive..Quote
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No offense, but I beg to disagree.
According to your definition, having safe sex would be an "adaptive" response to the issue of HIV. NOT having safe sex would be maladaptive. I think thats what I get out of your definition.
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I'm not sure the gay community ever was in balance. As you said... drugs, social competitiveness, I'd add the cult of the body.... all contributed long before AIDS came along. The seventies weren't exactly balanced. My thoughts are really that the only thing that would bring what's being called "balance" here to the gay community is to eliminate its marginalized identity. Until 'gay' is completely passe, everywhere, we will still have to deal with the endemic low self esteem, addictions, and self destructive personalities that pepper our community.
Amen to that, brother. What a great post. I think that marginalization weighs in on both sides of this...the ones who want to get fucked bareback despite disclosure and for those who have difficulties disclosing and such. And I doubt the additional name-calling and finger-pointing is going to help matters greatly.
ADDITIONALLY: Out of defintion 3, perhaps. Not #2.
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An interesting and passionate subject
Difficult to discuss
The relationship of public health and sex is, to my mind, like Liz Taylor and Richard Burton, can't live with you, can't live without you, much watched by the public eye, who knows the truth about behind closed doors (and quite a lot of drinking or the equiv.).
- matt
Well said Matt!
Going back to the original subject I believe was how has your sex life been impacted? Mine hasn't changed drastically. I was surprised that everyone here wasn't bitching about how HIV causes all this rejection etc.
I've been in a relationship with a negative partner and I don't believe most people are honest about what goes on behind closed doors. While I would never intentionally infect someone or lie to them, I will say there are those times in the heat of passion aided by too much alcohol we weren't 100% safe.
I had to laugh at the comment about pie charts and graphs ; ) Too funny! I can't see me personally dating someone simply because we are both positive, but I have to say on the other hand it's an additional challenge with a partner who is negative. It stressed me out always having to be the responsible one, but got better over time.
I think many of the Federally funded HIV clinicians, and even a lot of physicians are pushing the idea of safe sex to extremes now. What I mean is some of the crap they tell people HIV can be transmitted via oral sex. I guess they are all airing on the side of caution, but I have to say I was surprised at how blunt my HIV doctor was when my partner and I went in together.
Anyways, I believe a completely satisfying safer sex life is possible and as far as relationships go in my future I still intend to date a person and not a virus.
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I'm not sure the gay community ever was in balance. As you said... drugs, social competitiveness, I'd add the cult of the body.... all contributed long before AIDS came along. The seventies weren't exactly balanced. My thoughts are really that the only thing that would bring what's being called "balance" here to the gay community is to eliminate its marginalized identity. Until 'gay' is completely passe, everywhere, we will still have to deal with the endemic low self esteem, addictions, and self destructive personalities that pepper our community.
I agree with those comments, and I should have said "more" into balance. Still comparing an end times mentality during a disease epidemic to one when it did not exist is disingenuous in many respects. And a degree of marginalized identity might potentially always be realistically expected in any minority group. I hate saying that but one only need look at the experience of African Americans, and this is not isolated to the United States.
Remove HIV and there would be less fatalistic acting out. But yes, this does NOT mean by any means such activity would disappear. I never meant to imply that and apologize if what I said was construed as such. There will ALWAYS be foolish behavior. The presence of death though kind of makes things extra crazy.
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The presence of death though kind of makes things extra crazy.
That is an interesting observation....perhaps my reaction is even more interesting. It involves how we as a people perceive death. If we are not comfortable with it then we see this behavior as crazy because it could lead to death. If we are comfortable with our eventual transition then this level of comfort could give rise to such "risky" behavior. It is very possible that as we become less attached to life (as we know it) and more comfortable with death (or the hereafter)....so called "risky" behaviors will, in fact, increase. As a species are we evolving ourselves out of existence??