feeling depressed

[Red23]

hey all, just want to hear others opinions and thoughts on how to deal with hiv mentally

ive been hiv+ for a few months now but its feeling like its starting to take a mental hold on me and making it difficult for me to move on but ive also had a few other things going on this year which have weighed down on me making me feel depressed

at the start of the year i had to deal with a very nasty break up from a ex gf, who is also the person that gave me hiv and also lost some close long time friends in the process of the break up

then i tried to pursue my dream career of joining the military only to be told towards the end of application at the blood test stage that i had hiv and that i'll never be able to join because of it

then there's my current job which is making feel like crap too, stuck in a small room, same procedure day in day out, people constantly complaining about each other putting me in the middle of it, too high a work load not enough staff then the managers complain to me when things dont get finished

there's also my friends as well bringing their drama's on to me making things difficult on me

this ones probably going to sound stupid but because of my hiv i fear that i'll never be able to find a new partner and start a family of my own which is something i would like to achieve in the near future, i fear that as soon as i meet someone and things start going good i tell them about my problem and they all run off, in another thread of mine ive already had this happen to me

its all gotten to a point where im always upset, angry, my moods change very quickly and my close friends have started to notice but i feel as though i dont have anything to live for like whats the point of going on if im not going to be happy? i had hopes and dreams for the future but now they're gone. i find im always having to stop myself daily from breaking down and recently begun to have suicidal thoughts :/ and its starting to scare me and my parents but im trying to not go that far

im going to see a councilor and chat to them as well but how does everyone else deal with it as well? and whats the best way to go about it?

[Irish Eyes]

Compartmentalize.

For me since the doc gave me the dx, HIV has been absolutely the least of my concerns.
I'm certain it was harder for the doc to tell me my status than for me to accept it. He may as well have told me I had the flu or some insignificant condition.

I contracted 'something', there's nothing I can do about it other than take a tablet.

I take my tablet and carry on.

[initforlife]

Sorry Red you are feeling depressed . Some of us on here have went thru the same thing. I got really bad and had to change meds and get on anti depression meds and it has help me a lot. You might want to talk to your Dr about this the next time you go. It is a mind game. but your life is not over you can still so most things. and I might add maybe you should focus on yourself and getting use to your dx before you try to find  a relationship or bring another person into your life .while  you are still adjusting to your dx. anyway hugs It does get better!

[Jmarksto]

i find im always having to stop myself daily from breaking down and recently begun to have suicidal thoughts :/ and its starting to scare me and my parents but im trying to not go that far

im going to see a councilor and chat to them as well but how does everyone else deal with it as well? and whats the best way to go about it?

Red;  I am sorry you are having a hard time - please know that many of us struggle particularly during the first year or two.  In looking back in your posts I see you are on Complera, which has rilpivirine in it which is an NNRTI (similar to efavirenz in Atripla).  This class of drug can cause psychological side effects, such as suicidal thoughts that you mentioned.  I would talk to your doctor ASAP about this and consider changing medications.


Also, it is great that you are going to see a counselor, that helped me quite a bit.


Keep us posted,
JM

[Dan0]

Red;  I am sorry you are having a hard time - please know that many of us struggle particularly during the first year or two.  In looking back in your posts I see you are on Complera, which has rilpivirine in it which is an NNRTI (similar to efavirenz in Atripla).  This class of drug can cause psychological side effects, such as suicidal thoughts that you mentioned.  I would talk to your doctor ASAP about this and consider changing medications.


Also, it is great that you are going to see a counselor, that helped me quite a bit.


Keep us posted,
JM

^^^^THIS^^^^

Don't underestimate the potential of some of the components of HIV medication to cause or enhance depression.  It doesn't always happen to all people, but sometimes certain medication does have this reaction.  From my own personal experience, it is very easy to associate these small increments of depression to some outside influence.  It is sometimes a slow progression that is incredibly easy to separate from the medication. "It's not the medication - it's my LIFE that is screwed up!"

Again, this may not be the case with you and your medication might be working well with no bad interactions. It may be that a therapist IS the correct way to go. It's worth discussing with your ID Doctor, though.  Don't immediately assume that this is the cause of your depression and there is some magic solution in the form of a different color tablet. It might be - but that would be a discussion to have honestly and openly with your doctor.

When I made the switch, it was literally within 72 hours that I could tell a dramatic difference. After the first week, I could look back and see just how oblivious it was that there was this slow progression of side-effects. 

[BubbaPat]

Hey kiddo!!

Make a plan to change jobs.  A friend of mine has been hanging on to his job for the past three years now even though he hates it.  It's all a part of his plan.  As he stays, he gains seniority.  He counts EVERY little victory he has there and outside the office.  His goal was to finish his degree after 20 years.

Don't let this stigma get you down.  LOVE is out there whether you're positive or not.  Get a great doctor and therapist.  We ALL need them but so few of us actually acknowledge it.

When they aren't available... reach out to friends near you or on here.  Some days we all need a little boost.  Some days, even bigger boosts.  My daddy always said "Mind over matter.  My mind mind, everything else doesn't matter."

Hang in there.

Bubba hugs!
Patrick