From hell I raise with other issues

[27years]

When I thought I had so much on my plate to deal with I never so this one coming my way.  The past 2 years have been the worst but I thought I was doing just fine.  I am 13 weeks pregnant and don't know what to make of myself.  I am so confused to the extent that i am not even excited as I am expected by those around.  I really thought I was in a stable relationship only to discover the so called boyfriend has got a marriage which is still on paper although he claims not to have contact with the wife for about 5 years (its a story on its own).  I have been to the Dr who assured me that things will be fine but I am not sure as everything has been going all wrong with me. I cant bring myself to think of abortion.  I had just come of the implant so I assumed I wasnt going to be fertile until after about two months but it turned out I conceived earlier than expected.  I feel so scared and the only person who could see me through this is dead, I am so lost.  I need to pick myself up but I don't know how. Its my first pregnancy and don't know what to expect, needless to say the morning sickness is gruelling.  My brother feels i am isolating myself from the family because I don't want to talk about the pregnancy but he doesn't know how I feel inside, he is the only person who knows about it.  I happen to be living in a village where there is little support for people with HIV.  All alone I used think I am strong but with a baby on the way I don't know how I will cope.  I am also worried about my CD4 which is just over 400, VL undetectable, does it have any impact on the baby. Now am beginning to think I don't know much about the virus. Am so stressed.  I would appreciate if you can save a prayer for me , sometimes my burdens are so hard to bear.  Have a nice weekend 

[BT65]

Aw 27, it sounds like you're going through a hell of a lot (excuse my language).  I'm so sorry.  So, your brother is the only one in your family who knows about you being poz?  Does the rest of the family know you're pregnant?  You may want to hang out with them, just to have some more humans around.

About the father, how long have you two been together?  Do you think he's been in contact with the wife?  He may be telling you the truth. 

Right now, with the hormones changing, it'll make all the situations seem worse (I'm not dismissing anything you say by any means).  Just take things a little at a time, and deal just with what's right in front of you.  I'm sure you're going to make a heck of a good mother, if that's what you want of course.

You do have an ID doctor, don't you?  (S)he can advise you on the meds you need to be on to protect the baby.  In some other threads here, on the women's forum, this has been discussed.  You may want to check them out; do a search, if you don't want to go through all the threads.  I can't think of one specifically right now, (mostly because I don't read them, as I'm beyond having kids anymore).  Please hang in there.  Get lots of sleep, and we're here. 
  Luv,
Betty

[anniebc]

Hi 27

If this link doesn't work (I'm pretty hopeless with computers) then just click on Treatment above and go into the lessons, there is some good information on HIV and pregnancy that will help you get over your anxieties, I know it can't be easy for you but try not to stess out too much, and as Betty said htere are young mums here who have been through it all so reach out to them for help if you need to.

http://www.aidsmeds.com/articles/Pregnancy_4900.shtml

Hugs
Jan

[emeraldize]

Hi 27,

Hang in and you are as strong as you've ever been. This is something so brand-new you're figuring out how to get through it. As BT noted, hormones can really be a factor in how you are thinking things through.

Most important about getting information about your current regimen and a talk with your ID doctor is that it not have a negative impact on your baby. There are some medications which can cause birth defects and you want to know the full details of what you're on and how it relates to a developing fetus.

All the best.
Em

[Sweet_C]

27years, I'm so sorry you're going through all of this right now.  Your doc is right that everything will be just fine with the baby, but don't forget to take care of yourself as well.   It sounds like your brother is very supportive.  If so, please don't be afraid to go to him and talk through your fears.  Even though people in your village may not understand what you're going through, everyone on this board is definitely here for you.  Pregnancy can be scary time and you shouldn't go through it alone.

[Queen Tokelove]

The other ladies gave some good advice. I just wanted to add something of my own. You said you're brother knows your status and situation correct? I think about how you're feeling now you definitely could use the support of your brother. Maybe you guys could talk and you explain to him how you are feeling? And just tell him you're not ready to deal with the rest of the family just yet. And if he would consider supporting you and maybe update the family every now and then. What YOU allow them to know... Just a thought.

As for your bf, well, I don't know the details and I am not here to judge. Hell, I am still married but has been seperated for 9 years. The only reason I am still married is that I can't find his trifling ass to divorce him. I have talked to lawyers but they want to charge thousands of dollars because I can't locate him. So, you see, it all depends on the situation there. And being in the situation that I am in, that would be like the pot calling the kettle black. You have to decide what to do there but with your pregnancy you don't need any added stress. Only you know what to do in that one.

[27years]

I decided not to tell my sister because sometime ago we had a conversation about people with hiv having kids and their opinion was why bring a child when you don't know whats going to happen to it, so from there i realised they are accepting of me with HIV but are not prepared to deal with other issues that come with it. My brother has been brilliant although we are not in the same country he checks on me and encourages me when I am feeling down.  We agreed that I will let my sisters know when i am left with a month to go so that i do not get mixed opinion from them.   i have told my mum and she seem to be OK with it.

my Dr said the meds i am on are fine and should not cause any problems, however he intends to change them on the 3rd trimester as he said kids born to mothers on this combination are commonly known to be jaundiced for a few weeks after birth although this is not a worry to him.

the morning sickness seem to be getting better though the craving of things that i never used to eat is taking the lead.  thank you for the support and the links.  i will keep you updated on how i progress and i will try and take one day at a time like my brother told me.
 

[TabooPrincess]

This is exactly how I felt when I found out I was (accidentally) pregnant.  I just felt like a shell with a life growing inside me.  The fear and guilt of what I might be doing to this life inside me was overwhelming, I totally shut off emotionally.  I went through everything I had to do physcially but emotionally I didn't really want the baby to arrive.  Even for the first 6 weeks or so I didn't bond with him - I didn't really want him.  I know this sounds terrible but it's true.  Anyway, now he is almost 7 months old, negative, and adorable and I'm crazy about him..  I'm also doing this on my own now as the father left us (the one who knowingly infected me with hiv).  The meds appear to have had no effect on him, he's happy and thriving.

And rest assured you WILL have a negative baby if you follow medical advice - apparently mother to baby transmission is set to be eradicated in the west, if medical advice followed, by 2015 :-)

[27years]

Today I cant cry because I dont know what to cry about, I received a letter from the martenity hospital i go to regarding my blood results for down syndrome test I had gone for saying I should go there urgently, Shock of my life when I got there, I was told I am at a high risk of having a baby with Edwards syndrome. First time I have heard about it and what ever the midwife was saying nothing made sense.  I was just numb and could not say anything as I didnt have a clue what the condition is about.  I had to go for a detailed scan and they said everything looks normal with the baby, however they needed to do the amniocentesis test to confirm.  I just told them I wasnt sure if i wanted to go for the test and i needed time to think.

When I got home I googled for the condition and was actually shocked more than I was at the hospital, its something that I have to seriously think about but I dont know what to think.  1. I can go for the amniocentesis to confirm if the baby is going to be affected but then they is a risk of miscarriage, hiv transmition to the baby and risk of other infections, the test is not guaranteed to be a success. If it turns out that the baby is going to have it I can terminate or proceed and let nature rule. 2 I can choose not to go for the test and just deal with whatever outcome at birth, but i dont know if I will be able to cope with the what if questions for the rest of the pregnancy that is i manage to carry it full term as the babies with the condition dont normally survive to birth, 3 I can also choose not to go for the test and just go for termination, but the what if the baby does not have the condition still lingers at the back of my brains.

If I thought Hiv was difficult to deal with I think now I am faced with a more challenging situation.  i really need a clear head to deal with this but at the moment my head is just bonkers,

Has any of you ladies have any knowledge about Edwards syndrome or what I can expect out of it, any information will be greatly appreciated

[Ann]

I've never heard of this before. Sorry to hear what you're going through. I think if it were me, I'd go ahead and have the amnio test done, but that's something you'll have to decide for yourself.

You might find this website helpful - they have forums as well. http://www.trisomy18support.org/ Forums are here: http://trisomy18support.org/modules/newbb/index.php

Good luck and keep us posted. I'll be thinking of you.

Ann

[TabooPrincess]

I've never heard of it either.  I can understand why you're worried about the amnio - like Ann said I'd probably go ahead with it too.  Are there any statistics about hiv transmission from the amnio?  I guess it must be near to impossible to ascertain if a baby contracted it from this or from other parts of the pregnancy.

You will find a strength in you that you never knew you had and you will deal with this.

I thought there was some kind of blood testing being developed to check for this now rather than having to have the amnio...maybe it's not been finalised yet but given your situation I think you should be top of the list for it.  Maybe ask your doctor about it?

[27years]

Thanks ladies, I am now trying to get as much information as I can about the conditions and all the options I have.@Ann the links have been so helpful @TabooPrincess the blood test they do does not actually tell the diagnostic, it just tells the odds then the amnio will have to be done to confirm.  The odds for me at the moment is 1 as to 95.  i will go and see my Dr on Wed maybe he can give me some insight of this.  Have a nice weekend.

[TabooPrincess]

This is what I was referring to - it says it's for down's syndrome but later on mentiones Edwards syndrome...

http://www.telegraph.co.uk/health/healthnews/7862624/Blood-test-for-Downs-syndrome.html

Push your doc - there may be a way of having this despite it not being in use yet?

[scarredlady]

HI 27. I ALS HAD THAT TEST DONE AS WELL. I HATE I EVEN GOT IT CAUSE IT DRIVERS YOU CRAZY. I WAS TOLD THAT IT WAS A 1:10 FOR MY BABY HAVING DOWNS. I WORRIED MYSELF 2 DEATH. I DID NOT GO THROUGH WITH THE AMNIO. LONG STORY SHORT MY BABY IS PERFECTLY HEALTHY AND NORMAL. ITS JUST A SCREEN DOESNT MEAN THAT YOUR BABY WILL HAVE IT. IF I WERE YOU  WOULD NOT GET THE AMNIO JUST OUT IT IN GODS HANDS. I BELIEVE THAT YOUR BABY WILL BE FINE. I WOULD NOY RECOMEEND THAT TEST TO ANY1 THATS PREGNANT CAUSE MOST OF THE TIME ITS NOT CORRECT. GOOD LUCK WITH PREGNANCY