POZ Community Forums
Main Forums => Living With HIV => Topic started by: MoltenStorm on April 10, 2007, 06:02:44 pm
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When would the right time be to disclose to someone you're seeing?
On one hand, telling them soon after beginning to date saves you the trouble of them running after you've invested a lot, emotionally, if they're going to run.
On the other, should you let them get to know you before you bring up your status (provided sex is not happening)
(Note: These questions are asked with the assumption that you'd disclose prior to any sexual activity.)
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My self-imposed rule was by the second or third date at the latest. Usually, the first date. It's been 14 yrs. since I last had a date. The last date I had is my life partner (HIV+).
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There are pros and cons to disclosing both sooner and later. I've found disclosing when it "feels right" is the best time, regardless of time frame. This has been in practice both sooner and later, and I haven't had a bad response yet, in fact quite the opposite. I even used the disclosure as a way to put someone off, and well.. that backfired.
Disclose when it feels right for you, you'll know when the right time is when you get there. It's about you confiding something very personal to you, to someone else. Don't give that information up unless you're ready.
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I agree with disclosing when it feels right to you. I personally, have waited to let them get to know me, and me them, so I can judge it a little better. If I let them get to know me, then there is a chance they will like me, and trust me. If I feel that it's going in a direction where they should know, that's when I tell them.
It's scary, no matter when. I hate disclosing, but I do it anyhow.
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My last date was 2 and a half years go. I disclosed on the second date. He headed for the hills...his loss!
Haven't bothered since for various reasons. Am doing quite fine and dandy alone for now, to be honest. Dunno what I'd do next time, when/if there is a next time. Time will tell, I guess.
As a general rule nowadays, I'm all for being up front from the offset - saves any wasted emotional investment and (for me) helps separate the wheat from the chaff, so to speak.
I agree with the whole disclosing when it feels right for you approach. As long as no-one is knowingly putting anyone at any physical risk. Each to their own.
Melia
(whose only dates seem to be of the dried fruit variety nowadays ::))
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When I was dating, I always disclosed prior to any sexual intimacy. I found it was the perfect way to weed out any pozaphobes or mental midgets prior to making an emotional investment. Plenty ran but some stayed a while. My current boyfriend (of three years) was too freaked at first but came to his senses after educating himself. Now we just laugh about that.
Daniel