exposed

[recentlyexposed]

Hi, first of all thanks for your website it is geat to find a place so accurate and dynamic.
So here is my situation and any feedback will be greatly apprecciated.

I have been in a commited exclusive relationship for the past 6 months with another male.

His health has always beed a concern to me so finally after a lot of pressure I made him go to the ER. He's lost weight since we stariting dating, he was always coughing(sometimes with blood), had constant abdominal pain,and just did not look healthy in general.Long story short he tested positive and was diagnosed with a lot list of complications.

-I went immediatly to get the ELISA test and tested negative.

-The last time I was exposed was exactly 28 days before I took the test (he had to travel for work, and in general we did not have a lot of anal sex, we both preferr oral).and I am not counting oral as being exposed.

-That same day I saw my doctor and he ordered the other type of test, the one where they look for the virus in your blood. I should get the results anytime this week.

-i was exposed to the virus for at least 5 months continiously, so I was very surprised I tested negative to the antibody test.

-The speciallist he is already seeing asked about me, when he said "he tested negative" she said"forget he won't have it" and was very dismissive about the whole thing(me) and moved on right away.

-im a very healthy active person, never get sick so I assume my immune system is strong. So shouldn't that made my body produce antibodies fast in case I got it?

-In the past 5 months the only health complication I ve had was a "food poisoning" that lasted 36 hours of weakness, vomiting and diarrea ( I ate @the office and several of us got sick). So I doubt those where symptoms of being initially infected. Plus that was 2 months so if that was the case shouldn't I have had anibodies by now?

-could I be thal lucky that I was exposed to it for so long and did not get the virus?

-also he claims he tested negative in july of last year (after a severe neumonia that had him go to the hospital). He had unprotected sex after that a few times with another guy. That guy has been continioulsy harrassing both of us, and keeps looking for him in a very passive agressive way, so it makes me wonder if the guy knows he is infected. My BF does not want to ask or communicate with him and I respect that at this point it makes no diff, but it is suspicious that this "ex" has been so erratic for so long. My question here (and I'm aware you can't know)is: if he got it from this ex, is it possible that he got so sick so fast? The fact that he's had neumonia and severe sinus infections for 2 years makes me wonder if he actually had it for longer. Again it really makes no diff at this point. I do not know his viral load etc..he has the next appointment with the speciallist later this week.

-i assume all I can do is wait for the blood test results and if negative then get tested again in 60days?

Thank you!

[Ann]

re,

The vast majority of people who have actually been infected will seroconvert and test positive by six weeks, with the average time to seroconversion being only 22 days.

A six week negative is highly unlikely to change, but must be confirmed at the three month point.

Regardless of the results of your PCR test ("the one where they look for the virus in your blood", aka viral load test), you will still need antibody confirmation. PCR tests can give both false positive and false negative results and are therefore not widely used for diagnostic purposes.

Any positive antibody test must also be confirmed with a positive Western Blot test result.

If you two were having protected intercourse, then all this is moot because you weren't at risk.

If you were having UNprotected intercourse, then another two weeks should give you a good idea of your hiv status through antibody testing alone. (see above)

It is totally possible to be exposed to hiv and not become infected. Not every exposure results in infection because the circumstances and environment needs to be exactly right in order for transmission to take place. Hiv is finicky. Also, if you mainly top, it's more difficult (but NOT impossible) for a top to become infected.

Unfortunately there are no short cuts to getting a conclusive negative result, but you do have a good chance of coming out of this ok due to testing negative thus far.

Ann

[recentlyexposed]

Just to clarify, yes these were 5 months of mostly unprotected sex, I acted mostly as a top but did bottom a few times. I am cirmumsiced. First time in my life I had sex without a condom( I used them with me exces even after they tested negative) and here are the consecuences of trusting someone, I have no one to blame but myself.. Whatever my result ends up being I will never again have any type of intercourse with out condoms that I have clear.

[Ann]

re,

Don't beat yourself up because you trusted a loved one. He obviously didn't know he was poz - which highlights the importance of regular testing for all sexually active adults. Shit happens, eh? The man from whom I acquired my infection also had no idea he was hiv positive. A lot of people don't.

If you were happy together before his diagnosis, I hope you don't let this become a deal-breaker. He's still the same guy he was before diagnosis and if that guy is someone you love and care about, learn about hiv along side him and give him your support.

It would be beneficial for both of you for you to go with him to his initial hiv doctor appointments. He should get a little notebook where he can write down any questions he has for the doctor, leaving a space for the answers. He can also use this notebook to keep track of his numbers on a separate page.

You could help him by being the person who takes notes during the appointment - it's so easy to forget what you want to ask, and also forget the answers, once you are face-to-face with the doctor.

The only thing that needs to change in your relationship is the fact that you'll have to use condoms for intercourse. Once he's on meds with an undetectable viral load for six months, you're very unlikely to become hiv positive yourself (from him, anyway).

It would be prudent to still use condoms when you bottom, but topping, not so much. There are hundreds of thousands of serodiscordant couples around the world, where the negative partner remains negative through the double-barrelled preventative combination of condoms and treatment. Condoms alone also work.

If you stay with your parter, you will be welcome to post in the Someone I Care About section of the forums. You have one free post left in this section, so please use it wisely.

Make sure you read through the condom and lube links in my signature line so you can use them correctly and with confidence. You should both also read the Lessons section of this website.

Please encourage your partner to also join this forum. He'll need all the support and information he can get. I hope you become part of his support, but you don't have to be his only support. We're here for both of you.

Good luck with your relationship, and good luck with your testing. I really do think you'll come out of this hiv negative.

Ann

[recentlyexposed]

Hi Ann, I just want to let you know the results of the PCR test came negative as well. My Doctor said now I have to do the antibody test every month for 3 more months. Just to be 100 percent sure.

I feel very lucky to come out of this negative considering I was exposed for 5 months to the virus.

As for my BF, he is doing "ok" he started treatment but he is not very open about his health. I do not know his viral load or any other data. I do know he has the herpes 8 virus, and he has kaposi sarcoma. So I am assuming he has AIDS. Also this makes me think he was infected years ago and not a few months ago like he thinks. But I have no way of knowing and at this point it really does not matter.

I am trying to give him as much support as I can. He does not let anyone go to the doctors appointments with him. He has several tumors and virus induced cancer. He also has severe pneumonia and wears an oxygen mask most of the time while at home. He says the doctors told him that he will bo ok as soon as the antiviral medicine starts to work, but again no one goes to the doctors appointments with him so I feel left in the dark. Again if he is already in the AIDS stage this might not be true, He is only 21 years old so this is very hard for me.

I suggested him visiting this-and other websites, reading a few books etc. But he dismisses everything I say,  he just keeps telling me to stop stressing him and that I am not a doctor, only his mother and I know.

Now that I know in negative for sure I want to focus in helping him, altough its sad that even my doctor( and friends and family inclueded) have commented that I should leave him and continue with my life, no matter how hard it is. I am Not going to do that but given the fact that he is so closed right now its very frustrating to try to help him. I am more scared of all the emotional complications that the HIV or AIDS.

Thayn you for such an informative forum and your patience with all of us here.

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                 

[Andy Velez]

You have a full plate right now in dealing with your partner so I am going to keep this simple. As far as your testing, if you test negative with a standard HIV test at 3 months after the most recent unprotected incident, you can regard that result as conclusive and reliable. I don't see any need for re-testing every month for several months, but do what you want to do if that makes things more comfortable for you.

As for your partner, he's under medical care now. That is we assume so. So just let him know you want to be helpful and ask him if he will keep you posted on how you can best do that. Keep talking with him without pressuring him if possible. If you have a good relationship with his mother, perhaps you two can talk and figure out how to work together for him.

You can also begin a thread in SOMEONE I CARE ABOUT HAS HIV and get responses from members who have lots of experience in coping with the kind of situation you have described.

As with all advice you get including mine, take what feels right for you and forget the rest.

Good luck with your testing and keep us posted.

Cheers.

[Ann]

re,

It may be that your partner simply doesn't know his numbers. He may be one of those guys - like my own partner - who doesn't want to know all the details and trusts his doctor to do what's necessary and right by him. It's frustrating, but I've had to accept that he is within his rights to deal with his virus in a way that he's comfortable with.

What's most important is that he attends his doctor appointments and takes his meds. Providing he's doing that, you're just going to have to let go of wanting to know all the details, until such time as he decides to share. As I said, he may not even (want to) know the details himself.

Like Andy wisely suggested, all you can really do is to let him know that you're there to help him in any way he sees fit. If that means backing off where hiv is concerned, that's his call. Potentially frustrating? Yes. Doable? That's up to you.

By the way, don't assume that KS automatically equals an aids diagnosis. (Generally CD4s under 200.) A person doesn't have to have such low CD4s to get KS, it can happen with higher counts as well. A person doesn't even have to have hiv to get KS - although I'll admit it's rare in such a young man.

Also, it's true what he says his doctor said - once his virus is under control through the meds, he should be ok.

Hang in there.

Ann