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Author Topic: My mom is dying  (Read 14054 times)

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Offline GSOgymrat

  • Member
  • Posts: 5,122
  • HIV+ since 1993. Relentlessly gay.
My mom is dying
« on: April 22, 2009, 01:40:58 am »
Some of you may remember my mother was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer a year ago. The doctors gave her 3 months to live and initially she went down hill fast and we thought she was going to die last June. She amazed everyone by recuperating and she has been doing well since then without any treatment.

Two weeks ago she was doing great and then one night my step-father found her unconscious on the floor and she had vomited. She has been quickly declining since. My siblings and I have been with her the past two weeks and have done everything we know to do to support her and my step-father. My mother said that she is ready to go and we each said everything that we wanted to say. She has not eaten in 2 weeks and has not taken any fluids in almost a week. She wants to die but her body is of tough Yankee stock and doesn’t want to quit. We are expecting her to pass soon.

I purposely kept my HIV status from my mother for the past 16 years. Honestly she was the only person who I really cared about knowing my status. I know she would have been supportive but I also know she would have worried needlessly, spent sleepless night, freaked out every time I sneezed if she had known. She is the type of person who literally stays up at night wondering if my brother is going to the dentist regularly or if I am driving on bald tires. Now that she is about to pass I’m so happy I didn’t tell her.

I want to thank the people on this forum who have been supportive of my mother during her illness. I’ll let you know when she passes.

Offline anniebc

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Re: My mom is dying
« Reply #1 on: April 22, 2009, 01:57:52 am »
{{{HUGS}}}

In sadness
Jan :'(
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
Never knock on deaths door..ring the bell and run..he really hates that.

Offline Miss Philicia

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Re: My mom is dying
« Reply #2 on: April 22, 2009, 02:00:05 am »
Ford, I'm so sorry to hear of this.  I'm sure that your mother is comforted having her son close by and I will keep you and your family in my thoughts.
"I’ve slept with enough men to know that I’m not gay"

Offline dtwpuck

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  • дано мне тело, что мне делать с ним?
Re: My mom is dying
« Reply #3 on: April 22, 2009, 07:12:58 am »
hugs.   I'm thinking of you.
Floating through the void in the caress of two giant pink lobsters named Esmerelda and Keith.

Offline Grasshopper

  • Member
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Re: My mom is dying
« Reply #4 on: April 22, 2009, 07:13:50 am »
Hi,
I wish you strength and courage to endure the days to come.

Offline J.R.E.

  • Member
  • Posts: 8,207
  • Positive since 1985, joined forums 12/03
Re: My mom is dying
« Reply #5 on: April 22, 2009, 07:28:16 am »
Ford,

My thoughts go out to you and your family. Also, wishing you strength to get through this difficult time.


Ray
Current Meds ; Viramune / Epzicom Eliquis, Diltiazem. Pravastatin 80mg, Ezetimibe. UPDATED 2/18/24
 Tested positive in 1985,.. In October of 2003, My t-cell count was 16, Viral load was over 500,000, Percentage at that time was 5%. I started on  HAART on October 24th, 2003.

 As of Oct 2nd, 2023, Viral load Undetectable.
CD 4 @676 /  CD4 % @ 18 %
Lymphocytes,absolute-3815 (within range)


72 YEARS YOUNG

Offline bear60

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Re: My mom is dying
« Reply #6 on: April 22, 2009, 07:37:19 am »
Ford
I know this a difficult time for you.  All my best wishes are with you.
Hugs
Joel
Poz Bear Type in Philadelphia

Offline Texan38

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Re: My mom is dying
« Reply #7 on: April 22, 2009, 07:43:19 am »
My thoughts are with you.  :'(  Big HUG.
In Hollywood an equitable divorce settlement means each party getting fifty per cent of publicity.
~ Lauren Bacall

Offline bocker3

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Re: My mom is dying
« Reply #8 on: April 22, 2009, 07:54:38 am »
How wonderfully comforting it must be for your mom to have her kids with her right now.....

My thoughts are with you.

Hugs,
Mike

Offline Assurbanipal

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  • Taking a forums break, still see PM's
Re: My mom is dying
« Reply #9 on: April 22, 2009, 08:00:21 am »
There is nothing more difficult, but your strength and love are surely a comfort to your mother.  All my best wishes for you and your family
5/06 VL 1M+, CD4 22, 5% , pneumonia, thrush -- O2 support 2 months, 6/06 +Kaletra/Truvada
9/06 VL 3959 CD4 297 13.5% 12/06 VL <400 CD4 350 15.2% +Pravachol
2007 VL<400, 70, 50 CD4 408-729 16.0% -19.7%
2008 VL UD CD4 468 - 538 16.7% - 24.6% Osteoporosis 11/08 doubled Pravachol, +Calcium/D
02/09 VL 100 CD4 616 23.7% 03/09 VL 130 5/09 VL 100 CD4 540 28.4% +Actonel (osteoporosis) 7/09 VL 130
8/09  new regimen Isentress/Epzicom 9/09 VL UD CD4 621 32.7% 11/09 VL UD CD4 607 26.4% swap Isentress for Prezista/Norvir 12/09 (liver and muscle issues) VL 50
2010 VL UD CD4 573-680 26.1% - 30.9% 12/10 VL 20
2011 VL UD-20 CD4 568-673 24.7%-30.6%
2012 VL UD swap Prezista/Norvir for Reyataz drop statin CD4 768-828 26.7%-30.7%
2014 VL UD - 48
2015 VL 130 Moved to Triumeq

Offline komnaes

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Re: My mom is dying
« Reply #10 on: April 22, 2009, 08:05:15 am »
Just want to note that I totally feel your pain Ford,..

Please accept a big cyberhug and my thoughts are with you and your mother..

Shaun
Aug 07 Diagnosed
Oct 07 CD4=446(19%) Feb 08 CD4=421(19%)
Jun 08 CD4=325(22%) Jul 08 CD4=301(18%)
Sep 08 CD4=257/VL=75,000 Oct 08 CD4=347(16%)
Dec 08 CD4=270(16%)
Jan 09 CD4=246(13%)/VL=10,000
Feb 09 CD4=233(15%)/VL=13,000
Started meds Sustiva/Epzicom
May 09 CD4=333(24%)/VL=650
Aug 09 CD4=346(24%)/VL=UD
Nov 09 CD4=437(26%)/VL=UD
Feb 10 CD4=471(31%)/VL=UD
June 10 CD4=517 (28%)/VL=UD
Sept 10 CD4=687 (31%)/VL=UD
Jan 11 CD4=557 (30%)/VL=UD
April 11 CD4=569 (32%)/VL=UD
Switched to Epizcom, Reyataz and Norvir
(Interrupted for 2 months with only Epizcom & Reyataz)
July 11 CD=520 (28%)/VL=UD
Oct 11 CD=771 (31%)/VL=UD(<30)
April 12 CD=609 (28%)/VL=UD(<20)
Aug 12 CD=657 (29%)/VL=UD(<20)
Dec 12 CD=532 (31%)/VL=UD(<20)
May 13 CD=567 (31%)/VL=UD(<20)
Jan 14 CD=521 (21%)/VL=UD(<50)

Offline Andy Velez

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Re: My mom is dying
« Reply #11 on: April 22, 2009, 08:42:46 am »
Ford, wishing you, your Mom and your family that things go as well as possible in this very sad time. Your thoughtfulness and love for her come through very clearly in what you have written.

Sending warm hugs and comforting thoughts to you.
Andy Velez

Offline bmancanfly

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Re: My mom is dying
« Reply #12 on: April 22, 2009, 09:17:21 am »
She sounds like a special lady.  Peace to you and your family.
"The trouble with the world is that the stupid are cocksure and the intelligent are full of doubt."

 Bertrand Russell

Offline pozniceguy

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Re: My mom is dying
« Reply #13 on: April 22, 2009, 10:29:37 am »
Ford  so sorry to hear that the end is near for your Mom but very pleased to hear you say that you all had your chance to say all the things you wanted / needed to say to her . It is so unfortunate that most people don't or won/t do that.  I know that will be a great comfort to her and provide lasting good memories for you all.  My heart goes out to you and the family....

Nick
remember the good times...honor the past but don't live there
Le stelle la notte sono grandie luminose, nel cuore profondo del Texas

Offline Queen Tokelove

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  • Smokey the Smurf
Re: My mom is dying
« Reply #14 on: April 22, 2009, 10:57:42 am »
Both of my parents died from cancer so I know what you must be going thru. I also understand your reasoning for not telling her your status. Your mother sounds like a very sweet woman and you rock as a son!!!!! I will keep you both in my prayers....
Started Atripla/Ziagen on 9/13/07.
10/31/07 CD4-265 VL- undetectable
2/6/08 CD4- 401 VL- undetectable
5/7/08 CD4- 705 VL- undetectable
6/4/08 CD4- 775 VL- undetectable
8/6/08 CD4- 805 VL- undetectable
11/13/08 CD4- 774 VL--undetectable
2/4/09  CD4- 484  VL- 18,000 (2 months off meds)
3/3/09---Starting Back on Meds---
4/27/09 CD4- 664 VL-- undetectable
6/17/09 CD4- 438 VL- 439
8/09 CD4- 404 VL- 1,600
01-22-10-- CD4- 525 VL- 59,000
Cherish the simple things life has to offer

Offline AlanBama

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  • Alabama: the 'other' 3rd World Country!
Re: My mom is dying
« Reply #15 on: April 22, 2009, 11:13:04 am »
Ford,

I think it is a very unselfish act on your part to NOT tell her about your status.  Cheers for you, my friend.   You're exactly right -- it would have served no purpose except to worry her needlessly.

My thoughts and prayers are with you, honey.  I wish for your Mother a peaceful ending to her life, and that her suffering and pain are mercifully relieved.

Love & hugs,

Alan  :'(
"Remember my sentimental friend that a heart is not judged by how much you love, but by how much you are loved by others." - The Wizard of Oz

Offline RapidRod

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Re: My mom is dying
« Reply #16 on: April 22, 2009, 01:15:11 pm »
Ford, I'm sorry to hear what you and your family are going through. It's never easy.

Rodney

Offline Ann

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Re: My mom is dying
« Reply #17 on: April 22, 2009, 02:12:19 pm »
((((((Ford)))))) I'm so very sorry to hear this news. May your mother be peaceful and comfortable in her passing.

Thinking of you and yours and sending peace,
Ann
Condoms are a girl's best friend

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Offline ademas

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Re: My mom is dying
« Reply #18 on: April 22, 2009, 02:29:35 pm »
So sorry to hear about your Mom, Ford. 

Peace to all.

Offline PeteNYNJ

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    • Dance for Me, Puppets
Re: My mom is dying
« Reply #19 on: April 22, 2009, 02:48:11 pm »
very sorry, Ford   you are in my prayers

Offline water duck

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Re: My mom is dying
« Reply #20 on: April 22, 2009, 02:56:41 pm »
Having been through a palliative experience myself, i like that my silence presence be felt.

Dear Ford, i have a difficullt question for you, would you not regret one day for not telling her the truth.  Mothers have an intuitive gift of knowing what is wrong with their children as they had them for 9 months before they share with others.

Please give it a thought, as it will finally be your decision to make.

Wd

Offline quarterhorsetn

  • Member
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  • "Shoot her, shoot her in the head Wardell"!
Re: My mom is dying
« Reply #21 on: April 22, 2009, 03:35:17 pm »
Ford,

I have experienced the loss of a Mother....nothing else compares. I truly wish the best for you, and your family.

Brian
Brian

Offline BT65

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Re: My mom is dying
« Reply #22 on: April 22, 2009, 04:10:15 pm »
Ford, I am so, so sorry.  I hope your mother's passing is as peaceful as possible and that you, your siblings and stepfather are comforted.  You'll be in my thoughts.
  Luv,
Betty
I've never killed anyone, but I frequently get satisfaction reading the obituary notices.-Clarence Darrow

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Offline Robert

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  • Posts: 2,658
Re: My mom is dying
« Reply #23 on: April 22, 2009, 04:31:58 pm »

Ford.

I'm so sorry.  My deepest sympathies and warm embraces.

robt
..........

Offline dixieman

  • Member
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Re: My mom is dying
« Reply #24 on: April 22, 2009, 04:52:06 pm »
This is a very difficult time for your family and yourself... my mom passed away 6 years ago and its still seems like just a few days ago... sincerely, John

Offline Cliff

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Re: My mom is dying
« Reply #25 on: April 22, 2009, 05:06:57 pm »
Ford, I wish your mom much comfort and peace right now.  And am thinking of you and your family.  You seem like a great guy (son).  She must have done a lot right in this world and you will have loads of memories to hang on to.

Cliff

Offline GSOgymrat

  • Member
  • Posts: 5,122
  • HIV+ since 1993. Relentlessly gay.
Re: My mom is dying
« Reply #26 on: April 22, 2009, 05:13:41 pm »
Dear Ford, i have a difficullt question for you, would you not regret one day for not telling her the truth.  Mothers have an intuitive gift of knowing what is wrong with their children as they had them for 9 months before they share with others.

Please give it a thought, as it will finally be your decision to make.

Wd

I can't predict the future but I don't regret not telling her, especially now. I know for certain she would have been supportive but I had other support, including the the people on this forum.

Offline veritas

  • Member
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Re: My mom is dying
« Reply #27 on: April 22, 2009, 05:47:27 pm »

Ford,

What moves through us is a silence, a quiet sadness, a longing for one more day, one more word, one more touch, we may not understand why you left this earth so soon, or why you left before we were ready to say good-bye, but little by little, we begin to remember not just that you died, but that you lived. And that your life gave us memories too beautiful to forget.

With sympathy,

veritas

Offline Longislander

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Re: My mom is dying
« Reply #28 on: April 22, 2009, 05:52:26 pm »
Ford, I'm so sorry to hear this. I wish you and your family peace during this time, and comfort for your mom.


Paul
infected 10/05 diagnosed 12-05
2/06   379/57000                    6/07 372/30500 25%   4/09 640/U/32% 
5/06   ?? /37000                     8/07 491/55000/24%    9/09 913/U/39%
8/06   349/9500 25%              11/07 515/68000/24     2/10 845/U/38%
9/06   507/16,000 30% !          2/08  516/116k/22%    7/10 906/80/39%
12/06 398/29000 26%             Start Atripla 3/08
3/07   402/80,000 29%            4/08  485/undet!/27
4/07   507/35,000 25%            7/08 625/UD/34%
                                                 11/08 684/U/36%

Offline Jody

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Re: My mom is dying
« Reply #29 on: April 22, 2009, 06:36:17 pm »
Ford...Wishing you strength in this difficult time for you and your family, as has been said there is much to celebrate in the life you had as mother and son.

Jody
"Wake up to find out that you are the eyes of the world".
 "Try to discover that you are the song that the morning brings."

Grateful Dead

Offline Oceanbeach

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Re: My mom is dying
« Reply #30 on: April 22, 2009, 06:45:20 pm »
Dear Ford,

I am so sorry to hear this, you are in my thoughts and prayers
Michael

Offline cjc

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Re: My mom is dying
« Reply #31 on: April 22, 2009, 07:52:44 pm »
Ford, I am very sorry to hear your sad news. I will keep you and your family in my thoughts.  Sending you love and hugs.   Cristy

Offline wellington

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Re: My mom is dying
« Reply #32 on: April 22, 2009, 08:45:46 pm »
Ford. Really sad to hear the news of your mom. She really sounds like a fighter! No doubt, you have some of her tenacity in you, to have done so well these last 16 years. I lost my mum-in-law last May to cancer - she was diagnosed on Thursday and died Friday night. While the last year might not have been the most pleasant one for you and your family, at least you had some time with her to say what was on your mind and to let her know just how important she is to you all. May she pass in the comfort of those she loves.

Best,
w

Offline Basquo

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Re: My mom is dying
« Reply #33 on: April 22, 2009, 10:56:19 pm »
My thoughts and prayers are with you during this difficult time. May you find the peace you need as you need it.

Hugs,
Creighton

Offline Lisa

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Re: My mom is dying
« Reply #34 on: April 23, 2009, 08:33:28 am »
I hope for Godspeed for your mother, and peace and comfort for your family. You are all in my thoughts.
No Fear  No Shame  No Stigma
Happiness is not getting what you want, but wanting what you have.

Offline Snowangel

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Re: My mom is dying
« Reply #35 on: April 23, 2009, 11:04:33 am »
Your Mom sounds like a beautiful women.  I am keeping you and your family in my thoughts and prayers.
Snow
Of all the things you wear, your expression is the most important

The heaviest thing you can carry is a grudge..

One thing you can give and still keep...is your word.

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Offline northernguy

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Re: My mom is dying
« Reply #36 on: April 23, 2009, 10:30:27 pm »
I'm so sorry to hear this Ford. :-[  She certainly sounds like a fighter, and it was good that you've had those extra few months with her.  Take care of yourself, you've had to deal with a lot lately.
Apr 28/06 cd4 600 vl 10,600 cd% 25
Nov 8/09 cd4 510 vl 49,5000 cd% 16
Jan 16/10 cd4 660 vl 54,309 cd% 16
Feb 17/10 Started Atripla
Mar 7/10 cd4 710 vl 1,076 cd% 21
Apr 18/10 cd4 920 vl 268 cd% 28
Jun 19/10 cd4 450 vl 60 cd% 25
Aug 15/10 cd4 680 vl 205 cd% 27
Apr 3/11 cd4 780 vl <40 cd% 30
Jul 17/11 cd4 960 vl <40 cd%33
April 15/12 cd4 1,010 vl <40 cd% 39
April 20/12 Switched to Viramune + Truvada
Aug 2/12 cd4 1040, vl <40, cd% 38
Oct 19 cd4 1,110 vl <40 cd% 41

Offline decayingsinner

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Re: My mom is dying
« Reply #37 on: April 23, 2009, 11:18:24 pm »
Ford,

My thoughts are with you in this difficult time. I hope you cherish these moments with your mom and the life that has been given. Life is such a beautiful gift. It's often difficult to remain positive in moments of loss, I know. I hope you are in good spirits.

Joe

Offline YaKaMein

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Re: My mom is dying
« Reply #38 on: April 23, 2009, 11:43:57 pm »
GSO,
You've salvaged a sad situation into one of strength and compassion. Good thoughts to you and your family at this time.  -YaKaMein
09/11 Endocrine Consult
08/11 CD4 328 14.9% VL 0
 Disc'd Bactrim DEXA -3.1 Tscore
03/11 CD4 338 14.7% VL 0
11/10 CD4 300 14.3% VL 0 <20copies
07/10 CD4 336 14.0% VL 0 DEXA -2.7 Tscore
03/10 CD4 308 13.4% VL 0 Vit D normal
01/10 Began FOTO
11/09 CD4 274 13.7% VL 0 Chol 173 Trig 131
07/09 CD4 324 13.5% VL 0 DEXA -3.1 Tscore lumbar
03/09 CD4 207 10.9% VL 0
11/08 CD4 227 10.3% VL 0 Chol 176 Trig 156
04/08 CD4 228 9.5% VL 0
01/08 CD4 194 9.0% VL 0
09/07 CD4 176 8.3% VL 0
03/07 CD4 130 9.5% VL 0 Chol 261  Trig 227
12/06 CD4 109 6.4% VL 0
09/06 CD4  88 5.5% VL und desens'd rtd to Bactrim
08/06  Began Atripla
07/06 CD4  59 5.0% VL 145 Chol 117 Trig 104
06/06  Bactrim rash, X2 Dapsone
 EFV & Truvada Chol 128 Trig 131
05/06 CD4  6 (2.0%) VL 78667 only V179D mutation Dx PC MAC

Offline heartforyou

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Re: My mom is dying
« Reply #39 on: April 24, 2009, 05:52:52 am »
Dear Ford,

In all this pain the fact that she has her loved ones around her will give your mom the strenght to go peacefully.

It is clear now her life on this earth is coming to an end, as it will happen for all of us.

Keep up your spirits Ford and... a warm hug for both of you.

Hermie
Infected 1983. Diagnosed in 1987 and still kicking
Dovato once daily. Hydrea

Happiness is the freedom of breathing fresh air every day.

Offline GSOgymrat

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Re: My mom is dying
« Reply #40 on: April 24, 2009, 09:39:04 am »
Mom died Wednesday evening. I was holding her hand and my sister was singing her favorite hymn as she passed. Her service is going to be Monday and all the arrangements are made. I'm back home by myself trying to process the whole things. Thanks for all the support.

Ford

Offline aztecan

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Re: My mom is dying
« Reply #41 on: April 24, 2009, 10:03:31 am »
Ford,

I am saddened to hear of your mother's illness and of her passing. Please know my thoughts are with you and your family.

Mark

"May your life preach more loudly than your lips."
~ William Ellery Channing (Unitarian Minister)

Offline Ann

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    • Num is sum qui mentiar tibi?
Re: My mom is dying
« Reply #42 on: April 24, 2009, 10:11:28 am »
((((((Ford))))))

I'm so glad your mother had her family around her at the time of her passing. What a great comfort that must have been for her. I'll be thinking of you.

Hugs,
Ann
Condoms are a girl's best friend

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"...health will finally be seen not as a blessing to be wished for, but as a human right to be fought for." Kofi Annan

Nymphomaniac: a woman as obsessed with sex as an average man. Mignon McLaughlin

HIV is certainly character-building. It's made me see all of the shallow things we cling to, like ego and vanity. Of course, I'd rather have a few more T-cells and a little less character. Randy Shilts

Offline pozniceguy

  • Member
  • Posts: 1,232
  • Niceguy Dallas
Re: My mom is dying
« Reply #43 on: April 24, 2009, 10:31:10 am »
Ford, the news was expected but it is always a shock to actually get that particular message.....so glad you were able to be with her and your family..may your Mom have everlasting peace knowing she left a legacy of a great family..... my condolences..

Nick
remember the good times...honor the past but don't live there
Le stelle la notte sono grandie luminose, nel cuore profondo del Texas

Offline water duck

  • Member
  • Posts: 404
Re: My mom is dying
« Reply #44 on: April 24, 2009, 10:49:33 am »
Thinking of you.

Wd

Offline rondrond

  • Member
  • Posts: 1,729
  • 22 years HIV+ yet a yard could be the death of me
Re: My mom is dying
« Reply #45 on: April 24, 2009, 10:50:05 am »
Peace for you and your family, Ford.
"I'm not done yet"....Glen Campbell

"I may not be exactly where I want to be, but I sure as Hell am not where I was"
Wynnona Judd

Diagnosed/HIV
1993
AZT
Norvir
1994-2001
Crixivan/Epivir/Zerit
No Meds for 7 Years

04jul07/DVT-right leg/Bi Lateral PE's     
16oct08/DVT-left leg
Aug09 Diagnosed: COPD

05may2015
Un-detectable
Tcells 700
44%

Offline heartforyou

  • Member
  • Posts: 1,132
  • I must be a survivor in many ways...
Re: My mom is dying
« Reply #46 on: April 24, 2009, 04:05:20 pm »
May she rest in peace Ford and may you find the strenght to deal with the grief .


Warm hugs

Herman
Infected 1983. Diagnosed in 1987 and still kicking
Dovato once daily. Hydrea

Happiness is the freedom of breathing fresh air every day.

Offline Longislander

  • Member
  • Posts: 2,489
Re: My mom is dying
« Reply #47 on: April 24, 2009, 05:15:40 pm »
Sorry to hear that she's gone, Ford.  I hope by alone, you mean alone with your husband/partner.

No doubt the next few days will be rough, take good care of yourself.

Paul
infected 10/05 diagnosed 12-05
2/06   379/57000                    6/07 372/30500 25%   4/09 640/U/32% 
5/06   ?? /37000                     8/07 491/55000/24%    9/09 913/U/39%
8/06   349/9500 25%              11/07 515/68000/24     2/10 845/U/38%
9/06   507/16,000 30% !          2/08  516/116k/22%    7/10 906/80/39%
12/06 398/29000 26%             Start Atripla 3/08
3/07   402/80,000 29%            4/08  485/undet!/27
4/07   507/35,000 25%            7/08 625/UD/34%
                                                 11/08 684/U/36%

Offline marc11864

  • Member
  • Posts: 440
  • I apologize for nothing!
Re: My mom is dying
« Reply #48 on: April 25, 2009, 08:46:40 pm »
Ford,

 I know how hard this time can be as I lost my mother to ovarian cancer much the same way almost 17 years ago. I still love her and miss her greatly but the pain does become bearable.

 I wish the best for you and your family in this troubling time.

 Marc
Let us cavort like the Greeks of old! You know the ones I mean.

Offline bryonut

  • Member
  • Posts: 283
  • I'm not just sure, I'm HIV positive!
Re: My mom is dying
« Reply #49 on: April 29, 2009, 06:23:09 pm »
Ford

I am so sorry to hear that your mom passed. I am glad you were able to be with her. You are a good son.

bryon

 


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