POZ Community Forums
Main Forums => Living With HIV => Topic started by: milker on March 10, 2007, 10:05:31 pm
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Ok i've been in a great mood since I test poz, and I discovered this forum, and I'm happy. My results were good, but those were the first results. I'm just thinking.. I'm too hype.. and I will get bad news one day and may break apart. How do you get prepared for this? What other sites are there around? Should I join a group? I saw the other topic about hiv groups and that didn't appeal to me. Am I starting to think too much? Am I going to post zillions of questions and be banned? Am I suddenly taking a hit?
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I thought HIV was absolutely hilarious the first year or so.
So much so that I put up signs for parties I threw that said, "Crack kills AIDS dead" and other stuff.
It was (and still is) a defense mechanism... and as time goes on, you'll probably find yourself needing it less and less... just so long as happened in my situation, the HIV falls into general background noise.
I figure laughing at it did more for me than crying about it.
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I guess i'm still in the "hilarious mode" even though I started reading about molecular biology, proteins, how viruses work, etc.. it's fascinating, i understand 10% of it but being a very logical person I need to take all of the pieces of the puzzle, understand it, so that when I get on meds I know why, how they work, what I should expect, etc..
Maybe the more I read about it the more i realize that this is complex and it's not gonna be a funny trip. But then again my brain is getting so high those days by getting all this new information it feels good!!!
I don't understand why cancer is not treatable as hiv is yet but i'm working on understanding it. I wish I was not sleeping during biology classes, I may actually be interested...
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Oh yeah... I'm the same way.
I devoured books and articles about the damn thing those first few months.
Generally, the more I know about something, the less frightened I am of it.
My sister is a bio/chem major in school and goes gaga discussing how Sustiva works. ;)
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"I don't understand why cancer is not treatable as hiv is yet but i'm working on understanding it. I wish I was not sleeping during biology classes, I may actually be interested..."
When I was in the hospital, the ID doctor asked me if I was scared should I find out I was HIV+. I said, somewhat. She told me that if she had her choice and was gonna be sick with Cancer or HIV, she'd choose HIV because the treatments are so much more reliable. Cancer is a 50/50 shot depending on what kind you have.
Based on what I've read here from people who've struggled with this for the long term, I'm not so sure, however, having lost a family member last year from colon/liver cancer...it at least helped me not to freak out when I learned of my diagnosis.
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cancer treatments are horrible i think compared to hiv treatments. don't kill me on this sentence because i'm new and i'm learning, but i haven't seen chemiotherapy for hiv patients for the last 10 years, unless i'm wrong. And so far chem is the only real treatment that seems to work against cancer and it's a horrible treatment compared to what hiv patients taking pills have to go through. Again, i'm brand new to this and i may be completely wrong, so don't kill me.
I have to read more about the difference between cancer and hiv to get an idea of what the problem is, i'm learning!
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It's been over ten years since my diagnosis, and many many more since my presumed infection, and I still rely on humor to combat my feelings of insecurity and fears for the future.
Having experienced the other end of the spectrum (suicidal ideation), I'll stick with whatever humor I can find. The blacker and more it seems like gallows-humor, the better it suits me.
Brent
(Who is, after all, MtD's most beloved)
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Humor trumps death.
Death always wins, sure.
But laughing at death is more fun.
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"Laughter through tears is my favourite emotion."
As said-eth by Dolly Parton in Steel Magnolias.
There aint no right or wrong way to deal with your diagnosis. It's your party. Laugh or cry of you want to.
Me? After a bumpy few years of ricocheting all over the place emotionally, I now opt to have a positive outlook to life in general, while includes a LOT of laughing in the face of adversity but also keeping things in perspective and being realistic. Which involves embracing both the wonderful joyous soul-feeding days and the not-so-hot wobbly days. Ech, such is life.
Yeia kai hara
Melia :)
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As they say in showbiz, " Its harder to do Comedy than Drama"
I've taken a bit of nasty criticism for my darkly humourous vlogs about AIDS through the commentary on YouTube ( dont bother looking, I delete them as they appear.) and I usually reply with something along the lines of 'the sad part is when you stop laughing' or "At least Im not so wraped up in self pity that I cant manage a smile at some of the goofy situations that pop up'
One member here has a great sig line " Knock on deaths door and run, he hates that '
that pretty well sums it up for alot of us..
Keep smiling
Lwood 8)
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Yes, ya gotta have a sense of humor.
Though I don't think my situation is funny in the least bit, I have a sense of humor. I find myself telling my ex thind like "Don't make me go sustiva on you!" or
"... because I have AIDS that's why!"
I think I would have been long gone if I did not have a sense of humor, HIV or not. Humor is part of resilience, I bet those that don't have it die younger regardless of HIV.
There is this guy at work who I suspect might have HIV, but who seems to fly off the handle very easily, more and more every day. To the point of people saying WTF. I think he would be greatly helped by a sense of humor.
Rob
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Hey milk
You are actually doing the right thing by not letting this disease over power you. Not all us of can do that. I've had my up and downs, but when I am alone in the house I cry like a baby, but then again I have been receiving bad news after bad news so that has contributed to my depression as well. Support groups can be great but it didn't work for me. Everyone kept talking about suicide, drug abuse and other crazy shit and I felt worse after the sessions. I felt guilty for not feeling like I hit rock bottom for being HIV positive like all the other guys in the group. I thought something was wrong with me. Then we were comparing CD4 cells, BIG MISTAKE, and I was the one with the least T-cells, that made me feel like shit. One guy was in tears once because his t-cells dropped from 1230 to 1003 in a month. Then he asked me for my number and I said well mine went from 240 to 200 in 3 weeks, and he said "oh, I am sorry, you don't look it", lolz, so I decided not to return.
Yes, I can be a jealous bitch, and what?
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yo koi1
yeah we're all in the same boat, some with more difficulty than others, but I think this is why I like those forums, i haven't seen any "my cd4s are better than yours", and when someone has bad results one day everybody jumps to comfort him or her, so I know that if I get those bad results one day I'll just have to post here, be a crybaby and jealous bitch like Ihavehope and receive the support I need at that time.
From what I read about support groups, they're not really for me. I think my friends and this forum will be enough!
Milker
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Laughter is a coping mechanism, and not a bad one. Knowledge is power, and I did the same thing. HIV, at times, became more of a detatched hobby than a virus in my body. Yet another coping mechanism, but worthwhile to go through.
I was in a newly diagnosed support group. It was helpful. But in the end everyone seemed so obsessed with cracking the wittiest joke. It became too obvious how desperate everyone was to mask their pain, and that became painful in and of itself. I'd say that when the time comes and you feel desperate and sad and upset, don't fear it. Just ride it out. If you need help you can always come here and we will hold you up.
I'm a straight....hiv+....transvestite......and that is something that these days I can't help but laugh about. :D How screwed up is that? Oh my!!
much love,
brian
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Hey Milker,
I've been positive a little longer than you and still try to find the humor in the sometimes inane things that happen in my life because of it.
Trust me, there are plenty.
It helps balance the not-so-funny things that come along in our lives and makes it, overall, easier to take,
Just my 2¢ worth.
HUGS,
Mark
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it's always funny till someone puts an eye out.
then...
It's hilarious! :P
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I cried when I had no shoes.
Then I met a man who had no feet... and I laughed really hard!
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It will stop being funny for me the day AFTER I die.
EVERYTHING is funny. There is humor everywhere. Some of it sick and twisted but it's still there. I'm not sure there isnt a single situation in my life that has failed to have some humor in it. But thats just how I roll.
Andrew
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Got my first tears tonight related to this. On another post I was talking about my ex-bf not wanting to test, and I saw those other posts about bfs dying and this guy having good vl and cd4 and he has ks, and i've been reading so much about hiv in the last week it's been overwhelming and when it came to caring about my ex i lost control and cried.
Do we have a tear count?
I read other forums that made me laugh, so i'm fine, but it's not gonna be a journey as hilarious as what I thought a week ago.
Milker