Straight to the Point

[channy]

I have a new boyfriend since may we had sex multiple times unprotected.  We both had rapid hiv test in august at a local planned parenthood establishment BOTH NEGATIVE, as so we agreed upon a monogamous relationship.  Well he came down with scabies and i did too, i assume i got it from him, at any rate, i was afraid to go near him for quite some time.  Therefore sex has not been great.  Now there is a rumor going around his ex girlfriend has HIV we don't know for sure, but supposedly her ex boyfriend that she still screws around with has it.  I am going to test again just in case, we have had sex about 5 times since august (i know sex life sucks) but at any rate most of those times were protected with about the exception of 2 and one was ejaculation inside. He swears he hasn't sleep with her since april, which would cover us, and come to find out there is an outbreak of scabies in the city we live in, it was on the news.  but men lie and he has been here most of time but visited back home on a few occassions. yes and i dont want any questions about why i am in relationship or did this if i didn't trust him, i have serious trust issues due to a very bad relationship i had previously anyways that is off topic..I think my risk is fairly low unless this woman really has this and he has been screwing around with her when he leaves which I of course will never know for sure if he is lying. but...the only thing that nerves me about this entire situation is the fact that we have discussed this before and we had the test together, he was quiet for about 4 days didn't look at me, talk to me nothing, i felt like something was wrong.  When we finally did talk the topic of HIV came up and it came up from him, when it is usually me that initiates those discussions.  I was sort of thrown off guard and he said "one of the guys his ex screws around with has it" and he says it is a just a rumor... and it was like something they talked about 2 years ago him and his ex.  She told him it was all lies...but it looked like it bothered him some enough for him to make a trip back home...so I kept asking him, why he didn't ever tell me this before when he knows my seriousness about monogamous relationships hiv and safe sex. I kind of have in my mind, that he just found this information out, this is why he was quiet, this is why he brought it up, and this is why he made a trip back home. I guess I am worried that he possibly does realize he might have screwed around with her and doesn't want to tell me, I asked him flat out and he said again he hadn't slept with her since april. I will be retesting as soon as I get my home access in the mail. I think I am going to be ok, i will be shocked if i am not.
But just lookin for support during this time.

[RapidRod]

Rumors are just that, rumors. If you don't see it written down then don't take it for fact.

[Ann]

channy,

Strictly speaking, the time for a couple to test together for hiv (and the other STIs as well...) is after they've been together for at least three months, using condoms and being monogamous.

If you and your bf are good together and you both want to make a go of a monogamous relationship, perhaps it's time to sit down and talk about testing together again. It may be helpful to approach the subject from the point of view that "we need to look after our health", rather than the "I'm not sure I trust you" angle.

Ann