my bf gave me hiv

[hayssam]

after spending 8 years hook up meeting for sex date i didn't catch any disease
then i found the man i loved..we spent 4 years together
he visited Montreal Canada , gay village, and give me back the HIV virus from there!

the only left thing that i want is to suicide
my life is destroyed on the hand of the guy i loved more than myself

[DANIELtakashi]

Are you all right?
Just tell us what you have on your mind.

[hayssam]

my mum  is old
everybody around me knows about my status, i and feels everything has stopped since my diagnosis
this is not just a virus, maybe if i had cancer it would be more comfortable to live with in my job and between my family member
this is shame and punishment from god for gay people

[Jim Allen]

my mum  is old
everybody around me knows about my status, i and feels everything has stopped since my diagnosis
this is not just a virus, maybe if i had cancer it would be more comfortable to live with in my job and between my family member

Hayssam,

At the moment you are still trying to cope with the diagnosis itself, the stigma, self stigma and the medication.

It's a lot to take on, process and to cope with in such a short time.
What you have been been feeling is normal and it takes time to make scene of things and to give it a place in life.  However shouldn't feel suicidal for that you really need to speak to a counselor or someone face to face to help you learn to cope and overcome the feelings and to understand them.

Focusing on what was, or has been is about as good or useful as focusing on the weather. It's outside your control, Your mother is old regardless of your HIV status, Your ex boyfriend gave you the HIV and that sucks, again worrying this or being upset about it is perhaps understandable however it is doing you about as much good as worrying about the weather. It's not something you can change or control and this you will need to accept at some stage.

Instead or worrying about something outside your control, go and try to get some  face to face support if possible and start focusing on what you can do today even if it's small things that you can do and can change, control do the and focus on that instead of the past. Do something constructive this week, even if you think you really can't do something constructive for yourself then perhaps you can help  help someone else.

I wish you all the best.

Jim.

this is shame and punishment from god for gay people

Stop that thinking right now, first plenty of straight people have HIV.
Gay's are just not that special, sorry to disappoint you but according to me you are not any different than anyone else.
 
I am not going to discuss God with you but I will tell you this.
My God has very little to do with you getting HIV, the universe is simply far to big and busy for God to focus on punishing one individual with a virus that can affect everyone or anyone.

God created the heavens and earth, however when I get stung by a bee or stub my toes I don't think god has forsaken me. I mean he created the bee right? If not he surly let it sting me what did i do ?  God however does not control what we do in life, and he does not go around controlling the flight path of each individual bee for a living.

It called life and free will and we all have it and this can bring much joy unfortunately with joy the flip side is sadness and so some choices/events and paths have consequences that might seem disproportionately harsh. However God have very little to do with it.

Despite some of my posts being somewhat harsh towards you I actually mean it when I wish you well

Jim
 

[DANIELtakashi]

I agree with Mr. Ireland.

[DANIELtakashi]

Hayssam,

I hope you are feeling better now.
Just take care.

[initforlife]

Hayssam, I hope you are ok...  You will find support  and love here. I have been and still have days that I'm down and it looks like death is the only way. but you know what it isn't.  I have to look deep inside and grab hold of anyone or anything I can at those moments to make it thru.  You say your mom is old. Well think of her at times like this. How hurt she would feel if you weren't here any longer. I have my kids and grandkids that I have to think about those times when I get down and how It would hurt them if I wasn't here anymore.. and the the people here have kept me going also.. it really is just a virus not a punishment for anything from God for being gay.  I'm straight and I have hiv .. I'm sorry but the God I know just doesn't work that way. We love you and are here for you. and I hope you have a better day.