HIV+ Boyfriend

[username123]

Hi,

Apologies as this is probably posted all the time but I couldn't find info. A guy I've started seeing is HIV+ and I've been trying to educate myself on the best ways to keep me safe. I'm top for anal and oral, and always use protection for anal.

First question- I've read lots of common sense advice about condoms, but are there particular brands that are extra safe? If you have links to studies done, etc, that'd be great instead of anecdotal "I use these and have never been infected". Is thinner generally a trade-off against safety or do the thinner ones tend to be more advanced?

Second question- He says that his condition is being monitored but as yet is not serious enough for his doctor to recommend starting treatment (here in the Netherlands doctors are generally more anti-treatment for lots of medical areas). Is this something I should be encouraged or worried about- ie. does treatment lower the risk of transmission or does it not being very advanced mean that it is less transmissable?

Thanks in advance for your help

[Ann]

Hi 123, welcome to the forums.

I moved your post from the Living With forum to the Someone I Care About forum as with you being hiv negative, it is the more appropriate place for you to post.

Please read our Transmission Lesson. It contains pretty much all you need to know about how to play safe.

I'm not aware of any studies done on specific condom types or brands. Some people recommend the extra strong types for anal sex, but regardless of what type of condom you use, the most important thing to do to prevent breakage is using plenty of water based lube. Thinner condoms aren't more advanced, they're just thinner which will give more sensation. Any thickness of condom will prevent hiv infection. The issue is breakage and with anal intercourse there is more friction and a thinner condom is more likely to break than a thicker one, particularly if you're not using enough lube. Personally, I've never had a problem with thin condoms and anal, probably because I always make sure plenty of lube is used.

You should use only latex or polyurethane condoms. You can use non-water based lube with polyurethane condoms, but water-based lube is a MUST with latex as anything oil based will degrade the latex and possibly cause it to break. The more lube you use, the better. If you're having a long session, be sure to re-apply some lube every now and then.

You can read more about the correct usage of condoms in the links in my signature line. A correctly used condom rarely breaks.

A person who is on meds and has an undetectable viral load is less likely to be infectious. The higher the viral load, the more infectious a person's cum will be. However, if you're using condoms this isn't really a concern. Also, tops are less likely to become infected anyway as the insertive partner is at a lower risk. Just make sure you use a condom with plenty of lube for any anal penetration and you'll be just fine.

I would recommend that you have an hiv test, just to make sure that you're not already infected from a previous situation. Anyone who is sexually active should be having a full sexual health care check-up, including but not limited to hiv testing, at least once a year and more often if unprotected intercourse occurs anyway, so make sure you're up-to-date on your testing.

By the way, I've been poz for over thirteen years and I've never been on meds either. When I've been with an hiv negative partner we always used condoms for anal or vaginal intercourse and none of my partners ended up poz. You'll be just fine too.

PS - the Condoms are a girl's best friend link in my signature line takes you to the online shop of a shop in Amsterdam (Warmoesstraat 141) called The Condomerie. They have quite a bit of good information about condoms on their site. And if you live in or near Amsterdam, I highly recommend stopping in to have a chat with them. I've been there myself and found the staff to be very friendly and knowledgeable. And they have some amazing condoms!

[ad2san]

Hi username123,

just my little experience here, I am HIV+ and together with my BF since 7 1/2 years. We are practicing safe sexe everytime (at least twice a week - it became a little less with the time  ) and no problem.

Cheers

[username123]

Thanks for the info