POZ Community Forums
Main Forums => Living With HIV => Topic started by: purplerain on July 17, 2006, 05:36:26 am
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WOW WOW AND WOW
I am newly diagnosed (06/20/06) so also very new 2 this site and all I can say after reading all of this (A THREAD MARKED PECKING ORDER) is I am not sure if I will be coming back. I thought this was going 2 be a great place 2 come and find a sense of belonging in a world that all of a sudden has been turned upside down and now I almost feel more confused then ever. 4 the record I am a gay man living in America who is half white and half black got the disease from unprotected sex and have also dealt with my share of substance abuse. Going thru the 12steps I had 2 deal with homophobia and discrimination which in turn led me 2 leave the group I will be damned if I will be a part of that here as well. I wish everyone the best, black, white, poz, neg, straight or gay and I will continue 2 search out people who feel, think and act like myself.
Thanks 2 those people on here that have helped me out during the first few days after finding out I will always appreciate it.
JAG
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Do think about staying. The thread you mention has touched some raw nerves, but it is one among many, and will soon (hopefully) drop off the bottom of the screen.
Sorry to hear about your diagnosis, and welcome
- matt
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Hi JAG,
I am sorry that a few ignorant people have shaken you so much. Really, these kinds of threads happen here occasionally, but when they do, we state our case, and then let it move on down to the bottom. Sometimes these threads live longer than others when posters offer more and more incendiary posts. Eventually it all shakes out, and in the end we find out who here will probably not stick around for very long. I wish you would stick around, as many of the posters here are pople of African descent, and therefore have a different perspective. Actually, there are even many members here who are citizens of African countries, both white and black. I wish it were not so that you are allowing an obviously misguided minority to chase you off this place. I have found the experience her quite rewarding over the last few years, and some of the pople I have met here have become lifelong friends, so if you feel that you must leave, go ahead, but I would implore you to stick around and see if maybe it calms down a bit, and you can find some connections here that will help you in the future.
Welcome to the forums and I trust you will stick around for a while.
In Love and Support.
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JAG,
Shit happens. Both here and everywhere. It's difficult to go through anything where people are involved, where emotions don't sometimes run high or where conflict exists (especially online given the issues with written communication).
You should reconsider your decision. Support (proper support) is available here. And yes, every blue moon you have to go through some drama. Thankfully blue moons aren't common, (though they can be quite entertaining sometimes).
There are plenty of bigots in the world. There are bigots here. There are plenty of ignorant people in the world. There are ignorant people here. You can't escape them. (Please Note: I don't know, nor care whether the guy who started this drama is a bigot). Just saying that in general, you can't escape ignorance. You just have to learn to live with it. But then again, being gay, multiracial and living in the US, I'm sure none of this is news to you.
Take care and aidsmeds.com will always be here, should you ever need to talk or have a question (or two).
Cliff
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Jag,
Well, if you leave here, you'll be missing out on a great wealth of knowledge and information.Do hang around, but it's your choice...
Take care of yourself-------Ray
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Jag, I would urge you to slow down and give this site a chance.
Along with useful information you have the opportunity to be in contact with a lot of great people. I can't imagine that among the many here you won't be able to find a number of them whom you will be glad to add into your life.
As far as whatever disturbed you, all I can say is "stuff" sometimes happens here. I encourage you to step over any minefields that may appear from time to time because the overwhelming amount of what is here is useful and affirmative.
You're always welcome to ask questions or to discuss whatever is on your mind. And since you're familiar with steps programs you already know about "take what you can use and leave the rest."
Welcome,
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I wish everyone the best, black, white, poz, neg, straight or gay and I will continue 2 search out people who feel, think and act like myself.
Hi Jag,
the black, white, poz, neg, straight or gay people on this forum will most probably not feel, think or act like you all the time.
We're all individuals, with our own history, backgrounds and hang ups. But I tend to think that this is precisely what makes this community strong; and because there's a lot of tolerance here. That does not mean everyone agrees with everyone else all the time. That would be boring ;)
It could well be the insights of someone totally different from me that helps me (or you) when I am at my wits end. This here is a big, unlikely mixture of people, but somehow everybody cares and therefore, to varying degrees, can feel for you or me.
Join this rich and wild bunch and you'll find support and understanding, learn about other's lives and points of vue. And occasionaly you'll bump into someone's comment and totally disagree with it; speak up, or chose to ignore it, it is up to you. But that's very much like life out there is it not?
please stay, you are welcome
Pat
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Hi Jag,
I don't really feel a part of the group here either ... yet. Meaning, I've yet to really make any personal connections since I've joined.
I would however, suggest you not base your decision on the actions of the few. There seem to be some genuinely nice intelligent people who post here. As for the rest (the dramatics and such), I just read and move on without comment.
In recovery I learned a phrase: “Don't throw the baby out with the bath water.” Good advice to live by.
Daniel
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Purplerain, I am sorry you did not find aidsmeds.com a good fit for you. certainly hope you find a place where you feel accepted and comfortable.
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JAG,
I'm not sure you'll EVER find a place where you feel 100% like you belong. As long as there are different experiences, personalities, temperaments, emotional statuses, etc, there will be people who say/post things you don't agree with. This is life. Here, you'll not be discriminated against because you hare HIV. Here, you won't be made to feel like a slut or a junkie because you're HIV+. Here, you can ask questions about HIV, medications, health, etc. without feeling that you'll be judged because you are HIV+. Where else will you find this?
When you made your first post, you had about 12 honest, heart-felt welcomes from member here. Don't be so quick to judge the place due to a post that bothers you. If you do leave, you'll be the one who misses out. I know that I would really miss the support, information, and entertainment that this site offers. Take care.
David
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JAG-
So sorry to hear of ur recent diagnosis. I know that by hearing that, it comes as quite a shock. Coming to this site, ever since, my diagnosis, has been very valuable to me in more ways than one. Sure, u will run accross some ignorance; but it all has to b taken as some1 having their opinion. Every1 has their personal opinion and it may not b what some1 wants to hear. What I am saying is that don't decide to leave by some1s opinion, whther u like it or not. By leaving, u will b missing out on lots of valuable information and insight by many members here and leaving based on a particular opinion sounds very extremem to me. If u do go, that's ur choice. If u will stay, then u will have a lot to benefit from this site.
RobT
9/27/2005-1st test results
Viral Load >1,000,000
CD4 204
CD4%age 18
CD4/CD8 ratio .23
11/24/2005- Sustiva/Truvada
04/18/2006
Viral Load 140
CD4 402
CD4%age .21
CD4/CD8 ratio .39
06/27/2006
Viral Load 42
CD4 409
CD4%age .21
Next appt.-07/11/2006 (lab)
Next appt.-08/01/2006 (results/Hep A/B vaccination)
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Jag,
I sent your pm before i read your post. I hope you change your mind and stay. This is a great place with alot of good people.
I am a white Christian 48 yr old heterosexual woman who is HIV-so I am definitely in the minority here. But you know that doesnt matter here. All that matters is that I am married to a man that is HIV+. That I have questions and concerns and the people here have helped me. I DONT care if they are gay, straight, white, black, all i care about is they have cared enough to offer me the support I have needed to get thru the first few months of hubbys diagnosis.
I think...I KNOW...that you will benefit from these forums if you stay. You will learn so much and have all these wonderful people here that have gone thru and are going thru what you are just starting.
I hope you stay.
Hugs Jag
From Tag
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Great reply, Teresa. Welcome Jag, this certainly can be a good place to visit,
so hang in there, come back from time to time, IMO very much worth it.
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Jag, I can understand the termoil you are feeling. You have just taken back control of your life thru the 12 step program. "You were getting your life back". Now, life has thrown you another tern. I feel what you are looking for i.e. an AA based support structure for HIV. This site is not that. I would suggest looking for a AA/NA / Gay / HIV support group. They do exist and maybe what you are searching for.
As far not coming back? I would not go to the extremes your post suggests. There are wonderfully supportive people here and will help you through allot of questions that you must have being newly diagnosed. I know from experience, this site can be overwhelming. You just need to pick and choose what you read. Just like Andy said, "Take what you like, and leave the rest".
Love
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I. too, hope you change your mind. Teresa and others said it very well. No matter what your sexual orientation, religion, or race creed or color...we are all bound together by two common threads. We're all HIV or HIV affected and we're all human. Give it a chance. This place has been such a solace for me and others I believe...I also believe it could be for you too...Remember, you're newly diagnosed and things are pretty overwhelming right now....Don't forget to breath!
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Dear JAG,
Distrubing threads pop up every once in awhile. The subject matter of these forums is as individual as the individuals who contribute. That is just what we do, kind of pick and choose, start a few of your own as you already have and make a place for yourself. In time and not much time at all, you will make some friends, get some support, give some support and these forums will be the best place you will ever want to be. Have the best day
Michael
www.Commission-on-AIDS.org (http://www.Commission-on-AIDS.org)
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Jag, Sorry you feel that way. The way I look at it, Everyone is entitled to their own opinion. Right or wrong. Thats what makes the world go round. When I get a gay bashed im or post, I respect it because as human beings, I understand that everyone ids entitled to their own opinion,whether I agree with it or not. I personally dont let it bother me. Be cause I am confident in who I am. Life is all about perspective: I have mine and others have theirs. Yeah, it would be nice if everyone agrred with me. But I know that just aint realistic. Plus it would be boring as hell if we all agreed on everything.
So I welcome all thoughts, good or bad. But I will be God Damned if i'm gonna let someone who disagrees with me being the deciding factor that makes me leave. If I let that happen, then they win, and I lose. Uh UHHH....Sorry, I get too much out of this great site. I'll be damed if some short sided, ignorant bastard homo phobe is gonna make me do something that, in fact, is what they want:All homos to leave this sight. That's not happening on my watch. So Jag, please reconsider:DONT LET THE SOB'S GET YOU DOWN! I hope you stay, but, as always, you must do what is best for you. And I will repect that.
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Thank U one and all 4 your replies. Looking back I was having a very bad day/week/month 2 begin with and reading that just caught me at the wrong time. I have always been an extreme person everything is either black or white and letting in shades of gray is something I try hard 2 do however I don't always succeed. I hope I didn't give the wrong impression that I only want 2 be around people who are EXACTLY like me cause I know that's unrealistic it's just that my nerves/emotions/self esteem/ everything about myself is sooooooooooooo raw right now that the last thing I feel like I can handle is being bashed 4 being of color or being gay much less being half black gay and hiv +.
Again I'm sorry 4 letting my emotions get the best of me and Thank U 4 your support
Jason aka JAG
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YAY! HE IS STAYING EVERYONE! HE IS STAYING!!!
I am glad you are sticking around purplepeopleeaterguy! I am having a SHIT day today with what seems like the stress of the world on me and this is one of the only places I find solace! You wont regret it!
Your new friend!
Andrew
White bisexual guy who is half crazy!
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ATTA Boy Jason.
I am so glad you decided to return here. I trust you will find this a fun place in the future, and that your skin color, HIV satus, or anything else about you will not be of concern to us ever.
Thanks for coming back, we need good folks here, and you are one of those.
In Love and Support. ( hope you can soon get that photo up of "you and the kids" ) .. :)
P.S. Andrew, you beat me to it.
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I must admit, I read the first few posts of that thread and decided I didn't need to read further. That's not to say that there isn't useful information, thought, and dialogue happening there. It's more a case of finding the right time for me to digest it and consider what is being said.
There are many great things happening here. Keep polishing, erm, discerning, and that gem will surely emerge!
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Hi Jason,
I think you've made the right decision to give the forums and all of us another chance. I'm sure you'll get as much out of this place as I, or anybody else, does! I swear that this oppressive heat is causing all kind of crap with a lot of folks! Take care.
David
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I want to say.....GOOD TO SEE YOU'RE STAYING.....it lifts my spirits with news like that.
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P.S. Andrew, you beat me to it.
How did you know I was bisexual and half crazy? STALKER!
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Jason.
WOW...and WOW AGAIN!! You're back. Hooray!!
Of course you've managed to prove me wrong (see my reply in the New Forum for the Newly Infected (http://forums.poz.com/index.php?topic=1977.0) thread by Peter Staley (he's the founder of this website, by the way). But in this case I'm so glad. You'll see this is really not a bad place to come. And when the sh## starts to fly, well, duck.
robert
(who was born and raised in Park Hill and knows all about Aurora, Denver, Lakewood, Loveland, and Ft. Collins)
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JAG,
You have made my day with your pm. I am so glad that you are staying!
Love ya and BIG Hugs
TAG
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Glad you're hanging around....God knows we all have "bad" days. I have my share for sure.
Me thinks you CHOSE WISELY :P
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Jas, welcome back my friend.... ;)
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Jason, Welcome back. It's good to see that you got a hold of yourself and realized that this site is the ONE out of the many that is here to support you in you struggle to get your life back. By all means it is not a racial thing nor is it a straight or gay thing.
The bottom line is that we are all in this together and you have the hottest support group right at your fingertips!
Welcome to the Forums.
ELdon
P.S. Hello Eric!
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Hi again Jason,
Everyone has a bad day now and then. Glad you decided to give this another go.
Daniel