Strangest rejection yet after disclosure

[madbrain]

Not having gotten much lately, I tried to meet an escort last night. I mentioned over the phone that I had STDs . The girl said she was still OK with it. So I went to meet her. She was no longer OK after I showed up and told her what it was more specifically. I guess HIV isn't technically an STD only, but still. I thought someone in that line of work would be aware of safe sex practices, and I did tell her that I couldn't be the first one with HIV that she had ever met. It was quite obvious that I was the first one to ever tell her, however.

In the end, no fun was had by anybody, just a very uncomfortable conversation. At least my conscience is clear. I ended up going to the gym for healthier activities afterwards.

[atlq]

I'm sorry??....

[BT65]

Oh wow, did that knock the wind outa your sails?

[Miss Philicia]

You could solve all of this by just becoming an openly HIV+ escort yourself.  Or at least that's my take on it.

[Buckmark]

The rejection doesn't sound all that strange.  The situation does.

[Bucko]

Since when did hookers get so picky?

[atlq]

Since when did hookers get so picky?

Yeah, the nerve of her....having a choice and all....

[Bucko]

Yeah, the nerve of her....having a choice and all....

If the whores in Silicone Valley are turning away work, it's a sure sign that the recent economic difficulties here in SoFla aren't entirely universal.

[Dachshund]

Renews my faith in the working girl.

[sharkdiver]

what the hell...

maybe it has nothing to do with HIV
maybe she didn't get a good feeling about you

Good for her for expressing her limits.

[Bucko]

Too bad there's no DMV-like entity involved so that he can report this stigma to the newspapers, though.

[David_CA]

The rejection doesn't sound all that strange. The situation does.

That's what I'm saying.  I thought you were gay! 

[next2u]

dude, why didn't you set something up with another worker? and, for the record, you don't have to disclose. they should be like healthcare workers and use universal precautions. i know this is the real world, so not smart ass remarks peanut gallery.

also, ill third that it wasnt the rejection that was strange but the situation. she could of at least given you a handjob as consultation gift. fucking people man...

with that said, don't give up. oh, and if you do become a sex worker, please give us your number and have discounted rates for other poz folks!!!

[jabez]

I don't blame her for backing out of the transaction -- that's certainly her perogative -- but whoever heard of such?!   Seriously, with the economy so sour, you'd think that sex workers would be feeling the pinch as well.

With your new license plate, I reckon it's always better to go ahead and disclose.   If you decide not to mention your status, you car tag is gonna be mentioning it for you as you exit the parking lot.     

[next2u]

it still irks me that she backed out. in her field it's like a known work hazard. some people have stds, use protection. people lie, use protection. with that said, fuck, use protection, and get paid.

[joemutt]

No, I dont agree with that. I think sexworkers have the right to make a choice. I f he had been more specific on the phone OP could have saved himself a cab ride.

[edfu]

That's what I'm saying.  I thought you were gay! 

He certainly was in his posts in early 2007, where there are a great deal of references to his bf and an ex-bf, etc. 

[atlq]

 and I'm sure the encounter also included a lengthy info session on the differences between hypothetical and documented modes of HIV transmission....just sayin'   

[tash08]

Why just not use a condom, disclosing to an escort hmm . In her profession I'm sure she slept with at least few people that had it. Or to make it easier for yourself you can find other poz pople that are wiiling to have sex with you.

[newt]

Methinks (mainly as note to self) this thread is more about (a) dynamics of disclosure & complex difference between public bravery compared to 1-on-1 disclosure, or (b) proof California is truly the Muesli State, esp bearing in mind recent car plate episode, than about commerical protocols of engaging a call girl (or boy).

And perhaps about self-acceptance, of which outcome here may be one small step forward.

jus' sayin'

- matt

Now playing: Mr Bojangles, Nina Simone

[Dachshund]

Soliciting a prostitute? The next time you're chatting with officer friendly he might be cuffing your hand instead of shaking it. However, since this was a business transaction, I'm sure you would agree, she has every right, no matter the reason, to refuse service. Caveat emptor and all that.

You did tell us the gory details of the "exploding condom" incidence in another thread. Rushing your bi-curious friend to the emergency room to receive PEP. Say it happens again. You going to foot the girl's bill? Maybe she decided she didn't want to risk spending fifteen hundred dollars for a two dollar John.

No where is it written in the hooker bylaws that they must perform a sex act if they choose not to. Even if you are positive.

typo

[madbrain]

Hi,

I'm sure you would agree, she has every right, no matter the reason, to refuse service. Caveat emptor and all that.

Of course I completely agree with that. I never said that it wasn't her prerogative. What I find strange is that she is willing to go ahead with other people who don't disclose, but not when somebody tells them the truth.

You did tell us the gory details of the "exploding condom" incidence in another thread. Rushing your bi-curious friend to the emergency room to receive PEP. Say it happens again. You going to foot the girl's bill? Maybe she decided she didn't want to risk spending fifteen hundred dollars for a two dollar John.

I probably would have, just the same as I would any guy if the same thing happened and he didn't have insurance. But I didn't really anticipate that happening again given how rarely it does. However based on the conversation I'm quite sure she had no idea PEP existed, she thought even kissing was a risk.

[madbrain]

You could solve all of this by just becoming an openly HIV+ escort yourself.  Or at least that's my take on it.

lol

[madbrain]

That's what I'm saying.  I thought you were gay! 

I'm gay, and a little bi-curious. I only had experience with one girl before. I guess the count is still 1.

[madbrain]

Why just not use a condom, disclosing to an escort hmm .

Using a condom was certainly my intent. But I thought the escort deserved the disclosure as much as anyone else, I am not selective that way.

In her profession I'm sure she slept with at least few people that had it.

That's true, and I tried to make that point to her, but it's not one she was prepared to hear.

Or to make it easier for yourself you can find other poz pople that are wiiling to have sex with you.

I would love to, but unfortunately, that's a lot easier said than done.

[madbrain]

maybe it has nothing to do with HIV

No, it was very clearly the HIV part she didn't like.

[BT65]

Just because someone is a sex worker, does that mean they are obligated to sleep with every trick that approaches?  Even with the economic hard-times, people still have their pride (and freedom of choice).

[lonewolf]

Right Betty!!
Hookers, or prostitutes or sex workers or what ever term you want to call them are HUMAN BEINGS, just as everyone else.   They certainly  have the right to make decisions.  It might seem the author of this thread feels they are obligated to oblige him.   I mean,  divulge or not,  he was not honest with her from the start.  That obviously sent flags up with her right away.    His comment that she wasn't very HIV educated, doesn't really matter,  after his first lie to her,  why should she believe anything else he had to say. 
 
Seems to be abit of ego problems here (along with the license plate).  And it was deflated abit cause he didn't get laid... 

[madbrain]

Just because someone is a sex worker, does that mean they are obligated to sleep with every trick that approaches?  Even with the economic hard-times, people still have their pride (and freedom of choice).

I agree with all of the above.

I merely found the rejection odd because the escort is taking the same sort of risk on a regular basis and cannot expect everybody to disclose their status to them, if their partner even knows it. She is willing to practice safe sex when the risk is not explicitly stated (as with someone else who doesn't know their status or doesn't disclose), but not when it is, as it was with my disclosure.

[madbrain]

Right Betty!!
Hookers, or prostitutes or sex workers or what ever term you want to call them are HUMAN BEINGS, just as everyone else.   They certainly  have the right to make decisions.  It might seem the author of this thread feels they are obligated to oblige him. 

No, I didn't have the expectation that there was any obligation on her part. I never said anywhere that I had that expectation. I had already clarified that in my response #21 (September 20, 2008, 04:26:14 pm). Did you really need to bring this up again 4 days later ? If you want to accuse me of something at least read the whole thread first.

I mean,  divulge or not,  he was not honest with her from the start.  That obviously sent flags up with her right away.   

I don't see how I could have been any more honest with her. I told her that I had STDs and she didn't ask for more specifics on the phone. She still didn't ask specifics in person. I volunteered the information to her because I thought she had the right to know exactly what it was. You don't have any basis to say that I was dishonest.

His comment that she wasn't very HIV educated, doesn't really matter,  after his first lie to her,  why should she believe anything else he had to say. 
 
Seems to be abit of ego problems here (along with the license plate).  And it was deflated abit cause he didn't get laid... 

Well, it's pretty clear from the above that you have something personal against me, but really that doesn't have anything to do with facts.

[dixieman]

Madbrain, maybe your lucky on the STD 's she may have had herself... even with a condom there are some wonderful bugs one can catch... you know... they keep giving the saying goes... she could have replied... Would you like some herpes with this bj sir or... please hump me nice and slow... my HPV is acting up again? so look at it this way she was willing to have sex with undisclosed STD's but, not hiv... so your probally better of taking care of your buisness yourself and let her conduct her own buisness with another client.