POZ Community Forums
Main Forums => Living With HIV => Topic started by: Queen Tokelove on October 04, 2007, 03:08:59 am
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Hello Fam~~
I know some of you have read my thoughts on disclosure and how it is for me. Not an easy thing for those who don't know. I have read in the past how many of you have/had decided to disclose to people whether it be family, friends, co-workers or whoever. Tonight it was my turn. I disclosed to my roomie. I had thought about doing it before we moved in together but talked myself out of it. What made me do it tonight, I honestly don't know. We were smoking the good green and discussing some things and I just came out with it. I asked her how she felt and if things would change and she said no.
What amazed me was that I was actually leaving little clues. At times she would come in my room and I would be logged on here, I wouldn't try to hide it. I keep all my meds on my nightstand and I trust her while I am gone. She never once snooped in my room. She knows the story of how my sisters dogged me about being poz but because at the time, I denied it, she took me at my word. It makes things easier for me now, not that there was a strain before. She always kept an eye on me anyways because she knows I am diabetic.
My heart just feels a little lighter and that I made a good decision choosing her as a friend and a room mate. Now this doesn't mean I am ready to disclose to the world but am trying to do it one person at a time and to those that mean something in my life. My next mission : disclose to my best friend....Thanks for letting me share....
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A women on a mission...I like that... :D
As you say, one person at a time , one day at a time, no need to rush or stress yourself out... I'm glad it made you feel better...or was it just that stuff you were smoking... ;)...whatever it was it made you feel good and that's all that matters.
Hugs
Jan :-*
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Queen,
Each time gets easier, and each time makes us feel much better about ourselves, because each disclosure is one step further to our complete acceptance of our situation. I say good for you, and keep on keeping on with this path you have now started. To hell with what anyone thinks, because in the end, you have no power over someone's response or their thought patterns. What will surprise you along the way is the number of people that will respond with no surprise at all, but complete understanding simply because someone close to them either died from this bug, or is living with it.
I say good for you girl, this is your bug, wear it proudly.
Love,
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Hi Queen,
A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step. One step at a time, one person at a time. You go girl!
(((((Queen)))))
Ann
xxx
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Good for you, your highness! That takes a lot of courage.
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My heart just feels a little lighter and that I made a good decision choosing her as a friend and a room mate. Now this doesn't mean I am ready to disclose to the world but am trying to do it one person at a time and to those that mean something in my life.
I'm proud and happy for you my Queen. For me your aura has always suggested a community activist was in your future. I'm not sure if you ain't ready for the world...or the world ain't ready for you. One thing I do know, I think you're a special woman.
Love,
Aunty D
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Hail the Queen.
(bowing now)
Mike
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Dearest GQ
Good for you!
And I dare say
The whole world, too.
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Well done, Queen. It must be a relief to you to lug around one less secret.
Good luck with your friend. If she's enjoyed your humor and warmth she can't help but respond affirmatively is how I see it.
Cheers,
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Great News!!!
LONG LIVE THE QUEEN!
Woods
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Hi Green Queen~
Its nice to read that you disclosed to your roomie. I guess I had assumed that she already knew, but I'm glad that you shared with her. We can beat ourselves up wondering about how someone is going to react when we disclose, and the truth is you never really know until you actually do it. I agree with what Moffie said, it gets us one step closer to self-acceptance each time we disclose. Just remember to take baby steps, if that's what works for you.
I am so glad your roomie is mature enough, and perhaps educated enough on the subject, to know that this doesn't have to affect her at all. Its the ignorant people that usually think they know it all, and that drives me nuts!
I'm happy that you took a chance on your roomie and that things turned out good!
~Cindy
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Dearest Queen,
It truly sucks that your first experiences with disclosure to your sisters ended up so badly. Surely this has made it harder as the years went by, and is completely understandable. Hopefully you will find that others are more comfortable with the topic, and I'm sure they will be. It's so great to hear that your new roommate is one of those people :) This will undoubtedly make life ever more pleasant for you.
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I'm really glad it went well for you Queen. Especially since you share house. As Philly wrote your initial experience esp with epople who should be so close is very traumatizing so more power to you for not giving in to it.
I can't say it's been easy for me, I still get nervous when/if I tell people (haven't done that in a while). i think I also choose people that I am pretty sure will be OK with it. My BF's family, for example, no way they'd be able to handle it. Maybe, maybe maybe his younger sister one day.
Just do what is good for you, what you're comfortable with, what serves you best.
Catch ya later on the dating thread...
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I'm proud of you and your roommate!
Milker.
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Your majesty,
YOU GO GIRL !!!!!
(http://smilies.vidahost.com/contrib/ruinkai/biggrininvasion.gif)
All Hail the Queen !!!!!
Rich
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nice job !! :) i feel a little bit more free with each disclosure ... one at a time !! :)
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Thank You all for your kind words and support. It means a lot to me. And Moffie, you are so right, it is my bug and a part of my life. I accepted having it but was ashamed to admit having it. Because my sisters made me feel this way, I allowed them to have power over me. It's a new day, baby!!! I can only hope one day to be as vocal as you and others are about this virus. I am considering when I go to my ASO next to see if there is anything I can do. Maybe volunteer around the office or something. I would like to go with someone who speaks at schools or something, to see how it is. I might just be an activist one day, Aunty. Funny that you got that vibe from me. But for now, I will take it one day at a time....one step at a time...one person at a time.
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I am considering when I go to my ASO next to see if there is anything I can do. Maybe volunteer around the office or something. I would like to go with someone who speaks at schools or something, to see how it is. I might just be an activist one day, Aunty.
OK Miss Queenie,
You just made me cry. You have no idea what a rush it is to share with the kids. Last week, I pulled myself out of a sick bed to go to what is called a "Teen Maze", where kids use a wheel of fortune to go around an auditorium to speak face to face with someone in Health, Police, Fire, Tobacco Prevention, STDs, HIV/AIDS and the day was so much of a rush for me that I nearly lost it by noon. I had young men, young women, all sitting face to face with me, talking very openly and personally about my HIV and my life with it. I had a plate full of meds which was my daily dose, sitting on the table, and to a person, they showed so much shock at the amount of medication I swallow daily, that many of them swore off sex play for the foreseeable future just from that.
I spoke to about 50 of them, face to face, and then at the end of lunch; we were instructed by the sponsors to put away all the condoms and condom posters, as the 13 year olds were about to descend on us. I was shocked, but when these two prepubescent young men were sitting in front of me, they asked for condoms, and I just told them I wasn't allowed to give them any. They both responded that they had both gotten Hep C from bad tattoos, and really needed the condoms so they didn't spread the disease. I cried and gave them each a handful under the table, with strict instructions not to say where they got them. My heart was heavy by the end of the day, as these "children" were more responsible than their protesting parents who shun condom use for their children to show allegiance to our mad leader and his Abstinence Programs.
At the end of the event, I had a parade of adults from all over the county, coming by the booth to meet me and thank me for the work I did for the kids that day. I simply responded I didn't really do anything, and they all said, "oh sure, yours was the booth with the longest line, and most well attended" that day. Thank yous were flying, but I really didn't notice during the event, as I was focused on each young person that was anxious to learn from someone who really knew the disease.
These events will stick with you for the rest of your life, and the feeling that you might have saved a life or two by the end of the day will keep you awake with pride for hours.
Please do it! You will be the beneficiary of the power of informed youth.
Love,
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Good for you Queen! Its always nice to get that monkey off your back, so to speak lol
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Queen,
I'm so glad that you disclosed to your room mate, if for no other reason than to be at complete comfort with everything in relation to your status in your own home.
I think it is admirable, logical and natural for you to want to take your disclosure to the next level in a form of outreach, though may I suggest you take some time to first enjoy and get used to your new out status at home? It is something worth savoring and it will also give you better perspective before you go to the next level.
All my best,
Iggy
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Moffie~~~
I never thought I would see the day that I could bring a tear to your eye... Here's a tissue, sweetie. And a BIG OLE HUG for your confidence in me. The Teen Maze sounded quite rewarding but sad that the sponsors asked you to put the condoms and posters away. What did they expect you to bring? I think it is great that your booth had the most attention, you would think the parents would've noticed that and maybe think that they need to get off their butts and help educate their kids instead of trying to shelter them.
When I post here, I always hope that my posts would be able to help at least one person who is new to this virus. I know I am not well educated on the medical aspects but has more than enough experience when it comes to the emotional aspects even though most of mine were negative. You and many people here on this forum have helped me in so many different ways, who knows what may have happened if I never found this place. Support doesn't always have to be face to face, ya know. And I want to do what I can.
Iggy~~~
Yes, it seems like a brand new day here in my kingdom or should I say queendom? :D I am on cloud 9 right about now with disclosing to my roomie but also knows that Rome wasn't built in a day. I will continue to enjoy my new status at home but does feel a whole lot more comfortable now.
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Queen so happy for you! You've made a lot of big steps in just a few weeks and you are weathering it like thebrave lady you are. Very proud of you!
:)
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Hey Akasha,
I think what you have done and would like to do is nothing short of fantastic! ;D ;D ;D
I am incredibly happy for you.
BIG HUGS,
Mark
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Telling your roomie was a risk, but the outcome is undeniably favourable. It means you won't have to monitor your every spoken word "conditionally," and it has empowered you to be frank about it even more in your off-line life.
This is a great thread!
:-*
Creighton
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My Dearest Queen,
I am touched by your discloure. I never really had the opportunity for disclosure as I lived in L.A. and there were thousands of impostor Queens who gratiously and kindly watched over me. That was over 11 years ago and now... it is all just another day. Oh, it does get that easy. Have the best day
Michael
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It's a good news day when you disclose.
Congratulations!!!.
Long LIve the Queen....
robert
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Hi GF~
You're getting that little activist voice going in your head, too? Maybe one day we'll walk in DC together in support of the funding for the virus. I am taking baby steps, too, just don't quite know how to get started.
Maybe I'll ask tomorrow night at my support group about helping out or raising my voice somewhere!
I am very happy for you! Don't you feel like you're walking on air? ;D
~Cindy
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Thanks again for your support. I have been touched by the posts I have read. I always kinda wondered what some of you thought about my views on disclosure from previous posts. I didn't want to be misunderstood and say I condoned not disclosing but that it is not always easy. But folks seem to have gotten what I meant which is good.
I was also thinking about Moffie's post about the kids. I was thinking about my own son because due to my sister raising him, I thought he may have had some negative thoughts. But he didn't and he was more educated than I gave him credit for. Which made me think of a thread that Lil Mouse had started a little while back about giving the younger generation a bit of credit. I think when the time comes for my inner activist to emerge, I would like to speak to the kids and get my message out to them. And even share some of my own experiences. Whether parents want to admit it or not, kids are having sex at a young age.
I love you all........ :-*
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Like the genius Moffster noted, each time you disclose, it does get easier.I think some of the old timers may take it for granite how easy it is for us to disclose. Well, it has not always been that easy.
I kept my status a SECRET for a full on 15 YEARS!!! After I told my family, it was like a refrigerator was lifted off my shoulders! Now, 6 years later, it's a piece of cake.
So, Queen, I fully understand, and appreciate how your "heart is a little lighter". It will soon feel richer, with the more people you disclose to. I am very proud of my queen!
How many people in the world can say they have their own Queen? I am a lucky man.
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Jeffrey---
Thanks for the sweet words. I have been holding this secret of mine for 10 years. Since my sisters put me out there, it's hard to tell who knows my status and who doesn't. I gave up trying to figure it out a long time ago. I figure if someone wants to know they will ask but at that time it didn't mean I would tell. Now if someone asked, I think I would just say Yeah And....
And I am a Queen who rules with her heart...
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Hello Fam~~
I know some of you have read my thoughts on disclosure and how it is for me. Not an easy thing for those who don't know. I have read in the past how many of you have/had decided to disclose to people whether it be family, friends, co-workers or whoever. Tonight it was my turn. I disclosed to my roomie. I had thought about doing it before we moved in together but talked myself out of it. What made me do it tonight, I honestly don't know. We were smoking the good green and discussing some things and I just came out with it. I asked her how she felt and if things would change and she said no.
What amazed me was that I was actually leaving little clues. At times she would come in my room and I would be logged on here, I wouldn't try to hide it. I keep all my meds on my nightstand and I trust her while I am gone. She never once snooped in my room. She knows the story of how my sisters dogged me about being poz but because at the time, I denied it, she took me at my word. It makes things easier for me now, not that there was a strain before. She always kept an eye on me anyways because she knows I am diabetic.
My heart just feels a little lighter and that I made a good decision choosing her as a friend and a room mate. Now this doesn't mean I am ready to disclose to the world but am trying to do it one person at a time and to those that mean something in my life. My next mission : disclose to my best friend....Thanks for letting me share....
You are also a very brave Queen. I am proud of you. Love ya. Cristy
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Queen,
First let me say a very heart felt Congratulations. It is always hard to tell people about your personal life. Even people who have been in your life for a long time can act in unpredictable ways. I am very glad that your room mate did not even blink an eye. You are lucky to have her, and she is lucky to know you.
I have been very lucky in my life. Not one friend has turned their back on me after telling them I was HIV positive. I had one friend give me a very strange but sincere compliment. He told me that of all our circle of friends, he knew that I would handle being positive the best. It seems that you have the same strenght and detirmination to continue to live with this virus. You have to open your heart to someone when you share your status. Thankfully your friend took your heart and held it close to hers. Be ready for some to stomp on it, but don't be surprised when others take you into their hearts and their amrs.
Best of luck to you and to us all.
Falkore
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i have a hug for you. now when i go to see the golden age ill have a special moment just for your courage!
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Hey, Queen! I just saw this. Congratulations on the disclosure to the roomie. I think it's going to make a world of difference in the comfort level of home life.
Good for you!
love,
thunter
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Yep, Thunter Bunny, it has made a world of difference disclosing to my roomie. I can say I feel comfy in my own skin. And Next, I'll take that hug whenever you're ready. How sweet when you see the movie you will think of me. :-*
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Finally it must feel good to take it off your chest and have someone to talk to about it...I know first hand about disclosing about the stats, it is hard.....what will they think...will they love me mama..(okay having a Carrie moment)l lol 8)
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LMAO@Carrie moment....