Preparing for the worst

[sammyboy]

Thank you for accepting my request to join this forum.

Like so many other posts on here, I'm sick with worry. I have however, Taken the  step and had a HIV test. I will get my results in Tuesday so I guess that will be judgement day. I am preparing for the worst yet have a glint of optimism after reading some of your responses.

I guess the fact I haven't had unprotected penetrative sex with anyone (though only had 2 very brief protected sessions but it wasn't for me) gives me a glimmer of hope but I had sexual contact with someone who is positive. Kissing, mutual j/o and me fingering him. I hadn't know about his status at the time, I'm not angry at him 
as I've had oral sex with other guys not knowing their status, but finding out has been terrifying. I have spent the best of the last 6 months sick with fear, reading up on signs and symptoms, self diagnosis, preparation etc...

I have seen that in your replies to others that you say there is no risk grin fingering so I'm hoping this is true. At the time it didn't pass my mind but I picked up a really bad cold about a week later, my tonsils covered in White blisters. Its only
since I found out and worked out the dates that the fear has been in my mind. I specially remember there being no blood on my fingers but there was a little bit of faeces. that sounds disgusting, I'm so sorry.

Then I think back to another experience I had with a guy. I was performing oral sex on him and gave deepthroat. He asked if I would let him penetrate me without a
condom to which I of course said no. He said whats the worry, it's only dangerous if he ejaculated in me. This has made me think he must be positive. I have bleeding gums sometimes too so may have been exposed to his semen. After about a week I developed really sore lymph nodes in my neck which lasted for 3 months. There
were no other symptoms as such but as you've pointed out, symptoms are so varied
 and sometimes rare. It would seem the odds are against me.

In the last 4 years I have sucked quite a few guys. Only 2 have ejaculated in my mouth, one I swallowed and one I didn't. Again with the bleeding gums, have i exposed myself to infection?


Then I think of another experience I had where I fingered a guy but wore a condom on my finger. There was signs of blood so I stopped. What if some of this blood got into a small cut? Damn all these things are bursting in my mind...

Please forgive me for asking you the same questions you answered time and time again. I have had no sexual contact now for 5 months and don't want to put myself through this fear again. If, I did say if, my results come back positive, I know the main concern would be to see how high my viral load is etc... But I will need
confirmation of I contracted the virus. I don't want people thinking I've been having bb sex and using lies to cover up for my real exposure. I have read nearly all the newly diagnosed posts are there are many that are saying it's due to oral sex, cum in the eye, cuts on hands etc... I know its not for anyone to question but if they truly believe that's how they contracted it, why would they lie? As no one would judge them on this forum.

I guess I'm just trying to find a little bit of comfort in these few days until
I find out I am positive or not. I promise not to try and argue the point, I understand that it must be frustrating having people almost wanting to prove you wrong, well that's not me. I know that to have penetrative sex I will always  use a condom (even though I don't even actually do it to need to protect myself)


Kind regards

[Ann]

Sam,

As you have not had unprotected anal or vaginal intercourse, you have not been at risk for hiv infection. I'm confident that your test result will be negative.

By the way, you should assume ANY sexual partner is hiv negative and protect yourself accordingly by using condoms for anal or vaginal intercourse.

As for people not always admitting to being infected through unprotected intercourse, well, some people judge themselves and expect others to as well, and sometimes people forget something risky they did while under the influence of drink and/or drugs, and sometimes people do risky things with people they feel confident are hiv negative, but in reality those people don't even know they're hiv positive themselves.

Condoms have been proven to prevent hiv infection. There have been three long-term studies of couples where one is positive and one is negative. In the couples who used condoms for anal or vaginal intercourse, but no barrier for oral activities, not one of the negative partners became infected with hiv. Not one.

Here's what you need to know in order to avoid hiv infection:

You need to be using condoms for anal or vaginal intercourse, every time, no exceptions until such time as you are in a securely monogamous relationship where you have both tested for ALL sexually transmitted infections together.

To agree to have unprotected intercourse is to consent to the possibility of being infected with an STI. Sex without a condom lasts only a matter of minutes, but hiv is forever.

Have a look through the condom and lube links in my signature line so you can use condoms with confidence.

Anyone who is sexually active should be having a full sexual health care check-up, including but not limited to hiv testing, at least once a year and more often if unprotected intercourse occurs.

If you aren't already having regular, routine check-ups, now is the time to start. As long as you make sure condoms are being used for intercourse, you can fully expect your routine hiv tests to return with negative results.

Don't forget to always get checked for all the other sexually transmitted infections as well, because they are MUCH easier to transmit than hiv. Some of the other STIs can be present with no obvious symptoms, so the only way to know for sure is to test.

Use condoms for anal or vaginal intercourse, correctly and consistently, and you will avoid hiv infection. It really is that simple!

Ann

[sammyboy]

Thank you for getting bcd to me Anne.

I have been following this board for a while so have a wide spectrum of knowledge on how to protect myself. I think I just needed to hear you tell me youre confident Ill be ok.

I'm sorry if I inoffended you when I said it made me think my sexual partner was positive due to his words. It was just him wanting to perform unprotected anal sex that got me me worried. Of course if you're saying that performing oral on him even if was, wouldn't be an issue then I shouldn't have worried. I'm an adult so any sexual decisions I make lay at fault with me and no one else.

I can relax a little more now until Tuesday. Of course I won't be totally relaxed until I know the results for sure.

If anything, it will make my sexual life better knowing I can have fun without the fear and as anal sex is not something I will be performing anytime soon, I have no real issues other than keeping an eye out for other STD's.

It's just a shame that the information you provide isn't given at health clinics and other organisations. You end up believing that just looking at someone you're gonna get infected. If people were educated (as you made me) there wouldn't be such myths and bigotry towards the virus.

Thanks again

[sammyboy]

Just wanted to confirm that my results came back negative all tests including HIV.

I'm sure this is no surprise to Anne and the team but it's a big relief for me. If anything though, it's educated me on the transmissions of HIV. Yes I've never had unprotected sex, but we ae lead to believe that oral andfingering are just as risky. Believe me, I've sucked ALOT of guys off sO unless I'm really lucky that none were positive, it just goes to prove that it is definitely safer sex.

Thank you