POZ Community Forums
Off Topic Forums => Off Topic Forum => Topic started by: woodshere on June 07, 2007, 09:34:46 pm
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I work for a nonprofit social service agency in a housing project that is also near several homeless shelters and soup kitchens (for lack of a better word). Almost everyday when I go to lunch or go home I get asked for change for the bus (stop is located right outside the door) or if I want to buy a bus transfer or asked for money for food. I even get hit up when I step outside for a smoke. I always say no or in the case of someone asking for money for food point to the shelters nearby.
Tonight as I was leaving a convenience store in my neighborhood a guy ask me for a dollar to buy gas. Even though he had a car I figured he wanted to go buy some beer and so I said no. As I was driving off I thought what if I ran out of gas (I am always testing the limits of how far I can go after the low fuel light comes on) and needed help, I would hope somebody would help me. So as I pulled off the lot I handed him not 1 but 2 dollars. Guess you know where this is going. He went in bought his beer and left in his car.
Maybe someday if I am actually in need of help someone will do the same for me.
Hoping my stupidity will be rewarded someday,
Woods
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I'm a firm believer in "go with your gut instinct" and "case by case" but sadly nowadays it seems tougher to tell who's being honest :-\
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Woods, baby, if you want to get an idea of stupid, flash back to 1992, when I went downtown to the raciest store in town to buy a thong and birthday card for my live-in lover. A man approached me and said he wanted to make an honest living, could he please wash my windsheild while I shopped. I was taken by his non-confrontational pitch, and said sure, yes, let me give you some money. I pulled out my wallet, filled with about $600, and took out $2 to hand to him. Which I did. And he cleaned the windscreen very well. It was only later that I realized what a moron I was for pulling out my wallet on the street.
I got off easy, and learned a lesson (the easy way, through hindsight 20/20, I'm still working on the foresight part!)
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I saw too much of those kind of shenanigans on the subway the first year I moved to NYC and quickly just had to adopt the non-generous mode. They had to be completely deformed and missing an eye before I'd fork over a dollar.
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There's nothing wrong with having a heart, Woods. I do give change from time to time and figures I will be blessed one day down the line. That's just me, I believe in karma even if the dude does get a beer.
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No act of kindness ever goes unrewarded. I don't see how you can say that you are stupid.
You followed the Golden Rule: Do unto others....
You did the right thing even though the recipient of your kindness did not.
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Woody-
Charity should not be contingent upon use, in my opinion. If you felt as though you could afford to part with the money, it was because you wanted him to have it. You may have preferred that he spend it wisely, but were powerless to control how the money was spent once you forked it over.
Once it was in his hands, the other guy had full authority over his own money. He spent it as he saw fit. And if dishonesty in the pursuit of self-gratification were a deadly sin, I'd have been hit by lightning years ago ;)
I think that the bottom line is to either give out of the spirit of generosity or don't give at all. It's your choice.
Brent
(Who rarely gives a panhandler any money but never looks back when he does)
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Woods
You're kind not stupid.
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I have to agree with others no stupidity here. Kindness never goes unpaid. I wish there were more people like Woods in the world. Give and do not look back.
Peter (who has been known to buy dinner, for a stranger in need, as well as the unforseen bottle of beer)
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Giving (with discretion) is a good thing in my books, Woods.
And I agree that once you give anything how it is used has no bearing on the act of giving itself. No, showing concern for a fellow human beings isn’t "stupid" at all. In fact, this world could use more acts of kindness toward others if you ask me.
Daniel
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When I've been in the position of being asked for money, I've offered to buy the guy food. I also offered to buy the other guy gas so he could get back (to another town) to his pregnant girlfriend. You know what? Both times, the guys got pissed. They were mad that I wouldn't just give them money. I was with my ex once and a guy tried the "I need some money to buy a sandwich. I haven't eaten all day" routine. She said "Oh bullshit, you just want another beer" (he reeked of old beer). He kinda smiled and said "lady, how did you know?" She just laughed and gave him a couple of dollars for a beer and said "thanks for the honesty". There's nothing wrong at all with helping... quite the opposite, actually. It's just frustrating when people are just taking advantage of the generosity.
David
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When I've been in the position of being asked for money, I've offered to buy the guy food. I also offered to buy the other guy gas so he could get back (to another town) to his pregnant girlfriend. You know what? Both times, the guys got pissed. They were mad that I wouldn't just give them money. I was with my ex once and a guy tried the "I need some money to buy a sandwich. I haven't eaten all day" routine. She said "Oh bullshit, you just want another beer" (he reeked of old beer). He kinda smiled and said "lady, how did you know?" She just laughed and gave him a couple of dollars for a beer and said "thanks for the honesty". There's nothing wrong at all with helping... quite the opposite, actually. It's just frustrating when people are just taking advantage of the generosity.
David
One night last fall in the hip part of town a guy was panhandling. His sign simply said: IT'S FOR BEER
I have a feeling he had a very good night!
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This reminds me of the "South Park" episode called "Night of the Living Homeless" in which such an act starts a kind of zombie spin-off with homeless people by the thousands mobbing residents asking for change.
Woods, your heart was in the right place. But your liberal guilt got the better of you. I stopped giving out money to people on the street after my first few weeks in Boston during freshman year of college. My first day in the city, I must have given away $20 to a half dozen panhandlers. I didn't know any better - just a dumb yuppie kid from Oregon.
I understand your rationale, though. I just do my best to channel it towards better giveaways, like leftover food (which also saves on general waste when you think about it) or clothes and blankets in the winter. Never money - it's too easy to reconstitute towards the wrong things, as you saw first hand.
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You know, Woods, the guy played a hussle, for sure. Highly likely he is not leading the life he'd like either (for whatever reasons) and beer gives him some escape. We all need an escape here and there. No big harm done and you are still the person you know yourself to be.
Funny thing is I almost always say "no". But, I always regret it later. So I have resolved myself to give a buck or two. I mean, I look into the eyes of a human who is in dire straits and I say "no". Why? The value of a dollar or some principle? Screw it. I'll give next time and never say no again. He/she can go buy the cheap wine or beer or cigarettes...........all of which I have partaken in one part of my life or another.
xxx,
Mike
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This reminds me of the "South Park" episode called "Night of the Living Homeless" in which such an act starts a kind of zombie spin-off with homeless people by the thousands mobbing residents asking for change."
quote Chaplin guy
Hey ........remember what happened to the homeless in that Sout Park episode??? They all went to San Diego or whatever. Cartman got out there with a megasphone and announced that they were giving out SPARE CHANGE in San Diego....whatever.
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I would assume we all have been approached for money by someone on the. . .or whatever u want to call it. I had a situation here in FLorida after hurricane Andrew. A young girl with a infant approached me in a supermarket parking lot asking me for money for her baby. Her story was they lost everything in Andrew and her spouse lost his job. HMMMM good story. Anyway I didn't give her money, but I did take her in the grocery store and told her to buy what she need for the baby. She did and I only spent 30 bucks on the infant. Even if she lied, I know I helped her infant. My lesson I learned, never give money, buy them what they need. Alcohol, tobacco, drugs not included.
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Woods....
Keep in mind when you demonstrate compassion and help out those less fortunate ...its the thought that counts. Not what happens with your
gift. It's the spirit of giving that touches the heart.... and that my friend is the gift you give yourself. As far as you needing assistance...I dare say you might
be very surprised at who comes to your aid. I dare say you might get more than you ask for..........