POZ Community Forums
Main Forums => Pre-HAART Long-Term Survivors => Topic started by: AlanBama on June 04, 2008, 05:38:22 pm
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For quite awhile now, I've been feeling a little "off", mentally. Just dim witted, not sharp, and kinda forgetful.
Today, it came up to bite me in the WORST kind of way -- I was accused of losing a credit card at work. I remember standing there with this man, and talking about the credit card, but I would have bet a million dollars that he took it with him. (It mistakenly had his name on it, and needed to be destroyed; should have been a business card, not personal) But today, he SWORE that I had it.
I came home from work, worried about it awhile; took a clonozepam, in fact;
then, went BACK to the office, and dug in. Sure enough, I found the credit card in an unlabeled file folder, stuck in the front of the 2nd drawer of my filing cabinet. My mind is a total blank, when it comes to remembering putting it there. I have no memory of it.
I've been an accountant for 30 years. Accountants can't DO shit like this. I see my psychiatrist in July. Is there any specific thing I should ask to be tested for? Or do they have some sort of general "dementia" test?
I've noticed my writing skills are becoming worse, with more errors in simple words...
This is the first thing that has come up to really frighten me in awhile.
:'(
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Hey Alan,
Oh lord hon, I hope this was just one of those senior moments.
I would talk to your doctor about this and ask whether there is any danger of HIV-related encephalopathy. The doctor could order an MRI to help determine if something is going on.
There are other things that could affect you mental ability that aren't HIV related. I would see your doc just to rule things out and give yourself some peace of mind, literally.
I hope it was noithing more than an oops.
Let me know how things go and what you find out. I know its frightening, but try not to let it get you down.
BIG HUGS,
Mark
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Alan don't panic ....I have had this sort of thing happen off and on...especially when I am distracted or trying to multitask......put things down and can't find them...open door and don't recall doing it.....telephone rings and I stop whatever I was doing to answer but forget what I was doing.......fortunately not a constant thing.....for me seems more related to tiredness/ distractions/too many things at once.....I have had MRI and CAT scan no obvious issues there ....Dr says he has seen this in many of his patients...especially the over 50's..... sort of like your RAM is full or near full and your hard drive is too slow......
definitely see Dr and try to not obsess or do too much at once...
Nick
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oh my southern belle...
You are doing fine.. I have had the same thing happening and beside making me blush it just reminded me I had crossed the 50 mark some years ago.
love you
hermie
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Every so often, I can't find something--maybe a bill, a CD, or a check that I need to cash. I turn the house upside down and can't find it. Days go by, and I'm doing some house cleaning and suddenly the "lost" object turns up in a place that I do not remember putting it. Sometimes I'm almost sure that I had already looked there.
Several times I was sure I lost my credit card. After much fruitless searching, I assumed I must have left it at some retail establishment, and I called the credit card company to cancel the card. Sometimes within 15 minutes of canceling the card, it has turned up.
I don't usually make too much of these events. It seems to happen when I get distracted or am worried.
Having recently become a sexagenarian, I guess I could attribute this behavior to age. But the thing is, I remember this happening to me when I was in my 20's.
Allan
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Dear, sweet Alan,
I have no other words of wisdom. I just want you to know I'm thinking of you. Please let us know how you're doing. {{{KISS}}}
luv,
Betty
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Hey Alan,
I mentioned the encephalopathy because that is the thing that most people seem to worry about.
I don't remember your counts being that bad, so I don't think it should be a problem for you, but at least you can rule it out with the doc's help.
I forget things quite often, especially when I am tired, stressed or distracted. I think it happens to all of us who are "seasoned veterans" of more than 50 years.
HUGS,
Mark
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Honey it happens. You're an ol' worry wart :D so it makes it seem that much worse. Mark's suggestion of discussing it with your doc is a good idea as long as you don't forget your doctor's appointment (labs) like I did yesterday. ;D
Get your noggin checked for your own peace of mind but I'm sure you're fine. Just think of all the birthdays you're able to remember.
Hal :-*
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Thanks guys. I will definitely get it checked out; I see my regular doc on the 23rd, will ask for a neuro referral.
The birthdays are easy -- I have a list, and a calendar! Not much to remember there (if I remember to post them at all!)
Will let you know what I find out......and hopefully as some say, it's just a "senior moment", but the first one I've had that was a total "Black-out senior moment".
hugs,
Alan
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Alan,
It is scary, when things like this happen, especially on the job. I know it's happenned to me more than once. A"senior moment" as I like to refer to it, occured a couple days ago at work. I am glad I caught it before I had it posted. It was a situation dealing with HIPAA, and I could have been nailed for it. Seems like I have to develope this system of checks and rechecks at work. Before I leave work, I try to make sure I did everything correctly. It's also difficult, especially when one is doing 3 things at the same time. I was dealing with paramedics at the time, telephones ringing, and who knows what else...
Hell, I still go blank ( mid sentence, when talking to Ed at times. I have to ask him "what the hell were we just talking about !
Take care-----Ray
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If it makes you feel any better Alan this morning I made my coffee, so far, so good. Then I poured a cup, turned to get the milk out of the fridge and took an egg out of the carton instead.
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Hi alan.
What Nick says about "multi-tasking" is really important. Don't know if that applies in this case, but anymore I simply cannot do 2 things at the same time. I have to concentrate on whatever it is I'm doing and when it comes to putting things away consciously remind myself what I'm putting away and where. Even that doesn't work all the time.
Not only is it scary....but it makes me so upset. I get so mad at myself and that isn't healthy.
robert
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If it makes you feel any better Alan this morning I made my coffee, so far, so good. Then I poured a cup, turned to get the milk out of the fridge and took an egg out of the carton instead.
OK, so now I don't feel quite so bad. I put a batch of bread in the bread machine the other day and forgot all about it - until last night when I went to make a batch of bread and found a finsihed loaf wauting for me.
I wondered how in the world I managed ot eat so much bread this week. ???
HUGS,
Mark
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Sounds like me in 1995 when I left work as a bank manager and had not "spun off" the vault combination or set the alarm for the night. After five rounds of brain surgery in five months, I had developed attention deficit disorder, and this event was finally the sign that I couldn't ignore. Kinda like the 3.5-hour memory gap back in February that led to an MRI and another surgery.
That's not to suggest that you need brain surgery at all, but a psychiatrist or a neuropsychologist could help determine if you're evidencing attention issues, then attempt to resolve it with meds. You might also look into mindfulness training and cognitive behavioral therapy (hehehe.... CBT ;D ) as non-pharmacological means to raise your level of awareness and to implement organizational strategies to guard against memory or attention gaps. I've got so many safeguard in place at work and with personal affairs, that I would almost literally have to have half of my brain eaten away for me to forget something now.
Namaste,
David
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OK, so now I don't feel quite so bad. I put a batch of bread in the bread machine the other day and forgot all about it - until last night when I went to make a batch of bread and found a finsihed loaf wauting for me.
.........................................
At least the bread machine TURNS ITSELF OFF! I cant tell you how many 2 quart sauce pans Kurt ( and I) have burned up because we set it on the stove to boil water and then went off and forgot about it.
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At least the bread machine TURNS ITSELF OFF! I cant tell you how many 2 quart sauce pans Kurt ( and I) have burned up because we set it on the stove to boil water and then went off and forgot about it.
And then there are the half gallons of ice cream I've "put back" into the oven after getting a scoop. It was when I started doing that c. 2003 that I knew I had to get back on meds, and I was introduced to Stratera shortly after its market release.
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As someone who if I were to lose my datebook would need to just lay down and expire, Alan, I will just say hold on with extreme thoughts and measures.
The way I have learned to deal with this kind of stuff is to be as consistent with patterns of doing things as possible. That seems to help even though UGLY and so-called little things continue to happen which give me sudden jolts. Like discovering when I put a newly bought CD on my shelves that there's already a copy there. (So it becomes future gift material for someone). Or I am looking for my eyeglasses except they are perched on my head. Ouch. Many of these moments happen. Oh. Dialing the phone and forgetting who I am calling. That's a good one.
This maybe of absolutely no comfort to you of course. So I will just say, pull up a chair, have a glass of red wine and enjoy knowing that all of this stuff notwithstanding you are in all your glorious imperfection held in very, very high regard here, friend.
Cheers to you,
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Alan don't be to concerned. It happens to me all the time. To many things happening at once you are bound to make a mistake. Now, where did I leave my little sister? ;)
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You know, this is my first post- but this is EXACTLY what began happening to me in my job about
5 years ago- I noticed that I was having problems doing my job which was also heavy thinking involved etc.
and not one that can afford mistakes- my writing had problems. It to me is a symptom of having HIV for a long time...
sure it may be a senior moment. I always felt that the SUSTIVA made me bonkers and that it still has not gone away after stopping it..what an awful drug
imho. Made me psychotic. Anyway, I have good days and bad days but I do admit it did make me push more on the path towards LTD and that was not fun...
try to work as long as you can as long as you enjoy it and if this kind of stuff keeps happening you take a 6 hour battery--I scored in 90%il on long term memory
and 10 %ile on short term? MAke sense? Not to me but somehow the short stuff gets over eventually but immediate recall under stress is challenged-it may just be the stress.
Anyway- Wish you luck-you are not alone....25 years and down to having to pick up Integrase as I have chewed through, AZT, 3TC, DDC, Zerit (lipo), VIDEX (pancreas), and so now
am on TRUVADA and LEXIVA and Inverness..or is that the golf course in FLorida-I FORGET-LOL!
Good luck alan...
Stillhere..
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Thanks!
I am already on SSD (since 1995) but have worked part-time regularly since 1999. I work about 20-23 hrs a week, doing part-time accounting work. I would like to be able to work as long as possible....(1) I need the little bit of money I earn and (2) I need the 'structure' in my life to force me to adhere to a schedule, and to be up and out and around people every day.
I spoke with my psychiatrist 2 weeks ago about my concerns. We have more immediate 'fish to fry' right now, trying to switch my antidepressant from wellbutrin to Celexa and trying to drastically reduce the nortriptylane I use for sleep (due to cardiac related issues). After I get this under control, we will tackle the cognitive issues, and she will determine if I need referral to a neurologist.
I have not had any 'major' incidents since the one that prompted me to write this post, so hopefully it was truly just a senior moment, and not a problem. But like you, one of the main differences I note in my own ability is my handwriting. So I'll be glad to get it all checked out.
hugs,
Alan
PS - so far, doing pretty good with Celexa, after some major nausea issues. I have ZERO appetite, so nausea on top of that is not a good combination. I'm hoping that now into week 2, I will notice the side effects less.
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Alan, cheering for you that everything works out.
Rodney
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Hey Alan , not to worry !
I have been on Celexa for 4 years , I take clonazapam .
I THINK THE CLONAZAPAM IS THE MEMORY GOOFER UPPER !
I can put something down , and surch for hours , only to have it right in front of me !
I just relaxe and wait now , because I know what ever I am looking for will just POP
into place ................................
good luck . Karl
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Alan, I'm hoping the side effects lessen. I'll be thinking about you.
Luv,
Betty :-*
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Thanks Rod, Karl and Betty.
Karl, I'm not sure what the "memory goofer-upper" is with me....let's see, how about 21 years of HIV, congestive heart failure, enough meds to fill up a dump truck...oh and being 51 years old! All adds up to: senior moments. Let me classify that a bit: Senior AIDS Moments. ;)
hugs,
Alan
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I am new at this, in fact, it is the first time ever I have posted. I have been HIV+ for 26 years and thankful to be in good shape. I used to think I was losing my mind, too, when I was taking the drug you mentioned (Clonzepin). I don't know about you, but my doctors have always been willing to load me up with anti-anxiety and pain medicine, which I took advantage of until my family intervened and I realized myself that I had become addicted. When I was taking them, I thought these pills were nothing much, but I just did not realize the harmful effect they had on me. That was over 8 years ago. Today I know that this particular drug is highly addictive and abuse of it causes all sorts of problems from hair loss to memory loss. Please forgive me if I have offended you, but I thought I would stick my neck out in the event you did not know of these side effects.
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Hi Kris, and welcome to the forums.
Back in the 90's when I was so very ill, the doctors had no problems 'loading me up' with all kinds of narcotics; in fact I was addicted to fentanyl. We've discussed the topic of antidepressants often in the past in the forums, and I've said that I can never be sure if they really work that well for me, but all things considered, I do believe I am better when taking them. Currently I am on Celexa, and so far it seems to be working fairly well.
I look forward to hearing more from you Kris.
hugs,
Alan
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You got me to thinking about all this Alan!!! So when I saw my MD. the other day, I brought up that my short term memory is giving me a lot of trouble.
I've been doing a lot of 'forgetting'. Like putting something on the stove and forgetting I'm cooking. Knowing I have an appointment, and go off and start doing something else. Driving down the road and suddenly 'wake up' to wonder how I got that far so quick.
I've been taking some form of Sustiva since Dec 2003, on a couple different anti-depressants, turning 55 in a couple months and the doctor felt it was time to MRI my brain... Hopefully is just old age!!! ;D Better yet, hopefully they will find one in there!!!
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Dear Allan,
I am late replying to your post, but your are not alone. I fell for you and it is very scary.
One example; I live on a one way street and depending whether I turn left or right at the stop sign, depends of where I am heading.
It has happened a couple of time where I was just standing there for a few seconds, trying to remember where I was going.
And I write everything in my agenda. And my partner often said to me; You just asked me that 5 minutes ago.
It is very disturbing.
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Yesterday, my psychiatrist gave me the "most simple" tests for detecting any type of HIV-related dementia. It was some exercises that were basically a bunch of numbers randomly sprinkled on a page, and the object was to "connect the dots", (find 1, then 2, etc) One of the sheets had numbers and letters, and the object was to keep the 'sequence' going as you connected (1-A-2-B-3-C) I did pretty good on all the tests, she said I was above the 90% mark for HIV+ people my age (all the tests are timed).
I obviously can't remember my alphabet, because after I finished the letters & numbers test, I had not done anything with "J". It was just 'sitting there' LOL.
I'm supposed to write down a detailed 'journal' of any more episodes that I experience, involving memory loss/ memory blackout. Hopefully, it is nothing serious, but you can't help but let this stuff scare you, you know?
Thank God for my day-runner book. I write everything down.....
hugs,
Alan
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You sound pretty sharp to me Alan, and havent we all mispaced a "J" before? ;D
Hal