Another oral risk post...sorry

[BMN]

Hello all,

I found this site maybe two days ago and have been reading over and over again all the posts on oral sex.  Not that I am any different but here is my story:

1.  Involved in a long distance realtionship for the last 8 months
2.  54 days ago, during a rough patch in the relationship, I cheated on my girlfriend with a woman I had met in the bar that same night (so definitely unknown status).
3.  The bar was not crowded at all and she sat right next to me.  A short time later we went across the street to the beach where we were involved in deep kissing, she briefly inserted my penis into her mouth a few times (no ejaculation), I rubbed her vaginal/pubic area with my left hand, i inserted two fingers of my right hand into her anus, and I briefly performed oral on her clitoral and pubic hair region.  I cannot remember if I went any lower.
4.  She was a few years older than me, perhaps late 30's or early 40's (I am 31), so I was surprised that she got wet (perhaps this was cervical mucus).
5.  The whole incident probably didn't last more than 20 minutes.  As I was pulling my shorts up and doing a spot check, I noticed that my wallet was gone.  I checked the sand, and went back into the bar, but it didn't dawn on me until after she drove off on her motorcycle that she more than likely robbed me.
6.  Frantically drove home and spent what seemed like an eternity trying to cancel my debit card, while avoiding calls and texts from my girlfriend.
7.  Finally got on the phone with the girlfriend and told her my wallet was stolen but didn't tell her what else had happened.
8.  Was so tired after the night, that i didn't shower or brush my teeth til the morning.
9.  Within about 5 days I developed an irritation along the skin of the upper border of my upper lip (which still sort of exists), but no cold sores developed (never had them, and still no sores to this day)
10.  3 weeks after the incident I let my girlfriend perform oral on me one time and she swallowed.  Later on, she briefly rubbed the tip of my erect penis around the entrance to her vagina.
11.  A week later she was diagnosed with Polycystic ovary syndrome and placed on four meds.
12.  For me, on day 30 after incident, I developed a post nasal drip and dry mouth and some what white tongue with very odd taste in mouth.  Post nasal drip and odd taste still persist somewhat.
13.  Day 32 tested for HIV 1/2, result was negative.  Two days later I developed a loss of appetite and I have lost about 6-7 pounds since the test.
14.  Right around test date, developed insomnia that continues to this day.
15.  Spoke with general practicioner around day 40 and told him the whole story.  He said I would be fine but that I should retest in February.  He did say I could come back in mid December to retest and have a full STD panel done.
16.  The day after I saw the doc, I began developing diarrhea, which comes and goes (so from day 41 til now).  I did have bowel movements during that week of the doc visit that could be classified as #6 on the Bristol Stool Scale.
17.  Also, since the doc visit, I have been extremely anxious and worried about everything, including my girlfriend's health.  She has been complaining of soreness and tiredness in her legs and now a pain on the left lip of her vagina (maybe due to the meds).
18.  I have also been experiencing buring in the face and on the scalp the last few days.  I also seem to be breaking out in acne a little more as well since the incident.
19.  I also feel weak in the knees, legs, and anus.  However, I have not developed any sores that I can see on my penis, anus, or lips.

So, I know I've gone into way to much detail, but I have been suffering from fear-guilt-anxiety-worry-stress, you name it.  I can't tell if what I am experiencing physically is due to HIV (or some other STD) or if it's been due to the mental anguish I've put myself through.  The doc even prescribed temazepam for me to help me sleep but it really isn't helping.

What do any of you think?  I would really appreciate your opinions on what my risk has been and whether or not you think I should do the full STD panel at 60 days and then retest for HIV at 90.  Any other thoughts would be greatly appreciated.

Thank you for your time.

[Andy Velez]

Nothing you did put you at risk for HIV transmission. The only confirmed risks for the sexual transmission of HIV are unprotected vaginal and anal intercourse. So all of what you have described was not risky as far as HIV is concerned.

However, other STDs are easier to acquire than HIV, so if you are having troubling symptoms you should discuss them with your doctor. Nothing you are reporting is in anyway suggestive of HIV. Nor do I see any need for HIV testing.

Cheers.

[BMN]

Thank you for your prompt response Mr. Velez.  It is greatly appreciated.

If I may ask you a question (one that you may have been asked many times before), in your experience in dealing with people face to face vs. this website, how much does it all seem to be "in one's mind" when people begin to experience "symptoms."

I am not going to lie, I do feel as if I have lost my mind and that something is definitely "wrong."  Just not sure if it's self induced or something real.  I do plan to seek the help of a priest and therapist sometime in the very near future to help deal with my excessive anxiety and possible OCD and depression like behaviors (all self diagnosed, of course).

Thanks again.

[Andy Velez]

Hi BMN,

Whenever someone has persistent symptoms we always recommend checking them out with a doctor since we can't diagnose anything in this setting. What we can do is evaluate a situation as reported for HIV risk. In your case there wasn't any.

However, your emtional upset is a very common one for someone who has strayed from a relationship. With regard to that you will have to decide if you need to talk with a professional privately and sort out your feelings. In general giving into guilt is no good for anyone. You did what you did and can't undo that. Take a breath and let it go.

What I can say with confidence is that you have no cause to be concerned about HIV.

[BMN]

Hello,

I plan to have a full STD panel done tomorrow (61 days after possible exposure), and I guess I am just nervous because I will also check for HIV again.  I sort have started to feel better after about 32 days of feeling like crap (and 30 days after my first test at 32 days after possible exposure).

I guess I have started to ask myself "what if's."  Like what if this woman was HIV positive and setting me up (I believe she definitely set me up to steal my wallet), and what if I did insert my tongue into her vagina while performing oral on her and I got some of her fluid into my mouth (for some reason I don't think I did, but God only knows), and what if my 32 day test was a false negative as there weren't enough antibodies present in my blood yet? 

I have read and reread enough of the responses dealing with oral sex which are reassuring, but perhaps I am just feeling a great deal of fear as a result of guilt about cheating on my girlfriend, especially since I told her 3 days before the incident that I would never cheat on her.

Any final thoughts from any/all of the moderators would be greatly appreciated.

Thanks for your time.

[BMN]

Sorry...I guess I also am starting to feel some bad karma.  It was a coincidence about how I had initially ordered the HIV test in the first place.  It was also 3 days before the incident that I was at the Dr's for another issue when I asked for the HIV test...I figured "why not?  Couldn't hurt."  And of course later on that night, I got into an argument with my girlfriend and I told her that I would never cheat.

Well, 3 nights later I cheated on her...anyway, it was 16 days later when I tried to breakup with my girlfriend but it didn't happen because she then told me that she had suffered a miscarriage (by me) in early August. 

Well, I am feeling bad karma because at the start of my relationship with her, I had told her about my reservations of pre-marital sex partly due to religion (although I am not very strong in that regard) as well as the fact that two of my uncles had gotten their girlfriends pregnant, gotten married, then went through bad divorces.  So, there's strike one.  Second, I also told her how I had an uncle who died as a result of complications from AIDS which happened on Nov. 30, 1991. 

So, I am fearful of strike two.  I know that this is not the forum for this kind of nonsense that I am posting but I just have no one to talk to about what is on my mind and what I am afraid of.

[Andy Velez]

Karma, sharma. Fortunately feelings aren't facts. Nothing has changed. Based on what you have reported you were not at risk for HIV.

If you need to for your peace of mind, get tested and collect your negative result.

[BMN]

Thank you, Mr. Velez, for your time, patience, and consideration when answering the posts of a fearful, anxious, and cowardly man.

[Andy Velez]

You're welcome.

[BMN]

Hello Ann,

I see that you are online so I thought I would take a chance and ask if you had any additional thoughts that you could provide in addition to what Mr. Velez has already provided.

I guess I was just wondering what your perspective would be.

Thanks.

[Ann]

BMN,

There's nothing to add to Andy's assessment of your NO RISK incident. You got your dick sucked and you licked and fingered some pussy. None of these activities are risks for hiv infection. Get over it and get on with your life.


If you read the Welcome Thread before posting like you're supposed to, you will have read the following posting guideline:

Anyone who continues to post excessively, questioning a conclusive negative result or no-risk situation, will be subject to a four week Time Out (a temporary ban from the Forums). If you continue to post excessively after one Time Out, you may be given a second Time Out which will last eight weeks. There is no third Time Out - it is a permanent ban. The purpose of a Time Out is to encourage you to seek the face-to-face help we cannot provide on this forum.

Please consider yourself warned!

Ann

[BMN]

I was wondering what the odds are of having a positive HIV test at 81 days after possible exposure after having two negative tests at 32 and 62 days.  Are the tests being done at this time sensitive and accurate enough that 11.5 weeks will finally put my HIV fears to rest?

The reason I ask is that I had to confess to my girlfriend that I cheated on her as she is having some health issues.  She has been complaining of vaginal infections and thrush which have been going on for several weeks now, and of course, this is no doubt the result of me letting her perform oral sex on me as well as letting her partially insert the tip of my penis into her vagina as well as massage her genital area with the tip exactly 3 weeks after I cheated on her as described above.  

For some reason, my doctor's office didn't order the full STD screen at 62 days so I am going to the doc's office in a few hours to get the full screen done.  I have had too many issues going on with my mouth (dry mouth and burning in gums), tongue (dry, burning, and at times brownish/grayish coating), bowels (change in color/texture and constant growling throughout abdomen), weight loss, insomnia, a spiritless feeling and most recently over the last two weeks a burning sensation in my palms with ever so slightest bit of dryness/peeling in the lines of my palms which I have never had happen before.

Can I have any hope that my girlfriend and I are HIV negative?  

Please let me know your thoughts.  Thank you.

[RapidRod]

Anyone who continues to post excessively, questioning a conclusive negative result or no-risk situation, will be subject to a four week Time Out (a temporary ban from the Forums). If you continue to post excessively after one Time Out, you may be given a second Time Out which will last eight weeks. There is no third Time Out - it is a permanent ban. The purpose of a Time Out is to encourage you to seek the face-to-face help we cannot provide on this forum.

[Andy Velez]

The likelihood of another negative result at 13 weeks is excellent after a negative at 6 weeks. It's a slam dunk when you haven't had a risk to begin with.

There was never any need for testing to begin with.

You did not have a risk. You need to get on with your life. Your "symptoms" and the physical problems your gf is having are something to discuss with your doctors.  If you can't let go of this unwarranted concern then get yourself some professional help to deal with it. This is about fears and not HIV science facts.

There's really nothing more to say. Cut out the guilt-induced drama and get on with your life.