Andy help me please!!! I'm so scared I might have been infected

[worriedboy]

I have done something stupid and have been worrying for the last two months. I had receptive anal sex with hiv positive guy. I'm a guy too. He wore a condom and we only did it for a little while cos I asked him to stop because I didn't like it. Now, before we had sex we talked and he said I was safe with him because he was a long term nonprogressor. He said he's been infected for 16 years and never had to use medication and never been sick. And he said he can't pass it onto me. He also gave me a blowjob twice. We were seeing each other for about a month. What I'm worried about is that when we stopped having sex he put his penis between my legs and he was still hard and he had some precum. So what I want to ask is: Is that true that if someone is a LTNPs they can't pass it on? He also said that his viral load was very low or even undetectable but I dnt know if he was lying about this or not. I know you dnt discuss symptoms here but I just have to ask and please give me the best answer you can. About two weeks after we had sex I had a mild cold or rather sore throat and maybe a small temperature for like 3 days and it went away, that was after a nite of drinking outdoors on a cold weather. Then about a week after I had a bad headache and a small rash, i might be exaggerating here it was more like 3 flat spots on my chest. And I had night sweats once when I had that cold. I also had night sweats like 3 nights in a row a few days ago which is two month from when we had sex. And I think I might have had swollen throat just slightly tho. I started reading a lot about hiv and it's all so confusing... please help me if you can and answer some of my questions...

1. Is what I was told true? About LTNPs not being able to pass the virus on?
2. What are the chances of getting infected with precum after having anal sex?
3. Does my symptoms say I might have been infected?

I'm getting tested next week but please answer some of my questions... I am really really scared I'm very young and I don't want to be dependant on drugs for the rest of my life because somebody lied to me... I know I was naive but I just believe what people tell me if they're nice... I'm so so stupid.... please help....

[Andy Velez]

Worried, the most important thing in what you have reported is that the guy you were with used a condom for anal intercourse. They provide very effective protection. The other activities including his giving you a couple of blowjobs and putting his penis between your legs were not risks for transmission. In the entire history of the epidemic no guy has ever been documented to have been infected from getting sucked. You won't make history by becoming the first.

It doesn't matter what someone says about their low or undetectable viral load. Anytime you have intercourse, whether vaginal or anal, the insertive partner has to be wearing a condom. No exceptions. And that should be your rule until such time as you may find yourself, if ever, in a securely monogamous relationship in which both partners have tested negative together.

Yes, even with a low or undetectable viral load someone can pass along the virus. It's less likely to happen but it is possible.

If your symptoms persist you should discuss them with your doctor. They have nothing to do with HIV because you didn't do anything risky.

In general we do recommend that anyone who's sexually active ought to regularly have a full STD panel done. That means at least annually. There are other STDs out there and some are much easier to acquire than HIV.

This time you don't have to worry any further about HIV.

Cheers,

[worriedboy]

Thank you so much Andy!!! That really helps. I have just one more question tho... What if during anal sex there was like a cut and some of the precum got in contact with it... I think that on the day after there was blood on the toilet paper when I went to the toilet... I know it may sound silly but all the symptoms and it all just comes back to me now... I didn't think there was anything to worry about when we stopped seeing each other but then after a few weeks I had these thoughts what if his precum got in contact with the area and all the symptoms I had. Plus I met someone who I really like and the fact that I need to get tested stops me from moving forward with him because I really like him and I dnt want anything to happen to him. I'm scared to talk to him about that too...

I really appreciate what you're doing here. Thank you so much...

[Andy Velez]

You're reaching for what ifs which is NEVER a good idea.

The facts are you gave them to me would not have put you at risk. So stop with this but what if stuff. First of all you wouldn't have had a "cut" in your anus. And IF he was rubbing his penis against your anus prior to penetrating with a condom that still wouldn't have been a risk. It's unprotected anal insertive that would have been the risk to you in this situation and that didn't happen.

Give it up, take a breath and get on with your life. Really.

And you don't need to get tested because you didn't have a risk. So if you have met someone you're interested in proceed with getting to know him. And make sure that if you have intercourse, whoever is the insertive partner is always wearing a condom. This is straightforward stuff. Not complicated. You just need to follow it everytime.

[worriedboy]

I understand what you are saying... but I'm sorry!!! but i think you didn't understand my second message. What I meant was that first we had sex with a condom. Then after we stopped he took the condom off and put his hard penis betwen my legs and I felt that he was wet. And the day after that blood on the toilet paper so basically what I'm saying is that if there was blood there must have been a scratch or a cut or something around my anus somewhere and he put his penis at the back he wasn't rubbing or anything but he touched me cos I felt he was wet so there must have been precum on his penis. ( he didn't cum...) So that would be a risk wouldn't it? I'm sorry if this is annoying you but I had to ask cos I didn't think you undersood my second message.

[Matty the Damned]

We understood what you were saying and it doesn't change the advice that Andy gave you. You were not at risk of HIV infection from either the protected anal sex or the fact that the guy thigh fucked you afterwards.

It's not unusual to find traces of blood on toilet paper after having anal sex. If you wear condoms, it's not a concern in terms of HIV.

MtD

[worriedboy]

Thank you so much I really appreciate your help... I'm getting tested on friday so I'll let you know what are the results anyways... Thank you again...