POZ Community Forums
Main Forums => Living With HIV => Topic started by: jupiter on February 20, 2007, 12:47:08 am
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Hiya,
I know there have been some heated diiscussion on this topic and was wondering who has cheated on a partner?
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I have. It was stupid.
Notice how I use the singular.
It really should be plural.
I apologized later after we broke up... all is forgiven and we have sex on occasion.
But the relationship was over in my head first.
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I lied then and I lied on the poll... I was taught you never admit!
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I lied then and I lied on the poll... I was taught you never admit!
You tell yourself that lie until it becomes the truth to you. ;D
I have so been there.
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I have been cheated on, and have cheated in several relationships. I have come to the conclusion that mankind (or at least this particular specimen thereof) is just not suited to monomagy.
My last relationship lasted nine years, and during the entire time I didn't step out once. But my then-partner did occasionally. Usually after three or four highballs the truth came spilling out, and I was left in the unenviable position of explaining that it was "all right". For whatever reason, nothing he ever did inspired any feelings of jealousy (contempt, on the other hand...).
I wrote about how I came to meet one of the five most exciting men I've ever met while involved with one of the five least, and published it [urlhttp://thespincycle.blogspot.com/2005/07/jd-guardian-angel-18-or-immaculate.htmll[/url] on The Spin Cycle. I've always felt it was one of the most honest things I've ever written (and, yes, it does have a small, smutty part.
Brent
(Who enjoys being single every now and then)
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I have certainly cheated. Cheated like a mad dawg. And I have been honorable and honest, and cheated on.
I do believe in love. I am not so sure I believe in the Disney version of Happily Ever After, though.
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I'm certainly no angel. I have cheated but only when I discovered that my partner cheated on me. I really don't see a point in cheating, if you are not satisfied with the person you are with then move on. Why try to have your cake and eat it too? That's just being greedy.
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Queen... I've never ever cheated.. I swear on my left pinky finger!!
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Queen... I've never ever cheated.. I swear on my left pinky finger!!
Now look me in the eye and say that.....*places T's pinky on a chopping board*
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<-- Star of "Man Whore The Movie" a stirring film about sex addiction and a bad marriage! My sequel is "Devoted" a riveting film about commitment, true love and a crazy wild sex life. Co-starring the SUPER hot Mrs. AC of course!
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I must be a real dinosaur! One man woman here. Never even considered it, no matter how miserable I was.
Oh well........ :-X
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<-- Star of "Man Whore The Movie" a stirring film about sex addiction and a bad marriage! My sequel is "Devoted" a riveting film about commitment, true love and a crazy wild sex life. Co-starring the SUPER hot Mrs. AC of course!
I'm the star of "Ten Billion Served" a gripping film about a male streetwalker with a heart of gold.
The sequel is "A Trip to the Free Clinic."
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I must be a real dinosaur! One man woman here. Never even considered it, no matter how miserable I was.
Oh well........ :-X
I am a dinosauri with ya Lisa. :)
Hugs
Teresa
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I must be a strange one then, if I was "dating" someone I'd go with other guys if we weren't monogamous.
I did cheat one time on Louie, very early in our relationship, with his best friend, no one knows about it other than that guy and I. I never told Louie and he never told his partner either.
Instead of cheating, we opened up the relationship instead, played together only at first then seperately if we both agreed to it later on in the relationship. When Louie got sick almost 4 years ago, he wanted to close the relationship, he was afraid I would meet someone and leave him.
So we closed the relationship and I haven't had sex with another man in almost 4 years. We haven't talked about re-opening up the relationship so I can feel the touch of another man and I do not want to bring it up. I don't want to upset him
Yes I look and Yes I flirt but the guilt would just bother the hell out of me. I do have one hell of a video collection that's getting a bit worn out <EG>
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Ok well Im a single guy, and thats largly by choise. When i have been in relationships its been because Ive wanted to be in a relationsghip with that person. If its not working and cant be worked out then I have left the relationship. Im guessing cheating comes out of being unhappy in a relationship. So these days Im much more selective with whom I get involved. Therefore I dont belive in Cheating
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Matty the Damned is always suspicious of people who believe in monogamy. In his experience those who claim to be monogamous are filthy and despicable liars. I meet monogamous people at public toilets and Australias finer truckstops all the time.
Take Ted Haggard, for instance. I believe he was pretty keen on monogamy - at least he said so from his rhinestone studded pulpit. What a shame his wife didn't realise that she was in a gay marriage.
I don't even try to do monogamy. I'm a hopeless slut. Just about anyone who expresses even the slightest sexual interest in me is likely to go for a ride on the Good Ship Matty. I think that the most important thing is not who you fuck, but who you go home to.
For those of you who go home to cats -- for shame!
MtD
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Good One!!! ;D
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Never cheated. Not once.
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hell yes I have cheated......but not on my husband of 3 years.......I am way to happy and lucky to have such a cutie to cheat...... :D
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Matty the Damned is always suspicious of people who believe in monogamy. In his experience those who claim to be monogamous are filthy and despicable liars. I meet monogamous people at public toilets and Australias finer truckstops all the time.
Take Ted Haggard, for instance. I believe he was pretty keen on monogamy - at least he said so from his rhinestone studded pulpit. What a shame his wife didn't realise that she was in a gay marriage.
I don't even try to do monogamy. I'm a hopeless slut. Just about anyone who expresses even the slightest sexual interest in me is likely to go for a ride on the Good Ship Matty. I think that the most important thing is not who you fuck, but who you go home to.
For those of you who go home to cats -- for shame!
MtD
That's reason #24,357 why I love you most, doll.
Brent
(Who really does love MtD most of all)
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Matty the Damned is always suspicious of people who believe in monogamy. In his experience those who claim to be monogamous are filthy and despicable liars. I meet monogamous people at public toilets and Australias finer truckstops all the time.
Take Ted Haggard, for instance. I believe he was pretty keen on monogamy - at least he said so from his rhinestone studded pulpit. What a shame his wife didn't realise that she was in a gay marriage.
I don't even try to do monogamy. I'm a hopeless slut. Just about anyone who expresses even the slightest sexual interest in me is likely to go for a ride on the Good Ship Matty. I think that the most important thing is not who you fuck, but who you go home to.
Well its fine to be hionest about it... But I choose not to lie. as i said if im in a relation its because Ive CHOSEN to be with that person... why is it hard for people just to be honest... Its much easier..
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no offence to anyone but..... how can you say u "LOVE" someone and lie to them??? I cant understand that
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as i said if im in a relation its because Ive CHOSEN to be with that person... why is it hard for people just to be honest... Its much easier.
My only answer to that is, it takes maturity and selflessness to be in healthy, sound relationships, intimate or otherwise. Some people just haven’t learned the required skills to make that work.
no offence to anyone but..... how can you say u "LOVE" someone and lie to them??? I cant understand that
It's simple. Selfish people are not usually honest, mainly with themselves first.
Daniel
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no offence to anyone but..... how can you say u "LOVE" someone and lie to them??? I cant understand that
jupiter,
to screwup is part of being human. we all make mistakes and then forgive or are forgiven.......then it's move over or move on.
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It's simple. Selfish people are not usually honest, mainly with themselves first.
Daniel
You know, when I rather single-handedly "opened" the relationship back in the dim days of the early 80s (as I linked in my earlier post), it was with the understanding that I'd keep what was right (security, stability, family) with my ill-chosen partner (who arrived at a moment of personal crisis) and explore what was needed (sexual intimacy of the sort he was incapable of providing). In the short run, I lost both, although the object of my desire and I continued to see each other throughout the tangle of relationships we entered into throughout the decade. It was HIV (or AIDS, most specifically) that slowed us down each to focus on each other, but by then he was lost and all I could do was hold him close, remembering the randy guy he once was.
If I was selfish, it was in putting my security before the unknown possibilities of a future with someone embedded into the lifestyle of drugs and prostitution and threw away the biggest passion of my twenties when I rejected him. But I was able to help him see, if only in his last few months, that he was worthy of the depth of affection that I was capable of offering.
You know, nothing's so black and white with twenty-five year's hindsight.
Brent
(Qui ne regrette rien de rien)
/edited for clarity/
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I try to live and let others live their own lives and make their own choices, regardless of what I think and feel. Anything else seems undignified to me.
Daniel
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jupiter,
to screwup is part of being human. we all make mistakes and then forgive or are forgiven.......then it's move over or move on.
There are at least 6 steps to cheating.. After step one is where it can stop. Besides if the trust is gone whats left??
skebo " I was taught you never admit! and telling yourself a lie untill its truth" then you just lying to yourself.. you cant build any sort of relationship on that.. its pathetic!!
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Well its fine to be hionest about it... But I choose not to lie. as i said if im in a relation its because Ive CHOSEN to be with that person... why is it hard for people just to be honest... Its much easier..
So I'm betting you're single, eh jupiter? ;)
MtD
(Who loves the Buckled One in ways that cannot be explained)
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is it bad to be single matty?
Being in a relationship isnt the most important thing in the world.. :)
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Not when he has me as an ideal.
Brent
(Who knows that MtD knows)
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:-\
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ook I am starting to feel a bit old and conservative in a kind f creepy churchy bible -belt way.
Yuck. ::)
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would you two get a room!! hahahaha
Poor Jupiter!
Matty the Damned and Bucko are eternal lovers from the Old Days of the Forums. We understand that a union of two hearts is not based on such a flimsy thing as monogamy. Nor do we have to concern ourselves with lying. We have nothing to hide from one another.
So yeah, I reckon being single would be a bad thing. But then I'll leave being single up to you Jupe. :-*
MtD
(Who knows that Buckles knows that MtD knows that Buckles knows)
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Matty and I are conjoined at the soul, which I know he has despite protestations to the contrary. Eventually the flesh will catch up.
Brent
(Who waxes philosophic sometimes)
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Poor Jupiter!
Matty the Damned and Bucko are eternal lovers from the Old Days of the Forums. We understand that a union of two hearts is not based on such a flimsy thing as monogamy. Nor do we have to concern ourselves with lying. We have nothing to hide from one another.
So yeah, I reckon being single would be a bad thing. But then I'll leave being single up to you Jupe. :-*
MtD
(Who knows that Buckles knows that MtD knows that Buckles knows)
Poor thing nothing.. I didnt say i was single or otherwise. thank you MtD :) and why would it be such a bad thing to be single????I guess its an independence thing.. If i was in a relationship I have my life sorted enough to be able to have a one on one relation. the lying thing was in responce to another post. If i waere in a relationship I have my shit together enough to beable to be honest and not have to cheat
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Matty and I are conjoined at the soul, which I know he has despite protestations to the contrary. Eventually the flesh will catch up.
Brent
(Who waxes philosophic sometimes)
Is Satan aware of this merger? Im sure he would have something to say about the possibility of this monopoly of evil taking place.
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Matty and Satan have a regular Thursday evening card thing going on, so yeah...he knows.
But he prefers to be called Lucifer, Satan's way too formal. When he and his partner, Shemihazah (a real cut-up and fabulous dresser) are in town, I get invites for cocktails.
Brent
(Who uses his powers as he sees fit)
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I think I now know who God is!!! ;D ;D It's DanielMark for sure, because he is absolutely perfect ;)!! Matty, you should have known this is why Canada exists :-*.
This also answers why the Sister Mary cries blood in Mexico... :D
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I'm hetrosexual so maybe my opinion doesn't count here but I believe there are some people that just aren't cute out to be monogamous. In my opinion, if you realize that before going into a relationship you might can have a sucessful relationship. All in all, I believe lying is the absolute worst thing you can do to a relationship. It destroys trust and respect.
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Dulmer... your heterosexuality doesn't mean your opinion isn't valid. Gay people do not have a monopoly on so-called open relationships, and heteros don't have one on monogamy. I think the primary difference is that most (not all) heteros assume their relationship to be monogamous. Gays frequently (not always) have to have that discussion and make it clear whether they are or not. And, I'd have to agree with you... that no matter what to gender mix of the couple is... honesty is paramount.
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I was married to a woman for nineteen years and never cheated. When i felt that I could not continue and found myself having the desire to cheat I got out of the relationship. I never cheated on anyone. Not that it makes me better than anyone else, that is for sure.
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Dulmer... your heterosexuality doesn't mean your opinion isn't valid. Gay people do not have a monopoly on so-called open relationships, and heteros don't have one on monogamy. I think the primary difference is that most (not all) heteros assume their relationship to be monogamous. Gays frequently (not always) have to have that discussion and make it clear whether they are or not. And, I'd have to agree with you... that no matter what to gender mix of the couple is... honesty is paramount.
Thanks for saying that. I don't like to overstep my bounds and bud in on things. I did not mean to imply that heterosexuals were the only monogamous ones or vice versa. I'm currently in an open relationship. I was just thinking back over past relationships I have had as a heterosexual and was thinking that some people just don't have the ability to stay with one person. For whatever reason. And our society tells us, that for heterosexuals, that's the only "normal" relationship to have. So some people enter into monogamous relationships and cheat anyway. And it's always the lying and untruths that do you in. More so than the cheating I think.
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Play around with others? Sure. Cheat on my husband? There's no reason to. Get 'permission' and it's not cheating. Sex with the same person for the rest of my life (or the next couple years, whichever comes first) just sounds dull and close to impossible.
David
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Twice in my life.
The first time I was very unhappy in a relationship with a guy who turned out to be very mean. I cheated on him with the guy who turned out to be my best love so far. Not together anymore but still no regrets there.
The second time I was in a very bad place mentally/emotionally and did it - my first one night stand - almost to prove that I could. Totally regretted that one. In fact, so much so I burst into tears halfway through and asked the guy to stop, which thankfully he did.
My belief is cheating is a sign that something isn't right in a relationship. One of the fundementals of a healthy relationship is honesty. Another is respect. If you aint got those, you aint got much.
Melia
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My belief is cheating is a sign that something isn't right in a relationship. One of the fundementals of a healthy relationship is honesty. Another is respect. If you aint got those, you aint got much.
Melia
Bravo. I agree wholeheartedly. I think honesty and respect are the foundation of any relationship. Open relationships fall under different catergories because usually it is discussed completely before entering into. And if that's the case it's not cheating.
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Bravo. I agree wholeheartedly. I think honesty and respect are the foundation of any relationship. Open relationships fall under different catergories because usually it is discussed completely before entering into. And if that's the case it's not cheating.
Thank you (for the bravo) dulmer. ;)
And I totally agree that open relationships are a whole other ball game. Couldn't partake myself but each to their own.
Melia :)
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No disrespect but this thread seems like deja vu...Or it could be the buzzzzzz...I guess I'm just selfish cause I don't like everyone having what I'm having.. ;)....Maybe that's why I'm still single and up at 5am...*sighs*
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Further to what Ive said previously.. If im in a relationship and im not happy and its not going anywhere... I leave the relationship. therefore there is no reason to cheat