a worried soul

[benny]

Hello all,
this is my first post and like many others before me I am consumed by fear.
and all sorts of wild thoughts grip my very being.

First of all my commercial sexual history.
my first real fuck with a working lady was slightly more than a year ago.
i had a raw blow job and protected vaginal sex.
I came rather fast..if that matters, and before long it was over.

The recent paid sexual ancounter with another girl was about 6 mths ago
I engaged in raw oral sex again and i foolishly licked her cunt, which was smelly..
so i didn't do it for long..it caused me to gag..

My only consolation was that she said that she was tested negative for stds a mth ago.
I do not think she is lying.

Both encounters involved french kissing.

Of late i have been experiencing bowel problems, resulting in almost daily watery stools, occuring once a day.

This has been the cause of great worry and I began to think if my past sexual encounters had anything to do with it.
I understand my risk is small, judging from the past posts made in this forum and elsewhere.
But i cannot help but worry.

The worst thing is that i have been having sex with my gf (whom i met recently).
She is a nice girl and things were looking good for us.
I do not wish for a tragedy to unfold.

I just went for a hiv blood test and stool test..results will only be known next week.
The reason for typing this is to seek some comfort or harsh words, at least i do not feel that lonely in this wait.


Thanks for looking.

[Ann]

Benny,

You've had oral sex (both ways with a woman), a handjob and protected intercourse. None of these activities are risks for hiv infection.

You don't say what you've been up to with your girlfriend though and I hope you've not been having unprotected intercourse with her. It's not just sex workers who might have hiv, it's ANYONE you have sexual relations with. You need to be using condoms for anal or vaginal intercourse, every time, no exceptions until such time as you are in a securely monogamous relationship where you have both tested for ALL STIs together. To agree to have unprotected intercourse is to consent to the possibility of being infected with a sexually transmitted infection.

Have a look through the condom and lube links in my signature line so you can use condoms with confidence.

Anyone who is sexually active should be having a full sexual health care check-up, including but not limited to hiv testing, at least once a year and more often if unprotected intercourse occurs.

If you aren't already having regular, routine check-ups, now is the time to start. As long as you make sure condoms are being used for intercourse, you can fully expect your routine hiv tests to return with negative results. Don't forget to always get checked for all the other sexually transmitted infections as well, because they are MUCH easier to transmit than hiv.

If you and your girlfriend have been having unprotected intercourse without testing together first, you should. You can't go by how healthy someone looks or what you think you know about their history, or even what they think they know about their health. Don't assume - test. It's the only way to know for certain.

Ann

[benny]

Hi Ann,

thanks for replying, i notice you're the 'mother theresa' in this support group.
I truly appreciate and thank you for dispensing advice and consolation.

It is true, that we attribute the risks to our encounters with strangers and scarely put the people we are familiar with into our list of 'suspects'.

I have only had three serious girlfirends in the past 4 years.
For a year, I was single, hence loneliness drove me to seek commerical sex.

One thing is for sure, my current and third girlfriend was an innocent virgin when we got together 5 mths ago.
We have been engaging in protected sex 'cept of one occasion during her period.

My second girlfriend before her, had only sex once..she was drugged and raped before we got together.
She did mention her assailant was consdierate enough to put a condom..at that time.the thought of HIV never crossed my mind.
I never pursued the matter out of the sensitivity of this topic.
We only engaged in oral sex as she was apprehensive about vaginal sex..so i guess it rules her out too.
We were together for a year and a half.

The first serious grilfriend had many boyfriends before me. But, she claims i was the first to claim the honour of actually doing it.
We had oral sex often, and 2 instances of penetration without protection.
As far as i know, she is healthy, and we see each other from time to time.
I have never considered her a risk, but i have my doubts now.

It is scary to think that risks comes from everywhere. and I will never look at a girl without thinking of her health status again.
It is a terrible world that we live in, the slightest slip in wariness will result in misery.

I truly wish I end up with cancer or something else 'cept HIV and not cause any harm to my loved ones.
The guilt is unbearable.

Thanks for looking.

[Ann]

We have been engaging in protected sex 'cept of one occasion during her period.

Benny,

It sounds as though you're using condoms to prevent pregnancy. You need to know that the risk of hiv transmission is greater during a woman's period. You must be using condoms, EVERY TIME, no exceptions.

You really should test.

Mother Theresa? Don't you believe it. I'm much taller than her for a start.

Ann

[benny]

Sure,you're the taller Mama Ann. (no offense intended)

Yes, I am awaiting the results..

I wish those with fear in their hearts good luck as well.
I pray my next post will be one of good news...

[benny]

I couldn't bear the wait for my lab report i did at the dotor's.

So I took an anonymous antibody test which gave results in 20mins...

The result is negative!

Such a big relief!

Will be expecting a similar result on monday or tuesday...(it should be right..?)

I will be much cautious about safe sex next time.

A big thank you to Ann.

I wish you all the best..

[Ann]

Benny,

There is no reason to think that your result next week will be any different to the one you got yesterday.

Unless and until your current - or any future - girlfriend has also tested together with you, you need to use condoms. Please remember that you cannot know someone else's hiv status going by YOUR test results. Each person MUST test for themselves. OK? 

And don't forget to read through the condom and lube links in my signature line. A correctly used condom rarely breaks.

Ann

[benny]

Yes i have already read through the links..

I'll bear your advice in mind always.

Once again, I'm glad that i found this site and thank you for being so patient.