Stress

[Blond37]

could we maybe talk about how to control - deal with MAJOR life stressors...

[Alain]

first, keep breathing

try not to look and see everything at once

identify the triggers, what issues causes you to feel all that stress

give those issues a priority, get rid of the ones that are beyond your control

try to find a solution, one issue at the time

sounds patronizing , but it is working for me

best of luck and take care, Alain.

[BlueMoon]

[Alain]

  well that too but in moderation

[DanielMark]

could we maybe talk about how to control - deal with MAJOR life stressors...

Hi Blond37,

I don't hang out here often but coping with stress is something I know and live with daily.

My main goal when dealing with stress is to remove or reduce the cause so that varies. If I cannot change something then I try to accept what is and move on.

There is a good article on Coping With Life's Stressors here. It recommends some basic techniques such as

- Getting enough good quality sleep
- Eating a well-balanced diet
- Exercising on a regular basis
- Taking brief rest periods during the day to relax
- Taking vacations away from home and work
- Engaging in pleasurable or fun activities every day
- Practising relaxation exercises such as yoga, meditation, or progressive muscle relaxation
- Avoiding use of caffeine and alcohol

I can also tell you that my number one coping tool is to laugh. Life can be so bizarre sometimes that I cannot help but see the comical side of most situations.

Daniel

[rick21007]

Hi Blond----it comes down to finding what works for you.  There are a lot of stressors that we have little or no control over--and cant magically make them dissappear. BUT..we can learn to manage our stress responses.  Here is is what works for me:

I work out 5 days a week.  This works better than anything for me.  I actually take an extra half hour for lunch to do this and my employer is paying my monthly gym dues.  It was not hard to show that the small investment more than pays off in my productivity at work.  And even with hiv(which my employer knows about) I take less than average sick time off.

I practice mindfulness (being one-mindfully in the moment) and breathing-- a lot.

I have a great diet----mostly meat and raw or steamed vegetables.  I will tell you a doughnut will ruin my day if I indulge. 

Have to have my morning cappuccino but then no caffeine after that.  Less caffein in a cappucino then in drip coffee BTW.

I do indulge myself with a drink in the evening when I come home while I am fixing dinner.

And I am blessed with a peaceful little home in the country.  Pic from my front porch.....

And I try to remember to say my gratefuls everyday.

Rick

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[Blond37]

sigh....

[sharkdiver]

Bike 20 miles
lift incredibly heavy weights
bungee jump
scuba dive in shark infested waters
go white water rafting
do incredibly challenging yoga that pushes you to your limits (but not over)
punch the hell out of a punching bag
Kick a wall
scream really really loud
curse like a sailor
break stuff
burn stuff (safely mind you..not burning a house down or anything)
break more stuff
throw stuff off a cliff
use a pick ax to break up ground in your yard
Use a sledge hammer to smash aluminum cans
use a chainsaw!!!! cut down shit

you need to have balance in your life.... get your adrenaline going doing these things then take a long nap!

there ya go
Sharkie

[Blond37]

Bike 20 miles
lift incredibly heavy weights
bungee jump
scuba dive in shark infested waters
go white water rafting
do incredibly challenging yoga that pushes you to your limits (but not over)
punch the hell out of a punching bag
Kick a wall
scream really really loud
curse like a sailor
break stuff
burn stuff (safely mind you..not burning a house down or anything)
break more stuff
throw stuff off a cliff
use a pick ax to break up ground in your yard
Use a sledge hammer to smash aluminum cans
use a chainsaw!!!! cut down shit

you need to have balance in your life.... get your adrenaline going doing these things then take a long nap!

there ya go
Sharkie

i cant do any of these

[Blond37]

Hi Blond37,

I don't hang out here often but coping with stress is something I know and live with daily.

My main goal when dealing with stress is to remove or reduce the cause so that varies. If I cannot change something then I try to accept what is and move on.

There is a good article on Coping With Life's Stressors here. It recommends some basic techniques such as

- Getting enough good quality sleep
- Eating a well-balanced diet
- Exercising on a regular basis
- Taking brief rest periods during the day to relax
- Taking vacations away from home and work
- Engaging in pleasurable or fun activities every day
- Practising relaxation exercises such as yoga, meditation, or progressive muscle relaxation
- Avoiding use of caffeine and alcohol

I can also tell you that my number one coping tool is to laugh. Life can be so bizarre sometimes that I cannot help but see the comical side of most situations.

Daniel

i do all these things already.. i am sooo incredibly f-ing stressed right now.... i cant take vacations cuz i got no money but you know..

[Blond37]

first, keep breathing

try not to look and see everything at once

identify the triggers, what issues causes you to feel all that stress

give those issues a priority, get rid of the ones that are beyond your control

try to find a solution, one issue at the time

sounds patronizing , but it is working for me

best of luck and take care, Alain.

triggers? life, beaucracy and stupid people

[sharkdiver]

Do you see or have you considered seeing a counselor about this?     It helps , really.

[Blond37]

i was going to one in NYC when i lived there... then i got evicted and had to move home with mom and dad to a small town. So I found one at the local ASO. so i had 3 sessions with her- during each one she would sit there and be doing stuff on the pc while I was talking. then one day she said you create a lot of drama... so i told her that doing stuff on the pc was very unprofessional and i wanted to switch...

she said she was entering stuff about me... (do it after I leave)
she said that I couldnt go there for case management if i didnt go to her for therapy (wrong/lie)
she said me leaving would create a lot of problems (so?)
she said in re: the remark about drama: that its her job to reflect things back to me... agreed but not in that manner; she also said it over the phone to me, not in our usual session.

so supposedly tomorrow i have another appt at a different place.

[Miss Philicia]

I'm confused as to why you've repeatedly (meaning in other threads) stated that you live in a small town and are isolated.  According to your profile you actually live in a town directly next to Providence and an area population of ~650,000.

Am I missing something or am in error reading this?  I'm surprised that there aren't more HIV services in that area, or that you're isolated from other gay men as you've said.

I realize it's not NYC, but seriously it's not as if you moved back home to Idaho or something.  This area is heavily populated.

[Iggy]

Hey Blond,

All of us can appreciate the role of stress in dealing with major life issues including how it affects us as HIV+.  This is a good topic to visit on occasion.

One thing though that I'm feeling based off your replies to most people's suggestions to you however is that you aren't really looking for help in learning how to control and deal with stress but more that you just want it eliminated from your life.

I may be wrong on that feeling, but if not, that may be the key to why you are so stressed. In other words I think your trying to leap the mountain instead of taking steady steps.  That kind of motivation may come across in your discussions with the ASO too.

I appreciate it can be difficult when you are dealing with all the thoughts and worries related to HIV, but tomorrow when you go to your appointment at the different place, try to have small goals such as just seeing if you can click with the rep and get a good idea of what services they do and don't offer.  The only other related suggestion to this and to handling the stress of it all, is to prepare for your visit by writing down everything that relates to your questions of their services.  This will take some of the pressure off of you for the meeting itself.

Best of luck

[Blond37]

I'm confused as to why you've repeatedly (meaning in other threads) stated that you live in a small town and are isolated.  According to your profile you actually live in a town directly next to Providence and an area population of ~650,000.

Am I missing something or am in error reading this?  I'm surprised that there aren't more HIV services in that area, or that you're isolated from other gay men as you've said.

I realize it's not NYC, but seriously it's not as if you moved back home to Idaho or something.  This area is heavily populated.

Pawtucket is a small town. I have no friends here... you know i dont need to justify my posts, thoughts or feelings to you. if i say im lonely and alone. i am.
i'll stop posting here. bye now.

[Miss Philicia]

My post was not meant to diminish your feelings, I was just asking if the information was correct to ascertain whether or not the services were available in your location.

On a personal note I also made a move 3 years ago away from NYC and all of my long term friends, and I had to start all over again.  It's not easy, but one must avail oneself of new opportunities, etc. and services in your area.  My post was only meant to initiate a discussion with you of what you are or are not doing.

[Snowangel]

Blond37-
Hey, did you ever think of volunteering?  I am from a small town in Mass and now live out in Springfield.  I totally understand the feeling alone part.  I know no one out here and have lived here for 4 years(except my kids and thier father).  I started volunteering last year and have met a lot of people that have no idea about my HIV and that has helped take me away from  my own problems. 
I don't think that your therapist was being very professional, the last one I saw took notes but was always engaging and paying attention to me.  If you have to go back to her, stop talking while she is typing and maybe she will get the hint.
Have you tried going to the Living Center in Boston or at least calling they might have some ideas for you?
I used to have a girlfriend that lived in RI that I met through Aids Project Worcester so they might be able to help you too.
Good Luck,
Snow

[Blond37]

My post was not meant to diminish your feelings, I was just asking if the information was correct to ascertain whether or not the services were available in your location.

On a personal note I also made a move 3 years ago away from NYC and all of my long term friends, and I had to start all over again.  It's not easy, but one must avail oneself of new opportunities, etc. and services in your area.  My post was only meant to initiate a discussion with you of what you are or are not doing.

my move was not by choice. i got evicted from my apt NYC. I go to ACOS for case management. Family Services for therapy. I dont like clubs or bars. I am trying to go back to school (community college) but that has its own problems/issues.

[Blond37]

Blond37-
Hey, did you ever think of volunteering?  I am from a small town in Mass and now live out in Springfield.  I totally understand the feeling alone part.  I know no one out here and have lived here for 4 years(except my kids and thier father).  I started volunteering last year and have met a lot of people that have no idea about my HIV and that has helped take me away from  my own problems. 
I don't think that your therapist was being very professional, the last one I saw took notes but was always engaging and paying attention to me.  If you have to go back to her, stop talking while she is typing and maybe she will get the hint.
Have you tried going to the Living Center in Boston or at least calling they might have some ideas for you?
I used to have a girlfriend that lived in RI that I met through Aids Project Worcester so they might be able to help you too.
Good Luck,
Snow

i terminated the relationship with missy therapist.

[Miss Philicia]

my move was not by choice.

My move was not by choice either.  I went on disability, lost my apartment when my roommate got married and couldn't afford something on my own because NYC is too expensive.  My face sunk in from lipoatrophy so I don't go to bars or clubs.  Sucks, but what are you going to do?

I go to a "free" public place for mental health services too.  It's not a perfect environment, but it's all I can obtain.

It's easy to allow yourself to sink into a larger and larger hole of depression, but I encourage you not to go that route and take some of the suggestions in the thread to heart.