POZ Community Forums
HIV Prevention and Testing => Do I Have HIV? => Topic started by: alvin10 on January 03, 2007, 05:47:16 pm
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Getting married soon and my friends took me to a topless club. One of my buddies bought me a lap dance from a dancer who had just given another guy a dance. She sat on my lap, back facing me and danced. I was drunk and rubbed by palms on her baskside (she was wearing panties), blah blah, blah.
So, that's over with. My buddies back at the table are laughing. They say they thought she was going to give me a handjob because they saw her giving the last guy one - same position, sitting on his lap, facing a way from him, going to town with her hand behind her back (classy place, eh?.
She didn't do that to me. But I, unfortunately, cut my palm with a knife almost three days earlier (trying to open an oyster, of all things). It hasn't bled for at least 24 hours, maybe more. But the skin is still apart and looks very pink inside.
So, you guessed it. I am now convinced the guy before me splooged on the back of her panties and here I come rubbing my hands on it and have caught HIV. I don't remember anything feeling wet, but I wasn't feeling for it. I'd say our dances were about 20 minutes apart.
Is this a legit worry or I am an uneducated nitwit? I've got some anxiety issues that I just can't shake.
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I understand your concerns.
However, I doubt that you would have contract HIV in this way.
To allay your concerns, simply go and speak with your doctor and take any advice given. He may (or more probably may not) wish to test you for HIV.
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Alvin, you were absolutely not at risk for HIV transmission in this lapdancing incident. HIV is passed sexually in very specific ways. Mainly and nearly exclusively it's via unprotected vaginal or anal intercourse.
I urge you to read the lessons on transmission and testing on this site. You can find a link to them in the Welcome thread which is at the top of this section.
I'm wondering if a combination of a lack of basic information about HIV and perhaps some shame about the incident are coming together to feed your unfounded fears. Whether that is so or not, there's no need for testing for HIV.
Cheers,
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WT, you're new to this site. I don't know what your credentials are, but this is the second thread in which you've been responding with comments that will only serve to unnecessarily raise the anxiety level of someone who's already worried.
If you have a concern of your own then speak up about it. This is not a site where just anyone is supposed to wander in and offer advice.
Thanks for your cooperation.
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I suspect you're hit the nail on the head, Andy. I feel lousy about being in that place and I looking for ways to punish myself.
I did a little research before coming here and read that, yes, HIV can be transmitted thru broken skin and, yes, the virus can live for at least a short time outside the human body. And I guess it got me scared.
Anxiety does weird things to your brain.
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In order for HIV (assuming the person she was with was HIV+ and that's the first of the big IFs in this situation), you would have needed to have had a freshly open wound with HIV+ splooge freshly pouring into it for it to have become a POSSIBLE risk.
Uh, I don't see that as what's up in your situation.
Unfortunately if you search the web you can find someone somewhere giving out (mis)information that will feed your worst fears.
You were not at risk in this incident. I appreciate your concern but really and truly, chill and let go. You're a dog like the rest of us guys and your fellow dog "friends" led you into a situation that has left you feeling like s**t about yourself. Take a breath and let it go. Really.
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you would have needed to have had a freshly open wound with HIV+ splooge freshly pouring into it for it to have become a POSSIBLE risk.
Ok, this made me laugh. You're right, I'm sure I'm fine. Thanks.
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Andy I don't understand your comment, didn't I say contracting HIV this way is doubtful? Didn't I say that in brackets that the doctor probably wont want to test for HIV? What in this is causing anxiety?
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wtgr,
It's the way you word things. Those of us who have years of experience in the Am I Infected forum know, from experience, that replies must be worded very carefully to avoid adding to people's anxiety.
We understand you want to help, but please, it would be more helpful if you limited your posts to the other sections of these forums.
And please do not hijack this thread further with this discussion. If you want to say more, please PM Andy and/or me.
Thank you for your cooperation.
Ann
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Well, I'm surprised I'm back.
I completely believe you Andy when you say I have absolutely no risk. Yet, 4 days later I'm having trouble eating, have a tightness in my chest and can't take my mind off it. I have googled every combination of HIV, cut, transmission, etc. possible. This kind of thing (worry) has never happened to me. I swear I am, or used to be, a logical person. I keep imagining different scenarios where I was infected, no matter how reasonable.
I'm not asking anyone to tell me again I'll be ok, just for the sake of hearing it. I've seen other people do it here and it probably just pisses everyone off. I guess what I want to know if anyone who has had these crazy fears has any suggestions about how to get over it (I know I can test, but not for three months). Did you talk to a counselor? A psychiatrist? Good old-fashioned mind tricks? Did a little time take care of it?
I don't understand what's going on with me.
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Either one will be a starter for you, counselor or psychiatrist.
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Whatever is going on with you has nothing to do with HIV.
However, HIV-related jitters is something entirely different. The physical things you are describing sound more like tension and stress to me than anything, but if you are in doubt you can first check them out with your doctor. For sure they have nothing to do with HIV.
Getting to a mental health professional to get some support with the emotional aspects of this situation seems like a good move for you. Whether it's a psychologist, counselor or psychiatrist is less important than it be someone you can say everything you need to. Ask around for a referral. Call a professional association for one.
Life is too short to spend in such distress, so do something about it. And I don't mean surfing the net to find more to feed your HIV fears.
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I'm concerned enough to ask.
This is the second little scare I've had in 18 months so I'm realizing that I have to avoid any situation that my crazy mind could latch onto and worry about.
Was at a topless club for a birthday and a dancer wetted her fingers on her tongue and put her hands down my pants and lightly fondled my penis around the head for a couple seconds. I shifted in my seat, got her to stop, but she wetted her fingers and did it again - so I ended the dance.
I read on the CDC site that it is possible to transmit during oral sex and wondered if this could qualify - maybe she had some blood in her mouth or a sore on her tongue. What makes me nervous is her fingers were briefly around the head's opening.
From what I read elsewhere, I should be ok - hepres sounds like the biggest risk.
But now I can't stop worrying. Should I abstain from unprotected sex with my wife for three months?
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Alvin,
You are at no risk of HIV transmission from the incident you just described.
Unprotected vaginal or anal sex are the methods of HIV transmission.
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I'm sure you're right, atlq, thanks.
I read the CDC site and it said, well, oral sex can transmit it and HIV can be in saliva if there is a little bit of blood in it and the mucus membrane could absorb it if she touched around the end of my penis...and got it my mind whirling.
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alvin,
I've merged your new thread into your original thread - where you should post all your additional thoughts or questions. It helps us to help you when you keep all your additional thoughts or questions in one thread.
If you need help finding your thread when you come here, click on the "Show own posts" link under your name in the left-hand column of any forum page.
Please also read through the Welcome Thread (http://forums.poz.com/index.php?topic=220.0) so you can familiarize yourself with our Forum Posting Guidelines. Thank you for your cooperation.
You could have gotten a full blowjob from the dancer and you would NOT have been at risk for hiv infection. Not only is saliva NOT infectious, but it also contains over a dozen different proteins and enzymes that damage hiv and render it unable to infect.
Make sure you click on the link to the Transmission Lesson found in the Welcome thread I linked you to above.
Ann
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The theoretical risk of tansmission during oral sex is to the partner giving the blowjob. Anyway, that is irrelevant, since there was no oral sex here. Saliva is a potent inhibitor of HIV...You are at no risk...
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Or...what Ann said.... ;D
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Ok, thanks people.
I have been to topless clubs twice in 18 months and both times I have ended up here.
Next time I am invited, I will just go bowling.
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That's not necessary....just don't have unprotected intercourse with the dancers! (or anyone whose status you are unsure of, of course).... :)
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Atlq, only those who are authorized to reply to questioners here should be answering in these threads.
You are not authorized to be answering here.
I'm very concerned when I see something like your most recent comment here, "don't have unprotected intercourse with the dancers or anyone who status you are unsure of, of course."
Your comment has an alarmingly and almost cavalier incorrect message.
The only time someone can safely dispense with using condoms is when they are in a securely monogamous relationship in which both partners have reliably tested negative together. That's it. Period.
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I apologize Alvin if anything I posted has been incorrect. I certainly meant to convey the prevention message as you stated it Andy.
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Andy,
You're not saying you disagree with the statement that I'm not at risk, right?
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alvin,
You were NOT at risk. OK?
If lapdances cause you so much anxiety, just say no in future and save us all the hassle.
Ann